Men That Don’t Take Responsibility For a Pregnancy Are Punks!

| 09/08/2010 | Comments (44)

It’s time to address an issue that has come up repeatedly – that of out of wedlock babies and who is to blame. It’s been on my mind for months while I heard arguments from both camps and listened to the excuses from both sides.

Though both parties were less than mature and responsible, it bothers me that Black men seem to feel that it is the woman’s responsibility to monitor her fertility and protect herself from pregnancy, not theirs.  Furious at being forced to pay child support, men are pointing at the few men in in the country that were incorrectly named as the father of a child they didn’t actually father.

The blame for the fact that a child is born out of wedlock is placed, again, solely on the shoulders of the female involved. Black men seem to prefer to stand aside pointing the finger of blame at a woman who “made” him become a father rather than take responsibility for his role in the madness.  Blame may also placed on the woman for “lying” about who the father of her child is.

These fools need a serious reality check.

First off, if a woman is screwing you, Thomas, DeAndre and “Pooky” from around the block, and you stick your penis in her bare, you can’t blame her for thinking it might be your child!  It could be yours, just as well as it could be Thomas’ and Pooky’s kid.  You don’t get a pass just cause you want one.

out of wedlock children, single parent homes, unmarried mothers, baby daddy

After all, you were there homey and all UPPPPPPPP in that! So don’t get all irate thinking that you were so “falsely” accused of anything. You took a gamble.  When you take a gamble you take chances and risk it all for whatever you think you are gonna get out of the deal. Sometimes you do win, but most of the time you lose.

So don’t you dare get upset when your paycheck gets tapped for 18 years of child support either.  No one MADE you go to her house, pull off your clothes, kiss and hug on her and decide to have sex.

That was YOUR CHOICE.

No one MADE you go up in that bare, that was your choice.  Screwing with no condom feels better you decided. No one MADE you orgasm in her and risk getting a fertile young woman pregnant either.  Again, that was your choice. It was also your choice when you deposited your sperm inside her body. Once you transferred it from your body to hers, the sperm became hers (“possession is 90% of the law”).  That means you relinquished control over the sperm and abdicated your rights to dictate what happens to it once you gave it to her. It’s not yours anymore to control. You have no more say-so over what she does with it.  Again, that was your choice.

So see, you made a lot of decisions and choices that brought you to the place you are right now – the horror movie starring you as Somebody’s Daddy.

Many women would prefer to not have a baby by some man they aren’t really with.  But too often what you start guilt tripping her about getting an abortion and say things like:  ”Abortion is worse than murder. It’s butchery. “Thou shalt not kill” is still in the Bible. If women hate babies that much, they shouldn’t have sex. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the bedroom.”

So she is wrong if she has the baby, and wrong if she doesn’t?

What?

Perhaps we should turn that around and say to the fellas:  ”if you can’t stand child support and crazy ‘baby mommas’, you shouldn’t have sex.  If you can’t take heat of responsibility for fathering a child and paying monthly child support payments for 18 years, stay out of the pussy.”

Puts a whole new spin on things, doesn’t it?

I’m tired of hearing grown men (and any man that has sex is grown), whining that they aren’t ready to be a father, that they got tricked, that it’s not his kid, that he shouldn’t have to pay child support for a kid he didn’t want. If you are having sex bare with a woman you know is fertile, you are ready to be a father whether you affirm it vocally or not. Actions speak louder than words, right? You are doing everything it takes to become a father, right? You’ve known how babies are created since you were 6 years old, right?

So what are you talking about you ain’t ready?

Any sex you have, you need to think about the woman you are having it with.  Consider this important question: would you want this woman to be the mother of your child?  If the answer is “hell no!” then get your ass up, and get on.  It makes no sense for you to lay up with a woman you deem to be unworthy of raising or influencing future generations that carry your last name and look like you.  Be a man and stop thinking with your dick.

pregnant black woman single parent single mothers babys mommas

And forget trying to blame women and make them responsible for your sperm. It’s your responsiblity fool! Grow the fuck up! You monitor where your sperm goes and in whose body it is delivered. It is not a woman’s responsibility to manage you, your behavior, your dick, or your sperm grown ass man, it’s yours.  Just yours.  And only yours.

Bottom line guys is this – you were there. That is why you weren’t “sure” if it was yours or not.  If you hadn’t been all up in that, you would know for sure and have fought the label of “Daddy” with everything you had.

But if there are doubts, when the child comes get a DNA test if you want to be sure. It’s very simple and can alleviate all doubts for a lifetime. The smartest tactic is not to admit to anything or sign anything until you have the DNA test results in hand.

But once you know, get over it.  Don’t  be angry at anyone but yourself.  Man up and take the heat that comes with parenting. You dug the financial hole of responsibility you are now in… you did that to yourself by not monitoring or controlling where you put your dick.

Tune into the Date Smarter, Not Harder Internet Radio Show for a discussion on male responsibility for birth control.  Hear reasons for why so many young men feel they can screw around irresponsibly and with impunity. If you miss the live show, you can still listen to the podcast.  Click the graphic below to be taken directly to the show page.

male birth control, celibacy, preventing teen pregnancy, single parents, unwed births, teen fathers, baby daddy, baby momma

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," and "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on Examiner.Com, SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Men's Issues

44 comments
evil sm
evil sm

so after reading all the comments and the article, it seems like everyone is blaiming men for everything when in fact it's not the case...or does this article and comments only pertain to black men? what about guys who DID want the relationship, the baby, he whole nine yards and the bm is the one who left? what about guys who DO pay their cs to a women who won't let them see the child? what about men who are paying cs to women who chose to be cry baby single moms? and don't say that no one would chose to be a single mother because there are lots of women who leave good, decent men. my husband is a good decent white man who was planning a life with his ex gf. SHE left him and only decided to take him for cs AFTER he started dating me. before that, if the child needed something, she would call and he would buy it. seems to me that she was just being vengeful by taking him for cs. the child is CONSTANTLY used as a pawn. HE PAYS HIS CS EVERY MONTH >ON TIME< and hardly sees his child. by the ex gf leavig him, she accepted full responsibility for that child. she wanted full custody, she should provide fully for the child. she chose to be a single mother. she chose to leave. why force him to pay her to be a baby sitter. if she doesn't want to work t support her child, why should it all fall back on the man and welfare? you seem to have forgotten that aspect of the equation....yep he chose to stick it in her. he didn't choose to see his child every other weekend. she choose to be a sahm. why does he have to compensate for her lazy decision?

