Why Women Ignore Men

| 03/09/2010 | Comments (116)

With nothing intelligent to do with my time, I decided to wander into a local eatery for a happy hour snack and beverage. I’ve discovered that happy hour is a great place to meet people, and it provides wonderful opportunities for me to ask questions and stay abreast of the astonishing things going on in the minds of single men and women in the dating world.

So I parked my bodacious butt on a stool, and ordered nachos and a margarita. Recognizing me from a few weeks ago, a gentleman ran over to my table to ask how my research was going and what fascinating things I’d learned about the opposite sex since we last spoke. He and I chatted for a few minutes, then he whispered that he had a question for me.

“Shoot!” I said.

“Women seem to spend a lot of time intentionally ignoring men, not giving eye contact, paying zero attention…being totally self-absorbed, etc.” he said. “How do you notice guys? Does a guy ever catch your eye?”

[Did I say astonishing? Perhaps “jaw droppingly unfuckingbelievable” would be more appropriately descriptive.]

Taking a big swig of my tasty beverage, I had to explain to the young man (who was at least 35 and should know better) that women are not self-absorbed, men are.

Really, for him to think that because he showed up there should be a drum roll, house lights would dim, and all eyes would be on him is a fantasy and a dream.

Apparently he believed because he was there and wanted female attention, women were supposed to drop whatever they were thinking about or doing and make him the focus of their existence. Talk about a sense of entitlement!

It took every ounce of control I had not to laugh in his face. Sometimes I even surprise myself with my restraint.

Politely I asked him where he got the notion that he was a God. What I really wanted to say was “what a dork, can you get a clue?!”

Guys need to understand this – Women look at men when they are interested, and completely ignore you when they are not.

If a woman is not looking at YOU, that means she is not interested in YOU for whatever reason she has. She could already have a boyfriend, a husband, or someone she is focused on making her boyfriend.

Could be that she is thinking about the job interview she has in an hour, the hot date she has tonight and what to wear, worrying about her sick mother, the cost of her upcoming vacation, when the Midol is going to kick in and these cramps go away, or be fighting back tears as she is upset about the fight she had a few minutes ago with her sister.

Believe it or not, women have a lot to think about that does not have anything to do with men.

What men also don’t understand is that women have “check you out” skills that are comparable to light speed. Unlike men, we don’t have to stare for 5 minutes to get the whole picture. A woman can glance at you and in less than 3 seconds assess your confidence, body build and fitness, attitude, hygiene, marital status, intelligence, health, physical prowess, social skills, financial status, and thus, her interest.

If she looks then looks away and NEVER LOOKS AT YOU AGAIN, you didn’t make the cut. Move on.

Now if she looks at you a second time, she has questions and is looking deeper.

If she looks a third time and smiles, you’ve caught her eye and you need to seize the opportunity presented. Women will make eye contact with men they feel are on their level, and prefer not to encourage those that don’t stand a chance.

Accept that women’s worlds do not revolve around men and no woman owes you her attention, time, conversation or even a smile. If you get a woman’s attention, feel blessed. Single women are not here to make every guy feel better about himself, only the man she deems worthy.

And that may or may not be you.

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," and "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on Examiner.Com, SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Men's Issues

97 comments
Anonymous 1
Anonymous 1

Well, I know how men want attention. My my mom says my step father is jealous of the attention my mother gives me. I am 26 now, but that is the way men have always been to her. I now how it is when women neglect me, or feel silence is a response. A fact is women are becoming more prevalent in all parts of society. If you want the attention you imagine there might be ways to get it. I have heard fo places in Central America and South, as well as the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Also there are brothels in America. Ultimately you can respond in your own way to the rejection. Women don't seem to care about how it feels to be left hanging without any sort of decency even the comment about right to carry weapons. Wow, I mean that one was nuts. Women can defend themselves, but to think someone is aggressively coming on is paranoia and they might need medications for that. "Legalizing prostitution would reduce rape cases in the U.S. by %25" Should Prostitution Be Legalized in the U.S. Well, since we all have some kind of "F U" attitude. Without a prenup a woman is entitled to half of the marital assets. Well, so I am ignored left to focus on my future and making myself happy, then a woman comes along and says now you're ready, because my insurance policy is set up.

