Why Black Women Should Never Submit to Black Men
Interestingly, it seems female submission is a key point of contention in Black male/female relationships. With close to 50% of the African American female population over the age of 18 single and never married, and another 20% divorced or widowed, Black women are in a unique social position. Would Black women experience higher rates of marriage and marital satisfaction if they bought into the concept of submission to Black men?
BrooklynBluBird shared her thoughts:
The problem with the premise of submission, is that it requires ONE PARTY, to place ultimate trust in the hand of the other party, thereby leaving themselves VULNERABLE in ways that can be threatening, not only for themselves, but for their offspring. In your definition, the female submits to the males NATURAL desire to lead and be in control, and the male submits to the females NATURAL desire to cherished and adored. And i have to admit, your description of it actually didn’t sound so bad. I found my mind being carried away, to some far off utopian world, on another planet, where folks just ‘submitted’ to each others needs, none valuing their willingness to submit, over the other, none trying to dominate the other. just flowers and rainbows, and delightful mix of masculine and feminine, exploding in endless days of happiness and children, and endless nights of ecstasy and passion.
Yeah. You almost had me there.
But then, a fire engine drove past my window, and the sirens shocked by ass BACK into coherence, and i came down out the clouds, back into the REAL world, and all the dysfunctions that lay within it.
As nice as it would be to believe that if a woman just finds the ‘right male’, she can ‘submit’ to his need to lead and willingness to, if necessary, die for his family, and in exchange he will have all of her emotional, financial, mental, spiritual and psychological needs met (by this ONE guy). But history has shown, that males cannot be trusted with this set up. Y’all become power hungry…your Egos take over, an next thing you know, you have shit like foot binding, prostitution, mistresses, female genital mutilation and stoning for adulteresses.
Males have, SYSTEMATICALLY, for literally thousands of years, created institutions, systems, economic structures, religions, sexual norms, family structures, educational systems, paradigms and norms, that have marginalized the female, imprisoned her and stolen all her personal power from her, before she is even born! YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED. so this set up of mutual exchange…submission based on MUTUAL love and respect,where none take advantage, and the woman, already in a position of vulnerability physically, is not also kept as a brood mare,forced to pump out babies and help the male build his own little personal empire…his own little KINGSHIP ….
Well, let’s just say, that as LOVELY as your ideals sound, HISTORY has proven, that males cannot be trusted to live up to their end of the bargain. Males TOOK the position of power, BY FORCE, and then have proceeded to do EVERYTHING to keep that position, INCLUDING mind fucking the female SO BADLY, that she is no longer even connected to her OWN sexuality…her own desires and own LEADERSHIP abilities.
And let me tell you something…and please pass this around to your brethren, so that we can put this “men should be the leader cuz y’all are willing to do die so we can live’ bullshit to rest.
More women die in childbirth, every year, on this planet, then men, in wars, or fighting lions, tigers and bears. So, if there is ANYONE who has proven, the willingness, to put their life on the line, so that humans can go on, it is us women. We LITERALLY RISK OUR LIVES, every time we lay down with one of you fools. We risk our very existence, so that YOU can exist. So…please, let’s stop with that y’all take more risks’ shit. It’s simply not true.
Ask ANY woman who has carried a child. Ask any woman who has given birth. We sacrifice our own damned bodies, for Christsakes! And we do it…OVER and OVER and OVER again. Not just to birth the FEMALE children, but males, as well. And then, instead of flushing your asses down the toilet, or leaving you in the woods to die, we take you, feed you from OUR OWN BODIES, nurture you and CIVILIZE YOU. And you males have the nerve to try to tell us we are not ‘suited’ to lead…that we are simply not ‘smart’ enough…are too ’emotional’, to lead.
Let me tell you something. if it weren’t for all that female emotion, and our ability to prioritize…our ability to muti-task and our willingness to sacrifice, NOT A ONE OF YOU WOULD MAKE IT TO THIS PLANET. and given how you tend to act, once you get here, y’all should be bowing down to US, thanking us for not ABORTING your asses, he moment we find out your male. (you know, the way y’all have convinced US to abort the millions of female babies that never make it to this planet because you ‘cherish’ us so much).
History has shown, that mens sweet sentiments about care taking and protecting as leader, do not stand up to the harsh realities of ‘submission’. On that, my dear sirs, you are an EPIC FAIL
So what do YOU think?
