Mom’s Best Relationship Advice and Tips for Finding Love
In the mid-1960s, Motown great Smokey Robinson (backed up by his group The Miracles) topped the R&B charts with “You Betta Shop Around!” Goes something like this:
‘There’s some things that I want you to know now
Just as sure as the winds gonna blow now
The women come and the women gonna go now
Before you tell ’em that you love ’em so now
My mama told me…’you better shop around’
Don’t Settle for the First Thing That Comes Along
“Well the best thing my mother has told me is watch out for fast women!” said Steve, a 39 year old bachelor with a wry smile. “She told me that long ago. Said they often turn out to be women you basically would not want in the long run. But wow, fast women sure are fun!”
Crystal, now 55 years old, was raised in a home with adultery quite a bit of physical abuse. She and her sisters witnessed her mother being hit many times over the years under her parents divorced when she was 16.
“Divorce wasn’t common in those days, and my mom changed after that. She told me to never settle, ever. She said that while she was raised at a time where women weren’t free to do a lot of dating and getting to know different men, that she didn’t want any of her daughters to be caught in that stale pool. She told me to respect myself, never let anyone (including men) disrespect me… but to enjoy myself and enjoy life.”
Her youngest sister Katherine added: “Mom advised that I should get to know ME first and what I liked/disliked because I could never express to someone else what was right or wrong with the way our relationship was if I didn’t know what it took for me to be happy and satisfied. She reminded me that I had a whole lifetime to fall in love, and encouraged me not to rush into love because I felt it was what I was expected to do or had to do (ya know how some young women will talk themselves into being in love when they become intimate with a man?). Then she told me not to wear too much “rouge” (blush)… because men would never marry a woman that looked loose! LOL!”
At 27 Antonio is hot on the hip hop music scene in Los Angeles. His parents immigrated from Bolivia in the 1970s. “Look, 80 percent of the things my mother says I don’t agree with. Maybe it’s because she’s a woman, but when it comes to relationships she is the judge, jury and executioner! Bring yo’ gurl or potential gurl around and I’ll be damned if Mom doesn’t expose her for the Princess she is or the tramp she is within 30 seconds flat!
The point I’m tryin’ to make is that parents know the game because they seen it all. A father will read yo man like a book and a mother will give you the 411 on the so called woman of yo dreams. You might not want to hear it but hey, that’s how it is.”
(continued on page two below)
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder
