I’m a Woman But I Want a Wife Too!

. 12/08/2011 . 17 Comments

My man and I were talking about marriage one day. He has this vision that women are dying to get married and that getting married is the culmination of  a dream. In his mind every Black woman is so anxious to be somebody’s wife that a woman over 30 is depressed if she doesn’t have a husband. He thinks a Black man with a job and no prison record is a damn pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

I laughed in his face, and told him that I  had no intention of marrying him or any other damn man. Marriage was not and never will be on my list of priorities. Why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free?

So I told my man that if I should ever get married,  I want a wife too dammit! Sheeeitt, who wouldn’t want someone cooking, cleaning, serving them like a KANG, balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, and even packing my suitcase for a trip with my boys even though I ain’t taken her on a vacation in years.

I want a wife too! Someone doing your laundry, changing the sheets on the bed every week, shopping and making sure she gets my favorite shit, picking up my shit at the dry cleaner and drug store and jumping around trying to make me and some damn kids happy all the time.

I want a wife too! Someone to serve me while I sit on my ass and watch sports all day so she can bring me chips and sandwiches and go to the store for me when I run out of beer.

I want a wife too! Take my dog to the vet for me, buy my clothes and replace my holey socks and underwear. Take the kids to the doctor and sit up with them all night when they are sick cause I’m too busy I gotta work. Wife works too, but that’s irrelevant.

I want a wife too! Someone to worry about keeping my dick hard with lingerie and sex tricks she read about in a magazine while all I do is complain that the sex ain’t exciting and I’m bored with her pussy so I am gonna go tap some new ass. You didn’t jump high enough or through enough hoops or suck hard enough or often enough for me so I am entitled to step out on you.

I want a wife too! Someone that will pick up the slack when I decide I wanna be a lazy ass and not do dishes or vacuum or help with the kids I went in half on.  I might decide I want to quit my job for a few months or years.

It’s great being the husband cause you don’t do shit but the lawn every week or two. And if you live in a condo, you don’t even have to do THAT.

See, that’s why want a wife too.

i
5 Votes

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues


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