When abortion is the smartest choice for all concerned
Dating Advice Question
After losing her baby, a woman reflects on the series of choices she made
I have gotten myself into the worst situation of all time. I am 34 and was dating a 38 year old guy that I knew was involved with someone else. We dated for about 18 months. About five months ago, he got married and the week after he was married I started to see him more and ended up getting pregnant less than a month after he got married.
He explained to me that he wanted me to have an abortion, and that in the future we would have to be more careful. Abortion was out of the question for me, and I went on with the pregnancy. His wife found out I was pregnant and she called me and talked very ugly to me. From the time I told him I was pregnant we have not spoken, and when we did it was about him talking with others about me being pregnant in a nasty way (which he denies doing).
Five weeks ago the stress of all this made me lose the baby. It has been hard on me because of how I was treated, and I feel like he and his wife got what they wanted. At the present moment he and no one else knows that I am no longer pregnant because I have been going through a very bad depression to where I have locked myself in the house asking myself why.
I need someone to help me understand and advice on how to move on. How could he have been so cruel to me? And the loss of my baby is something I can’t seem to get over at all.
Signed,
Need Help
Abortion Would Have Been the Smartest Choice
Now I do feel sad that you lost your baby and are in mourning — that’s not an easy path to walk. But I can only feel sorry for you a LITTLE BIT.
You are not a child, you are a grown woman in your mid-30s! You knew full well that this man was messing with someone else, and you also knew that he had gotten married to that woman. So what did you think he was going to do when you didn’t follow the rules of the side chick game, and neglected to use proper protection?
Yeah, he is a lying corner cutting stank dog for cheating on his girlfriend/wife, but you are not the innocent victim here either. Come on now! What you both did was straight trifling and both of you need your asses kicked. And in my mind, the wife had every right to call you and tell you just HOW trifling you were, so don’t whine to me about that either.
I suggest that you accept your role in this sordid little drama and take responsibility for yourself and your choices as an adult female should. After all:
- YOU decided to date a man you know was dating another woman
- YOU decided to sleep with a man you know was dating another woman
- YOU decided to sleep with a man you know had a wife
- YOU decided not to use proper birth control while sleeping with another woman’s husband
- YOU decided you were not going to get an abortion and keep the child created by another woman’s husband instead
Look at all the things you did to create the pain you are now in! Look at the series of poor choices you made. Then ask yourself why you are doing trifling things when you are fully aware that they are wrong, and that no good can come from said trifling choices.
Until a woman can make intelligent decisions about the path she takes in life, she really should not seek to be a mother and have even MORE responsibility put on her to make good choices. A mother’s job is to THINK and do all she can to protect her innocent child who didn’t ask to be here. You have proven that you are not ready to be anybody’s mother, and The Universe was wise to remove that option from your life for the time being. You ain’t ready.
Seek counseling to improve your self-esteem and do all you can to encourage yourself to make wiser decisions in the future.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Dating Advice