BFC
BFC

I don't understand all the men showing up to argue about this topic. The fact of the matter is this: a woman will either be interested in a man who approaches her or not. That's the long and short of it. No one - male or female - is OBLIGATED to be interested in anyone else. No one has a RIGHT to be a part of someone else's personal life. Those who are too damaged to accept this fact will probably get themselves either arrested or shot.

Concealed carry laws are sweeping the nation, and I know quite a few BW in my town who are planning to take advantage of that law as soon as it passes here, so that they no longer have to live in FEAR of the "Let me holla at you" / "Give me you phone number OR ELSE" psychopaths anymore.

The smartest thing that a man can do, if he is GENUINELY interested in meeting women for a relationship, is ask his family members and/or friends to set him up on blind dates. THAT is how you meet interested women. Simple and safe.

frankjum12
frankjum12

Men approaching strange women for romantic interest, hmm? Yes that’s what it’s about in most situations but it’s not always the case. Sometimes guys are actually looking to help or are in need of help from what we consider to be a friendly face. For instance:

The time I pulled up next to an attractive woman at a stoplight. I’d noticed something about her car and wanted to point it out to her. I gestured to her to roll down her window and she refused. I tried again and she reluctantly rolled it down and barked ‘What?’ I said ‘you left your gas cap off Ms. Friendly’ and pulled away. Sure, it could’ve been a bad day for her but we all have them and there is no reason to be rude from the start.

Another time I was in a food quarters near my job and happened upon an attractive lady’s ID badge. I picked it up, saw the photo and then looked around to see if the lady was nearby. I noticed a woman a few seats down sitting alone and assumed that it was her. I said ‘Excuse me Miss’ and she turned around and quickly turned away. Again, ‘Excuse me, ma’am…are you ___ Lin?’ Very annoyed she turned around and said ‘Yes, but I just want to be left alone.’ I say ‘OK’ and placed the ID on the table and walked away. There were no apologies for her rude behavior, no ‘thanks stranger’ nothing but a chilly attitude.

While I agree that it is wrong to assume that when men don’t get attention from women for whatever reason to simply label them as bitchy or self-absorbed, I also believe it is extremely self-absorbed for women to assume that the only reason unfamiliar men seek their attention is because of romantic interest.

Oh yeah…

I agree that women are great at assessing a man’s body build and fitness, confidence, hygiene, marital status (left hand, duh) and possibly their physical prowess within a few seconds. Men are pretty good at this too (maybe even better). For ANYONE to suggest that they can accurately assess the attitude, intelligence, health, social skills and financial status of a person just by looking at them is laughable.

zz777
zz777

When a man radiates masculinity ---he is radiating because that is who he is inside!  The inner work that he has done to tame ego, increase kindness, give love, and develop a connected perspective , make him attractive to all people but especially so to women!  So there is no "end of the day" for the man who RADIATES he is to busy living "in the moment of the day" to worry about outcomes -- the abundance that comes from developing this living "in the moment"  heart and mindset, (MOSTLY HEART) is more than his reward ,it is his constant companion!  He has no NEED for a woman to complete him---- only a strong desire to share what HE IS with a woman who has made her own wise choices!

zz777
zz777

all very true ,but men have the right to be just as choosy in who they give eye contact to and in who they smile at.  Social norms say that women are the prize that men must  woo and win, but the tables can easily be turned when a man stops begging and starts radiating masculinity!

 

frankjum12
frankjum12

I think the writer is waaay being too extreme towards the guy who asked her the question. Seems he was simply trying to get some insight on why women seem to be very impersonal to men a lot of the time. I don't think the guy meant that he expected women to fawn over him at all times.

This approach to answering a fair question reeks of the typical blog writer who goes out of their way to paint a shallow picture of a person, thing, subject, etc... simply to make their argument more appealing. The meat of her answer was excellent, her imaginary assessment of the guy's reason for the question not so much.

Doogan
Doogan

Ian32, note that she said "light speed" not "laser accuracy".

All people, men and women, form snap judgments when they first see someone. The only way to determine accuracy is through experience. Some people are good at sizing up a stranger, some not so much. Some will learn from their errors and improve, some will make the same mistakes over and over again.

Think about it: How long do you have to look at a woman before you decide whether she's attractive?

Though I believe Deborrah is misinterpreting why men often take more time to evaluate. A woman can rely on snap judgments because her decision is simpler. All she has to decide is whether a man is worth a few moments of her time. A man often has to do a bit more scouting because he's the one making the approach. Most women will ignore a strange man trying to get her attention. A man has to tailor his approach if he wants to get past that initial evaluation.

