Women Talk Too Damn Much! Why Not Just Shut Up Sometimes?
Women can’t stand empty silences and will often fill the quiet with tidbits of juicy information about their past. Why do all that jabbering? Why clog a man’s brain with information that will do nothing but make him jealous, cause him to question your past, or make him feel insecure about a future with you? Really, it would be best if women learned to just shut up sometimes!
Being Like A Man Is Not Always A Bad Thing!
Woman complain frequently about male/female communication.
“Men don’t communicate” these ladies say in frustration. Women complain that men give one-word answers, don’t elaborate and tell the entire story in a play by play fashion, and that it feelings like “pulling teeth” to get information out of them.
Women operate on a different dynamic and love to share their feelings, experiences and thoughts with others. I think this female style of communication is a way that bonds us and brings us closer to others. Which means this communication style is fine with other women when we get together and talk about family and work. But it is absolutely positively the wrong way to communicate with your romantic partner when it comes to the sexual pleasures you’ve enjoyed before he came on the scene. Women talk too damn much!
Are All The Mysterious Women Dead?
“She possesses an air of mystery.” Sadly, that trait is one many women have completely abandoned. In their quest to “be honest” women feel it necessary need to tell their man every thought that passes through their head, and every single thing they’ve ever done in this life and those previous. In other words, women blab, jawjack, and share wayyyy too much information.
If you’ve noticed, guys avoid those types of disclosure like the plague. Their thinking is if you haven’t asked a specific question, it isn’t important enough to bring up, and it’s probably not in their best interest to do so.
Men want things in their relationships to be smooth and easy and pleasant. Smart men know that telling their new woman how great their ex was in bed is not something she needs to know. They know women aren’t happy hearing that type of news, and there will be some serious unpleasant moments that follow the delivery!
Men are smart enough to know that a female coworker’s breast augmentation and how much hotter she looks now is not something their woman needs to know either. Women should adopt similar policies and learn when to shut up.
My Man is So Great
Women love to talk about their man and what he does for them. Women love to brag to anyone that will listen about how considerate he is, how thoughtful, how generous, how freaky in bed. This is a primary way that big mouth women set themselves up to be cheated on or left behind. Be careful. Many of the women in your circle that you are friendly with are certainly NOT your friends. They are jealous plotting fiends that believe all is fair in love and war.
So be aware that the “friend” you are telling all your business to is listening and taking notes. Every time you speak on your relationship, she is learning directly from you what you man likes and how he likes it. When you tell her about the fights you two have, she is learning what your man doesn’t like his woman to do or say and how he feels about important issues. When you tell her about the great things he does for you, she starts wondering why you get all that wonderful treatment when you are nowhere near her level in looks, financial achievement, education, cooking abilities or sex skills. The plot to get in good with your guy has begun.
This type of thing happens frequently, yet women keep talking about their man and never shut up. So when your man leaves you for her, it will be partially because you gave her all the ammunition she needed to replace you. It’s like inviting a burgler into your home, telling him where all the valuables are, and giving him a gun to shoot you with.
You set your “friend” up to be the new and improved model, the better woman. By sharing all the information you have on your man, you gave her the inside track on his wants and needs. Of course he is happier with her, because she doesn’t make the mistakes you made. You shoulda kept your big mouth shut. Women talk too damn much.
Loose Lips Sink Ships
Recently a letter came into my advice column from a 35 year old woman that had been introduced by her Mom to a nice physician, formerly from her neighborhood. Though he seemed to be somewhat of a braggart, the two got along well and things looked like they were going someplace. One day he mentioned that he was going to get a haircut in the old neighborhood, and she volunteered that she had gone out to dinner a few times with the owner of that same barbershop. No relationship, nothing sexual, just out to dinner twice.
After this revelation the young Dr. went to the barber and inquired about his interaction with the woman in question. The barber embellished the interaction and represented the relationship as more than it had been, much to the young doctor’s chagrin. Feeling that his reputation would be at risk from this association, he immediately broke off the budding relationship.
