Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am new to your site and love how you answer questions, so I’m sending you mine. I’m 35, and my 42 year old companion is so complex. He loves sex, however his back compromises his mood sometimes and we only can have an intimate moment when he is ready.
Also he is not so affectionate as far as hugging and kissing until the act is about to happen. What can I do to help him be more comfortable with his back condition and not pleasing me when I want it? I sometimes feel that he may have a small complex due to his back problem. I do not want for him to feel that I have other interests, because sometimes he will mention that when he gets frustrated. Any advice?
Want to Get Back in Action
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
Tell him flatly that your sex life is NOT ALL ABOUT HIM!!! That is the mistake you are both making.
Sex is much more than intercourse, and foreplay for evening sex starts when you open your eyes in the morning. He needs to be giving out kisses, hugs, butt pats, flattery and kind words, flirting, phone calls to whisper sweet nothings, texts to say he was thinking about you, etc. Those behaviors bestowing attention and showing affection must be a part of the daily interaction between a couple, or their sex life will suffer, wither and die.
Your man must also be willing to accept that if he wants his woman to be faithful, he is responsible for providing her with good and regular sex, and her sexual satisfaction. That means he is going to have to use his fingers, lips, tongue or penis to satisfy you when you want it, just as he does when HE wants it. After all, its not your fault that his back is all jacked up! If he took better care of himself – exercised and ate right, he wouldn’t have that problem. The body can only be in top form if it receives the proper nourishment and support. That support comes in the form of endurance and muscular development achieved through cardiovascular exercise and strength training. So the fact that his back is all fucked up is no one’s fault but his.
Now if he doesn’t want to do any of that to make the situation better, and thinks sexual activity between you should only occur when HE wants it the way HE wants it, without showing you any affection outside of the bedroom, then I want you to consider the fact that he is a selfish ass fool. Any man so selfish and stingy with affection and attention is not the partner for a long-term relationship. That means you need to dump him and look for a man that is more willing to provide you with what you need emotionally to feel loved, desirable and secure.
No man should ever be allowed to enjoy his woman sexually unless he is attentive, fulfilling, and affectionate outside of bed. But that is a standard that I have, and apparently from what I’ve been hearing lately, not many women are on that page.
Category: Dating Advice