- Is submission a concept that single Black women need to accept if they want to marry?
- Are marriages in which the male leads and the wife submits happier and more longer-lasting than relationships of equality?
- If you are submissive in your marriage, how does it work for you? In which areas do you submit the most?
- If you had a submissive relationship in the past but no longer find value in it, please explain what happened and why you’ve changed.
- Do you think men of other races/ethnicities focus on female submission as much or more than Black males, or is this “a black thang?”
- What does female submission entail from your perspective (both males and females welcome to answer this question)
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder
Women should never submit to men period!!!!! Who the fuck do men think they are!!!!! This is not the 18th century, the world don’t work like that anymore. And black men have the nerve to expect a woman to submit to their dumb asses. Black men are the most worthless pieces of shit stains on the face of the earth..what woman would be so stupid to even think of submitting to that. What a joke! I will NEVER submit to any man, whether black or white, he can kiss my ass!!!!! Just like that. I won’t be marrying any black man anyway..eww
People who do not believe in and follow the God of the Bible need not concern themselves with the submission teachings in it. It is not as much a controversy as it has been made out to be. Sexism is a reality. Male Chauvinism is a reality. But so is the sinful nature that we are ALL–male and female–born with, it just manifests in different ways. Being in a position of leadership is not one and the same with a statement that the person leading is superior to the people being lead, and good leaders know that. It’s a simple fact that men have a testosterone and ego factor (the drive hormone, not just sexual drive but drive period) that causes them to build things like infrastructure (i.e. the Golden Gate Bridge, the Empire State Building); this testosterone and ego factor is different from that of a woman–we have different areas of domain that we seek to dominate or master or excel in, and there is nothing wrong with the home and tomorrows next leaders in society being the chief domain of the woman according to her natural design and unhampered inclination–no shame in this whatsoever.
I think the unbelievable, debilitating stress that comes with being a corporate CEO or something like that is often overlooked and downplayed; men of character that I know are baffled as to why women would even covet professional lives where their tender hearts and souls will be crushed by the very nature of constant onward push to be ahead of the other guy. Being a provider means competition in society and men have a created nature and biological structure that is more suited to the warfare of working, commuting, competing, conflict correction, etc than the natural makeup of a woman. It has nothing to do with being outside the home being better than being in the home or having a career or side hustle that permits her to prioritize the home and children 1st. This is about nation-building, not dictatorship.
Anyway, I don’t want to discuss this at-length here because it is not a topic accepted and understood on its own merit. If you believe the whole evolutionary, random chance process narrative as to how humans originated, then it is not possible for you to see the validity in a God-Creator deciding, “Okay, Gerald, you be the hall monitor, and Jenna, you be the hall monitor.”; in such a situation the door monitor has to defer to or submit to the judgment of the hall monitor concerning who gets access to whatever is in that part of the building. God is the authority when it comes to this subject of biblical submission of a wife to HER OWN husband. God created us so God has the right to distribute rank and order as God sees fit. We cannot guarantee that the final decisions of a woman in the marriage acting as head would not cause the other family members to suffer; humans often learn from mistakes, men are more strongly motivated to not fail–especially in front of their wife and children than women, by and large. Ultimately someone has to be held responsible for outcomes, there’s a reason the body has one head and it’s always one vote that breaks a tie and only one #1 after everyone is eliminated on reality shows even, it’s a basic non-punitive principle that doesn’t SUBJUGATE anyone.
Anyone who is not an adherent to a certain faith has an automatic barrier to accepting/understanding this.
correction: Jenna, you be the door monitor.
@Monique the man IS the head of the family BUT SHE IS NOT A DOORMAT—looking at this in general, forcing women to submit…’could be a ‘black’ thing’. Those christian white men, are probably very secure, and women feel safe enough to submit to them
@zipporah @Monique
.”..the man IS the head of the family…”
Says who? If someone IS the head, then that automatically means someone is ‘under the head’ because you can’t have ‘two ‘HEAD’s. Why do black women insist that the man’ purely because he has a penis IS the HEAD of the family? What magical qualities does a penis endow a man with for him to HEAD up things?
@proverbs35 You probably had a passive/aggressive male masquerading as a headship leader–like i said before–Deborrah and others has had it with the ‘black church’ I believe they totally teach that principle wrongly-you are not supposed to submit to evil–Abigail didnt.
