You are NOT in a Relationship and He is NOT Your Man!

Women write the “Dear Ms. HeartBeat” advice column frequently, seeking help understanding why their latest “relationship” went sour.  Most times after digesting the facts, it’s clear as the nose on your face that there WAS no relationship at all.  Therefore, the writer’s expectations of fidelity, commitment or involvement were totally misplaced.  In other words, don’t get it twisted woman… he ain’t trying to be with you like that!

I’d like to share with you the three primary mistakes women make differentiating between sex-based convenience associations and loving committed relationships:

#1 Women Put Too Much Stock on Words

One of the primary tools the player has in his arsenal is a smooth tongue. Words of love flow from his lips, often within hours or days of meeting.  A woman desperate for someone to call her own will latch onto those words like a life raft.

“I have a boyfriend and he says he loves me but the problem is he never shows it. I mean, we speak with each other once every week or two.  When we meet up we speak like strangers, and he just starts to do physical things.  I really don’t know whether he just wants me for my body or if really loves me, although he says he does.”

players are smooth with witty rap and good pick up lines

Talk is cheap and means absolutely nothing unless a man’s words and actions are in sync.  In this case, his mouth is saying one thing but his behavior saying something entirely different.  Players can run game using words for months on end, but it is very difficult for them to maintain a game with his behavior for more than a few days.

Steer clear of early sexual involvement to avoid being set up as a “booty call,” no matter how many times he professes to love you.  Stay sharp, watch, look and listen carefully. If there is ever a conflict and his words aren’t matching what is happening, believe what a man DOES, not what he SAYS.

#2  Women Confuse Online Flirtations With Relationships

From its initial launch in the early 1990s, the perception of online dating has changed from wholly negative (“only desperate people do it”), to a

fully acceptable and popular way to be introduced to eligible singles. That is where it should end however, at the introduction phase. What started online has to be taken offline and into the real world as soon as possible.

“I’ve been seeing a guy online for about 3 years. He is very cool and friendly and seems like everything I want.  But he always wants me to talk dirty or to type dirty love letters. In the beginning it was funny, but now it’s getting old.  He’s supposed to come out this summer to meet, but he’s always saying he’s gonna come meet me then makes up an excuse a few weeks

before.  When I have the guts to tell him off he gets me back by telling me he misses me and loves me. I really want to make this work. I don’t want to think I’ve wasted 3 years of my life and time on this guy!”

Don't get carried away by fantasy with online dating

No matter how commonplace the fantasy of an Internet boyfriend may be, the reality is that you CANNOT DATE SOMEONE BY COMPUTER! Nothing this writer shared about her “boyfriend” sounds the least bit sincere or realistic. The man likes “hot chat” and has her around strictly as an outlet for his strange proclivities.

The Internet allows guys like this to string dozens of lonely women along with fraudulent information, flowery words and phony promises to get what they want.  Women also need to understand they DO NOT have the power to “make this work.” It is out of your hands because HE is calling the shots.  HE gets to decide if he will see you or not.  HE gets you to stay involved with him by telling you what you want to hear. HE gets and you give in these very unhealthy situations.