Hey Deb. This video was much needed for the end of the year. I am one of the women you mentioned who is in my 50s who attempts foolish choices regarding males. You are so correct. Self examination is KEY. My downfall is HOPE and what APPEARS to be a ROMANTIC fella. Fortunately I have ALWAYS dodged bullets by cutting off the connection EARLY. But what I have taken from your very HELPFUL videos, especially this one, is that I have not been cutting the connection early enough. Many Thanks for your platform. You are the BOMB Miss Leo!

Angela Russell

I must say that I have been binging on your videos and you really spit the real! As a young woman in her mid 20s, your content is much needed! You tell us cold harsh truths we need to hear as women and you are funny as hell! Thanks for being a digital aunt and dropping all these gems!! I'm a big fan! ❤

Ms. E

Thanks Deb for the time that you put into the videos. I lost my mom 10 years ago when I was in my early 20s and the words you speak are a comforting dose of medicine, straight up like I imagine my mom would still be speaking to me. These are some of the most valuable videos out here for women!

T. B.

Thanks for what you do for women of all ages. This kind of content is transformational. I left my husband because he refused to lead. He thought that because I was educated and independent I did not need a leader. He was so wrong! I tried to tell him this for so many years (16 to be exact) until I got fed up and filed for divorce.

Spiritual Mama

Ms Deb, just finished reading your book. It was so spot on. Thank you for this gem. Keep pissing people off with the real. I’m so glad I wasn’t blinded by religion. Like you, I didn’t like the dogma since I was 10 knew it was a trap. Religion is not for me and I’ve been free and happy ever since I walked completely away. Thanks Sheroe!☺️

Laura Charles

Omg!!! Deb!!! Thank God for you!! Nobody on youtube tells this type of truth in their videos!!! Thanks for being a mom and a big sis to all women!!!


Thanks for this, i'm a loner type kind of guy and I love my space as well. I'm with my girlfriend who's similar to you, except that i'm head over heels for her and she feels smothered and is becoming distant. I remembered that she likes her space and alone time and I feel like this video really gave me more insight. It's not that she's cold hearted or any of that, it's that she values her space and alone time greatly, probably above everything else, and I was totally blind to it. She'll come around hopefully. Thank you.


A couple of months ago, I was dating this guy. He seemed to be correct. But I remember one time, you said that we had to be careful when someone can't take responsibility for his failure. So he started to talk about his ex, and blamed everything on her. I smiled and said "OK". When I went home, I blocked his number. End of story. Same thing with another one. He kept talking about his ex. And you said that when a man talk about a bi***, that means he's thinking about the bi***. After the date, I blocked his number. I've learned to do it more easily thanks to you.
Through your advices, I learned so much about red flags and how to not feel guilty to want what we want. my dating experiences are so much better now. I've recommended your channel to some friends. We don't have nobody like you here in Paris. You don't know how amazing your job is ❤️ Thank you so much ❤️

Flora MHK

Deb your videos have helped me so much. I actually shared your videos with my friend who was dealing with a man like this. He groomed her as a teenager. She’s 20 and he’s 42. I couldn’t find the words to explain to her how bad her situation was. She watched your channel and a week later left his house when he went to the corner store and is staying in a DV shelter. I share your videos with as much women as I can. You put me up on so much game. Love you Deb


Hello Ms. Cooper, my name is Marvin Smitty Smith. I've just discovered your site, and I enjoy your posts; there's a lot of good information, and some good laughs too. I just read the "Ho Test", and I think both men and women need to read it. In fact, I'm going to e-mail it to a very good lady friend of mine.

Marvin Smith

Hi there Ms. Cooper:

I am Pamela and I have been wanting to tell you how much I enjoy your insight and wisdom as it pertains to dating and relationships. For a while I have been looking for your email address because I wanted to send you a BIG THANK YOU for your commentary on the black church keeping black women single. You are so en pointe and I applaud you!

You're absolutely wonderful and fill a niche market about relationships: black singles. Yet, your wisdom applies across the board which is nice. I imagine that you are quite busy so I won't continue on. But, if I were granted a wish, it would be to chat with you! Please keep up the good work. Goodbye for now. I remain, sincerely, Pamela


Deborrah, I want to thank you for this website. Your writing and delivery method is one of the best I've seen on the web. You've said alot of what I think but cannot find the words to articulate. I've even opened myself to dating men of other races and find it to be suprisingly rewarding. Please keep up the good works and continue stand your ground!