Phil
Phil

I have to agree with you Raz on your blunt comments. As a father of two teen-aged sons 14 and 17, my wife and I sat them down at 10 to teach them the birds and the bees. Then I took them aside and told them I would put my foot all up in their butts if they got some girl pregnant.

My sons know how babies are made and they know the role they would play in it to make a baby. My wife and I taught our sons that they are responsible for their own birth control. If a woman got pregnant it is because they didn't take precaution. We also told them the value of waiting to have sex. I know it's hard for teenagers, but we keep out sons involved in activities, sports, and other after school extracurricular activities to keep them occupied.

I do believe that too many teenaged boys have too much loose time on their hands which leads to mischievous behavior including having sex before they are mature enough to handle the responsibilities or consequences. I think this is a very good article and I have shared it with my male friends. The focus on the article is men needing to own up to their responsibilities if they get a girl pregnant.

I told my sons if they have unprotected sex, their hopes and dreams for the future will go out of the window because me and their mother will not be playing 'grandparents'. They are on their own with that. They know we mean it too!

I think more fathers need to teach their sons to be responsible when it comes to sex and to be more present in their sons lives. They need to make sure their sons are involved in activities as well. Too many young black men are making babies in the Black community and not raising them. Too many irresponsible baby makers who then resent the mother for having the baby that they made.

This is a great article and I'm in total support!

Raz
Raz

Hmmm: “All people, regardless of gender, should have the right to choose whether or not they want to be a parent.”

What you’re refusing to accept is that when you have bareback sex and ejaculate your sperm into a potentially fertile woman,you are CHOOSING right then and there to become a parent because you are doing everything it takes to make a baby. So WTF are you talking about? You don’t want to become a parent, then keep your sperm out of the woman's womb? That’s all on you dude. You can’t say you don’t want a baby when you did everything on your part to create a baby. Your actions speak louder than words.

Hmmm let me ask you a few questions since you persist in whining about this topic

1. Are you supporting kid(s) as a result of a pregnancy that happened that you didn’t want to happen?
2. If so, what made you decide to have unprotected sex with the woman when you knew the possible outcome could result in a pregnancy?
3. What steps did you take before sex to insure your sperm stayed out of her womb so a pregnancy wouldn’t be a result?

My goal is not to punish men, but your goal is to escape accountability for your own actions and deflect focus away from steps you could take all on your own to prevent a pregnancy. No matter how much you whine about it, once you give up your sperm, you give up your rights to decide what happens to your sperm and you are responsible (by law) if that sperm becomes a baby. You may not like it, but that is just the way it is so stop whining and accept that.

Now instead of whining on this blog about it, go forth and teach young men to be responsible when it comes to sex. Use your energy over what you can change and control and that is your own sperm. Teach young men to have responsible sex, get vasectomies, stop having bareback sex with women if they aren't prepared to be a father, teach them to abstain from sex and only have it with the woman they are married to and want to make a baby with. It only takes one to prevent a pregnancy. That man has 100% control over his own sperm independent of that woman. Only he decides where it lands. All you’re doing is coming off as a whiny he-motional he bitch that refuses to accept reality and continues to whine because he wants things ‘his way’.
http://survivingdating.com/the-top-5-ways-to-know-if-youre-dealing-with-a-he-motional-he-bitch

jubilee
jubilee

I used to believe that these babydaddies on Maury and Steve Wilkos were fake--i cant believe that we black people sunk that low! about men who do these things--Ive heard though that it is the responsibility of women in general that is causing some of this chaos, --if we live less risky, guys of all colors wont be either passive and lazy or BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOU-my dad told me LONG TIME AGO that if a guy has sex BEFORE he knows how to take care of himself, hes ruined and you should have nothing to do with him

Simon
Simon

I agree 100%. Any man having bareback sex with women resulting in pregnancy should be an engaged father, pay child support and raise the child period. Childish males and females have predilection for bareback sex, while the resultant children suffer.

shivers
shivers

Excellent article. Always a good read. I had this on-line conversation with some bloke a while back. When I suggested that abstinence was a good solution to an unwanted pregnancy for a man, the response was that the suggestion was "unrealistic" and "ridiculous". Well, what more could one expect, from a bloke?

Danta'
Danta'

I agree. Don't Have sex with men that are Punk Bitches. Professional Baby Daddies. Recognize it you'll save yourself awhole lotta heartache and pain.

Babs
Babs

Bank Machine "So there you have it — a man’s ‘responsiblity’ is to pay. It’s all about the money. Funny how he is supposed topay and she is untitled to his money,"

Now you're backtracking and saying

"Choice for Men isn’t about blaming one or other party for the pregnancy. It’s also not about money. It’s about having equal outcomes for both parties to the pregnancy. That sounds like a fair goal"

Which is it? First you say it's all about the money and in your next post you say it isn't. You don't know what you talking about. You up here trying to push some Choice for men" agenda and can't even get your stance clear.

Cassie
Cassie

You summed it up Raz when you said this

"you shouldn’t be giving women that kind of power over your own sperm. If you don’t want a woman to have that power over your life or your potential children, wrap up your shyt, keep your sperm to yourself and only deposit your sperm inside the woman who is your wife once youv’e made a conscious decision to embrace fatherhood. It’s as simple as that"

Men are punks when they refuse to take control over where they dump their sperm but then try to control what the woman does once that sperm has entered her body and becomes a part of 'her body' They don't have any say so at that point. LOL Too late, they are caught, time to pay the piper! LOL. Men keep your sperm to yourself and you don't have to worry about getting caught up.

Raz
Raz

@Bank Machine
wrote:
"Choice for Men isn’t about blaming one or other party for the pregnancy. It’s also not about money. It’s about having equal outcomes for both parties to the pregnancy. That sounds like a fair goal With Choice For Men, he gets the Choice to be a parent or not to be a parent just like she does. With Choice For Men, children come into families when the child is wanted, not because the child is conceived. Finally, we will be able to get rid of this argument about whether it’s the egg or the sperm that’s responsible. This is the gender equal solution"
**********************************************
Bank Machine you are refusing to see it because you don't want to accept responsibility for the choice that men have and continually refuse to take and that choice begins BEFORE conception, BEFORE an egg and sperm join. But you don't want to address that because to do so would mean you'd have to admit that men refuse over and over again to exercise that choice. So the buzzer sounds AHHHHH! Wrong answer.

The real and only choice for men is making the decision that when he decides to lay down with a woman and have sex, he decides right then and there if his sperm will meet an egg. His choice becomes either to (A) wrap it up, or (B) not have sex with that woman, or (C) have bareback sex. Those are his 3 choices. When men decide on choice (C) and have bareback sex with women, the potential for a baby to be conceived is always looming. If men aren't ready to be a daddy then they need to do what they should to prevent a pregnancy. Men are solely responsible for where they 'choose' to deposit their sperm. Inside the womb of a fertile woman or inside of a condom or not at all. (wow look at least 3 choices before a pregnancy even occurs!)

A man should never take at face value what a woman says about her birth control. He should take responsibility for his own birth control regardless of the woman. So you see all of this rhetoric about a woman choosing to abort or not, forced parenthood on a man if a woman chooses to have the baby, equal say so over whether the child should be born can be avoided if a man chooses to wrap up his dyck in the first place or better yet, not have sex with that woman. Then he doesn't even have to go there and worry about a woman getting pregnant and maybe aborting or not, because he wouldn't have created a baby in the first place.

It's not about an argument over whether it's the egg or the sperm that is responsible for a pregnancy. There is nothing to argue about that. This is biology 101, that's factual but it is also easily preventable by both men and women independent of the other and that is the crux of the matter you are refusing to acknowledge because you don't want to see the real truth.

You Bank Machine are refusing to take ownership for what You as a man can do to prevent a pregnancy in the first place regardless of what a woman does. When you sleep with a woman, YOU and ONLY YOU have control over where your sperm will land. If you don't want a baby, keep your sperm to yourself and make sure it stays out of her womb in the first place.
I know you don't want to hear this because for years, men have blamed single parenthood on women for "choosing" to get pregnant, but women don't get pregnant by themselves.

Just like you said, "Men have the choice to decide if he wants to become a parent or not just like she does". Yes Men Do have this choice but he has a limited window of opportunity to make that choice. He has to make that choice early on BEFORE he has sex with the woman. If he chooses to have bareback sex with a woman, then he Forfeits his choice on what may happen to his sperm once it enters into that woman's womb. The only way he can prevent this from happening is by making sure his sperm doesnt enter the woman's womb and potentially meet an egg in the first place when he has sex with that woman. It's as simple as that and this choice lies solely with the man and it isn't dependent upon the woman at all, on what she does or doesn't do. The woman has nothing to do with that. It's all on the man. .

You want to make it seem as though men don't have choices when it comes to becoming parents, that it's all contingent upon what that woman does. This is so not true. And you shouldn't be giving women that kind of power over your own sperm. If you don't want a woman to have that power over your life or your potential children, wrap up your shyt, keep your sperm to yourself and only deposit your sperm inside the woman who is your wife once youv'e made a conscious decision to embrace fatherhood. It's as simple as that. Accept it because that's just the way it is. And that is the gender equal solution. The man decides what he wants to do with his sperm BEFORE sex, once the sperm enters the womb, the woman decides what will happen to it. :-)

Bank Machine
Bank Machine

Choice for Men isn't about blaming one or other party for the pregnancy. It's also not about money. It's about having equal outcomes for both parties to the pregnancy. That sounds like a fair goal.

With Choice for Men, the man gets to drop all connection with the child just like the woman does if she decides to abort. (The same choices are available for adoption of the new-born.) The only difference then in outcomes for the man and the woman is:
- she can still decide to have the child or not have the child even if he decides to "abort" (drop all connection), but
- he can not have the child if she decides to abort (because it's "her body, her choice").
This is a small difference compared to the old way where she gets Choice and he gets Responsibility (support payments).

Of course if both decide to keep the child they will have to decide how to share the child. That's the normal situation.

With Choice For Men, he gets the Choice to be a parent or not to be a parent just like she does. This is the gender equal solution. Furthermore, Remember that that abortion is based on the principle "every child a wanted child". With Choice For Men, children come into families when the child is wanted, not because the child is conceived. Finally, we will be able to get rid of this argument about whether it's the egg or the sperm that's responsible.

People who are selfish and don't believe in equality won't like Choice For Men; and misandrists won't like it; likewise people stuck in the 20th century won't like it either. So much for Columbus, Ohio. The rest of the world will move on.
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Raz
Raz

@ boots, what the heck did you post? It's not even coherent.

"i dont think any of you have said anything , the truth of the matter is accountability has not been accepted on either side . The reality of the matter is really to answer this one question that no one dares to ask , which is ,” Did you lay down to conceive or to just have relations??” not to say that accidents don’t happen but quit trying to vaidate the whole situation a something that makes you a woman look any better that the man , the truth is you couldn’t leave the child is inside of you it dosent mean you were responsible it means you were there. He wasn’t your husband not saying that what he may have done was right but unfortunately it is what it is.."

HOOKED on PHONICS, learn to write a cohesive coherent sentence before trying to make your bogus point. Dang I hope you ain't somewhere making babies as ignorant as you come off sounding.

Raz
Raz

Bank Machine
(Of course you would be concerned with 'money aspect look at your moniker'
"She can have the child if she wants to be a Mommy, but if she “isn’t ready for a baby” she can abort the child the next morning or the anytime the next nine months, or she can let the child go for adoption. But the guy is supposed to be ‘responsible’ — and pay."

