What Turns Women Off? Scary Ass Men That Are Afraid of Rejection
On my recent Facebook discussion, I asked a “what would you do?” type question…
There is a guy you keep interacting with socially that you find attractive. You want to go out with him. But he keeps hanging back and not asking for your number nor is he asking you out. He’s 100% single, definitely heterosexual and always friendly when you see each other… he is just not making a move. You find out some weeks later from a mutual acquaintance that he is interested, but waiting for YOU to ask HIM out. What do you do?
Most of the females responding said they would not do it because it indicates that the man is weak. The women, many in their 30s and 40s, understand the dynamics of male/female relationships as a mature woman, and know from experience that doing the work FOR a man in the beginning sets the stage for you to have to do the work throughout the relationship which was very unsatisfying for them. However, many of the guys didn’t like that answer.
Some of the guys came back with “well that is why you women are single” and “that is why you women get dogged by players and don’t go for the GOOD men!” and “these are new times and you women are just like men and you need to go for the man you want.” One even said that “Why he gotta be weak because he won’t step to you? Women don’t do no more then men now days and it is ok to go after what you want. A so called strong man is not always the best man.a strong man is not always the best man.” That is all male logic dictating what women should do to make males too lazy, too afraid, or gaming hard on women do what they want women to do. In other words, they want women to make their life easy and stress free, and to do all the work to get the relationship going.
But we are not talking about what MEN think. The question was asked of women how they would handle a male that was cordial and with whom they interacted frequently, and though the woman heard the man was interested, he never made a move to ask for her number or to ask her out. The question asked WOMEN what they would do and how they would feel about such a man.
So how guys felt about the women’s distaste for asking a man out was irrelevant. Unless a man is gay and looking to hook up with other men, what you think about how women develop respect and romantic interest in a man doesn’t really count. Obviously if you knew what you were doing, you would have one or more women interested in you. Since you are angry that women won’t approach you, that is very telling about your romantic life.
So when we women are telling you what WE NEED to make the pussy wet, you need to listen. And if we have to go after you and chase you down and ask you out and get your number, the pussy does not get wet. Having to ask you turns women off. And it puts the woman in the role of being “the man” and that does not inspire passionate desire in a female.
Now if you want some ass, you want a girlfriend, you want wife, you want someone to love and to love you – then you need to step up. Yes, you may be rejected a time or two but no one ever died from getting turned down. That fear is keeping you alone and at home single dudes. Your fear of rejection turns women off.
That is why the “good” men sit at home stroking their own Johnson on Saturday night while the “players” are out getting some tail. You think your goodness is something women want, that turns women on. It doesn’t… in fact, it turns women off. Women want to feel that a man is attracted to them and that his desire for her will motivate him to overcome his fears. 
Reality check: if you are a scary type of guy that sees rejection and failure everywhere, then you are, in a woman’s eyes, a weak man. You lack confidence, you have low self-esteem, and your fears rule your life. Women do not find you attractive no matter how handsome and built up you may be. You will ultimately turn her off.
No woman wants a scary ass man! And a strong man IS the best man if a woman wants her pussy to be wet. You don’t have to believe it and all your logic in the world won’t change the fact that confidence turns women on, and indecisiveness, scariness and weakness in men turns women off.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Men's Issues
D Love It’s nice to run into a dude that gets it.
I know I’m late to the game in commenting on this article, but this is the REALIST article I’ve read in a long time. My compliments go out to the author for speaking the truth and giving us men some insight that is truly useful.
To me, the article is simply stating what women want, and it’s up to us as men to use that information as we so choose. Too many men, and women, get caught up using their own gender’s logic to attract the opposite sex and it never works out. Instead of trying to convince women that what they REALLY want to do is to approach men, which is a wast of time, take their advice what it’s worth and know that as a man, if you are trying to get with the person you really want to be with, you are likely going to have to approach her. Period. Don’t argue with that, don’t try to change it, and if you don’t understand it stop trying to. It’s how women think.
Personally, I use this same logic to try to explain man-logic to women, so I am so happy to see a woman use the same high-level thinking to try to explain things to men. Kudos to this intelligent Sista who just broke it down for all of you simps!
