Why Women Ignore Men
With nothing intelligent to do with my time, I decided to wander into a local eatery for a happy hour snack and beverage. I’ve discovered that happy hour is a great place to meet people, and it provides wonderful opportunities for me to ask questions and stay abreast of the astonishing things going on in the minds of single men and women in the dating world.
So I parked my bodacious butt on a stool, and ordered nachos and a margarita. Recognizing me from a few weeks ago, a gentleman ran over to my table to ask how my research was going and what fascinating things I’d learned about the opposite sex since we last spoke. He and I chatted for a few minutes, then he whispered that he had a question for me.
“Shoot!” I said.
“Women seem to spend a lot of time intentionally ignoring men, not giving eye contact, paying zero attention…being totally self-absorbed, etc.” he said. “How do you notice guys? Does a guy ever catch your eye?”
[Did I say astonishing? Perhaps “jaw droppingly unfuckingbelievable” would be more appropriately descriptive.]
Taking a big swig of my tasty beverage, I had to explain to the young man (who was at least 35 and should know better) that women are not self-absorbed, men are.
Really, for him to think that because he showed up there should be a drum roll, house lights would dim, and all eyes would be on him is a fantasy and a dream.
Apparently he believed because he was there and wanted female attention, women were supposed to drop whatever they were thinking about or doing and make him the focus of their existence. Talk about a sense of entitlement!
It took every ounce of control I had not to laugh in his face. Sometimes I even surprise myself with my restraint.
Politely I asked him where he got the notion that he was a God. What I really wanted to say was “what a dork, can you get a clue?!”
Guys need to understand this – Women look at men when they are interested, and completely ignore you when they are not.
If a woman is not looking at YOU, that means she is not interested in YOU for whatever reason she has. She could already have a boyfriend, a husband, or someone she is focused on making her boyfriend.
Could be that she is thinking about the job interview she has in an hour, the hot date she has tonight and what to wear, worrying about her sick mother, the cost of her upcoming vacation, when the Midol is going to kick in and these cramps go away, or be fighting back tears as she is upset about the fight she had a few minutes ago with her sister.
Believe it or not, women have a lot to think about that does not have anything to do with men.
What men also don’t understand is that women have “check you out” skills that are comparable to light speed. Unlike men, we don’t have to stare for 5 minutes to get the whole picture. A woman can glance at you and in less than 3 seconds assess your confidence, body build and fitness, attitude, hygiene, marital status, intelligence, health, physical prowess, social skills, financial status, and thus, her interest.
If she looks then looks away and NEVER LOOKS AT YOU AGAIN, you didn’t make the cut. Move on.
Now if she looks at you a second time, she has questions and is looking deeper.
If she looks a third time and smiles, you’ve caught her eye and you need to seize the opportunity presented. Women will make eye contact with men they feel are on their level, and prefer not to encourage those that don’t stand a chance.
Accept that women’s worlds do not revolve around men and no woman owes you her attention, time, conversation or even a smile. If you get a woman’s attention, feel blessed. Single women are not here to make every guy feel better about himself, only the man she deems worthy.
And that may or may not be you.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Men's Issues
Razzy bizzyb2483 I agree that women are “well within” their rights to reject men for whatever reason they want. And I also agree that men should stop whining and accept that.
However, I think what bothers men is that women can be extremely rude –much ruder than men, based on my observations– if a man doesn’t meet her physical standards. I see this even in day to day tasks like going to the supermarket. I female clerk in the checkout isle can be friendly and chatty with a handsome guy, and then when the next not-so-handsome guy comes up she can suddenly turn cold, avoiding eye contact, keeping any sort of real human interaction to a minimum. Hell, I’m a decent looking guy, and I’ve even gotten this absurd treatment.
On the other hand, male clerks seem much more uniform and egalitarian in how they treat costumers. There are exceptions, of course, but in general men are more decent to women who do not meet their physical standards, than women are to men who don’t make the cut.
eLLe85 Razzy My point? It simply is not true that women will make eye contact and thus signal interest to men they feel are on their level. Women making effective eye contact that communicates interest is fairly rare, even for good looking guys. Guys who claim to get “a lot” of eye contact from women are usually (almost always) lying.
