Why Women Ignore Men
With nothing intelligent to do with my time, I decided to wander into a local eatery for a happy hour snack and beverage. I’ve discovered that happy hour is a great place to meet people, and it provides wonderful opportunities for me to ask questions and stay abreast of the astonishing things going on in the minds of single men and women in the dating world.
So I parked my bodacious butt on a stool, and ordered nachos and a margarita. Recognizing me from a few weeks ago, a gentleman ran over to my table to ask how my research was going and what fascinating things I’d learned about the opposite sex since we last spoke. He and I chatted for a few minutes, then he whispered that he had a question for me.
“Shoot!” I said.
“Women seem to spend a lot of time intentionally ignoring men, not giving eye contact, paying zero attention…being totally self-absorbed, etc.” he said. “How do you notice guys? Does a guy ever catch your eye?”
[Did I say astonishing? Perhaps “jaw droppingly unfuckingbelievable” would be more appropriately descriptive.]
Taking a big swig of my tasty beverage, I had to explain to the young man (who was at least 35 and should know better) that women are not self-absorbed, men are.
Really, for him to think that because he showed up there should be a drum roll, house lights would dim, and all eyes would be on him is a fantasy and a dream.
Apparently he believed because he was there and wanted female attention, women were supposed to drop whatever they were thinking about or doing and make him the focus of their existence. Talk about a sense of entitlement!
It took every ounce of control I had not to laugh in his face. Sometimes I even surprise myself with my restraint.
Politely I asked him where he got the notion that he was a God. What I really wanted to say was “what a dork, can you get a clue?!”
Guys need to understand this – Women look at men when they are interested, and completely ignore you when they are not.
If a woman is not looking at YOU, that means she is not interested in YOU for whatever reason she has. She could already have a boyfriend, a husband, or someone she is focused on making her boyfriend.
Could be that she is thinking about the job interview she has in an hour, the hot date she has tonight and what to wear, worrying about her sick mother, the cost of her upcoming vacation, when the Midol is going to kick in and these cramps go away, or be fighting back tears as she is upset about the fight she had a few minutes ago with her sister.
Believe it or not, women have a lot to think about that does not have anything to do with men.
What men also don’t understand is that women have “check you out” skills that are comparable to light speed. Unlike men, we don’t have to stare for 5 minutes to get the whole picture. A woman can glance at you and in less than 3 seconds assess your confidence, body build and fitness, attitude, hygiene, marital status, intelligence, health, physical prowess, social skills, financial status, and thus, her interest.
If she looks then looks away and NEVER LOOKS AT YOU AGAIN, you didn’t make the cut. Move on.
Now if she looks at you a second time, she has questions and is looking deeper.
If she looks a third time and smiles, you’ve caught her eye and you need to seize the opportunity presented. Women will make eye contact with men they feel are on their level, and prefer not to encourage those that don’t stand a chance.
Accept that women’s worlds do not revolve around men and no woman owes you her attention, time, conversation or even a smile. If you get a woman’s attention, feel blessed. Single women are not here to make every guy feel better about himself, only the man she deems worthy.
And that may or may not be you.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Men's Issues
Listen. This isn’t rocket science. Men first assess attraction by physical preferences. Woman first assess attractiveness by a what he has the ability to offer her in multiple aspects. First assessments are narcisistic, that’s human nature.
Either way, if you completely ignore someone regardless of attraction and deem your time to valuable to waste even a second convercing with another human being, you’re a douchebag.
Thank you very much for this article, Deborrah! The following blog post references this article: http://humanofglass.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/dating-in-america/.
I hope that his comment is not showing up as a reply to “Anonymous 1”, but I had trouble with the commenting feature and was only able to post by using the reply feature.