Some men can pull off the three-second checkout and approach. But such men are usually hard-core players.

Razzy
Razzy

Bottom line is men can’t accept this sentence from the article: ‘’Women look at men when they are interested, and completely ignore you when they are not’.

 

These men are just angry that they’ve been ignored  by the women they wanted to attract and to make their fragile little egos feel better, they have to put down the woman because ‘she didn’t give him the time and attention he felt he deserved simply because he wanted it’.  They can't accept that she ignored him, because she wasn't interested.  So the men are really the ones who are self absorbed with their sense of entitlement. 

 

Men need to accept that they aren’t entitled to attention from a woman that interest them.  She doesn’t owe him the time of day. Just because he finds her attractive and wants to get with her, doesn’t mean she has to respond to that.  That doesn’t make her self absorbed or stuck up.  It just makes her a woman he doesn’t even know, who doesn’t want him.. that’s it and that’s all.  Men need to accept that and move it along.

Violets Mommy
Violets Mommy

Its true. If I see a man walking, and you can see them a mile away, that your not interested in I don't even bother, I look at the ground or turn to a store window. I notice men esp where I live will look at any woman with a big booty, she doesn't even have to be cute. On the other hand If I see someone cute I will assess  from there. It really can't be rejection if you have nothing vested in the person or the encounter

Raz zy
Raz zy

@Anonymous 1  Whoever you are, you must be off your meds because your comment is all over the place off on some tangent that has absolutely nothing to do with the article. Either you didn't read the article and only responded to the title that you read, or your reading comprehension skills are seriously lacking.  

KeshiaDavis
KeshiaDavis

@frankjum12 Well, I see a number of errors in your thinking. First, why did you assume her gas cap being off was your business? What were the ethnic demographics of both of you? Most WW are more independent and more conservative, and BM coming up to them to force help on them is not welcome. If someone is so stupid as to leave the cap off, then they need to learn from the consequences of their own actions. Maybe she left it off for a deliberate reason, or maybe it was stolen. Telling an intelligent person the obvious is offensive to them. When you help an intelligent person who doesn't ask you for help first, you are in essence calling them dependent or stupid. Many White women communicate mostly by hints, and approaching a stranger at all is a hint, and forcing unwanted help on someone is a hint. I am a woman who wants ALL strangers to leave me alone. If I want contact, I will reach out to my family or chosen, existing friends. If I didn't deliberately choose you as a friend first, you are not my friend and have no right acting "friendly" to me.


You mentioned the woman was attractive? Why did you do that? Why would it matter if you merely wanted to help them as an equal, just like giving advice to another man? You thought you could make an unwanted intrusion, treat her like she was stupid, and she would fall head over heels in love with you?


The woman was not being rude. You were. She was in HER SPACE and lost in her thoughts as nearly ALL women are when alone. She was not put there for you, and thus you were the one who bothered her and violated her private time. I bet again that she was White. White women have more need for solitude and alone time. BM always seem to be patronizing, overly helpful (a type of control), and treat others like idiots. She probably laid her ID where you found it for her own private reasons, and she had the right to leave it there and expect it to stay there. If you didn't put it there, it is not your job to remove it. Why should she apologized for standing up for herself, and why would she owe you thanks for something she didn't ask for nor appreciate.


Actually, everyone is supposed to be self-absorbed. When you are alone in public, you are only supposed to pay attention to you and your thoughts, and nobody has a right to approach you or break into your thoughts. If a woman is intelligent and enjoying being alone, and she has all the family and friends she wants, then you are violating her if you approach her and don't already know her. If you have no "romantic interest" then don't say or do anything to us you would not say to another man. If you feel you have to treat us differently, then you are veering into romantic interest.


Whether you like it or not, most women you see are happy with their lives and don't want anyone else. Most won't even like you, and they have that right. The street is just for traveling, and a restaurant is just for eating, and a woman should have a right to use either only for their intended purposes. Attractive or not, ALL women deserve the same space and full autonomy over their lives as men.



Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 For ANYONE to suggest that they can accurately assess the attitude, intelligence, health, social skills and financial status of a person just by looking at them is laughable."

