Why Men Hate Dating Single Mothers

 YolondaRTaylor So very true...My 40 yr old male cousin has 9 kids from different women and I still can see how he still manages to get laid....

 YolondaRTaylor The difference is that the women usually have custody of the children, while the men are occasional parents on alternating weekends. Men still have plenty of time to establish and maintain relationships, sometimes with more than one woman at the same time while STILL BEING A DADDY. That isn't the case for the woman, unless she is not the custodial parent.

With the majority of children in baby momma or divorces living with their mothers, this article holds much more validity and is much more useful to women than talking about the mere 5% of men that have full-time custody of their children. However, we love to run articles of quality here that other people write. So if you feel that strongly about anything you read on this website, feel free to write at least 500 words about it and submit it using the Contact Us link above.

My latest conversation: Engaged to a man I'm worried has a porn addiction

Women do not corral in a husband. Even when a woman is married, there are many reasons a man will cheat, or leave on his own accord. Sometimes there is abuse, drugs or other addictions, babies out of wedlock with other women, down low issues, and repeated adultery that drive a couple apart. There was no plan to raise the child or children alone, but shit happens, ya know?

It's nice that the females in your family have men that are (at the time of writing) still with their wives. But you could wake up tomorrow and that be a different story. That is how relationships go - no one has control over what another person does.

Now someone that intentionally goes into a situation with someone that they aren't really with and who shows no signs of being an interested father... well, I don't know what to say about that choice. To me that is what abortion clinics are for, but some women really don't want to have an abortion and would rather struggle along for 20 years trying to support and raise a child they cannot afford.

My latest conversation: Engaged to a man I'm worried has a porn addiction

Sadly, not all "baby daddy's" do what they are suppose to. I date a single mother, I can't stand how the child's father can't handle his own business. He can't go a day with his child without bothering the mother. She had to get an OOP and now he goes the route of the grandmother and best friend. He doesn't want to give up more custody bc he doesn't want to pay child support.

Checklists are nice, but they don't always work out in the dating world. As much as a 20 or 30yr old man would love to find a stable, single woman without a child, it isn't always an option. It "seems" that a lot of good, stable attractive, date-able woman have actually been in long-term relationships and have had children in those relationships. I have met many attractive, single woman  that just aren't date-able. They "seem" to have a screw loose. Which might explain why they have been able to stay single and attractive so often and so long.

Please note: I put "seem" in quotes because it's just my opinion. I am talking ab the majority. Not the special case scenario. I have heard that the Blue Whale is not extinct and some Irish are actually sober.

That is one of the chief reasons for this article really, to explain to women how the situation is perceived from the other side. Some guys are just very fearful of the unknown, and if a woman knows WHY, she may be able to allay his fears and have a very nice relationship. But you can't do anything to help him see the light if you don't know what it is he is hesitant about.

Not only that, women have to be very careful when they have young children because there are a lot of crazies out here that are child molesters. They intentionally seek out women with children in their target age group. Even if you have sons, that is no protection because just as many little boys are raped as little girls these days.

My latest conversation: Engaged to a man I'm worried has a porn addiction

She might, but I have a few things to say to you first.

#1 is just because you are a perpetual student that doesn't make you a "good man." Being able to take care of yourself and having money is what a grown ass man SHOULD do. So you don't get any Brownie Points for being an average Joe.

#2 if you have picked women that dogged you out, that was your fault. You picked them! All the single, educated, accomplished, beautiful women that you could have gone out with and dated, you chose someone else without those qualifications. It is good to avoid people that you know don't meet your standards, whatever they are. Do both of you a favor and don't waste folks time.

#3 all men are bad men. None of you is perfect, and every single one of you has a fucked up attitude about something... some way you treat or talk to women, or your sexist views, or your sense of superiority or entitlement, or your lack of communication or your inability to share feelings or anything else. All of you have major faults when it comes to women and relationships. Don't give yourself undue credit homey.

#4 and even if some woman finds you to be damn near perfect FOR HER, for the rest of the women in the world you are not good at all.

See how that works?

You are giving yourself all kinds of kudos and holding out foreign women as being superior to American women. In reality all they are is dumb. They don't know any better and accept you for what you present yourself to be. They don't know to look behind the mask of your education and ego. They are just happy to be out of a hut and in a house with running water and a flushing toilet! But if that makes you feel good and important to have such a woman need you, then so be it.

But I have to ask, if you were so happy with your woman and about to get married, why dredge up the past? What happened in the past should not really concern you anymore and should not be anything you would bother commenting about. A man about to be married should be focused on his bright and happy future, not digging into the dark pain of the past. The fact that you had so much to say about the past women that it didn't work out with shows that is where your head still is... THE PAST. Tsk tsk.

