Dating Relationships: When Does Politeness End and the Farting Begin?
The friend in question felt that a man letting one rip within reach of her nose was nasty and very disrespectful. She believe that a man who farts around her is expressing that he has little to no regard for her and the budding relationship.
She thought it completely ungentlemanly and inhumane that a man would fart in her presence. She believes her man should get up and run to the bathroom or some other location in the house to cut one every time his stomach felt a little bubbly.
I was thinking knowing the average man, she wouldn’t see him much!
Growing up in a household with a crazy Dad and several brothers, farting games and jokes were a memorable part of my childhood.
Much to my mother’s dismay, my Dad would strike the most interesting poses when he let one fly. Heisman trophy winner pose – RIPPPPP. Gun finger – RIPPPP. Hand behind ear listening intently in anticipation of what was to come – RIPPPP. I still remember the time he took a few running steps and leaped into the air in a rock star air guitar pose and ripped a good loud one on the way down.
Hey I was a kid and this was great stuff!
Admittedly, intentionally farting like that would probably be considered quite rude when a couple first gets together; they need time for the fart barrier to be broken.
Others believe as Shelia does: “there are some ‘secrets’ and air of mystery that should always be maintained… and right on the top of that is how your fart smells!”
But let’s say you’ve been together six months or a couple of ye
ars. Is it realistic to expect your man to keep “company manners” forever? How would it work if your man has to be so controlled, stiff and unrelaxed around you that he can’t accidentally let one slip without having to worry about you packing up and leaving?
After all, everyone wants to feel loved and accepted for being who and what they are. Such acceptance is key for men who already worry that they don’t measure up and won’t be the knight in shining armor they feel you deserve to have.
Women can open the door to this acceptance by being more real with their men and themselves. Really ladies, how can you have sex with a man and perform the most intimate of physical acts, yet be ashamed of a fart?
And how can you even TRY to look glamorous when you have bad cramps, the flu, or your back is out? Why focus on putting on a false face when you’re being treated for an illness that makes your body bloated or your hair fall out? Wouldn’t you want your mate to know, love and accept you even if you are vomiting all over the place?
Keep this fact in mind: when someone feels judged, watched critically and condemned, they become guarded and protective. The guarded behavior required to protect themselves from your critical words or glances will cause your lover to protect his heart as well.
Love cannot grow in an environment of criticism and fear, but does well in an environment when a couple can see the humor in embarrassing situations.
Cynthia described a humorous farting escapade where she was the perpetrator.
“It was the evening of the 4th of July. I had made my bean salad and we took it over to my boyfriend’s sister’s home. His brother-in- law is a great cook who makes these wonderful meaty beef ribs. I ate quite a lot. Well later on that night when we were sleeping, I kept hearing this noise sounding like… I dunno… maybe like air being slowly let out of a balloon or something. In my dream I was focused on the balloons at the party we’d just attended., I woke up just as the sound died away. When I looked at my beau, all I could see was the whites of his eyes gleaming in the dark. I said, ‘Did you hear that?’ He said, ‘The neighbors heard that! Good thing I don’t smoke and don’t turn on a lamp, I don’t want to trigger a spark behind all those fumes!”
LOL, those beans had kicked in and he just laid there and listened to my looooooong fart. I’d never done that before or since. It was too funny!”
Dawn shared her own Tale From the Fart Crypts:
“We are vegetarians here. One evening the family ate bean burritos, and the uneaten portions left on plates was given to our 150 lb dog. So we were all in the living room watching a movie after dinner. An hour into the movie my stomach started rolling. Then I smelled the most horrible smell. The dog farted and the smell was unbelievable. I was laughing so hard that I let one off too. The dog looked at me in disgust and left the room. From that night on my boyfriend affectionately calls me “stink butt!” I can’t help it! If I start to laugh too hard I can’t keep them in!”
(continued on page 3 below)
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder
Deborrah, your funny!! LOL—I know one thing though, GUYS are notorious for lettin ’em RIP, women tend to squeeze their buttocks together and let them slowly go out–silently….XD
Truth be told Raz, I have never gotten sick from smelling someone’s fart if they happen to let one fly in my presence. I can always hold my noise or leave. And the few seconds of odious smell didn’t kill me. But if someone sneezes around me, yeah I can get sick from that.
Can I just say this entire article had me LOLOLOLOLOLOLing at my desk. Too much! But yes as the relationship grows, it would be foolish to expect that your S.O. can’t be their whole self in your presence. That doesn’t mean that folks should check their decorum at the door but still if you can’t be yourself around the person you love, then why are you there? What is the point of the relationship?
I believe ‘farting’ like other unwanted moments can only happen in 3 situations without making a habit out of it:
1. Among siblings/family were comfort zone exist
2. in a marriage or long term committed relationship, where ones in a bloom it might escape you
3. among guy friends or girlfriends in some crappy bonding moments, whether its eating too much of the wrong thing or getting wasted.