Why?
He knows how men are. He knew that the other men in the shop would be trading jokes and stories about sexual activities with his new girl, and that he didn’t want to endure the subsequent embarrassment.
Why did this young woman not keep her mouth closed? What benefit did she think would be gained by bringing up ancient history? Why talk about something that involved just a couple of dates that took place years ago and led to nothing? Why could she not be happy leaving the past where it belonged…in the past?
The boyish competitiveness and desire to bring a man with higher social standing and more money down a peg or two is what was behind this little drama. Understanding men’s egos, the dynamic under which men compete and the manner in which men judge women’s suitability as a steady girlfriend and/or wife should be enough impetus to keep your lips closed.
However, if you plan to marry, full disclosure should be expected by your fiancée and provided on about matters vital to the marriage. Openness on subjects such as debts, health concerns, child support and visitation, and income are mandatory, but that is really all that is needed.
In conclusion, think before you open your mouth and “share” information with your man that he won’t be able to handle. Blabbing every detail about your past interactions with other men will do nothing positive for your new relationship. Every woman past the age of 21 has a history of some sort. The men that come into your life need to accept the woman that you are, take you as you come and love you for exactly who and what you are right now.
Your past, with all your mistakes, challenges, and experiences together created the fascinating creature that he has fallen in love with. Your past should be something you keep to yourself and reflect on in old age with a enigmatic smile. It should be remembered and respected, but never trotted out for critical review and comment by every guy you date.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
A woman constantly talking about another woman to ‘her man’ may just be opening the door to that woman stepping in with her man… this does happen.
What bothers me the most is how many women tell their men private and personal information about their female friends and relatives. Pillow talk is a muhfugga. But there is no reason for you to tell YOUR MAN about the men your friend is dating or sexing. There is no reason for you to tell YOUR MAN about your girl’s lingerie, what she did sexually with her new guy, about her bonus or raise, how much money she has, her health concerns – none of that. Your man does not need to know all that about some other female. He only needs to know all that about YOU. Same thing women do talking about adult business around their children. Those brats don’t need to hear everything, especially about adult concerns. Send them to their room or talk in another more private spot on the phone. Women just talk too damn much.
Women talk too much? You’re kidding, right? There are plenty of men who monopolize conversations, too. Why does everyone make it out like any dating issues are always the woman’s fault?
@Penguina You apparently didn’t read the article. It does not say a word about who monopolizes conversations rather the content of what is shared. Women talk too damn much and tell men too much of their business, their friends business, their mommas business, their children’s business. They talk too much.
@Penguina I couldn’t agree with you more. Not only IS this sexist, I believe you’ve encountered someone visibly rude, see comment below. This is nothing more than patriarchal nonsense. The generalisation and stereotyping here is disconcerting. If a woman shares her story or whatever she chooses and he’s not interested, the man is not suited to that woman. Thanks for making women feel bad about themselves though. Perhaps the author of this rubbish should SHUT UP.
@sarahrosewalsh @Penguina You are obviously one of those women that is dumb and doesn’t get it. You don’t NEED to tell men everything. Ask any man you know, even your brother, if he wants to hear all of a woman’s business and you will hear the answer from men. Maybe then you will believe it. But if you see that something is shooting you in the foot, that your insistence on being a big blabber mouth is driving men away, then the one that should shut up and I mean SHUT THE HELL UP, is you chicky. No man cares to hear all your b.s. and drama. For real. Nothing sexist about it, its reality. Women talk too damn much and tell too much of their business to other women and especially to men. You talk about yourselves and you tell your men too much information about your female friends and family members too. SHUT THE HELL UP!!! STOP TALKING!!!
I have no idea why women feel the need to share info about an ex (or exes). I avoid this type of information like the plague, especially in the early stages of dating. I don’t know one couple where too much information about an ex (male or female) has worked in the couple’s favor. This type of information ALWAYS causes some type of DRAMA!
Every woman I know (myself included) has found by our own or a friend’s experience that men just can’t handle this particular brand of “truth”.