Too Smart To Fail – Or not settle for a guy at all. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a loner and enjoying it (asexual orientation) or a lesbian. They should have the right to be their orientation and be left alone by people outside their orientation.
zz777 Razzy – Then men should ignore those women too, no matter what, and maybe they will give up this stupid sh*t of giving false signals. Women who give false signals deserve to be lonely for being manipulative like that. I have no interest in others in that capacity at all, and am sick of men who think I am playing hard to get. This whole concept of “needing” another person turns me off. I just want the freedom to run my own life and be ignored. Everything I wear, eat, do, or say is just for me. I’m not fresh meat, and I am nobody’s property. For someone to notice me at all, they are saying they own me and thus have a right to notice me. Many men try to twist my innocent behaviors into other things. Like if I am out late in the evening buying computer parts, my being out is not any communication of sexual interest. To me, all times of day are the same. Or, there was the time I was speaking to a friend behind a building. I was only taking a shortcut. After that, some other man kept following me with his truck. In anger and disgust, I yelled out, “Why do you think I’m some f**king wh*re?” He replied, “I saw you talking to that man.” So what? He was a person I knew a long time, and nothing we ever say to each other is romantic nor sexual in the least.
Or take the time I was checking out my new glasses to see if the Rx was right. I would cover alternating eyes and compare. Anyone, someone outside my ethnic group arrived at the intersection and thought I was making eyes at him. I forgot what I said, maybe, “Can’t a woman check her glasses without someone trying to pick her up? I’m not a d*mn wh*re!” For some reason, men of ethnic minorities seem to think everything a woman does is for them and can’t seem to understand the fact there are women like me who expect to get the luxury and privilege of living alone forever. To have ANY person living with you is to be controlled. To live alone is absolute freedom. I can keep the place as messy as I want, leave whatever lights on, go when I want, eat what I want, even choose when and if I brush my teeth. Most people are brainwashed into being enslaved to other people, and most are too stupid and weak to pull off living alone and really enjoy it as I do.
Razzy I agree with you. I don’t know why men are obsessed with proof when most women are more in the realm of emotion and sharing. I will take exception to one thing you say. Straight men do get hit on by gay men on occasion, and they do nothing to send out any signals. The factor is not a man’s orientation, but the number of gay men around him.
zz777 Razzy Then he should only approach those he both likes and are giving him signals. Desperation is the biggest turnoff. And there are women like me who have NO romantic nor sexual attraction to anyone, and when I don’t look at anyone nor give off signals, I mean just that. Just take me literally and forget all the pro-forma junk. I just want the right to ride my bike (my sole transportation) into town, buy things for my complete family of one person, without men approaching, particularly not men outside my race, nor men who are poor or have ANY vices. I grew up doing ALL the right things I was told to do, and now all the trash who grew up using drugs, breaking laws, sleeping around, all want to get with me. I often barricade myself in my own home and go days without eating because I am afraid of men approaching me, when I’ve never had that interest. I am afraid the next time one of these low-life, sex-saturated, black, drug-using, drunk, criminal scum come onto me, notice me, or call out to me, I might just do something that will get me put away for life. My only love is computers and science, as well as my own freedom and getting to call every little shot and getting to do EVERYTHING for myself in my life, my OWN WAY, and WITHOUT help of ANY kind. Why is that too much to ask just because I am an asexual woman born with the birth defect of TSism and who doesn’t drive? I may be on a fixed income, but I have ALL the SAME middle to upper class values I was raised with and wish to keep my entire life, and the religious fundamentalism I deliberately chose for me and wish to keep forever.
frankjum12 Well, I see a number of errors in your thinking. First, why did you assume her gas cap being off was your business? What were the ethnic demographics of both of you? Most WW are more independent and more conservative, and BM coming up to them to force help on them is not welcome. If someone is so stupid as to leave the cap off, then they need to learn from the consequences of their own actions. Maybe she left it off for a deliberate reason, or maybe it was stolen. Telling an intelligent person the obvious is offensive to them. When you help an intelligent person who doesn’t ask you for help first, you are in essence calling them dependent or stupid. Many White women communicate mostly by hints, and approaching a stranger at all is a hint, and forcing unwanted help on someone is a hint. I am a woman who wants ALL strangers to leave me alone. If I want contact, I will reach out to my family or chosen, existing friends. If I didn’t deliberately choose you as a friend first, you are not my friend and have no right acting “friendly” to me.
You mentioned the woman was attractive? Why did you do that? Why would it matter if you merely wanted to help them as an equal, just like giving advice to another man? You thought you could make an unwanted intrusion, treat her like she was stupid, and she would fall head over heels in love with you?
The woman was not being rude. You were. She was in HER SPACE and lost in her thoughts as nearly ALL women are when alone. She was not put there for you, and thus you were the one who bothered her and violated her private time. I bet again that she was White. White women have more need for solitude and alone time. BM always seem to be patronizing, overly helpful (a type of control), and treat others like idiots. She probably laid her ID where you found it for her own private reasons, and she had the right to leave it there and expect it to stay there. If you didn’t put it there, it is not your job to remove it. Why should she apologized for standing up for herself, and why would she owe you thanks for something she didn’t ask for nor appreciate.
Actually, everyone is supposed to be self-absorbed. When you are alone in public, you are only supposed to pay attention to you and your thoughts, and nobody has a right to approach you or break into your thoughts. If a woman is intelligent and enjoying being alone, and she has all the family and friends she wants, then you are violating her if you approach her and don’t already know her. If you have no “romantic interest” then don’t say or do anything to us you would not say to another man. If you feel you have to treat us differently, then you are veering into romantic interest.
Whether you like it or not, most women you see are happy with their lives and don’t want anyone else. Most won’t even like you, and they have that right. The street is just for traveling, and a restaurant is just for eating, and a woman should have a right to use either only for their intended purposes. Attractive or not, ALL women deserve the same space and full autonomy over their lives as men.
Anonymous 1 Whoever you are, you must be off your meds because your comment is all over the place off on some tangent that has absolutely nothing to do with the article. Either you didn’t read the article and only responded to the title that you read, or your reading comprehension skills are seriously lacking.
My wife ignores me every time I bring strippers to our house
Well, I know how men want attention. My my mom says my step father is jealous of the attention my mother gives me. I am 26 now, but that is the way men have always been to her. I now how it is when women neglect me, or feel silence is a response. A fact is women are becoming more prevalent in all parts of society. If you want the attention you imagine there might be ways to get it. I have heard fo places in Central America and South, as well as the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Also there are brothels in America. Ultimately you can respond in your own way to the rejection. Women don’t seem to care about how it feels to be left hanging without any sort of decency even the comment about right to carry weapons. Wow, I mean that one was nuts. Women can defend themselves, but to think someone is aggressively coming on is paranoia and they might need medications for that. “Legalizing prostitution would reduce rape cases in the U.S. by %25” Should Prostitution Be Legalized in the U.S. Well, since we all have some kind of “F U” attitude. Without a prenup a woman is entitled to half of the marital assets. Well, so I am ignored left to focus on my future and making myself happy, then a woman comes along and says now you’re ready, because my insurance policy is set up.
Razzy AndreAlwaysVarsityEllis
Razzy, you’ve turned down pimps like Andre to save face.
You know you could never control a man like Andre, so you get involved with a guy you have no respect for but can control, while secretly desiring a guy like Andre!
What?
AndreAlwaysVarsityEllis
I admit that many a black woman irrespective of their level, like mine and many more so than timid females of other ethnicities.
I admire black woman that go for their’s, they are aggressive and know what they want. Never turned one down because of it.
Deborrah
You are right, most woman don’t want average healthy males.
But like it or not, the majority of females are average or below average and expect guys who are out of their league to desire them. It doesn’t work that way in real life.
No guy looks for a woman who thinks he’s the bomb, those woman are always less attractive than him, that’s why he’s the bomb!
Guys speaking the truth woman don’t want to accept always equals whining in the ears of woman.
Razzy Ian123
Men stare at woman for more than 5 minutes because we enjoy how it turns us on.
If you’re wet after 3 milliseconds, good for you, real men take their time.
It just goes to show how helpless woman really are when they are attracted to a man who doesn’t reciprocate your interest and exposes how much power you really have at getting what you want.
It’s always the womans choice to go home alone, except in her mind it was always,’ I didn’t meet anyone interesting or there was no guys that got my attention’ when in reality, you forgot guys choose aswell.
Ian123 You got it!