The guy could also make the initial choice to 'wrap it up' or not have sex with the woman since he is so scurred of child support as the article said. The onus on responsible sex lies with Both people involved. the onus on the man's decision of where he deposits his sperm lies solely with him regardless of what that woman tells you.

You talk about what the woman could or couldn't do, what about the man at the time they are getting busy? What can he do? What choices can he make? He can buy a blow up doll to get his rocks off, he can use his hand, he can wear a condom. He doesn't have to have barebacked sex. So if 'HE makes those initial choices, the rest of it, doesn't matter because no baby would ever be conceived in the first place.
When a man makes a choice to have sex with a fertile woman he should always keep in mind that a pregnancy could occur. You have bareback sex with women, you run the risk of a pregnancy end of story. The man makes the choice not to wrap it up, then want to cry foul when a pregnancy occurs. So yeah if a woman decides to have the baby she is 'entitled (not untitled) to get some money, babies cost money!! But if the man already knows he doesn't want kids, then stop playing Russian roulette with his dyck and having bareback sex with a woman even if she does say she is on birth control. Don't trust what you don't know for sure.

If he is so worried about it, then why have bareback sex in the first place and then want to talk about what a woman could do if she ends up pregnant? What about what a man could do when he decides to have sex in the first place? Why guys never look at it from that angle?

Deborrah
Deborrah

Like I said in my recent article Why Women Should Stop Having Children, it's NOT about the money. It's about the responsibility involved in raising a child - the time, the energy AND the money it costs to feed, clothe and educate a child, put a roof over its head, and make sure it has proper medical care. Children are not free!

And your attitude "entitled to his money"... WTF? You weren't thinking about all that when you were busy busting that nutt inside her now where you? And you want her to have the kid then raise it by herself? You are in your post bitching and complaining about WHICHEVER choice she makes, so your vote is therefore cancelled out and what you think matters not.

You think a woman that doesn't want to be a mother is going to breed and give you a kid that you can use to try to have power over her? Ha! Get real.

So again, if you don't want the responsibility of a child then keep that baby-maker in your pants and you won't have that problem. You sound like the very knuckleheads I wrote the article about. Silly childish males passing themselves off as men

Bank Machine
Bank Machine

So there you have it -- a man's 'responsiblity' is to pay. It's all about the money. Funny how he is supposed topay and she is untitled to his money, but the idea that maybe the guy would like to have the child for his own isn't an option. Funny how we hear about "every child a wanted child" when the discussion is Women's Rights, but it's it's all about the money when a man is the subject. It's funny that a woman has Choice. She can have the child if she wants to be a Mommy, but if she "isn't ready for a baby" she can abort the child the next morning or the anytime the next nine months, or she can let the child go for adoption. But the guy is supposed to be 'responsible' -- and pay.

Choice for Men.
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Margaret
Margaret

Great article! I have been reading your stuff and I love it!! I also sent you a friend invite on youtube.

boots
boots

i dont think any of you have said anything , the truth of the matter is accountability has not been accepted on either side . The reality of the matter is really to answer this one question that no one dares to ask , which is ," Did you lay down to conceive or to just have relations??" not to say that accidents don't happen but quit trying to vaidate the whole situation a something that makes you a woman look any better that the man , the truth is you couldn't leave the child is inside of you it dosent mean you were responsible it means you were there. He wasn't your husband not saying that what he may have done was right but unfortunately it is what it is..

Deborrah
Deborrah

The spermicide in modern condoms kills sperm quickly... those stories about women rescuing sperm from a used condom are carryovers from the 1970s when most condoms were sheepskin and the latex condoms weren't yet treated with Noxonyl-9. So you are correct, that is just an excuse.

And every man should know you get up while everything is still hard, and runnnnnnnn to the bathroom, flush the used condom, wash your hands and your dick with soap, then get back in bed. That is how a man that wants to make sure he doesn't get anyone pregnant handles things.

Raz
Raz

great article. I wish this could be blasted out to every man who is out there. Women are bearing for too much blame for men's behavior. Men will tell stories of women saving the condoms punching holds in the condoms going to get the condom out of the trash can. I've heard all sorts of stories men tell for how a woman will try to pin a baby on them even when they do use a condom. I don't know how a man could sleep through a woman rolling a condom down from his organ. Besides, most men get up and flush the condom down the toilet. Those far fetched stories are too wild to be believed and sounds like something generated from Hollywood. In fact, I believe on Ugly Betty there was an episode where Vanessa William's character did something like that, rescued sperm from a discarded condom so she could use it as leverage to take over her late ex lover's company.
But in reality, this is few and far between. Most men get women pregnant because they didn't 'wrap' it up and then they want to get mad because nowthey have to face the music. (the pitter patter of little feet music).

Razzy
Razzy

@evil sm Yes he chose to stick it in her. he didn't choose to see his child every other weekend. she choose to be a shm.why does he have to compensate for her lazy decision?

Well actually when you chose to stick it in her, you took a risk and now you are in the night mare called baby mama drama. Which is why you should only stick it in women you are married to and want to be husband and daddy... Not some woman you had sex with.  Again, your sperm, your responsibility, use it wisely.

Hmmm
Hmmm

Apparently my last response to you went somewhere else.

Yes, I agree that he is choosing to become a parent right then and there, IF you agree that she is as well. Then I'm on board with equal responsibility. However, since I am pro-choice, I cannot see forcing either to become a parent if either chooses not to be.

In response to your questions,

1. No, I'm not paying child support
2. N/A since #1 isn't a yes
3. N/A since #1 isn't a yes

My goal is not to escape any bit of accountability. My goal in the many posts I've made is only to say, treat everyone equally. As long as choice is available about being a parent after a pregnancy has occurred, then it should be available to all. Women choose to have abortions in most cases because they are not ready to be a parent. Well, that seems to be escaping the responsibility in your eyes...in my eyes it is one making a decision about their future. It should be available to all. Again, not escaping responsibility, but just like women, not signing on to it until you are ready to be a parent. It is what choice is all about.

I believe all people, regardless of gender should be responsible with sex. I would never say otherwise. I believe men should use condoms religiously for both the man and the woman's well-being. I believe women should take birth control if they don't want to get pregnant and not let any guy have sex with her without a condom. I have taught my son and my daughter equally about their responsibility.