@Real1 the ONLY MAN a woman should submit to IS THEIR HUSBAND…. i’m wondering if the ‘black church’ is teaching the submission principle wrong. If a guy is a mechanic, thats a good profession you are always need to get your car fixed AND too many cars are computers today etc…but i would be surprized if a professional woman would want them anyway..there are lots of blue collar women for them to marry they would LOVE A MECHANIC
@adrian sir, its possible that her girlfriends who make 120+ are married, have husbands who equally make as much, or maybe not because of economy and maybe are trying to phase out or slow down their careers–so they could stay home with their little ones before their eggs dry up. Most kids want to be with mom when small
@Deborrah it sounds like your father was a ‘joe jackson’ type. I remember you said something to your dad when you were 8 years old. You wanted to go somewhere, and said the other kids were going, or doing it. Instead of saying,’if the other kids were jumping off the cliff, could you jump off the cliff, etc.’ YOUR DAD SPANKED YOU… I believe in spanking BUT NOT FOR THAT–there is other ways. .
Men in general should and do sacrifice for women, submission to a man doesnt mean YOU ARE A DOORMAT. Dont anyone tell you it means it is
@zipporah What does my father have to do with submission? And you only half remember what I said. I specifically reported that he DID say all those things and spanked my butt anyway for coming home even using the phrase “because everyone else is doing it” when my parents both taught us to use our own brains, follow our own moral code, and not to do anything “just because everyone else is doing it.” Your reference to Joe Jackson in this instance is highly insulting. Watch what you say. Everyone gets one time. You just used yours.
I’m married. My wife is submissive, and I didn’t have to ask her to be. The average woman will naturally submit as long as the man sets standards and assumes leadership. If a woman is not cooperative the solution is simple… leave her.
As this article is a month or so old , i couldnt help but read and try to decipher where the problem really lies with relationships. As a once married man , who is single , and wants to marry again. Im more afraid now , then I ever was before.
Ive read most of the articles on this site , and its left me with a few questions , concerns, hopes and dreams.
Please understand these comments are based on my reading most of the articles from this site. I HAD to stop here and comment.
Questions:
1. Debborah , are you married ? If so or not , are you in a successfully happy relationship ? Is it with a heterosexual man ? (not that is makes a difference).
2. Does anyone here realize that the scars of life are equally distributed across all genders (m/f) it is these scars that connects us? Its how we relate to each other,
if you dont understand. Its more of a scientific analogy.
Concerns:
Dating a professional black woman , is not hard if you are successful or accomplished , but in my experience , its seems there is a class of black woman who is pseudo-professional, there voices are the ones being heard over the class of truly professional black women who dont really care or bother with the concerns of such things. The doctors , the lawyers , the fortune 500 CEO’s , The Queens of Wallstreet.
What do i mean by pseudo-professional ? The woman who works in an office environment , but does not have real control or authority in there position , i.e. Customer Service , Call Center workers , Office Manager types , Administrative Assistant types , “The i have a supervisor” type , you know the ones who can discuss everything thats on A&E , TLC , “The Housewifes of ” types that you mention CNN , or CNBC , they yawn, lose interest, or stare at you like a deer in headlights type. The ones who may make less than 55K to 60K a year type.
Does this make her a bad choice for a woman ? , NO , Does this make her a GOLD DIGGER ? of course not , Heck NO. What this makes her is 85 – 95% of the available dating pool out there. Yes she might have graduated college , but didnt have the drive to do anything with her 3 or 4 degrees so she took a stable position , that keeps her lights on while she pays off her bills , or pays her car note , or maybe she had a kid early from some dude who she met on a hookup line. Now she considers herself a strong black woman , who can endure , and survive. That is a great this considering thats most of our mothers growing up.
Does this make it a cycle ? Possibly. Why ?
Because as strong as she maybe , she bares the scars of her decisions coupled with the lack of self-esteem she feels when compared to her girlfriends from college. Because they make 120 plus.
She knows this ?
She needs someone in her life , someone who is higher in income level and as formally educated. This person is someone who can look up to her and appreciate her for who she is , not where she should be.
But the real is she ends up with someone who looks up to her , because he doesn’t have the education , maybe he’s a mechanic , or a business owner , he respects her for her going to college cause he could never go. This makes her happy and she tells the world. She has found love. Because she does not feel intimidated.
Fact is there are professional black men who need women who are professional black women as power partners , lovers and friends , to build and share.