Theo3773: "So…. I date women abroad and I’m about to marry one. Oh yeah, I’m half Black….LOL"

Yo butt ain't bout to marry nobody. If you were you would be too caught up in your forthcoming nuptials instead of whining about women who dogged you out. You would be all over that and basking in the happiness of a man in love and about to marry the woman who thinks he's the shit! If you were alladat like you claim you are, you would have had the heat and been in the 'select' pool to actually pull the women you wanted instead of now whining about the women who dogged you out; but you don't, so stop fooling yourself. That's the real reason trifling knuckleheads like you date out, because the woman you want don't want you and I can see why with your lousy funky attitude. You relegated yourself to dating baby mamas that dogged you out and that tells more about the type of male 'YOU' are' than it does about anyone else.

And this half black mess, you's a nigga all the way. Don't no white person look at you saying, "Oh he's only half black." so get over yourself because in America, most black folks got masta genes in them somewhere along the family tree. You ain't nothing special just because yours might be first generation as opposed to someone who has 2nd or 3rd generation Masta genes. At any rate your 'so called Masta genes didn't get you the woman of your choice did it, so stop touting it like it's special. You are probably butt ugly, looking like the inside of somebody's ass, and couldn't pull a hot looking educated, financially secure, successful independent black woman if you tried. So you best gone over there and get you trailer trash Becky, or 'Wanna get her green card, Ming liu' or whatever other foreign broad will want you and think your corny ass is the bomb. Black women could give less than a damn. You will be one less 'racial mutt' in the dating pool for black women to have to contend with.

Theo3773: "I am a successful single male, 2 masters degrees, and trying to start a 3rd degree program. I gots money, although tight in this economy, and I can take care of myself."

Get a job you 'edumucated fool'. How many degrees do you need in order to be a success and have a job. What are all these so called degrees in? Must be the degree of knuckleheadedness lololol.

"And the women are always into their kids or fighting with the ex or emotionally suffering...I don't need this...Oh yeah, I'm half Black...LOL"Half Black, half White, half sky blue pink — it doesn't matter. For all your blathering on about single mothers and "women who "give their bodies to bad men", you forgot to check your UNEARNED MALE PRIVILEGE before running your mouth like a self-serving idiot that ought to be arrested for possession of brains with intent to use. Here's a clue, Sherlock: Women don't "get pregnant"; women are impregnated by MEN.

Unless you're a 40 year-old virgin (which I doubt), you have parted many a woman's thighs in your day — without ANY concern for what YOUR orgasm might have cost her.

And you probably didn't even make sure she enjoyed the sex as much as you by at least going down on her first so she could get an orgasm out of the deal for all the risks and trouble for her in putting out for you to satisfy YOUR "needs", am I right? (You know I am!)

You had no concern whether or not any of your bed victims even survived pregnancy and childbirth without permanently disabling injury or death in a country with Third World maternal mortality rates, a country where POOR women have not had access to birth control and abortion and have even less access now while men get a free license to tom-cat around with no reprisals. You see women as nothing but disposable sperm receptacles and incubators with a limited shelf-life that owe you free sexual and childbearing service; something for males to use, control, and then discard once we lose our value as ornaments.

You don't want a "good woman" or a "wife"; you want a bipedal house pet to gestate your genetic material without having to give anything in return.

You act as if your genetics are superior to everyone else's when you're not that special and when there are plenty of children in this world without hope and without family that you could adopt. NEWSFLASH: Women are NOT reproductive chattel so get over yourself!You degrade women whom you feel superior to since you're a legend in your own shallow, self-centered, narrow mind.

I don't care how much money you've got, or how many letters of the alphabet you've got racked up behind your name.

You may not know who you are, but I know WHAT you are: a 100%  self-entitled, spoiled, narcissistic ASSHOLE that doesn't deserve to get laid even if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.  I don't like ANY man that disses women of ANY race when we get enough hate dumped on us —  just for our ability to give birth. Oh yeah, for the record I'm 100% White.

cee: "It was tough and my marriage did not last long."