 

Men can't do this but women (especially observant intelligent women) can easily do this.  Men can't do this because when they are looking at an attractive woman, they observe  her through the 'eyes of their dycks. And we all know a dyck has no eyes. 

 

"I also believe it is extremely self-absorbed for women to assume that the only reason unfamiliar men seek their attention is because of romantic interest"

 

Your *two* examples of the time you sought out women to give a helping hand that was not romantically (according to you) motivated does not invalidate the facts that most times men do seek out women for romantic reasons.  (Men may not even admit this to themselves).  When you found the badge, why didn't you turn it in to the people in the store instead of seeking out a woman sitting alone and 'assuming the badge was hers?"  When you saw the 'attractive woman' driving down the street, why didn't you just leave it alone?  Most cars these days have attached gas caps and the gas hole inside of the car is closed, so even if one leaves a gas cap up, that won't mean gas will leak out of the car.  The woman would have discovered this sooner or later.  

 

Even you won't admit to yourself the 'real reason' you sought out those two women.  Women get hit on ALL the time by men, many times a day.  They get tired of it. For many 

men the main reason they approach a woman to 'help' her is because they found her attractive and was hoping to get her attention/interest even under the guise of 'helping her'.  Women can tell just by looking at a man's eyes, his face, she can see the 'personal interest and attraction he feels for her coming through loudly and clearly because you guys broadcast that interest even when you aren't aware that you do. Women can tell just by how a guy looks at her and she can tell it at a glance.

 

So whether you like it or not, 99.999% of the time, when a man approaches a strange woman, it's because he finds her attractive.

 

 

Razzy
Razzy

 @zz777 "He has no NEED for a woman to complete him---"

 

Nobody ever said he did.  However when a dude sees a woman he is attracted to, in that moment, he has every "NEED" to try to meet that woman.  His attraction for her drives his need to meet her.  She's not obligated to reciprocate his wants/need/desires just because he feels them no matter how much masculinity he radiates'.  

 

It is still up to the woman to respond.  She is either interested in him or she isn't. Maybe his masculinity isn't turning her on so she brushes him off. Maybe another dude's masculinity turns her own.  Guys don't control that.

Razzy
Razzy

 @zz777 "but the tables can easily be turned when a man stops begging and starts radiating masculinity!"

 

What do you mean by a man 'radiating masculinity'?  Explain in detail. 

A man can radiate all he wants (whatever that means) at the end of the day, who is he radiating for?  A woman or a man?  If it's for a woman, then he still has to 'attract her attention and hope that she responds to all of his 'radiation' (lol)

 

Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 "Seems he was simply trying to get some insight on why women seem to be very impersonal to men a lot of the time. .."

 

If  that guy had simply asked the author ‘How do you notice guys?  Does a guy ever catch your eye?  Then that would have been a dude who genuinely wanted to gain some insight into about women.  But this is not what that dude said. He had already made his judgement that women are self absorbed and they ignored men.  He'd already made an assumption, that just because women didn’t respond to him because ‘he wanted their attention’ then they must be ‘ignoring him, or self absorbed’.  So what do you make of his judgement of women?  He does have a sense of entitlement.  When a woman doesn’t give him the time and attention he wants when he wants it, he then attributes negative character traits to her.  It does make him come off as arrogant and expecting women to fawn all over him just because he wants them to. 

Ian123
Ian123

 @Doogan Well  thanks for your reply Doogan. I think you managed to avoid accusing me and men of being 'immature', 'angry', 'egotistical', having a sense of entitlement, 'self absorbed', being a toddler, having low self esteem, not being able to face reality and on and on...

 

Can anyone see why I called misandry on this post? :)

Too Smart To Fail
Too Smart To Fail

I've seen too many ugly men with woman, I can't say the same for the opposite sex.

BFC
BFC

Exactly! How can you be rejected by a complete and total stranger? @Violets Mommy 

frankjum12
frankjum12

Ok two more laughable things here:

1) The extremely lofty ‘statistic’ pulled completely out of thin air…99.999%? C’mon now.

2) Your argument from authority...'men can't do this but women can...blah, graphic accusation, blah, blah…' Basically, this is how it is because I say so! C’mon now. This is a healthy conversation that deserves a more detailed explanation of where you’re coming from.

You mocked my *two* examples of how some women can often behave way too impersonal, chilly and yes…self-absorbed, but where is your evidence of how ANY woman can accurately assess attitude, health, social skills and financial status? I’ll take video, quotes from books on the subject or simply a good old fashioned story.