Concerns :
There are so many of the media who are the voices of a few to speak for many who dont share there real opinion.
My current marital state is not your concern, nor does it have anything to do with my positions. No man tells me what to do or think. No woman either. Your question seems to imply that my position on issues must be because I am “bitter single man hating lesbian” which is the typical mentality of men that can’t accept a woman has a mind of her own and can be critical of male attitude and behaviors towards women.
Your feeble attempt to label and discredit me by questioning my sexuality is standard issue behavior. Men like you believe raising that question justifies dismissal of the validity of my comments. LOL! I’ve seen it all before. Your ad hominem attacks do not work here, sir. It’s amusing actually… I really wish you all would elevate your game and come with something new, because this rhetoric is tired and boring.
In the future, stick to the subject matter in the future and don’t you EVER ask another question about me personally or you’ll be blocked from even seeing this site.
Lastly, I am but one person in a sea of millions. If anyone has an opinion that is different, they can start a blog and share their thoughts just like I did. Free country. There are sites you can also start blogs for free (though I pay for and own this domain and everything on it). I will continue to speak my peace without regard for your or any other person’s thoughts on it, and with no need for your or any other person’s approval or agreement.
Wow! What an idiot! Your comment implies that any woman who has made a mistake or doesn’t make a certain amount of money or has not made a career choice you deem desireable (and you only named 4 professions) does not have the right to think or speak for herself. She also doesn’t have the right to decide to correct her mistakes by changing the way she relates to men! This is precisely why no woman (professional or otherwise) should ever consider “submitting” to a black man. You are so closed, uninformed and defensive!
You offer the “you don’t have a man so you can’t offer any valid point of view.” argument. This is the most lame and tired argument known to womankind!! We have ALL heard that one before.
You further insult women with the implication that any criticism or questioning of relationships with black men is “man hating” or “male bashing”. People like you are so transparent and you really never bring any new or interesting points of view to a discussion.
You NEVER addressed being submissive in your long drawn out statement.
“As a once married man who is single and wants to marry again, I am afraid now”
You should be afraid Adrian. After reading your comments no woman in her right mind would want you. I see why you are divorced. Rather than address the article, you set off to attack the author. Probably because the article struck a nerve and you were one of those fool men who believed in submission and treated your ex wife according to your beliefs. She is better off without you and hopefully she is with a new man who can give her toe curling sex and mind blowing orgasms, while treating her like an equal and appreciated partner. Glad she kicked your dumb azz to the curb.
I agree I’ve never seen a relationship where a woman completely submitted to a man that the woman was happy. When I think about it, it’s very selfish for a man to put his pride above his partner’s happiness. As a black man I can understand why so many black men desire a submissive partner. For most black men their pride and the respect of others is all they feel they have. In most instances as a black man, in the professional world you’re not going to be seen as a leader, and may not have the chance to become a leader. Therefore most black men demand respect in their personal life. A lot black men see a non-submissive woman as an attack on their manhood and pride.
Also most black women have been socialized to believe that women are supposed to be submissive. I’ve never been anywhere where there are more single black women in one place than church. All these women sit and listen to pastors go on and on almost every Sunday, and some weekdays during bible study, about how men are the head of the household and men have the final say, in a relationship and marriage. I also think women have different expectations from black men than men of other races. Black men are portrayed as being dominant, usually in a violent way, in films, sports music, pretty much every type of media. This is the role a lot of black men feel they need to fill, and what most black women have come to expect from black men, and seem to be attracted to. I definitely think black men need to put their pride aside and start really listening to black women, and improving our relationships, but are black women open to the type of black man who wants an equal relationship? A lot of times black women say they want one thing, but their actions show otherwise.
Are marriages like this happier and more long lasting than marriages based on equality?
Absolutely not! There are far too many emotionally and/or physically abusive Christian marriages based upon the male headship and female submission model. Several examples of this are recorded in the Bible.
Sapphira merely submitted to her lying husband, and her foolish submission earned her a trip to an early grave. Although she was only doing her wifely duty by submitting to her husband, that didn’t earn her a get out of jail or grave free card. The consequences Sapphira experienced should teach women a thing or two about submission. That kind of FOOLISH submission was not good for Sapphira or her husband. It was abusive and deadly (Acts chapter 5).