I am glad my daughter has the ability to make a choice should something happen she wasn't expecting. But I do not believe, in an equal society, that when choice is available about becoming a parent, that EITHER gender should be forced into it against their will.

Raz
Raz

Shivers men want women to take full responsibility of just about everything when it comes to 'relationships' and that includes sex. Men are lazy and irresponsible. I've heard men blame a woman for getting pregnant by saying, "She didn't 'make' me wear a condom'. (rolls eyes) ridiculous! Why does a woman have to 'make' a grown azz man wear a condom? Shouldn't that be his responsibility? Shouldn't he take the initiative on his own birth control independent of her? These men want to have bareback sex, get up shake their dycks off then move on. But trust to whine about child support payments and point the finger of blame at the woman for 'not making them wear a condom'.

But for too long patriarchy society has pointed blame solely on the woman for being a baby mama while not holding the man accountable for 'choosing' to have bareback sex.

I'm glad Ms. Cooper wrote this article to point the finger at the man too. He is equally responsible. He chose to have bareback sex, nobody forced him to do it.

Doesn't matter what that woman says or doesn't say. If he doesn't want to make a baby with a woman, then he needs to keep his sperm to himself, get a vasectomy or take a chance wearing a condom, or abstinence. Neither of which men want to do.

Deborrah Cooper
Deborrah Cooper

Yeah, I don't understand why they play Russian Roulette with their sperm, then get angry when their brains get blown out with a baby and their money snatched for 18 years of child support. They refuse to take responsibility for controlling where their sperm goes, thinking that WOMEN should be responsible for preventing them from becoming fathers. lolol! Men these days are such big ass irresponsible babies, I swear.

I did a show on this topic on BlogTalkRadio entitled "Dyck in Pants Birth Control - The Best Baby Daddy Prevention Program in the World!"

Deborrah Cooper
Deborrah Cooper

You are stupid and say stupid things. Which is why you have been blocked from the site.

Raz
Raz

Danta: "I agree. Don’t Have sex with men that are Punk Bitches. Professional Baby Daddies. Recognize it you’ll save yourself awhole lotta heartache and pain."

Again missing the entire point of this article and trying to turn it around and tell the woman 'what not to do' and not holding these 'professional baby daddies 'accountable for spreading their sperm' around making the choice of having bareback sex and making babies. It takes 2 to make a baby, why do you choose to lecture and tell the woman 'what not to do' and not address the man and tell hiim 'what not to do?

Hmmm
Hmmm

"The man decides what he want to do with his sperm BEFORE sex..."

I cannot see anyone writing this type of statement who is pro-choice. So many pro-lifers use this exact same argument for women..."she should have thought about that BEFORE having sex."

I can't believe for a minute that any woman doesn't understand that the primary reason for abortion is not about not wanting a baby growing inside them...it is about not wanting a baby. 93% of abortions are performed due to a woman "not being ready to be a parent" because of school, job, living situation, relationship situation. So she HAS the ability to control the rest of her life with one decision after a pregnancy has occurred. And this is what we fought so hard to bring about.

What I find odd, if not hypocritical, is hearing the exact same arguments come from a group that I would expect would understand the choice for what it is. If a woman makes an individual decision to have a baby and support it on her own, why can't she?

Pregnancy and parenting are obviously two separate choices. Pregnancy is all woman. But parenting SHOULD be a mandatory responsibility by both. So let's have a go at a question to bring it home to those with little or no empathy apparently. If a woman were to choose to have a baby, but it was automatically handed over to the daddy and she was forced to pay child support...but did get to see it once every two weeks, would you consider that an appropriate and fair outcome? Remember, parenting is something BOTH can do. What if the court automatically gave custody to the father like it currently does to the mother? Can you begin to see how perhaps the EQUALITY word, so cheaply thrown around by a few on this blog, is not really as "equal" as it seems to be from only one point of view?

Why not let both parties autonomously choose their future? What would be wrong with that?

It sure as heck beats telling her to keep her skirt down if she doesn't want to be forced to carry the pregnancy to term. She had that "choice" before she slept with him. I believe it is WRONG to say that to my daughter...but I also believe it is WRONG to say that to my son. To base responsibility level on gender sets women's rights back! I don't believe men are so much more responsible than women that they are forced to think about it before sex, but she is given an out, all the way up to adoption and just dropping the baby off at a hospital if she doesn't want the responsibility. To be seen as equal in society, one must be held to the same standards of responsibility...it can't just be legislated. Equality REQUIRES equal responsibility be taken. To give one more or less based on gender is setting society up to not see each other as equal. One is a victim that needs to be helped and the other better learn to take on the responsibility of a fully-equal citizen.

It's weird hearing anti-choice comments with the exact same pro-life arguments coming from what I would normally think would be a pro-choice group.

Raz
Raz

Hmmm: "As long as choice is available about being a parent after a pregnancy has occurred, then it should be available"

This will never happen so you need to quit whining about it like he-motional he-bitch. Act like a grown azz man instead of a big whiny baby. Accept that this is not reality. You don't get a fucking choice after you've ejaculated your sperm inside a woman and she got pregnant dummy. The time for a man to worry about 'choice' is before sex and not after a pregnancy has occurred after you gave your sperm to her, it's no longer yours to control what happens to it. By giving up your sperm, you gave up your choice of whether you want to be a parent or not. Your sperm is now 'hers' to decide what to do with. That's what you need to accept. Just because you think something 'should' be, doesn't make it so. You just wanna argue for the attention, and you get no more mental masturbation stimulation from me. Go jack off by yourself and stop commenting with these silly ass illogical comments. STFU Hmmm

Raz
Raz

Hmmm, you wrote all of that BS just to sum up the following. Men don't want to take responsibility for where they 'CHOOSE' to ejaculate their own sperm. Basically you are whining. As soon as the onus is put back on the man for his sperm, you come talking noise. Bottom line is this. Regardless of what a woman says or does, you the man choose what happens to your sperm. If you don't want to risk a pregnancy with a woman you ain't ready to make a baby with, then keep your sperm out of her potential fertile womb. PERIOD! End of STORY! Then all this other old rhetoric you're talking about would be irrelevant.

