Interracial Dating: Black Women with Trifling White Men
Think about it for a minute… what nonprofit that works with children and families wants a Director that six years ago had her tits on full display with her tongue licked out at the camera? What prestigious corporation do you think would want to put you in a public position knowing you were on Facebook bragging about your blowjob skills? What up and coming business would risk having their clients or members find you online, bent over showing your ass, or talking about the three-some you had last weekend?
The same applies if you meet a guy offline that is curious about you. He’ll be curious and want to know more about you, so he’ll run your name through Google and see what comes up. He’ll visit Facebook, Twitter and all the other social media sites looking to see how you conduct yourself online. He’ll want to know how you think and if he can get any clues into how he can better relate to you.
His intent may be totally innocent… he wants to know you better. However, before things get serious he’ll be looking for assurance that you are cool and solid, someone it is safe to invest emotions in. After all, he doesn’t want his sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews going online trying to find you, only to see your ass and titty shots online! Neither does he want his buddies to see you on full display like that. By the way, this worry applies to men of ALL races by the way, not just men in interracial relationships.
You ladies risk losing out on great opportunities a few years from now because of silly choices you’re making now.
Black Women – Get it Together!
Young Black women need to think about the long-term repercussions of their behavior, and stop acting a fool online! I can’t figure out who told you all that this type of thing is appropriate behavior for a young woman, but whoever did needs some sense slapped into them.
Stop copying what other idiots do. Just because your friends or some other women you know have their tits and ass on display online doesn’t mean you have to do it too! And in case you think I am a prude, I am not. I am fully in favor of women enjoying their sexuality in a manner that protects and respects both themselves and their loved ones. However, I am adamant that women use discretion and understand the importance of keeping their sexual business, THEIR BUSINESS.
There is no reason for every man woman and child that happens by your posting or blog to know intimate details about your sexuality or body.
Come on now! THINK girls! You are all caught up in the moment and thinking this shit you do online is fun. It’s not fun, and it’s not funny to let White men come at you in some freaky “get my Black freak on” way. They are treating you like a freaky fetish fantasy, and you are supporting and encouraging that behavior with your actions. Stop it. Respect yourself more than that.
Demand that men Black or White respect you as well. Watch what you do and say online. It could come back and bite you in the butt later.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
PhilliesPhanatic21 – if you think it should be for both then you write one. I wrote the article I wanted to write, the way I wanted to write it.
And all of their comments are very clear, right along with their profiles. NO BLACK MEN. To me that is making a definitive statement about what they want to date.
african american women have been the white man’s jump off since forever in this country. why should that change, now? every white man in america knows he can get easy sex off of black women. cuz black women consistently make this perfectly obvious. this relationship developed during slavery continued through jim crow and is all over the internet and every other type of media, today.
seriously, no one will deflate your black pride balloon faster than an african american woman. so sad…
Chas0x01 “every white man in america knows he can get easy sex off of black women.”
Dude, put down the crack pipe.. Since most black women date black men, that statement should read that black men treat black women like jump offs. It’s the black men who skeet and run leaving baby mamas and children behind. Stop using this one article to lob all the evils done to black women mostly at the hands of black men onto white men.
When black women do date and marry interracially they invariably have a high satisfaction rate and the divorce rate is lower with black women and white men marry. The divorce rate is actually higher when black men and white women marry.
Trifling men come in all colors. But your attempt to use this article to put black women down and make it seem that all they are good for is sex with the white man and that white women are better, just shows your hatred of black women and what YOU really think of them and not what white men think.
So let me get this straight. When White men are involved. All of the responsibility is on Black women to conduct themselves accordingly, and choose wisely.
But if Black men are involved. Then Black men are sociopaths, and Black women aren’t responsible for desiring Swag over competence.
Right.
Not at all. You don’t understand what you read. Try re-reading what I said and don’t put your own spin on things.
Deborrah, you are spot on! I grew up in an area where white men were comfortable hitting on black women. And, I’ve dated lots of them in my time. Luckily, most of them have been great guys. However, I did get hit on by white guys that would always hit me with the proverbial, “you’re so exotic!”. That was always a sign for me to walk away. Right or wrong, I interpreted this as him looking at me through the eyes of a white man that was curious for a bedroom romp,but not for a relationship where he treated me like any other woman he’d date.
There is some value in what this article is saying: Don’t flaunt your sexuality too much, or you could get used. However, I don’t believe this problem is isolated to black women and white men only. It is unfair to cloud these type of relationships with this reasoning. I am a white male and I have dated black women with the intent of establishing a relationship. I am seeking a woman of any color that I feel is worthy of marriage. This type of woman dresses classy, has good morals, uses good grammar, is good with finances, and is worthy of trust. Why should I trust a woman that is too eager with sexual matters with a stranger? What will she do when I’m not looking? Find another? Same goes with men. Ladies, if a man asks you sexual questions too quickly, he is not to be trusted. Judge the individual by his or her character and actions, regardless of skin tone. In my experience, all of the black women I have met do not behave in the manner depicted in this article.