When Paul taught about a wife’s duty to submit to her God-submitted husband, he was merely recapping an age old teaching. Therefore, that chapter is actually more about a husband’s duty to LOVE his wife (Ephesians 5:25-32). This was a revolutionary concept for husbands. It had never been taught like that before. Some might say “love your neighbor as yourself” had been taught before (Luke 10:27). But that was the problem. Husbands were expressing love for their neighbors outside of the home, while regarding their wives as mere maids and sex objects.
The king did this to his wife Vashti. Vashti refused to submit to her husband’s foolish and drunken request. She valued modesty and would not promote lustfulness. She believed that a wife’s beauty should be reserved for her husband only. The king’s friends were angered by her refusal and encouraged the king to exile Vashti, and he did. (Esther chapter 1) This is a prime example of how many husbands use their position of power to abuse defenseless wives. It’s also an example of how many husbands express love for their neighbors and friends outside the home, while treating their wives with utter cruelty. This is a prime example as to why Paul needed to instruct husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and died for it.
To answers your question, marriages based upon this model are not necessarily happier or more successful, and the Bible itself illustrates that. The most successful marriages are those that are built upon love, whether they are based on the male headship female submission model or egalitarian.
If you had a submissive relationship in the past but no longer find value in it, what happened?
I grew up in church. Like so many women I accepted it’s doctrines about female submission at face value. I never really studied or understood beyond that. When I got married to a man who appeared to be a Christian, I naturally began to put my submission belief into action. My husband was a very poor leader and role model in the home. He was one of those who wanted to do everything under the sun but constantly remind me of my duty to submit. In the beginning, I foolishly submitted to some things that I was uncomfortable with and that proved to be very counterproductive for our family. I got depressed, exhausted, and began to re-evaluate the Bible. As I began to study the Bible for myself, I discovered that the Bible had a whole lot more to say about submission that what I had heard in church. In addition to learning about Sapphira and Vashti, I learned about a very wise wife named Abigail who refused to submit to her husband’s foolishness. Although she was not able to save her foolish husband’s life, her refusal to submit and wise actions caused the lives of others in her house to be spared (1 Samuel chapter 25). As a result, I learned that there’s a difference between wise and foolish submission.
Once I learned the truth, I was no longer willing to foolishly submit. I shared these verses with my husband, we went to Christian counseling, etc. However, he was unwilling to change and perform his husbandly duties, yet he continued to demand mindless submission from me. I refused and ended the relationship. If I ever get married again, I intend to submit to a husband who is submitted to Christ. If he is not willing and able to submit to God, I will a page from Abigail’s book, and I will not submit to him.
As for the biblical recommendation to submit, I consider it total hogwash. The reason being, as per the Bible, men and women are held equally, and solely accountable for their sins and the life they chose to live while alive. Now if a man is really the head and a woman to submit to him, then the man should be held accountable for the sins of his wife, he should be seen as lacking in spiritual leadership and therefore solely responsible for his wife’s sins by not leading and governing her appropriately as to let her go astray. Equal in judgement after death, but unequal during life. Only men can come up with these bullshit theories of inherent superiority based on gender.
I find your insult of the bible offensive and disrespectful. You do not have to agree with it but to call it Bulls**t because it does not adhere to her belief system is a slap in the face to those like me who look to it for wisdom, guidance and comfort. You can respectfuly present your concerns and disagreements without resorting to this foolish way of expressing one’s opionion. I see it as going to a cafeteria, if you don’t care for a particular dish,you don’t have the right to “Spit” on the food to prevent others from enjoying it.
I would advise you to be careful of the book you call bull*** for it is by that book regrdless if you believe it or not will give an account by.
Look here Betty Boo, I say what I want to say, the way I want to say it. You don’t have to like it. That’s whats great about the Internet – there are 500 bazillion websites you can go on where people think just like you do. This is not one of them however, and I will call the bible bullshit every time I feel the urge. If you want to read the Bible and believe in it, nothing is stopping you. Nothing I say will change your thoughts or opinions, or give you strength to stand on your own two feet instead of leaning on the crutch of the slave masters mind controlling religion.
You are one of those Black folks still caught in The Matrix. No one can help you until you put that fairy tale down and get real with yourself. You ain’t ready. Shrug.
I LOVE this article!! The comments from BrooklynBluBird were awesome. I think she absolutely nailed it. When I dated Black men (BM) many often tried to sell me on this submission nonsense. Luckily I come from a family of independently-minded, smart Black women (BW) who I SAW handle things including men and thus was not fooled or seduced into believing that submission to men was EVER a good thing.