Atlanta, GA

Several years ago, you provided me with a short, direct advice that has proven to be a turning point in my life, and I still feel enormous gratitude towards you for that. Now, I am happily married with three kids. Thank you very much, I wish you all the best for this New Year 2011!

A Happy Man

Hi Deborrah! I have been reading some of your articles and they are interesting and insightful. Thank you for taking the time to share.


I just wanted to add that I was socialized to believe that I needed a man to make me happy. Although no one ever told me those exact words as I was growing up, I know I didn't get these ideas from nowhere. So thank you again for your insight!


Dear Ms Cooper,

I write about this email below.
I would like to tell you that I followed your advice. I have got out of this relationship.
I feel reborn, not bound to any stupid non-sense commitment. And I feel a brand new respect for myself which I hadn't felt for ages...
I am dreadfully sorry for my ex-girlfriend, but I am not hurt. It was absolutely the correct thing.
Partly, your email triggered the action.

Eternal thanks

Pedro M., from Madrid, Spain

Pedro M.

Dear Deborrah,

Thank you for the frank and wise advice. I feel as though you were on target. To be honest the very act of just writing you and listing the positives about the relationship between my girlfriend and me was very reassurring. As I said, as time goes on I feel more and more sure of our relationship. Yet and still there are those little nagging questions like an itch that you just can seem to scratch, but you have certainly put every thing into perspective.

I appreciate your insight and candor. There is an old folk tale about a wealthy man with a younger, beautiful wife. One of the the man's servants observes the wife acting strangely and hears voices coming from her room.

In an act of loyalty he tells his master that he suspects that the wife has lover. At first the man is furious and storms into her room. He notices that his wife acts strangely protective over a large chest that he doesn't quite riecognize. It is large enough to conceal a man. He demands that his wife opens the chest. She protest her breach of privacy and professes her love. He presses the matter and finally she caves in, obviously hurt by her husband's lack of trust.

The man seeing this, orders four of his servants to take the chest to the far reaches of his estate and bury it, and the two never speak of it again. I feel as though your encouraging counsel will help me to do what is best and bury the past.

One thing is certain. I am blessed to have my girlfriend in my corner.

Thanks again



I read the whole article about the Ho Test. You are absolutely right. I am being tested now, as I type this. I am failing miserably. That is why I had to end the "What can I get out of her without a commitment" and the "Booty Call" Test tonight. Thanks for the advice and I love your web site. It is the most honest site that I have been on.

T. Williams

Thanks so much. You have helped me look at things a little bit better. I applaud your every effort to help us all black men and women, cuz Lord we need it. I want a good man, and I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes. I'm worthy of it. I'm just mad that my man is still bullshitting after he almost lost his life. I would think that he would look at life and be more appreciative, but hey you can lead a horse to the water. . .

Thank you again. I will highly recommend you to all my friends. You are a strong black women, you go girl. . .

Chanel J. Clark

Chanel Clark

I absolutely loved the 'ho test article! It was such an inspiration. I hope young girls across the world read each and every question and answer.

This way, more girls will be on the lady side!!!!

I hope you are still around when my infant daughter comes of age, and she looks for a female role model (other than my self). keep up the good work.



I just want to send my kudos to Ms. HeartBeat. I am a 43-year-old professional woman who has been there and done that in all kinds of relationships. Ms. HeartBeat knows what she is talking about. If her advice could only be given to high-school kids, before they start making stupid mistakes, a great deal of life's pain and confusion could be avoided. I encourage her to continue on her path, and maybe mention once in awhile that the pursuit of an education is a terrific alternative to fantasy relationships--for both men and women. Ms. HeartBeat is wise, real and down-to-earth. It is refreshing to read her words. I very much appreciate her mind and her wisdom.

D. Bartholomew

D. Bartholomew

Thank you so much for replying to my question. Your advice is excellent and the points you brought up reassured me that this is a feasable situatioin.
It's not everyday that that someone can come across a person like you, a person who truly cares about her fellow human being. I really feel that everyone on this earth can learn a great deal from you. I don't know if you believe in Jesus, but you are truly following in his footsteps. Once again, my gratitude is endless you really made my day.

