Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
Deborrah's Latest Posts
Why Black Women Put Professional Black Men on ‘NIGNORE’
Men write me frequently to get my take on why Black women complain that they “can’t find a good Black man” or “can’t find a Black man on my level” when they are surrounded by educated, professional Black men. It made me wonder too. Why a guy, with all the outward appearances of a highly desirable catch (college educated, established, an “on point” Black man) would be passed over by women for romance and marriage. Well, I have some answers.
Single Moms Dating Pedophiles 8/14/2010
Does love make women blind to possible dangers of assault on their children, or are these women knowingly sacrificing their children’s physical safety and mental health for a man in their bed?
Men Are Not Qualified to Lead Women or Relationships
Men feel that they should lead women because that is “how it is supposed to be.” But if we remove religion from the equation, what is it that makes men feel they must be the leader? Not intelligence, drive, ambition or skills! And if it is true, as some men say, that men are destructive when left to their own devices and need women to lead them in other directions, then who is the real leader here?
Relationships and On Point Men Discussed 7/25/2010
So you meet a Black man that has good credit, an education, owns a home, and has a viable and legal source of income. He hasn’t been in prison and he is looking for a wife. Perfect, right? Well… he considers himself to be “on point” and therefore, superior to other men. Part of his belief […]
The “On Point” Black Man, Leadership and Submission
An “on point” man has his shit together and doesn’t care about your investment portfolio, your education or your resume – he wants only to know if you are willing to pick up a bat and play on his team. Can a professional, educated Black female ever trust a man to lead?
Can We Ever Have a Drama Free Relationship?
Abandoned by his Mom as a child, a new boyfriend has issues with intimacy and has chosen crazy drama girls to date in the past. Should the new girlfriend expect changes or flee?
If You Didn’t Provide it For Yourself, It’s Not SELF Esteem!
Women with low self-esteem make poor choices in men out of fearful desperation. Women must stop allowing men to impact or control in any way their self image, and thereby damage or control their SELF esteem.
Can Exes Be Just Friends?
Can exes be friends? Sure they CAN, but what would be the point? Someone is just going to try to cock-block or get back in where you don’t want them to be, flip out with jealousy, or be all up in your business. When its over, let it be over and move on.
If You Didn’t ‘Get’ How The Black Church Keeps Black Women Single…
Though somewhat surprised by the intensity of the debate on my article on The Black Church, I am not at all shocked at the shake up the article has caused. Always a maverick and unafraid of either contentious criticism or debate, who but Deb Cooper would have the gumption to question the motives of an institution held so dear by millions of Black people across the nation? After all, if one is an avid church-goer, how likely are you to question your church on your own?
The “Stupid Muthafucka!” Gene
Some singles are so anxious for love they rush into commitments with stupid people they really don’t know much about. The older and wiser I get, the more I’ve come to realize the importance of taking the time to assess the personality, health history and attitudes of potential mates with a critical eye to their genetics. Why? Because stupidity is carried in the genes!
Does Love Make Women Stupid?
Love and females – how women deal with love, what love means to women, and the trouble women get into when they put their love of someone else in front of their love for themselves. Some women will go to any lengths to “protect” their man. Fighting, lying, criminal acts are included in some of […]
Women Are Socialized to be Codependent
My working definition of codependency is anyone involved with someone else that worries more in a role where they take care of that person and worry more about that person’s needs, wants, feelings and actions than they do their own. Aren’t women deemed to be better wives, mothers and human beings when they behave in a codependent manner and condemned as selfish bitches when they have firm boundaries?
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