A woman can walk around with her skirt up around her neck and her Vjay wide open, that doesn't mean you have to bust a nut off up inside of it. If you do, that's YOUR CHOICE! And you are complicit with running the risk of getting that woman pregnant. If you are doing everything you can to make a baby, which is getting your dyck hard, inserting it into a vagina (that could be fertile), and ejaculating your seed into said vagina, then you are in effect playing Russian Roulette with your sperm hitting pay dirt and possibly making a baby. You don't want that to happen, then keep your sperm to yourself simple as that.
Like I said before. A man is responsible for what he does with his sperm before sex. That's your window of opportunity. You could (a) go inside a woman bareback, (b) rap up your dyck with a condom (still some risk in condom breaking) (d) abstain from sex until you are ready to risk a pregnancy with a woman you WANT to make a baby with. All of this is solely on the man independent of the woman. These are YOUR choices.

Hmmm: "I can’t believe for a minute that any woman doesn’t understand that the primary reason for abortion is not about not wanting a baby growing inside them…it is about not wanting a baby"

What kind of dumb statement is this? This is saying the same thing. LOL, If a woman doesn't want a baby, that means she doesn't want one growing inside her as well silly.
And all this old dumb talk about equality as pertains to pregnancy doesn't amount to a hill of beans. Once you willingly give up your sperm by ejaculating it inside of the woman, you forfeit the right to have any say so over what happens to that sperm. It is now 'hers' to do with what she wants. If you don't want a woman having that kind of control over your baby making sperm, then keep it to yourself.

It IS your son's responsibility to control and choose where he ejaculates his sperm. It's not that woman's it's that man's. It's his sperm not hers and he chooses where it goes. It's not 50/50 it's 100% his responsibility. It takes 2 to make a baby true, but only 1 to prevent a pregnancy. Stop whining and take responsibility for your sperm.

Deborrah Cooper
Deborrah Cooper

Both parties don't get to choose their future. If she has that damn baby, SHE is the one stuck with it while he goes on off to do whatever he wants to do with whoever he wants to do it, including making a dozen more babies and leave them too.

Equality will be achieved between the genders only when men can get pregnant, destroy their bodies, die in childbirth, and be abandoned by sperm donors in numbers equal to that of women and children. When men are gang raped by 18 or 20 guys and abducted and killed by the hundreds of thousands, equality will be achieved.

Until that day comes, I stand by my words and I don't really care if you don't get it. Your ass will have a whole new understanding if your daughter turns up pregnant by a man she thought loved her, that your family loved and cared for, and he turns his back on her and runs away. Let's see how clear your understanding is then. That 20/20 vision you are gonna have will hurt. Then I want you to reflect back on this nonsense you posted.

Hmmm
Hmmm

Thank you Raz for your comments. No sarcasm intended...they have been very enlightening.

Raz
Raz

Hmmm: "I would never suggest a man demands what a woman does with sperm…but I would never suggest a woman demands that a man finances her decision on what she did with that sperm."

Fortunately nobody gives a shyt what you suggest and your 'suggestion' is not the law. Again (since you are low on comprehension), when a man willingly gives up his sperm and does everything he can to make a baby inside of a woman, he forfeits his control and his rights over what happens to his sperm. That is the way it is, and all of this whining back and forth doesn't change that. You CHOSE to screw the woman bare, and you have to suffer the consequences of that. So stop whining Hmmm and pay that child support payment you owe and be the father you need to be to the babies you made. You should have thought of all of this before you busted that nut inside that woman to make a baby.

Your actions said you DID want a baby with her, otherwise you would have kept your sperm out of her womb in the first place. Stop coming on this blog to whine about the same thing over and over as you can see you aren't changing anybody's perspective or getting anyone to co-sign to your childish immature selfish nonsense. You need to grow the hell up and take responsibility for the consequences of your CHOICES. You screw a woman bare, ejaculate inside of her, your actions (not your words) is what speaks the loudest. Nobody give a dayum what your mouth or your thoughts say. Action speaks louder than words. You don't get to fuck a fertile woman bare, and then whine about what she should/could/ be doing after the fact with the sperm you willingly ejaculate (give) inside of her womb. The time for thinking about what happens with your sperm is before the fucking fool, not after and only you have total control over your own sperm. As for STUCK with a decision, when you fucked a woman bareback you chose to give her the power over your sperm and you chose to willingly put yourself in a position to be STUCK so stop whining when your dumb ass actually gets STUCK because you wanted that to happen. If you don't want to get STUCK, then STICK your dick in your pants and keep it moving.

Raz
Raz

Hmmm: "I also do not believe a woman should be able to tell a man what he “should” do if she becomes pregnant. “Choice” is available. Why not give it to all and end the discussion?"

All this back and forth is just a waste of energy and unecessary rhetoric. Accept the fact (whether you like it or not) that the only choice a man can control is where he CHOOSES to ejaculate his sperm. That's it. If he ejaculates inside of a woman, he forfeits his right to have a choice about what happens to his sperm. He can be FORCED to be an unwanted father, but he brought that shit on himself by CHOOSING initially to fuck a woman bareback and make a baby inside of her. A man has a limited window of choice and that window occurs before sex. After he releases his sperm, he has relinquished his control and his choices. That is fact and that is what is. All this stuff you're whining about is fantasy and how you'd like things to be for the man. Where the man gets to fuck without consequence and then control the woman after he willingly fucked a baby up in her. It doesn't work like that. You sound like a fool who is paying for babies you willingly made but don't want. You should have thought about that, before you busted a nut inside of a woman and made a baby. A man CHOOSES to ejaculate inside of a woman and he has to accept the consequences of his action. END of STORY!

Hmmm
Hmmm

I would never suggest a man demands what a woman does with sperm...but I would never suggest a woman demands that a man finances her decision on what she did with that sperm.