Stay Blessed,
Wes Nelson

Wes Nelson

Thanks for that advice, that was something that I really needed to hear. It really made me think about the guys that I am chasing after. They are all shit. I let the goods ones pass me by becasuse of them. Also I acknowledge that it is what is on the inside because I have been looking at outside appearances way too much.

Sweet N Sensual



My name is Diana. I just read your part 2 on Commitment series. I just wanted to thank you for the great article. It showed intelligence and insight into the male mind.

I recently asked my therapist about why my live in boyfriend was scared of commitment. She had none of the depth of insight that you have. I truly appreciate the information. I also enjoyed the humor and the fact that it was so well written.

I've learned in life that is important to acknowledge others work, especially excellent work. I even printed the next in the series without reading it first (this is unprecedented, since I'm a teacher who has to think twice before copying anything, since I use so ink on educational material). Thank you for the valuable work you are doing to help of the opposite sex get along better.


Diana Munoz

Dear Ms. Heartbeat,

Thank you for your advice. I wrote about my wife who refused to smoke around me or in the house when I didn’t mind and it kept us apart. I had tried to reason with her that I was OK with her smoking but she wouldn’t believe it. I loved the humor in your advice.

“Alternatively, you can just walk out there, grab her cigarette, puff on it in front of her (don't inhale!), then drag her ass back into the house and tell her THIS IS WHERE YOU SMOKE FROM NOW ON.”

I actually did that and it surprised the hell out of her. It made us both laugh. We talked about it and my wife now knows that I want to be married and I love her cigarettes and all. As a matter of fact I think my wife is very sexy when she smokes. Our house smells like a smoker now, but hey that’s OK, cause I got my wife back.



Dear Ms. Deborrah,

Hello there. I just want to say that your advice was like FOOD FOR MY SOUL!!! I feel like I have a sense of direction now. I would like you to know a little bit about me if you have time. I haven't been with very many men in my life, I married my high school sweetheart and you are aware of what happened with him. We were together for 10 yrs. After that I was alone for about a year and I met my present man. So I don't have a whole lot of experience on the subject. However, I want to commend you on your words of wisdom. I will be honest, I expected you to say for me to just get rid of him and go on with my life. Chances are I wouldn't have gone along with that and I would have still been miserable and eventually end the relationship on a sour note. (Or have the relationship end for me!) Now, I have a better concept of what I am dealing with in terms of my man. As old as I am, (33) most people would think that I should know what to do but I just don't! Thank you for lending me an electronic ear and possibly saving something REAL. Thank you for taking time to muse over the situation and giving me some REAL advice. You, my dear are a REAL woman and sister friend. I felt nothing but release after reading your advice because now I think I can take over the steering wheel instead of letting my lack of experience and my emotions drive me crazy. I do plan to get my house in order and I hope you won't mind if I let you know how things go later on. Thank you once again for giving me some positive, real and thought provoking advice and truly giving me a framework for not only my relationship but also my life. You take care sister friend!


Hi Deborrah,

Just wanted to say thanks for the advice. It validates how I was feeling about this situation. It was exactly how I feel and you made a lot of good points that I never thought of. You really helped me see the light and realize I need to stand strong on this because I was about to fold. Thanks again and i'll keep you in mind whenever I need advice.



Thank you for your timely responce. I appreciate the clarity you have brought to the situation. You are right on all points. I have recently been saved and I know I was a bit wild in my past. I didn't want to pass judgement on anyone doing what I used to be doing. However, you hit the nail on the head with you advice. Thank you

Stay Blessed


I read the reply you posted on your website, and I just wanted to send an email to thank you for taking the time to put your own thought into it. In my mind I was thinking... I knew, exactly what you said. I just didn't want to listen to myself. Spending 6 months in Baghram, then coming back to the States, and having the chance to go home and visit my family and friends. A new set of emotions, jumbled my thoughts. In my mind, I just wanted to believe that this was a big fairy tale, and that their was going to be a big dramatic happy ending. And I didn't want to believe anything else. But I understand that this is one of the many things that won't go as I'd hoped it would. That I should count my loses, and press on. But again I thank you for taking the time to give your two cents, I really appreciate it.


Dover Military Base

Just to follow up - your advice on how to handle his relationship fears worked! We are now 6 months into a committed relationship and are on a wonderful vacation in Maui. You are an advice GODDESS! Thanks again!


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