I don’t understand that need that men, but more recently a vast majority of BM, have to want a woman to “submit” to them. I mean WTF?! I am a grown woman, I have a brain in my head that I spent thousans of dollars on to fill it with interesting stuff while in college and law school; I read, I can problem-solve, I have discretion and judgment and I know how to use it and do so well. And I am to just throw all that away and listen and follow you unquestioningly because you have some flesh that hang between your legs. I don’t think so.
I think men who need a woman to submit to them are control freaks. They are inherently insecure and need to have an automaton follow them around blindly so that their egos are well stroked. Real men don’t need that. Real men are whole and secure within themselves and want a woman whom they can love, respect and build a life partnership.
When I was in college I remember coming to a realization that patriarchy adversely affects men as well as women because it prevents them from being whole HUMAN BEINGS and it prizes that which is superficial and fleeting.
So to answer your questions:
1. No I DO NOT think BW should accept this theory of submission to find a man. I think it lowers BW’s value in the eyes of BM (if that is even possible since they seem to have such low opinions of us anyway) and all men and leaves BW physically and emotionally vulnerable to someone who will come to dominate and dictate her life.
2. I don’t know as I have no facts or statistics. I would surmise however, that most women in such arrangements are unhappy as they are literally unable to fully express their needs, opinions, desires, or disagreements. I would argue that these women are stifled, lonely and cowed by their men, although many may never admit to that.
3. I am not married; however, if I were married I would NOT be a submissive wife.
4. I’ve never been in a relationship where I was asked, expected or told I had to submit to him. If that was to be the situation I would pass on that with the quickness.
5. It’s hard to tell if this men needing women to submit is a “black thing.” The white men I have dated and the one I currently date have never asked or expected me to submit to them…it’s not even a part of the conversation, it just never comes up. I think this whole submission thing has a lot to do with the overabundance and overwhelming influence of Chriatian fundamentalism in the Black commmunity, which preaches this “man is the head of the family” nonsense. I think it’s a way to assuage the complete faliure of BM to really be men in thier lives, so they go to church and hear this nonsense or hear it from their grandmothers or sisters, or baby mommas so they start to believe this dribble.
6. I don’t think female submission entails anything as I do not believe that women should or need to submit to men who requiers her submission in order for him to “be a man.” Couples should resepct each other’s differnces and perspectives. The comment regarding “yeilding” I think makes sense. Couples yield to one another, they communicate and compromise where and when necessary. There is no need or room for dictatorships in romantic relationships. I think that only leads to unhappiness and dissolution.
Great article overall!
More useless dribble that is going to keep Black women single.
Great job.
If every submissive woman were in a happy thrilled to be there marriage, your comment might have merit. But we know from study after study that women are happiest in egalitarian relationships, not the old traditional male dominated unions. The reason why so many women are single is because men are not worth giving up one’s freedom, autonomy, independence and joyful singleness for. The cost is too high, and more and more women around the world are recognizing that which is why the marriage rate is falling and the divorce rate is climbing. Even in Japan. So you see, women are tired of men and their caveman thinking.
By the way, I always do a great job. At everything. Which is to be expected since I am smarter than you.
I know very few single Black women, and none are doormats for a man. And they are married to men of many, so-called, “races”. In my experience, the men who want a “submissive” woman are insecure, unreliable and untrustworthy. Not people you’d be fool enough to give complete control of your life to.
But, as PT Barnum said, “there’s a sucker born every minute”.
When they actually get the type of woman they claim they were looking for, they treat her like crap and then blame her for not being enough of something else — pretty, thin, busty, entertaining, good housekeeper, good cook, good seamstress, etcetera…. doesn’t matter. She will always fall short.
That is why he beat her, cheated on her, disrespected her in front of whoever, and in private. She did something wrong, he’s never the problem.
I have a friend who came to America as a mail-order bride (from Asia), and her White husband tried to have her deported after he tired of her, six years later.
He wanted her because he said, “American women don’t know their place.” But even her virtually kissing his butt 24/7 wasn’t enough for this sociopath, in the end. It never is. Some people are a bottomless pit of insecurity and need, and nothing you will ever do will suffice. That’s why whatever you give to a man, in a relationship, one thing you can never afford to give away is your self-respect and sense of self.