I never said the problem was isolated. Nor did I say every single Black woman in the world behaved thusly.
What I AM saying is that even one White man coming at a Black woman in this way is scandalous and trifling. And any Black woman… ANY ONE OF THEM, that responds affirmatively to such nasty disrespect needs to have her head examined.
A woman that has herself together spiritually, emotionally and mentally would not tolerate such disrespect and would dismiss that man from her life immediately. Sadly, too many young women don’t know that is what they should be doing.
I understand your message: Be careful not to flaunt or engage in hyper sexual behavior too quickly because it will result in a negative experience. However I think it is unfair to put the black and white labels on this dialogue. Some white men do this to white women too and some black men behave this way with black women also. Your advice is good for men and women of any color, but distorting it with race only obscures the intent of the message.
I really don’t care what you think. My message is directed towards BLACK WOMEN, not White men. The entire conversation is based on what I saw WHITE MEN saying to BLACK WOMEN, and that is why there are color labels. Your friends placed them there.
Sure black men do it to black women, and white men do it to white women. However, the social and historical implications of a White male talking to a Black female in such a disrespectful, sexually oriented manner go straight back to slavery. Black women have always been lusted after by White men! You all have always talked to Black women like we are prostitutes, there to satisfy your most base and carnal urges.
That is why the message was flavored with race. The message to Black women is very clear and not obscured by anything, at least to those with good sense.
The type of women who behave this way behave this way with Black men as well. Which does not surprise me, because one of the biggest complaints BM have about BW is that we, supposedly, aren’t “sexual” enough. We are too “uptight”. They are probably trying to prove that stereotype wrong. Personally, I could care less about stereotypes. If someone is dumb enough to see me as a stereotype instead of an individual Human being, I don’t want anything to do with them. Period.
I disagree. These women refuse to interact with Black men AT ALL. So they do NOT “behave this way with Black men as well.” They are doing all they are doing to win the favor of White men, as they perceive them to be better than Black males. These women turn up their noses and run in the opposite direction from Black men, and they aren’t trying to even talk to them, let alone date or sleep with them!
@Deborrah
How do you know for sure that these women only date white men? Do you know all of them or atleast some of them personally? I think by judging how these white men and black women are interacting with each other and enforcing stereotypes, you have actually created your own set of stereotypes geared toward these black women. And you said so yourself that this message is for black women, not white men. I think it should be for both…
Thank you, but when I want your opinion about what I write, I will ask for it. Generally I write what I want to write, the way I want to write it. And I don’t need to KNOW a woman that disrespects herself on a public forum personally, nor do I need to know the white dude personally that thinks its cute to disrespect black women, and hope I never do. I am not stereotyping anything, I am reporting what I saw with my own eyes. That’s not good enough for you, too bad.
I think the problem lies in the fact that black women are led to believe that their worth lies in their sexuality. A lot of these women have grown up watching BET and the booty shakers and they think that is normal behavior for women. They don’t seem to understand that if they are truly looking for their ‘prince’ they need to be able to discern respectful behavior from disrespectful behavior.
If those men are asking them such pointed sexual questions, that should be glaringly obvious what these men are all about. Unfortunately, the women see it as par for the course. They have to be disrespected in order to get the man. Nowadays, it’s more about getting a man instead of a good and decent man. That seems to be the end game…period.
I am astounded by the way some of these young women dress. I guess they think it’s cute to wear tight jeans that shows their butt crack and almost without fail they have a tramp stamp or some brand where they have actually seared their flesh peeking out from under their short tops. Sure, that will get attention, but not all attention is good. I think self-esteem, self-worth is not even on the women’s radar. It’s as if they have no concept of it. I think it’s a tragedy.
It’s about time a post like this was written. I love the IR blogs but we have to be honest that many are quite disgusting and some black women feed their appetites. Personally, I avoid any and all FB forums of the type.
This is such a timely article; and thank you so much for writing it. I have left so many IR Facebook groups because of all the issues you’ve noted. I, too, have been “shutdown” because I contested such behaviors and ideologies. However, I am not going away; and I will share your article in my IR group. I’ve had more than my fair share of DBR non-BM who tried these pin-head antics with me; and I NEVER posted such suggestive pictures. They were just ‘comfortable’ because they had been getting away with such tasteless behaviors for so long. It’s time for us to shut them down!
Thanks, for this one, Deb. Sex obsessed male trash comes in all colors. Young women must respect themselves; there are males of all races who don’t care about anything except treating a female’s body like his personal toilet bowl.