I’m heartbroken wondering if my boyfriend is hanging onto his ex
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am heartbroken, after breaking up with a player one year ago, I met my current boyfriend few months later. We have been together eight months, and living together for the last two. I am his girlfriend, we are exclusive, and he said “I love you” to me in late February this year.
Well today, I opened my IPad and saw recent emails he has written to one of his former girlfriends. I felt pain in my stomach and heart. He initiated the contact, he said he wanted really to know for a long time what she was doing and how she was, and that he dreamt about her.
Her answer to him was very casual, impersonal, and she didn’t answer his second email at all. I feel he is stringing me along while testing the waters with her. Why do I have such bad luck to get involved with another player? Because of my previous experience with a player, I asked him if he had feelings for some other woman. I didn’t want to get involved with him if he wasn’t over his previous girlfriend. He said he didn’t have feelings for another woman.
How should I approach this? We had bought tickets to travel to Europe together in the spring. I feel I should break up with him ove
r this. It’s so hard to decide. I really need your advice please.
Signed,
Fooled Again
Dear Fooled:
He’s not testing the waters with her. He is doing like lots of people do – closing doors. And just because someone breaks up with another person doesn’t mean they stop caring about or thinking about them. That is why your response is so amusing. It’s like you want him to completely blank the woman like she never existed! Not gonna happen. Every person we love makes their mark in our heart and brain. He just wanted to find out how she was doing and now that he knows she’s fine and has no interest in him whatsoever, he can close that door and move on like he has some sense.
Since she knows he has a girlfriend (those things go through the grapevine), and that you two are living together, she thinks he is a sleazebucket for even writing her in the first place. The fact that her first answer was cool and distant, and there was no second one means she is DONE DONE OVER him. Not trying to be his FB buddy or have too much to do with him.
You have nothing to worry about – at least not from her. But you should talk to him about it and tell him this:
“I know you reached out to connect with your ex-girlfriend. I saw the email on my Ipad. Since you used my Ipad to do it, I can only assume that you wanted me to know what you were doing. So now that I know, is there something you need to tell me? Because we have these tickets to go to Europe but they can be changed or cashed in in a heartbeat.”
He will give you an answer. So then you say “I haven’t been dating you for almost a year, and I didn’t move in with you to play stupid games. Only children play games. I don’t date or sleep with children. So you need to know I am gonna be watching you. And if you do anything like this again, you behave in any way that is perceived by me to be a threat to my emotional stability or security, or you do anything to disrespect me, our household or our relationship, I’m gone. And I won’t look back. You understand?”
Do not waver and do not cry and get all weird. You tell his ass with a steely voice what time it is. And if he doesn’t like it, then he can move out and go on wherever he needs to go. And you can transfer his ticket to a friend’s name; you two can go to Europe and have a great time with all the hot Italian guys.
MsHeartBeat
Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."
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Category: Dating Advice
