Mens Right to Choose: Opting Out of Fatherhood With a Financial Abortion

. 12/09/2011 . 32 Comments

The Responsibilities and Risks of Sex

Let me give you an analogy of the risks of sex. Let’s say one night you were feeling pretty good so you took a walk on the train tracks. Now everyone has told you it’s dangerous to walk on the train tracks, and that lots of men have been hit by trains by doing so. But you decide to take a chance and walk on the tracks anyway because you’re special.

And later, when you are lying in the hospital broken and bandaged, you tell everyone that you didn’t want to get hit by a train. Sure, you heard a train coming, but you didn’t think it was really going to HIT YOU! Okay, you may say that you didn’t want to get hit by a train, but your BEHAVIOR shows that you did. You wanted to be hit by the train. You knew the train had hit lots of other folks but you walked on the tracks anyway. If you didn’t want to get hit by a train, why would you have been walking on the train tracks instead of on the road where it was safe?

Walking on the train tracks was a risk you were willing to take in spite of warnings. These are the same risks you assume when you lay down with a fertile woman of child bearing age and you have sex with her. See, when you were busy hitting on her and getting her number, grinning in her face, driving over to her house, and then pulling off your clothes to get in her bed and have sex, you weren’t thinking about 18 years of child support then! You weren’t thinking about someone with your genetic lineage running around the planet looking like you but living without you. You weren’t thinking about anything but the booty you were going to get.

Then you want to get an attitude and say she should have kept her legs closed. No fool! You should have kept your dipper behind the zipper. If you keep your sperm away from any eggs, you will never, ever have this problem and the issue of financial abortion will never be one that you have to discuss.

I don’t care how many condoms you use or how much birth control she claims she is taking or how many claims of tubal ligations or infertility she makes. Bottom line is sex is how babies are made. Sex is what will get you on the hook for child support. Sex will get you hit by the baby train.

Decision Making Equality Will Not and Cannot Exist

Though some men believe an economic abortion places them on a par with the termination of a pregnancy, in reality, there can be no equality in these two issues. The physical act of aborting a fetus is in no way comparable to a financial abortion. When a woman aborts a pregnancy, the potential life of that fetus comes to an end. Once she leaves her doctor’s office, there is no child to worry about feeding, clothing, and caring for the next 18 years. On the other hand, when a male decides that a financial abortion is his best option, he leaves behind a child who must still be loved, sheltered and cared for.

Men that desire a financial abortion believe that the mother of the child should and will assume all responsibility to meet his child’s needs. However, if she is unwilling or unable to do so by herself (due to her health or financial reasons), and needs support, responsibility transfers to a third party – someone who had no involvement in the fun of creating the child.

Black men seeking financial abortions proclaim loudly that it is not their fault if the woman is pregnant and “she should have kept her legs closed” or “she should have made me use a condom!” They believe it is not their fault if she decides to birth the child they created inside her body. They also believe it is not their responsibility to take care of the child, be involved with the child, help raise the child, nothing.

But is this battle for who is responsible fair to the child?

The Realities of Child Support

Many fathers refuse to pay child support, using the excuse that “their money” is used by “that woman” (the mother) for irrelevant things which do not pertain to the child. It amazes me that they are so petty, silly and ignorant of the true costs of raising a child. If these men were required to pay half or more of the true cost of raising that child, most would be poverty stricken.

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture 2010 estimates “the lifetime cost of raising a child is now well over $200,000 — and that doesn’t even include the cost of a college education.” Even if a father is paying $600 a month in child support (which most do not), and paying it each and every month on schedule, he is still only covering less than half of the estimated non-inflationary financial costs to raise that child, and not a penny of the sweat equity.

This figure also varies considerably depending upon the region of the country the child resides in. In major metropolitan areas like the San Francisco Bay Area, Los Angeles and New York, daycare costs for young children are more than $1200 per month; we’re not even talking about the costs of food, diapers, clothing, medical care and housing for the child.

Some fathers insist they should have the right to closely monitor where their child support goes, forcing the mother to provide receipts for each cash expenditure. The only way you can get receipts fellas, is to take custody of your child. Not everything can be quantified or monitored. Raising children is not just about food and diapers.

What about the roof over the child’s head that must be provided? The electricity, gas and water used to take care of the child? Sleepless nights and missed work days caring for sick children? Field trips, lunch money, school supplies? Gifts for friends having a birthday party? After school care for school aged children so Mom can finish her work day? Computers and toner and educational software programs? Haircuts, socks, shoes and clothes? Health insurance? Doctor visit co-payments, eyeglasses, dental cleanings and braces? Fees for school? Varsity jackets, school rings, jock straps, prom dresses, and driving lessons? Basketball or soccer equipment and uniforms? Music, art or dance lessons? How about tutors?

Fathers forget about all those things when they complain about child support payments. Some are so angry and have such a vindictive attitude towards the woman they impregnated that they demand custody of the infant child. They believe they can do as good or better a job than the mother taking care of the child. Though some men can, most cannot. They are not prepared for the time and energy it takes to raise a child and the sacrifices in free time, money and fun required to parent a child into adulthood.  When you really think about it, child support is the easy way out – you write a check and you’re done.

Because no matter how much the father contributes in support, all of those things listed above need to be paid for, and child support is just a drop in the bucket unless you are Puffy or somebody on his level. Your average Brotha ain’t ballin’ like that.

 

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14 Votes

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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