Now the 1st incident you described Dr. Cooper about the lady who’s date farted on her, its disgusting because they are still in the early stages of courting. There is something called human decency or dignity and letting your fart to the world tells me a lot about your social skills/etiquette or lack there off. What will come next, poop and piss in front of me like an animal?…heck even certain mammals have basic shame around these things.
Fortunately Hodan You don’t get to decide for the rest of the world when farting happens. Most times you probably don’t even know the person sitting next to you farted unless you smelled it. People fart all the time walking down the street in everyday life so get over it. Just because you don’t hear it doesn’t mean they aren’t farting. Its up to the individual couple to decide what is appropriate for them. We don’t know how long they dated or what. Personally I think people who can’t get over farts will always be disgusted by them even if they’ve dated the person for a year. That’s why people like you Hodan and that woman on that date, need to just go out with androids. Those nonhumanoids so they don’t ever have to be bothered by pesky little bodily functions like farts again.
perhaps you have difficulty with reading comprehension, but I was stating my own point of view and wasn’t drawing legal and social laws to dictate the boundaries of farting. For one, I could care less about who is farting while walking down the street since I don’t know them, neither am I sharing a confined space with them.
This article is about willful farting around the people in your life and when is it a comfortable zone for those involved. Hence, what my comments is based upon. If you are the kind of person who releases it everywhere, then I pity the unfortunate fools around you, but please don’t take it as a personal attack on your own moral and social boundaries. I’m just stating my own experience and the basic human decency and etiquette I luckily learned from a young age.
did not know farting was a social norm in some people’s life, but you learn something new everyday, lol.
Hodan:“perhaps you have difficulty with reading comprehension,This article is about willful farting around the people in your life and when is it a comfortable zone for those involved.”
Apparently you Hodan have difficulty with reading comprehension because this article isn’t about ‘willful farting’around people in your life and when is it a comfortable zone for those involved.
That’s up to the individual couple when they are comfortable enough with each other to break the ‘fart barrier’. She didn’t specify ‘when exactly a couple should break the fart barrier, she left that open for the couples to determine. She only mentioned it probably isn’t something couples do initially meeting each other and in the early stages of dating.
First of all there is no such thing as ‘willful farting’. A fart just like a burp or a sneeze is something the body does because it needs to perform that function. Can people ‘suppress their body’s urge to perform these functions? Yes they can but that still doesn’t make it willful. And the need for the body to do these functions doesn’t go away indefinitely just because it’s been temporarily suppressed.
Second: This article sheds light on the reality that biological unglamorous functions such farting is part of everyday relationships between two people and that it shouldn’t undermine a relationship rather it should be an accepted part of intimacy when people are comfortable with being themselves around each other. This article informs people that farting is not the evil faux pas that you and others like you are making it out to be in a relationship. People like you and others should really get over yourselves and stop categorizing farts as willful and evil.
Truth be told Raz, I have never gotten sick from smelling someone’s fart if they happen to let one fly in my presence. I can always hold my noise or leave. And the few seconds of odious smell didn’t kill me. But if someone sneezes around me, yeah I can get sick from that.
while flatulence is a natural part of life, i do believe that proper etiquette is in all circumstances is necessary when in the company of others. i am not a “letherrip” type myself but i’ve dated men that are the type. tolerance and patience is the rule of the day. my facial expression has helped to keep quite a few in line as well.
couples that spend a lot of time together, due to living arrangements and such, should definitely have discussions about the subject.
it’s not okay for anyone, regardless of dating status, to be rude publicly or privately.
Grace: ‘i do believe that proper etiquette is in all circumstances is necessary when in the company of others. i am not a “letherrip” type myself but i’ve dated men that are the type. tolerance and patience is the rule of the day. my facial expression has helped to keep quite a few in line as well.”
Wow you sound like a school marm from back in the day lol. Why do you date men who don’t match your standards of flatulence behavior?
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,… ‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’ ‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,… let’s pretend that we’re married.” Wow!… That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed. ‘Good,’ she replied, …and said… ‘Get your own f….g blanket.’
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End
Excellent article Ms. Cooper and puts a lot of things in perspective. I really can’t believe that some women would get so bent out of shape over something so minor. I hope they read this article and take note. People who are that uptight about farting are really in their own way. They are preventing themselves from experience true intimacy in a relationship. The good, the bad the smelly! lol.
On another note, I had a friend who was like that about farting. She would complain about her boyfriend’s farts. One day I was hanging out with them and she started talking about his farts. He sat there listening to her and when she took off her shoes, he said, well I never complain about your smelly feet baby and you got fonky feet, but hey they yo feet. She just sat there with her mouth open. I wonder if she still complained about his farts after that.
Wonderful article, HOWEVER, I have no interest in knowing my significant other in such a disgusting manner on a constant basis. Respect me (heck respect yourself) enough to go control your bodily functions and don’t do that mess around me. I understand one may slip out every once and awhile but to purposely pass gas in my presence is revolting and offensive and a turn off. There is nothing cute or funny about this behavior. I would lose respect for my mate / boyfriend if he constantly farted around me and probably start looking for someone who was less of a pig.
lol, I agree Kimmy.