Why did I seek out the person instead of giving it to the store? First of all, we were in a food court so….? Second, even if we were in a store I say giving it directly to the person, if possible, is actually the safest and most logical course of action. We generally tend to trust our own eyes and ears first and foremost.

And the gas cap? 'The woman would've discovered this sooner or later???' I agree, still nothing wrong with pointing it out. I do the same thing when I see people with their lights off at night to avoid being pulled over. It's called being a caring person.

A few questions: Are you suggesting that men go through life avoiding interactions with attractive women unless they are romantically interested in them? How about when I asked the overweight, bad hair day girl if she wanted my seat on the bus the other day what was I doing? Does my reasoning change upon the level of the girl’s attractiveness? Do you consider yourself attractive? Do you base all strangers’ interactions with you off of your theory? If so, I believe you may be just as egotistical as the guy who assumes that women are self-absorbed because they ignore him. “I’m so fine that I choose to ignore each new man that I come across.” The choice is indeed yours. The reasoning behind it is flawed.

If women actually did know how to decipher all these things from the giddy-up I think it’s fascinating and would like to see it put to the test. Still, it flies in the face of hundreds of thousands of surprise deaths, breakups, divorces, bad marriages and women who plain ol catch the Vapors (see Biz Markie) all over the world. If women truly think like this then we have a lot of female Special Agent Dave Kujan’s out there. Women who are far too judgmental for their own good.

By the sheer number of your replies to comments here I take it you are the writer of this article. Good job because I actually really enjoy the debate it’s sparked. Still, your approach to this suggests that you have an Us vs. Them mentality when dealing with women/men issues. Be careful because this can lead to arguments driven from mere circumstance (whether you are a male or female) and with that none of us learn.

zz777
zz777

 @Razzy 

You are right--a woman has no obligation whatsoever to reciprocate when a man pursues, but a man has no obligation whatsoever to pursue just because a woman has given him an invite--he may be attracted to numerous women and he may be able to "turn the tables" and cause the women that he is interested  in to pursue him and take the risk of rejection, -- if he is strong enough. --so guys do not have any control over a woman`s right to reject when they pursue--but they do have the power to change the pursuit dynamic if they have enough belief  in themselves!

bobati
bobati

 @Razzy Right, it saddens me that when a woman acts uninterested she is "self absorbed" or a "bitch"

but when a man acts uninterested, he is "just not that into you" 

 

society has brainwashed men into thinking they can and WILL have whoever they want and that women are nothing but slaves to men. Women are not allowed to have taste or standards, they are supposed to dumbly follow any man who gives them the time of day. 

Razzy
Razzy

 @Ian123  @Doogan "Can anyone see why I called misandry on this post:?"

 

Males like you always do that.  Whenever women say something about your character that you don't like, she is supposed to be a man hater.  You fail to look at yourself and how you come across.  There is a world of difference between you and Doogan.  Doogan comes off as a mature man who  does not have a fragile ego and does not take it personally if a woman isn't interested in him.  He even wondered why this was a discussion. 

 

You on the other hand chose to be offended at the thought of women having check you out skills that allowed them to size a man up quickly, whereas men don't seem to display those judgements as quickly when they pursue a woman. "  You took that an in your mind, created an argument about men being inferior to woman.  All of this DOES in fact speak to low self esteem and fragile ego.  How you take something has everything to do with your mindset and nothing to do with the author's. 

The thought of a woman having an ability that gives her an edge when it comes to dating and mating rubbed you the wrong way.  You didn't like that.  You like to think that it is the man who has the edge. 

So yes, you come off as overly sensitive and whiny.  Whereas Doogan comes off as confident and mature.  It's not misandry, it is just there are very foew Doogans, (unfortunately) and lots of Ians type of men that women have to deal with.

Too Smart To Fail
Too Smart To Fail

Men hate rejection, but woman hate rejection and competition even more so.
There are plenty of available pretty girls, more so than attractive available men, so don't worry guys, she'll eventually settle for an uglier guy than you if she ignores you.

Too Smart To Fail
Too Smart To Fail

@BFC @Violets Mommy 

It was stated earlier, woman assess in milliseconds.
And you guessed it, guys do too.
Just like I can tell from a mile away if a woman is too fat and ugly for my liking.
I'll just stare at the hot babe or not look at her so she doesn't think I'm interested in her even though she believes all men want sex so all guys must want her.
She's a complete stranger and I rejected her a mile away, same with girls. 

