The Top 5 Reasons Men Don’t Get Laid!

| 09/02/2012 | Comments (5)

Some men are wise enough to know that a satisfying sex life is directly related to their efforts to give women what they want emotionally so they, as men, can get what they need physically. If your love life is on the skids, this 5 point checklist may give you an idea of what you are doing wrong. 


(1) You Look Funny and Dress Weird 

Remember your Mom saying “you never get a second chance to make a first impression?” Women are quick to size a guy up and make a judgment about his suitability for bedding. Really, we know in less than 60 seconds if we would ever sleep with you or not.

Not saying we will, but we definitely know if we won’t! And a lot of that is based on your visual presentation. 

If you are past the age of 18, you should not be wearing jerseys, sneakers, baseball caps and jeans on dates…really, you shouldn’t be wearing that attire anywhere.  Dress like an adult why don’tcha? Baggy t-shirts are not appropriate attire for everyplace in the world. Big bellies, long unkempt hair, weird smells and dirty nails are not sexy. This is one of the chief reasons men don’t get laid.

If you are confused about a look that is flattering for your age and body type, visit a local men’s clothier; buy a clue and an outfit. 

(2) Your Expectations for What You Think You Should Have Are Whack

Why do broke, wrinkled, 45 year old men think they have what it takes to date hot 21 year old college students? Why do you have a gut and three chins, but complain that a woman 15 lbs overweight is too fat and not sexy? 

Many men have totally unrealistic expectations about their romantic value and feel deserving of a woman way out of their league. A woman that will be in your corner, provide you with a great sex life, and love you unconditionally is probably not going to fit the mass media image of a “perfect 10.” 

I mean, if she is so perfect, what would she want with you anyway? Learn to stand on your own merit, and forget the idea that the woman you have on your arm somehow reflects on and makes you a better man. It doesn’t. Having unrealistic expectations and trying to get with women they don’t have the heat to attract is another reason why men don’t get laid.

(3) You Make Stupid Conversation 

No matter how many nice dates you take a woman on or how much you spend to impress, you can be counted on to mess it all up with stupid conversation. You turn women off completely with juvenile sexual comments. What are you, 12? 

Your idea of flirting is an overt sexual invitation. Your attempts at humor are insulting put downs, usually making the female gender the brunt of the joke. Your conversation is peppered with inappropriate one-liners. 

If you ever took the time to notice anything about other people, you’d see you are the only one laughing. Big dummy! 

Your attempt to “get to know her” has you asking questions that focus on her body, underwear, sexual history or your lack of a sex life (like somebody cares!)

Grow up!

When you behave like a mature man you will be able to attract a mature woman into your bed. 

(4) You’re a Bitter, Angry Misogynist

Everyone past the age of 20 has experienced a broken heart; your hurt is no more important or special than anyone else’s. The new women in your life don’t care to hear about your stalker ex-girlfriend, how you got cheated on, how your ex won’t let you see your child, how confused you are about why she left you at the altar, etc. 

No one cares. Really. 

The new woman does not want to be compared to the women of your past, even if we come out on top. We don’t want to hear your theories about what “all women” do or think.  Neither do we wish to be accused of negative behavior because of what some other woman did or said to you. 

Walking on eggshells is boring. 

You can either live in the past and wallow in your pain and self-pity, or live in the here and now and enjoy an active, positive, happy sex life. You pick. 

(5) You’re a Cheap, Stingy Ass or Broke Man 

If you can’t afford to take a woman out on a date, stay your butt at home – by yourself. Dating doesn’t have to be horribly expensive, but a gentleman should NEVER ask a woman where she wants to go then balk at the cost. 

Instead of leaving it to her and risking looking like a cheapskate, suggest a place, entertainment or event that is comfortably within your budget. 

Asking a woman out for lunch then pulling out a 2-for-1 discount coupon is tacky. Picking up the bill as you tell her “your half is $XX.00” is uncouth. 

Smart women know a man stingy and cheap with a few dollars will tend to be stingy with his heart. And she won’t stick around long enough for you to even get to first base.