AmuroAnd men can continue to do what you advocate and end up having to go to another country to find a woman.
JoelBurningSpearMartinez
“I don’t approach because I don’t have the pressure to do it, in order to find a date”.
Man it shouldn’t be a pressure to approach a woman. Your thinking is skewed.
well with many of you women being so very sad and pathetic, that would certainly be the Problem.
There is some truth to this article, if all the sister care about is getting her blank. I don’t approach because I don’t have the pressure to do it, in order to find a date. There is always someone who has a friend, sister our daughter, that they want to introduce to me. The burden actually falls on the sistas who are finding the right man. They shouldn’t just there and wait for the right one. They should let there feelings be known, instead of bottling it up, and someone else snatches him up.
Well women can continue to do what this article says and they get to end up as 50 years and single with no kids or they end up a single mother. Now some women will get married and keep a man for a long time but most wont. O well all I have to say is if I’m not married in the next five years I’m heading overseas to find a wife. Could happen earlier actually I just applied for a job in Hokkaido not sure if I got yet or not. But hopefully I’ll meet someone there because if women seriously have a problem with this type of man then hey they’re eliminating a pretty good percentage of men who are actually sane and don’t have kids from 3 different women.
100% agree with this article and as a sexy, single woman, I approve this message. Real men with heart step up, punks stay back.
I agree with this article. You have to be ready to get the smack down sometimes if you want to get to the woman of your dreams. As a man who doesn’t look like Morris Chestnut or Idris Elba in the slightest extent, I know I’m going to be rejected and I know that it’s going to hurt like hell sometimes. But, the way I look at it, the more I got rejected, the closer I got to the one who didn’t reject me. We have been together for almost two years now, and I couldn’t be happier. But, if I never experienced the pain of rejection, my game would have been horrible and I wouldn’t have found the sista of my dreams. Trust, fellas, Deborrah speaks the truth!
houstokid “As a man who doesn’t look like Morris Chestunut or Idris Elba in he slightest extent..”Just so you know, it takes more than looks. Sure a good looking dude has an advantage in that he will attract they eye of women quicker, but if all he has to offer is his looks and everything else is rotten, most sensible women will leave him alone. Looks may get him in the door, but it may not necessarily keep him there.
These passive/aggressive men are for the birds. Many cant take care of themselves physically like ‘never been in a fight’ the more they hit women because of insecurities–oh and yes, womens moms’ make SURE these girls know how to take care of themselves if they happen to be in the ladies room, and they get jumped over some boy by some girl or girls
This is SOMETHING ELSE! have many’modern’ women gone crazy?! Of course MEN are supposed to ask the WOMEN OUT.. its part of nature. I believe MANY of these men are SPOILED because too many WOMEN are asking THEM out, ,paying their way, buying their food, and giving them their bodies!
“Confidence turns women on”Dayum!!! How many times must Ms. Cooper have to reiterate this same point to these so called men who ‘claim to be ‘good men’, yet are too weak to face potential rejection. Then your azz ain’t no dayum good. Hell you are ok with risking rejection when you go for a job interview. What makes you think ‘you’re too good to get rejected in the dating pool?” Y’all men have this sense of entitlement. It’s gone to your head and you think women should be grateful that you are interested in her so she should just make like a fish, and leap on your fishing pole, without even having to throw the line in the water. Get over yourselves. If you are too weak, too scary to go for the woman you are obviously interested in, then stop whining like a beeyatch made man when Pookie and RayRay hits on her, charms her and then gets her. Nobody wants to hear your silly butts whine about how women like ‘thugs’ instead of ‘good men’, when ya’ll so called good men’ act too ‘good’ to actively step into the dating pool and risk possible rejection. The next time a whiny man tells a woman, see that’s why you’re single, because you wan’t ask a dude out. That woman ought to turn right around and say, ‘See that’s why Pookie, RayRay and them get all the women because they DO ask women out!Non-Select Nice Guys vs. The Players Women Lovehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsBFWaN7HEMhttp://survivingdating.com/alpha-males-get-the-best-losers-get-the-resthttp://survivingdating.com/why-nice-guys-suck-and-women-dont-want-you