KeshiaDavis
KeshiaDavis

@zz777 @Razzy - Then men should ignore those women too, no matter what, and maybe they will give up this stupid sh*t of giving false signals. Women who give false signals deserve to be lonely for being manipulative like that. I have no interest in others in that capacity at all, and am sick of men who think I am playing hard to get. This whole concept of "needing" another person turns me off. I just want the freedom to run my own life and be ignored. Everything I wear, eat, do, or say is just for me. I'm not fresh meat, and I am nobody's property. For someone to notice me at all, they are saying they own me and thus have a right to notice me. Many men try to twist my innocent behaviors into other things. Like if I am out late in the evening buying computer parts, my being out is not any communication of sexual interest. To me, all times of day are the same. Or, there was the time I was speaking to a friend behind a building. I was only taking a shortcut. After that, some other man kept following me with his truck. In anger and disgust, I yelled out, "Why do you think I'm some f**king wh*re?" He replied, "I saw you talking to that man." So what? He was a person I knew a long time, and nothing we ever say to each other is romantic nor sexual in the least.


Or take the time I was checking out my new glasses to see if the Rx was right. I would cover alternating eyes and compare. Anyone, someone outside my ethnic group arrived at the intersection and thought I was making eyes at him. I forgot what I said, maybe, "Can't a woman check her glasses without someone trying to pick her up? I'm not a d*mn wh*re!" For some reason, men of ethnic minorities seem to think everything a woman does is for them and can't seem to understand the fact there are women like me who expect to get the luxury and privilege of living alone forever. To have ANY person living with you is to be controlled. To live alone is absolute freedom. I can keep the place as messy as I want, leave whatever lights on, go when I want, eat what I want, even choose when and if I brush my teeth. Most people are brainwashed into being enslaved to other people, and most are too stupid and weak to pull off living alone and really enjoy it as I do.

KeshiaDavis
KeshiaDavis

@Razzy I agree with you. I don't know why men are obsessed with proof when most women are more in the realm of emotion and sharing. I will take exception to one thing you say. Straight men do get hit on by gay men on occasion, and they do nothing to send out any signals. The factor is not a man's orientation, but the number of gay men around him.

KeshiaDavis
KeshiaDavis

@zz777 @Razzy Then he should only approach those he both likes and are giving him signals. Desperation is the biggest turnoff. And there are women like me who have NO romantic nor sexual attraction to anyone, and when I don't look at anyone nor give off signals, I mean just that. Just take me literally and forget all the pro-forma junk. I just want the right to ride my bike (my sole transportation) into town, buy things for my complete family of one person, without men approaching, particularly not men outside my race, nor men who are poor or have ANY vices. I grew up doing ALL the right things I was told to do, and now all the trash who grew up using drugs, breaking laws, sleeping around, all want to get with me. I often barricade myself in my own home and go days without eating because I am afraid of men approaching me, when I've never had that interest. I am afraid the next time one of these low-life, sex-saturated, black, drug-using, drunk, criminal scum come onto me, notice me, or call out to me, I might just do something that will get me put away for life. My only love is computers and science, as well as my own freedom and getting to call every little shot and getting to do EVERYTHING for myself in my life, my OWN WAY, and WITHOUT help of ANY kind. Why is that too much to ask just because I am an asexual woman born with the birth defect of TSism and who doesn't drive? I may be on a fixed income, but I have ALL the SAME middle to upper class values I was raised with and wish to keep my entire life, and the religious fundamentalism I deliberately chose for me and wish to keep forever.

Too Smart To Fail
Too Smart To Fail

@Razzy

The guy may be in demand and the woman knows she isn't the only woman who knows he has options, so he can be selective and/or hard-to-get believe it or not.
He might be a top-notch dude with the whole package and only a foolish woman would convince herself he really isn't, which is self-rejection anyway.
You mentioned he's not the only dude in town.
You're right, just the most desirable one.


Too Smart To Fail
Too Smart To Fail

@zz777

Woman ignore men they are really interested in.
Woman act disinterested when they indicated interest and it was not reciprocated to save face.
I agree with both assessments.