All people, regardless of gender, should have the right to choose whether or not they want to be a parent. Yes, birth control is available and is a responsibility, but if a pregnancy occurs, I would NEVER want a woman to STUCK with her decision from the night before, but in the same breath, I would NEVER want a man to be STUCK with her decision the day after.

If your goal is to punish men, then there is no logical discussion that can be had. Go flog a few. If one is to objectively view the situation, then autonomous choice gives all citizens freedom to choose their future. I guess it will be up to the future society to determine if they want puritan law that holds one accountable due to their gender. If so, I cannot see Roe vs. Wade staying afloat in that society. I firmly believe it needs to and in order to get it entrenched, choice about ones desire to be a parent needs to be a right for all, not a privilege for some.

Hmmm
Hmmm

I don't tell women what they "should" do. I never have and never will. Men should not and cannot tell a woman what she "should" do.

Now, I happen to believe in equality. So I also do not believe a woman should be able to tell a man what he "should" do if she becomes pregnant. "Choice" is available. Why not give it to all and end the discussion?

What is feared from giving a man a choice as to whether or not he wants to be a father after a pregnancy has occurred? Women have the choice and society hasn't collapsed. It can only empower women to make the right choice for themselves. If they know HE doesn't want to be a father, then perhaps they won't be coerced into carrying the pregnancy by a government dead set on pretending they will find funding for it from a guy, who in most cases, makes less than $20K per year. Currently, I believe society lies to women and causes them to make decisions that are NOT in their own best interest.

But if we step back and let everyone make the decision about what they want or do not want with their future, the anger subsides and the truth gives everyone the ability to live their lives as they see fit, without either being held responsible for the other's decision. Isn't that freedom?

Deborrah Cooper
Deborrah Cooper

Men have the right not to stick their penis up anyone's pussy. That is their complete and total power of choice. Women are often forced to have a penis up their pussy. Women are lied to by men that want to get their penis in her pussy by saying they love the woman, want to be with her, cherish her. But they lie. Just to get the chance to stick their penis up her pussy.

Does that mean a woman should have to suffer the rest of her life with that asshole's evil spawn? Hell no. Just like he had the choice to keep his dick to himself along with his sperm, she has the choice whether or not that sperm he transferred over to her body ends up in a life that she will be responsible for. Whether his ass writes a check 1x a month or not, the one doing all the WORK for the damn kid is HER. So fuck all that nonsense you are talking. When men start getting pregnant and birthing babies, then you can talk. Any muthafucka that drops his sperm and keeps it moving without a care in the world has no rights and should not expect to have any when it comes to whether that accident becomes a child or not.

Raz
Raz

Hmmm: "Then let me un-genderize your statement. So if you are not a complete sexist,"

You are the idiot who is making this out to be a gender issue. This is about men taking responsibility for their own sperm instead of solely blaming the woman. Historically society has unfairly blamed the woman for an unwanted pregnancy while nobody held men accountable. Men have always whined that a woman 'trapped him by getting pregnant', tricked him by lying about her BC', and all the other rhetoric that lays blame solely at her door but says nothing about the man CHOOSING to have BARE BACK sex with the woman and thus being complicit in risking a pregnancy.

You are the complete knucklehead who is doing everything you can to in a a lame attempt to deflect responsibility off of the male and put it solely in the hands of a woman. Any male fucking knows how babies get made. If a woman opens up her legs and 'accept the sperm' that means the man is willingly going in between them and putting 'His' sperm in her womb, and by doing that he is saying he is willing to risk her getting pregnant with the sperm he CHOSE to deliver inside of her fertile womb. A mature responsible man would still take steps to protect his own sperm if he doesn't want to risk a possible pregnancy regardless of if he is faced with a willing woman with open legs. He would still realize that her 'open legs' doesn't mean he gets a pass with taking responsibility for where he ejaculates his sperm.

Every time you have sex dude, you risk a pregnancy. Don't want the risk, then stop fucking simple as that. You're not entitled to pussy risk free just because you want it. Same as every time you get behind the wheel of a car, you risk an accident happening whether by you or someone else. Life is filled with risks. There are no guarantees and you can't control other drivers on the road, all you can do is control yourself and your decision whether to drive or stay off the road. Same as fucking. You can't control the woman you're fucking, all you can do is control yourself and your decision to abstain from fucking to prevent a possible pregnancy.

Hmmm: "if you are not a complete sexist, then you must also believe that once you willingly open up your legs and accept sperm, you forfeit the right to have any say so over what happens to your eggs."

WRONG! A woman's eggs are always in her possession and always belong to her and she has the sole right to decide what to do with 'her eggs. Her eggs don't leave her body and become a part of your body. They are never yours to dictate to her what to do with them. They reside in her body as does the sperm which also belongs to her once you 'give it to her when you ejaculate inside of her womb. Therefore you have no grounds to demand what she ought to do with that sperm. Same as if you donate blood to a blood bank. Once you voluntarily gift that bank with your blood, you have no right to dictate to that blood bank what they do with that blood because it now in their possession. Same goes here, once you gift that sperm that woman, you have no right to dictate to her what happens to it. So if you're worried about what happens to your sperm, then make every effort to keep it out of her womb. The only time a woman forfeits the right to have any say so over her own eggs is if she becomes an egg donor.

Raz
Raz

Hmmm: "I don’t believe we should hold women responsible for an unwanted pregnancy. But I’m not a sexist"

Then why are you constantly talking about what a woman 'should' do if she finds herself pregnant? Why don't you talk about what a man 'should' do with his sperm. You fail to talk about what men SHOULD do with their sperm BEFORE a pregnancy can occur. Males like you don't want to take responsibility of your own sperm, instead you keep on talking about an unwanted pregnancy. If males like you are so worried about a woman having an unwanted pregnancy, then keep your 'unwanted sperm' out of her vagina. No sperm= no pregnancy=no child. Simple as that. Regardless of that woman, you Hmmmm and only you are responsible for your own sperm, that is the part to focus on. You just want to whine incessantly and be defensive and deflect attention away from you taking sole responsibility for your own sperm. This tells me that you are too stupid to have responsible sex and instead want to whine and bitch about what a woman should/could/ be doing after she receives the sperm you willingly delivered inside of her fertile womb.