For the most part, women simply do not make eye contact on a day to day basis with strangers, even if said stranger is ridiculously good looking.
@Barry Exactly! And most of these men are not even physically attractive. It’s funny: A good portion of guys that seem to “get” more women that the average guy are usually really average looking.
eLLe85 Razzy And some of the women who seemed to be giving eye contact or multiple glances rejected him. Harshly! Ha!
eLLe85 Razzy Furthermore, it is wrong to think that just because a woman makes eye contact she is interested. I have a friend who “cold-approaches” women, that is, he approaches strange women he finds attractive and tries to get dates. He reports that while eye contact is a good sign, he has also had some luck with women who initially seemed to be ignoring him.
eLLe85 Razzy I have a tall, broad shouldered good looking friend. He believes women never check him out, I think he is basing this off of eye contact which he seems to think is really rare. But I catch girls ogling and checking him out quiet often.
eLLe85 Razzy Heres the thing though. I’m a decent looking guy, and here is something I’ve observed: Women will sometimes act like they are ignoring me, but I will catch them looking at me when they think I won’t notice. For instance, I will be at a restaurant, or the library, or some other public place and a girl (woman, whatever) and I may or may not make initial eye contact, but either way, it will seem like she ignored me. I will then proceed to mind my own business but if I happen to suddenly glance up, I will sometimes catch the girl who seemed to be indifferent to me either looking at me, or hastily turning her head (women are better at looking quickly away than men are) away. Other times I will catch them checking me out in a reflective surface. But they will not make eye contact or look when I look.
Granted, what I just described is very rare, but I happens. And I see it happen to other guys, too.
Hence, it is not even remotely as simple as: If she doesn’t make eye contact with you she doesn’t find you attractive. If they check you out, eye contact or not, they find you attractive. Period!
@Barry Exactly! And most of the time, these guys aren’t really that attractive. At all!
WRONG!!!!!!!!! The best and safest way for a man to engage a woman in this society in these days, is NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!
Razzy Hey Razzy–just rolling through to check out any new comments/blogs, had to LMAO when I read yours! Yes butt hurt would describe their hurt fee fees.
LOL at these knucklehead men and their butt hurt egos.
They can’t accept that women can and do judge them purely based on looks like they do women all the time.
bizzyb2483 “Also its incredibly shallow to think you can judge someone entirely based on nothing but appearance’.
Why is it shallow? Oh I know, it’s shallow to men when they get judged negatively and kicked to the curb because the woman didn’t find them attractive, but see men do this all the time to women, but don’t like it when it is done to them. If a woman doesn’t like the way you look, maybe your teeth or jacked up, your clothes wrinked, you are too short, eyes too big whatever..you too fat, whatever the reason, she is well within her right to reject you on sight alone. You aren’t entitled to a hearing with her just because you want one, if she doesn’t find you attractive enough to approach her based on your appearance. Men do this to women all the time. So accept that it is done to you as well.
JohnWayne2
“Women first assess attractiveness by what he has the ability to offer her in multiple aspects.”
Dude since you are not a woman, you have no idea how women assess attractiveness. It’s funny you call women narcisstic but you don’t call men the same when you say they access attraction by physical preferences. Double standards much?
Women, just like men want a man who is physically attractive too. Men don’t like to think about and accept that reality though. They think they can be a 1 or 2 on a scale of 10 and still have the hot 8, 9, 10 woman even if they aren’t hot themselves. Keep dreaming! Women want a man who turns her own just like a guy wants a woman who turns him on. And, if a man doesn’t physically attract a woman when she looks at him, he might get passed over. Same as men pass over women that don’t catch their eyes. Stop thinking all women are out to get at a man’s wallet and use him for money he probably doesn’t have. Men love to think they can look like dogs and still get a woman anyway because she is desperate. Ya’ll need to wake up. The women who are like that, are probably the only type of women men like you can get. Women who are independent and handling their business don’t have to settle for some ugly loser dude.
Sounds to me like a lot of playing games and genderisms…no wonder so many women (and men) are single. Also, it’s incredibly shallow to think you can judge someone entirely based on nothing but appearance.