(originally published June 30, 2009)

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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  1. Deborrah says:

    VictusBcb You must be broke. Otherwise you would be a man proud of what you have earned, the money you make, the material goods you have amassed through hard work and the toil of education and accomplishment. The fact that you are bitching like a little girl about what is written on a web  page in cyberspace shows that the shoe fits. Just wear it and stop crying. It’s so unattractive. Have a great day!

  2. VictusBcb says:

    A 2-for-1 coupon looks tacky?  Fuck that, it’s economics dammit!  If someone is on a date with you, and tries to do that, it shows they look to the future and actually have some kind of fiscal sense (which seems to be rare in this day and age).

    Also, there are many women now who actually throw a flipping fit if men try to pay the whole bill.  They think we’re treating them like weak little kittens when apparently they’re independent and strong.  Make up your minds ladies, which is it?  

    Also, way to make it sound like all men are dirty, potty-mouthed perverts and that all we talk about is sex and your bodies.  Also, not wearing jeans on a date?  What is this, the ’50s?  Any woman I’ve ever met would think you’re a weirdo if you’re dressing for a date like you’re going to an upper-class function, and probably just laugh at you.  

    Also, way to go on showing how shallow you are.  You said that men are shallow and expect to get a 10 all the time, when most of us would easily settle for even a 5 as long as they’d give us the time of day.  Mind, this is right after expecting men to not dress in jeans, sneakers, or anything like that (so worried about appearances, though I do agree with you that if a man doesn’t take care of hygiene, it’ll never work out).

    Also, so focused on money.  Look, lots of non-gold digging women hate this kind of stuff you’re spewing about money.  Many women are trying to get rid of the gold-digging image that a lot of them get generalized with, and this isn’t helping. There are many ways to have a date that actually doesn’t cost any money, but judging from your article, you’d probably just call the guy a hobo and bounce.

  3. Razzy says:

    This is so very true.  A friend of mine was just telling me the other day how she went out on a couple of dates with this dude, who had everything going for him, but had a jacked up mouth.  His teeth were dark and stained like he had been smoking for years and his gums looked as if they had the poison of a komodo dragon all through there.  His oral hygiene was the pitts.  And she said that dude wasn’t going anywhere near her mouth.  She said she likes to kiss, but couldn’t see herself kissing a mouth as jacked up as this. 
    I don’t know why this guy let his mouth go so bad.  Money was no object for him, he had his own home, good job, but effed up mouth.    She went out with him for 2 dates only and that was it. 

    • Suni Ray says:

       @Razzy Razzy I can relate! I have encountered quite a few men who have neglected their oral health. And I’m referring to GROWN men in their 40’s and 50’s who own homes, drive nice cars, etc. One of these men, unfortunately, is quite desirable and attractive, but his offensive gingivitis-tainted breath and crooked teeth are a deal-breaker for me. We can be friends, but until he addresses his dental issues, the buck stops there. If a man looks at himself in the mirror each day and sees his teeth, if he knows he has an issue with a “bad taste” in his mouth, does it do any good for a woman to address what he already knows? How does one approach the subject without offending? 

      • Razzy says:

         @Suni Ray “How does one approach the subject without offending?”
        Sometimes Suni, a dude just needs a reality check.  ‘Tippy toeing around the issue won’t cut it.  That dude knows his mouth is all jacked up!  He is just hoping a woman will look all over it, like he does and be with him anyway.  Meanwhile notice that he doesn’t go for a woman with a jacked up mouth like he has.  He knows his mouth is rank and nasty.  Yet he dates women who obviously takes care of their mouth. 
        These dudes kill me how they can just let themselves go in so many ways, yet trust to be critical of a woman and refuse to date her if she did the same thing.  I’ve heard fat belly hanging dudes talk about a woman being overweight. So pluueeze, I have no qualms about telling them like it ist straight up.
        I would say, “Look dude’, if you want a woman to find you attractive and to kiss you, then you need to address your oral hygiene problem.’  Simple as that.  If he get’s offended, that’s his problem.  Not yours. You’re giving him helpful advice that will benefit him.

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