Mom’s Best Relationship Advice and Tips for Finding Love
Fathers stepped in to fill in the blanks when Mom didn’t have relationship advice for her offspring. “My mom didn’t specifically give me any advice on love, I’m more so a product of my father’s training” wrote Dionne, a 30 year old marketing rep from Dallas.
“When I was about 9 or 10, I remembered my Dad telling me that when I grew up, I mustn’t allow any man to treat me badly…and I haven’t so far. My father also always allowed me to have the best of anything he had to give or share with me. For example, if he had some fruits, and I wanted any…he would pick out the best looking ones or pieces and offer them to me, and keep the lesser ones for himself. For better or worst, I think I grew up to subconsciously use that standard to judge any man I become involved with. If I don’t see/believe that they consistently take the initiative to always offer me the best…then I know that their time is limited, because I won’t really trust their alleged love for me.”
Don’t Make My Mistakes!
Not all the advice received from Mom was positive. Sherilyn sent an email to share the dating tips learned from her mother.
“From my mother I heard: ‘Don’t use me as an example in love, I make horrible choices and have suffered in love.’ She is very, very correct in that statement. Though I’m an accomplished person in my professional life, sadly I modeled a lot of my dating behavior after her and make horrible choices in men too.”
Carmen’s mother focused on self-esteem and acceptance. “From my mother I learned ‘A man will treat you as well as you INSIST, and as badly as you ALLOW.’ And from my father ‘everyone you meet can teach you SOMETHING, even if it’s only whom to AVOID!’
The Top 12 Pieces of Advice
Many of the tips that came in were very popular, as they were provided by dozens of Moms to their sons and daughters. Here, in no particular order, are the most commonly quoted 12 pieces of advice:
1) Don’t play yourself short. It’s better to be the Mrs. than the Mistress!
2) Don’t love him…but like him. Romance is for weaklings…it clouds your thinking.
3) Pick your battles…don’t be a nag to your man.
4) Men pay for sex one way or another. It’s always better to be the Mrs. than the Mistress!
5) Don’t tell a man everything… they can’t handle it. Don’t reveal everything unless you wanna deal with b.s. all the time.
6) Learn the art of forgiveness. Don’t bring up the past…unless you wanna deal with b.s. all the time.
7) Always keep “car fare” when going out on a date.
8) Always have a stash of your own money. Keep a savings account in your own name (even when you get married).
9) Never give out personal vital information on the first date.
10) Trust and respect are EARNED not a GIVEN.
11) If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with!
12) It’s just as easy to love a rich man/woman as it is to love a poor one!
Mothers are very influential over their children. Some of us take the lessons and use them, some of us discard every one of Mom’s words as being bogus and choose our own path.
Without courage and risk of heartache, you cannot achieve the glory and wonders of love. Use Mom’s teachings as a guideline on when and how to give of yourself, maintain personal boundaries of respect, and keep in your life only men and women that give as good as they get.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder
