Men That Don’t Take Responsibility For a Pregnancy Are Punks!
It’s time to address an issue that has come up repeatedly – that of out of wedlock babies and who is to blame. It’s been on my mind for months while I heard arguments from both camps and listened to the excuses from both sides.
Though both parties were less than mature and responsible, it bothers me that Black men seem to feel that it is the woman’s responsibility to monitor her fertility and protect herself from pregnancy, not theirs. Furious at being forced to pay child support, men are pointing at the few men in in the country that were incorrectly named as the father of a child they didn’t actually father.
The blame for the fact that a child is born out of wedlock is placed, again, solely on the shoulders of the female involved. Black men seem to prefer to stand aside pointing the finger of blame at a woman who “made” him become a father rather than take responsibility for his role in the madness. Blame may also placed on the woman for “lying” about who the father of her child is.
These fools need a serious reality check.
First off, if a woman is screwing you, Thomas, DeAndre and “Pooky” from around the block, and you stick your penis in her bare, you can’t blame her for thinking it might be your child! It could be yours, just as well as it could be Thomas’ and Pooky’s kid. You don’t get a pass just cause you want one.
After all, you were there homey and all UPPPPPPPP in that! So don’t get all irate thinking that you were so “falsely” accused of anything. You took a gamble. When you take a gamble you take chances and risk it all for whatever you think you are gonna get out of the deal. Sometimes you do win, but most of the time you lose.
So don’t you dare get upset when your paycheck gets tapped for 18 years of child support either. No one MADE you go to her house, pull off your clothes, kiss and hug on her and decide to have sex.
That was YOUR CHOICE.
No one MADE you go up in that bare, that was your choice. Screwing with no condom feels better you decided. No one MADE you orgasm in her and risk getting a fertile young woman pregnant either. Again, that was your choice. It was also your choice when you deposited your sperm inside her body. Once you transferred it from your body to hers, the sperm became hers (“possession is 90% of the law”). That means you relinquished control over the sperm and abdicated your rights to dictate what happens to it once you gave it to her. It’s not yours anymore to control. You have no more say-so over what she does with it. Again, that was your choice.
So see, you made a lot of decisions and choices that brought you to the place you are right now – the horror movie starring you as Somebody’s Daddy.
Many women would prefer to not have a baby by some man they aren’t really with. But too often what you start guilt tripping her about getting an abortion and say things like: “Abortion is worse than murder. It’s butchery. “Thou shalt not kill” is still in the Bible. If women hate babies that much, they shouldn’t have sex. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the bedroom.”
So she is wrong if she has the baby, and wrong if she doesn’t?
What?
Perhaps we should turn that around and say to the fellas: “if you can’t stand child support and crazy ‘baby mommas’, you shouldn’t have sex. If you can’t take heat of responsibility for fathering a child and paying monthly child support payments for 18 years, stay out of the pussy.”
Puts a whole new spin on things, doesn’t it?
I’m tired of hearing grown men (and any man that has sex is grown), whining that they aren’t ready to be a father, that they got tricked, that it’s not his kid, that he shouldn’t have to pay child support for a kid he didn’t want. If you are having sex bare with a woman you know is fertile, you are ready to be a father whether you affirm it vocally or not. Actions speak louder than words, right? You are doing everything it takes to become a father, right? You’ve known how babies are created since you were 6 years old, right?
So what are you talking about you ain’t ready?
Any sex you have, you need to think about the woman you are having it with. Consider this important question: would you want this woman to be the mother of your child? If the answer is “hell no!” then get your ass up, and get on. It makes no sense for you to lay up with a woman you deem to be unworthy of raising or influencing future generations that carry your last name and look like you. Be a man and stop thinking with your dick.
And forget trying to blame women and make them responsible for your sperm. It’s your responsiblity fool! Grow the fuck up! You monitor where your sperm goes and in whose body it is delivered. It is not a woman’s responsibility to manage you, your behavior, your dick, or your sperm grown ass man, it’s yours. Just yours. And only yours.
Bottom line guys is this – you were there. That is why you weren’t “sure” if it was yours or not. If you hadn’t been all up in that, you would know for sure and have fought the label of “Daddy” with everything you had.
But if there are doubts, when the child comes get a DNA test if you want to be sure. It’s very simple and can alleviate all doubts for a lifetime. The smartest tactic is not to admit to anything or sign anything until you have the DNA test results in hand.
But once you know, get over it. Don’t be angry at anyone but yourself. Man up and take the heat that comes with parenting. You dug the financial hole of responsibility you are now in… you did that to yourself by not monitoring or controlling where you put your dick.
Tune into the Date Smarter, Not Harder Internet Radio Show for a discussion on male responsibility for birth control. Hear reasons for why so many young men feel they can screw around irresponsibly and with impunity. If you miss the live show, you can still listen to the podcast. Click the graphic below to be taken directly to the show page.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Men's Issues
@evil sm Yes he chose to stick it in her. he didn’t choose to see his child every other weekend. she choose to be a shm.why does he have to compensate for her lazy decision?
Well actually when you chose to stick it in her, you took a risk and now you are in the night mare called baby mama drama. Which is why you should only stick it in women you are married to and want to be husband and daddy… Not some woman you had sex with. Again, your sperm, your responsibility, use it wisely.
so after reading all the comments and the article, it seems like everyone is blaiming men for everything when in fact it’s not the case…or does this article and comments only pertain to black men? what about guys who DID want the relationship, the baby, he whole nine yards and the bm is the one who left? what about guys who DO pay their cs to a women who won’t let them see the child? what about men who are paying cs to women who chose to be cry baby single moms? and don’t say that no one would chose to be a single mother because there are lots of women who leave good, decent men. my husband is a good decent white man who was planning a life with his ex gf. SHE left him and only decided to take him for cs AFTER he started dating me. before that, if the child needed something, she would call and he would buy it. seems to me that she was just being vengeful by taking him for cs. the child is CONSTANTLY used as a pawn. HE PAYS HIS CS EVERY MONTH >ON TIME< and hardly sees his child. by the ex gf leavig him, she accepted full responsibility for that child. she wanted full custody, she should provide fully for the child. she chose to be a single mother. she chose to leave. why force him to pay her to be a baby sitter. if she doesn't want to work t support her child, why should it all fall back on the man and welfare? you seem to have forgotten that aspect of the equation….yep he chose to stick it in her. he didn't choose to see his child every other weekend. she choose to be a sahm. why does he have to compensate for her lazy decision?
I have to agree with you Raz on your blunt comments. As a father of two teen-aged sons 14 and 17, my wife and I sat them down at 10 to teach them the birds and the bees. Then I took them aside and told them I would put my foot all up in their butts if they got some girl pregnant.
My sons know how babies are made and they know the role they would play in it to make a baby. My wife and I taught our sons that they are responsible for their own birth control. If a woman got pregnant it is because they didn’t take precaution. We also told them the value of waiting to have sex. I know it’s hard for teenagers, but we keep out sons involved in activities, sports, and other after school extracurricular activities to keep them occupied.
I do believe that too many teenaged boys have too much loose time on their hands which leads to mischievous behavior including having sex before they are mature enough to handle the responsibilities or consequences. I think this is a very good article and I have shared it with my male friends. The focus on the article is men needing to own up to their responsibilities if they get a girl pregnant.
I told my sons if they have unprotected sex, their hopes and dreams for the future will go out of the window because me and their mother will not be playing ‘grandparents’. They are on their own with that. They know we mean it too!
I think more fathers need to teach their sons to be responsible when it comes to sex and to be more present in their sons lives. They need to make sure their sons are involved in activities as well. Too many young black men are making babies in the Black community and not raising them. Too many irresponsible baby makers who then resent the mother for having the baby that they made.
This is a great article and I’m in total support!
Hmmm: “All people, regardless of gender, should have the right to choose whether or not they want to be a parent.”
What you’re refusing to accept is that when you have bareback sex and ejaculate your sperm into a potentially fertile woman,you are CHOOSING right then and there to become a parent because you are doing everything it takes to make a baby. So WTF are you talking about? You don’t want to become a parent, then keep your sperm out of the woman’s womb? That’s all on you dude. You can’t say you don’t want a baby when you did everything on your part to create a baby. Your actions speak louder than words.
Hmmm let me ask you a few questions since you persist in whining about this topic
1. Are you supporting kid(s) as a result of a pregnancy that happened that you didn’t want to happen?
2. If so, what made you decide to have unprotected sex with the woman when you knew the possible outcome could result in a pregnancy?
3. What steps did you take before sex to insure your sperm stayed out of her womb so a pregnancy wouldn’t be a result?
My goal is not to punish men, but your goal is to escape accountability for your own actions and deflect focus away from steps you could take all on your own to prevent a pregnancy. No matter how much you whine about it, once you give up your sperm, you give up your rights to decide what happens to your sperm and you are responsible (by law) if that sperm becomes a baby. You may not like it, but that is just the way it is so stop whining and accept that.
Now instead of whining on this blog about it, go forth and teach young men to be responsible when it comes to sex. Use your energy over what you can change and control and that is your own sperm. Teach young men to have responsible sex, get vasectomies, stop having bareback sex with women if they aren’t prepared to be a father, teach them to abstain from sex and only have it with the woman they are married to and want to make a baby with. It only takes one to prevent a pregnancy. That man has 100% control over his own sperm independent of that woman. Only he decides where it lands. All you’re doing is coming off as a whiny he-motional he bitch that refuses to accept reality and continues to whine because he wants things ‘his way’.
http://survivingdating.com/the-top-5-ways-to-know-if-youre-dealing-with-a-he-motional-he-bitch
Apparently my last response to you went somewhere else.
Yes, I agree that he is choosing to become a parent right then and there, IF you agree that she is as well. Then I’m on board with equal responsibility. However, since I am pro-choice, I cannot see forcing either to become a parent if either chooses not to be.
In response to your questions,
1. No, I’m not paying child support
2. N/A since #1 isn’t a yes
3. N/A since #1 isn’t a yes
My goal is not to escape any bit of accountability. My goal in the many posts I’ve made is only to say, treat everyone equally. As long as choice is available about being a parent after a pregnancy has occurred, then it should be available to all. Women choose to have abortions in most cases because they are not ready to be a parent. Well, that seems to be escaping the responsibility in your eyes…in my eyes it is one making a decision about their future. It should be available to all. Again, not escaping responsibility, but just like women, not signing on to it until you are ready to be a parent. It is what choice is all about.
I believe all people, regardless of gender should be responsible with sex. I would never say otherwise. I believe men should use condoms religiously for both the man and the woman’s well-being. I believe women should take birth control if they don’t want to get pregnant and not let any guy have sex with her without a condom. I have taught my son and my daughter equally about their responsibility.
I am glad my daughter has the ability to make a choice should something happen she wasn’t expecting. But I do not believe, in an equal society, that when choice is available about becoming a parent, that EITHER gender should be forced into it against their will.
Hmmm: “As long as choice is available about being a parent after a pregnancy has occurred, then it should be available”
This will never happen so you need to quit whining about it like he-motional he-bitch. Act like a grown azz man instead of a big whiny baby. Accept that this is not reality. You don’t get a fucking choice after you’ve ejaculated your sperm inside a woman and she got pregnant dummy. The time for a man to worry about ‘choice’ is before sex and not after a pregnancy has occurred after you gave your sperm to her, it’s no longer yours to control what happens to it. By giving up your sperm, you gave up your choice of whether you want to be a parent or not. Your sperm is now ‘hers’ to decide what to do with. That’s what you need to accept. Just because you think something ‘should’ be, doesn’t make it so. You just wanna argue for the attention, and you get no more mental masturbation stimulation from me. Go jack off by yourself and stop commenting with these silly ass illogical comments. STFU Hmmm
Thank you Raz for your comments. No sarcasm intended…they have been very enlightening.
I used to believe that these babydaddies on Maury and Steve Wilkos were fake–i cant believe that we black people sunk that low! about men who do these things–Ive heard though that it is the responsibility of women in general that is causing some of this chaos, –if we live less risky, guys of all colors wont be either passive and lazy or BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOU-my dad told me LONG TIME AGO that if a guy has sex BEFORE he knows how to take care of himself, hes ruined and you should have nothing to do with him