Razzy
Razzy

 @zz777 "If the woman believes that the man has understood her intent, and the man chooses not to approach her or respond to her signals--many women will then ACT disinterested.."

 

As well she should. No woman should pant and act desperate behind some dude who has shown her that he isn't interested in her when she has shown him that she is interested in him.  She SHOULD act disinterested in him, keep it moving....NEXT. He ain't the only dude in town. He has a right to make a choice, and she can accept it and turn her interest elsewhere, which means showing disinterest in him'.

BFC
BFC

 @Razzy  @frankjum12 It's nothing more, or less, than gas lighting. People who engage in this behavior tend to hate my guts, because no one has ever been successful in making me question my own perceptions (not even my parents). I have never been wrong in my assessment of anyone's character or intentions. EVER. Too many women allow themselves to be convinced that what they know to be true is wrong. Glad to see you are also "gas light" proof.

zz777
zz777

 @Razzy Or maybe the Dude is just very selective, and chooses to approach when he wants to--not just because a woman gives him the go ahead signals. Some MEN also get hit on continually by women (it goes both ways) --they get bombarded with hint, innuendo, and subtle invites.(Womens way of approaching romantically) If the woman believes that the man has understood her intent, and the man chooses not to approach her or respond to her signals --many woman will then ACT disinterested (and they are superb actresses) as a means of saving face! So, a lot of men to thick to pick up on the initial attraction signals can only see the disinterest from the woman at this point ,and believe the woman actually dislikes them. They are only seeing half the picture, and unfortunately for them --the wrong half

Razzy
Razzy

 @Morning Rain  @frankjum12 

@morning rain.  This is so true.  I get hit on just about every day in any innocuous situation.  Men do it with their facial expression, their looks, even if they don't say a word, they look at women in a sexual way and a woman can tell just by the way the man is looking at her that he is attracted.  A woman who is not interested will quickly keep it moving, turn away.  So whether dude wants to admit it or not, most times when men approach women it is because they are interested.  The few times they are not interested is the exception rather than the rule.  

Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 My reply was to Andrea but since she replied to you, your name got tagged. But if you wish to no longer discuss on this topic, by all means exercise your right to end discourse. 

Razzy
Razzy

 @AndreaLThorsen  @frankjum12 

It's obvious this is a rejected dude, still resentful behind a woman he liked and wanted who didn't return his attention or affection so here he is whining and defensive.  I get hit on just about every single day by dudes.. but according to him (a non woman), he's supposed to know better about what a woman experiences at the hands of men, than women themselves.'.  Don't you just love how men set themselves up as more knowledgeable about what women go through in their dealings with men, than women who actually experience these things do?  

Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 BTW you've made more comments on this topic here than anyone else..."

 

So what?  I can make hundreds of comments on this topic, what's it to you?  This ain't your blog, if the blog owner Deborrah Cooper doesn't care why are you keeping track?

Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 You never supported you're outrageous claim (my REAL argument against your suggestion that women have varying levels of ESP).."

 

This is a sticking point with you because you're intimidated by this.  You are intimidated even frightened of the fact that when it comes to dating and mating, men really have no control.  You'd like to think that the opportunity you have to get with a woman is solely based on your actions.  It's not.  

 

A woman is checking you out and you don't even know it.  If you do get a chance to approach a woman and she's given you the green light, it is based on what she has already assessed about you, (her check you out skills) while you were oblivious.  You have no control over that.  A woman decides who she 'allows' to approach her, you don't get to make that decision.  You don't even have to open your mouth.  

 

All you have to do is walk into a room, and women are 'checking you out' and based on what THEY like or don't like.  Women do this all the time and guys know this.  So if you walk into a room and an attractive woman catches your eye, realize that she is checking you out as well and based on 'HER criteria, she decides if she wants you to approach her or not.  Nobody said anything about it being ESP.  It is about what that particular woman wants and either it's you or not.

The Silent One
The Silent One

 @frankjum12  @Razzy As a woman, I can tell you that more often than not the men who approach me are doing so because they are interested.  Even men and young boys who mistake me as in their age group cannot speak to me without it being infused with sexual undertones.

frankjum12
frankjum12

 @AndreaLThorsen  @Razzy Actually I didn't demand anything. I merely asked. I'm truly looking for insight here and to share whatever I know.

frankjum12
frankjum12

 @Razzy Baaaahhahaahahaaa @ End of discussion!

Much love to you sista!