cee you wouldn't have lasted long in a marriage with a woman who wasn't a single mother either. You sound like a selfish man who goes into a marriage for what you can get out of it rather than what you can give. I'm sure had the shoe been on the other foot and a woman married your butt and you had kids who actually resided with you, you would have expected her to jump right into the role of being step mother which included being the primary day to day care giver of "your kids" no questions asked. You would have expected her to do all the tasks involved in parenting which included much more than 'baby sitting' while your butt went to hang out with the boys. You knew going in that this woman had kids, but like most selfish men, you wanted to be catered to and thought that anything you did was considered over and beyond. What a whiny jerk! Fortunately there are some men out there who don't think like you do and they love the mother and the kids and they are surrogate father to those kids. You sound like some whiny he-bitch mad because the woman you married wasn't sitting around looking in your face when she had free time and wanted to 'get away' and enjoy herself with 'her friends'. If your butt wanted to hang out with your friends, you could have done that. Instead you 'chose not to'. You men want to be leaders in your household, but fold like a bad poker hand at the first sign of 'work'. With that fonky childish lazy selfish attitude you had, you did her a favor by getting the hell on outta her life. Seems to me you married her to be 'treated' like one of her kids wanting her attention when you wanted it and mad when you didn't get it and not wanting her to have time to herself, instead of like a supporting partner, husband and father.

Um no. I did most of the work in every area of life. My point was that I did most of the work, got little of any real partnership, and got really taken advantage of. Read more carefully next time.

Perhaps you should 'choose' more carefully next time as you guys like to tell women who end up with a man who totally flips the script on them. Why couldn't you and this woman have a conversation and work this out? What happened to communication/cooperation/compromise? Why did your marriage have to end over something that seems you guys could have worked out if the two people involved were mature enough to work through these difficulties? How long did you stay married to her? How old were the kids?

I think you touched on a lot of the reasons it didn't work out. Interestingly the kids probably had more to do with us staying together longer than we would have had otherwise. I really cared about them. But yeah we didn't communicate well, had different personality styles- we married too quickly I think.

Sounds to me like one more dude who married the woman who turned him on sexually and that's all the requirements it took for him. He didn't take time to get to know much about her beyond what she did in bed. People need to slow their roll and get to know each other more. Most folks don't even do the things they need to do to interact with each other in a way that sheds light on the inner person. They usually meet have sex, eat dinner, go to a movie and that's it. Do they really talk? Then they get married and get surprised.

What does that mean? Are you assuming that quantity is quality? How do you know that these are decent men? Are these men that want to marry these single Moms and assume responsibility for the caretaking and parenting of those children? Or are they just there for a hot meal since she cooks, a free place to hang out since they know she can't afford to get a babysitter all the time, and a Section 8 place to stay? Or are they there because they are child molesters and wanna get at her babies? All that glitters ain't gold, girlfriend. Many of the pimp types of dudes see the single baby momma types as easy prey.

Get real. American women don't cook.

Maybe the ones YOU date don't cook, but millions of women do. Why not elevate the level of women you spend time with and interact with instead of lamenting and whining about the few that don't cook?

Wow! Great post xyengineer! You made some great points.

Harry: "Who wants to help raise another man’s child? Not I.

Do you expect another woman to raise a child of yours if you should lose the mother through breakup (if you are a baby daddy) death/divorce and find yourself a single father?

We are pigs? Single moms are idiots because they screwed up their lives, and are now screwing up their kids' lives by bringing a stranger into the mix.

Stop thinking about yourself and take care of your kid. You had them, not us.

What she specifically said Mickey is men that "go after single Moms" which means to victimize either them or their children. Your defensive and angry response was not indicated.

As I said, there are some real pigs out here that intentionally seek out lonely single mothers with young children because these guys are sexual deviants and are looking for a woman with children to molest. Though stranger molestation does happen, in the vast majority of the cases the molester is someone that the child and parent(s) (yes, Dads in the home it still happens) know and trust. Pastors, ministers, teachers, scout leaders, neighbors, family friends, uncles, grandfathers, step fathers, mom's boyfriends, older brothers and yes even birth fathers. No man is above suspicion in my book.

GBM: "Ain’t no man gonna date a women with a kid when he don’t have to. There are so many single women I wouldn’t date Halle Berry, a single mom, if she offered to pick me up in her limo."

Jika plueeze (rolls eyes) If Halle Berry rolled up on yo azz in a limo, you'd break you neck falling off up in there with her. lol. Baby mama or not. Just remember, this works both ways too. Single women don't find baby daddies all that attractive either especially when they have baby mama drama lurking in the background.

Taking care of her and her kid? What? I have met more single men in my time that need a mother and a maid, not a girlfriend.

Mr. Queens, you should realize that there are plenty of single moms out there that are better qualified, more educated, and more financially stable than most men. I personally, possess a bachelor's degree in a very stable profession. Have a career as well. I don't need an arrogant single man to take care of me and my child.

And thus the reason why a normal man (like me) is stiff single. Women insist on bringing their previous relationships into their new one.

Dave: "And thus the reason why a normal man (like me) is stiff single."

Oops, Freudian slip. :) lolol

Yea, I guess I didn't mean to use that word :-) I just think that man or woman bashing is an excuse for one's own shortcomings. There's another one for ya. :-)