BFC
BFC

 @Razzy  @frankjum12 Don't you just love it when certain people demand that Black women give them "proof" of their personal experiences and opinions? SMH.

Razzy
Razzy

 @zz777 Women also ignore men that they are VERY interested in!"

 

Only a dude who is too cowardly to approach a woman who has shown her interest, to him would make an idiotic statement like this.  Only a dude who can't tell when a woman is interested in  him and when she is encouraging him to approach her, who would take her subtle interested behavior to mean she's 'ignoring him' would make this type of comment. (rolls eyes).

Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 "You never supported your outrageous claim..that women have varying levels of ESP"

 

Look I don't  have to support shyt.  Who cares if you believe it or not. You are not a woman.  Whenever a woman says something a man doesn't like here he comes with the 'where's the proof' question.  I'm not posting to show you support and I could care less if you believe what I say or not.  Who cares.  The few occasions where men show non romantic interest are more the exception rather than the rule.  You are not a woman, you don't walk in a woman's shoes and unless you are gay, you don't get men hitting on you all of the time so you would never know the reality of what a woman goes through in her dealings with men day in and day out.  Nobody has to prove shyt to you.  And none of that is relevant to the point of the article.  Wise, intelligent, women can read a  man, just like that dude on that TV show, the 'Mentalist can read people. It ain't rocket science.  End of discussion.

frankjum12
frankjum12

 @Razzy Alrighty then. No man's entitled to a woman's attention. A 'no shyt' fact of life that no one here is arguing. To paraphrase your statement, if 'hit dogs are hollering' that much then even you can admit that most men actually do keep it moving every day. I can accept that obvious truth even if you can't accept the obvious truth that men aren't always trying to hit on strange women that we attempt to interact with.

So indeed let's move on to what I was actually asking/saying.

You never supported you're outrageous claim (my REAL argument against your suggestion that women have varying levels of ESP) which only further tells me that you cannot.

Your previous claims imply that typical women are so shallow that they only have the time of day for strangers that they may possibly be interested in romantically. I don't buy that at all. Your claims also imply that men (99.9% lol) only seek discourse with female strangers because of potential romantic interest. That would make men (99.9%) remarkably shallow. If that's what you are saying then yes we are done here.

 

BTW you've made more comments on this topic here than anyone else so I think the Shakespeare quote works better for you. No gender tweaking necessary.

zz777
zz777

 @Razzy  Right on!   Although every situation is extremely unique! Women: the complex, intuitive, and sensitive creatures that they are-- also ignore men that they are VERY interested in! That is where the intrigue gets really hot--not overreacting to her feigned disinterest (if your intuition is accurate)and letting her know via the same subtle vibe that you know what is going on beneath appearances!  Now that is truly Romantic is it not?  :)

Razzy
Razzy

 @frankjum12 As Shakespeare said, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" or in your case the 'man" or as some folks would say ' A hit dog will hollar.' Bottom line is this; Women ignore men they aren't interested in.  Accept that fact and keep it moving.  If you've been ignored by a woman you're attracted to, accept the fact that she wasn't interested in you for whatever reason that matters to HER and move on.  All this back and forth rhetoric doesn't change that.  You aren't entitled to a woman returning your interest or attraction just because you want her.

Too Smart To Fail
Too Smart To Fail

@bobati 

You have it opposite.
Society has brainwashed woman to believe that no man is good enough for them and she is only required to be beautiful to qualify for the best men, while the inferior men are always intimidated by her if she's successful and independent.
Where are all the real men they ask.
You forgot that these men have standards that can't be met by woman who ask where they went.

Ian123
Ian123

@Razzy@Doogan

"The thought of a woman having an ability that gives her an edge when it comes to dating and mating rubbed you the wrong way."

 

If women are better than men at deciphering the opposite sex then I don't have a problem with that. I'm just not convinced that its true.

 

"You like to think that it is the man who has the edge."

 

Actually I don't see much difference between men and women when it comes to deciphering the opposite sex.

 

Perhaps my original comment of 'intensely misandric' was a bit strong. I've been reading a book about misandry you see so if I come across as overly sensitive then maybe that's why.

KeshiaDavis
KeshiaDavis

@Too Smart To Fail - Or not settle for a guy at all. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a loner and enjoying it (asexual orientation) or a lesbian. They should have the right to be their orientation and be left alone by people outside their orientation.

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