Hmmm
Hmmm

"Once you willingly give up your sperm by ejaculating it inside of the woman, you forfeit the right to have any say so over what happens to that sperm."

Then let me un-genderize your statement. So if you are not a complete sexist, then you must also believe that once you willingly open up your legs and accept sperm, you forfeit the right to have any say so over what happens to your eggs.

Therefore, you would have to believe abortion should be illegal. Unless of course you only want to be able to punish someone else...

Your logic is complete sexism. But I guess it's OK if you're female to be completely sexist right? Time to get rid of all those men and put them in their rightful place...to support women's decisions. Now that's a real nice attitude to have toward someone who has supported women's rights to choose. Thanks...guess I can say I'm just glad you weren't a man in the 70's giving all your logic as to why women made their choice the night before. Now you're a bit more vulgar than they were...but it's OK, you're only talking about men.

Hmmm
Hmmm

It is kind of interesting how "choice" gets all crazy and pro-choicers start sounding like 1960 republicans, all high and mighty about holding people responsible.

I don't believe we should hold women responsible for an unwanted pregnancy. But I'm not a sexist...I don't think anyone should be held responsible for a child they do not want. A woman just gets rid of it, either before or after birth (abortion/adoption/fire station). A woman...she can (and should) be able to choose whether a baby has life...but a man...oh hold up...when it comes to financing her decision, there should be no choice for him.

It makes no sense. So no, I didn't take the time to write out the issue logically so that MEN had no responsibility...I took the time to write it out logically to express that BOTH men and women should have the same ability to choose whether or not they want to be a parent.

Your anger and girl-power mentality is no better than those who want to make abortion illegal by holding a woman to the same responsibility level as men are currently held to.

Hmmm
Hmmm

"Just because the Duke claim was dismissed doesn't mean it didn't happen."

Well, actually, she recanted her story, and the prosecutor dropped the charges, so no dismissal was necessary. The district attorney went so far as to proclaim those accused as innocent. So no, it never did happen. I don't need to go into a vault to find violent women. It happens all the time. Human beings by nature are violent; HOWEVER, most of them can control themselves. To think that women aren't violent is to thumb ones nose at reality.

In most relationships, the woman has either slapped, hit, kicked, punched or thrown something at her boyfriend/husband at one time or another. Just because it didn't send him to the hospital didn't mean it didn't happen.

And as far as digging through history, it is hard to claim women are not offenders with this list that only includes teachers...the list is much larger for the general public:

http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=39783

I'm not saying all women are anything. I am only saying it is not a male perp/female victim issue. It is a perp/victim issue in which men are the highest percentage of both, but women exist in both as well.

It appears we may not be able to communicate as I don't believe all men are inherently violent (and I haven't quoted any scientists as it was suggested). I believe all men CAN be violent just as I believe all women CAN be violent, but it is not because they are born that way. That would be a sexist thing to say. Each individual makes their own choices and MOST individuals are good people, both women and men. But there is a negative side to both as well...not due to gender, but due to choices.

Deborrah Cooper
Deborrah Cooper

ALL MEN ARE VIOLENT - some are just better at keeping it under control. But men's very nature is to respond with violence towards others. Therefore, your premise that most are not is faulty.

Scientists, the same ones you all love to quote when it benefits you, have proven thousands of times that the hormone that rages through men's bodies, the hormones that give you facial hair, chest hair, muscles and deep voices - testosterone - is also responsible for the aggressiveness and violence that men have. MOST MEN. Really, ALL MEN until they get old or sick and their levels of testosterone drop and their levels of estrogen (the female hormone) increase. When men get soft and grow man boobs they are just as sensitive and non-aggressive as females.

Just because the Duke rape was dismissed did not mean it didn't happen just like she said. And being arrested for a crime does not mean that one is guilty of it. Same as being convicted these days.

If that were not the case, THE INNOCENCE PROJECT would not have gotten hundreds of men - most of them Black - off Death Row around the nation that were convicted and sentenced for crimes they did not commit.

And I find it interesting how you had to go into the archives to find ONE case where a woman was involved in an assault against a man when there are thousands in the news on a daily basis which share the crimes of men against women and children. How you can say that MOST men are not violent is laughable. Means you are living in a dream world and need to put that pipe down and take a real look at the crimes going on around the world. MEN are responsible for the crimes against humanity, against the planet, against women, against the government, against rights and freedoms, against children, against healthy food, against fair wages, against women's rights, against the poor.

ALWAYS IT'S MEN DOING DIRT THAT HURTS OTHER PEOPLE EN MASSE.

Hmmm
Hmmm

Yes, most violent crime is caused by men, but the perpetrator in these discussions is irrelevant. It's the victims that you want saved.

You have to remember that MOST men are not violent, so to blame men for violence is wrong. To set a stage that men are at fault, would be like setting a stage that African Americans are at fault since most inmates are African Americans. MOST African Americans are not incarcerated and are great people...to even insinuate differently is just plain wrong.

I give you this as an example of what your logic is doing. When most victims are men (and I understand you don't care about them), it is disingenuous to feign ONLY women as victims when the rate is five times as many in the opposite.

ALL violent crime should be abolished. It is no more evil to sexually assault a woman than it is to kill a man. A victim is a victim. We can't blame victims for the crimes. The crimes are committed by the perpetrators. Because the majority are one gender, one race, or one religion, it is false and sexist, racist, or bigoted to blame all in a category, and it doesn't belong in civilized society.

Violent crime will always occur as long as there are people in the world. The woman who claimed the Duke rape was just arrested for murdering her boyfriend. I do not blame all women for that. And I would never factor that in to any relationship advice as it is a specific event that does NOT reflect on all women.

It is disheartening enough to have the sides of Republican and Democrat...do we really need to have war with men and women? Isn't equality about treating each other with respect and not pigeon-holing one for being part of race, gender or religion? We need to get past the stereotypes to really join efforts to stop all violent crime, INCLUDING the crime that happens to both women and men.

Deborrah Cooper
Deborrah Cooper

Who cares if men are victims of violent crime? They are being violent TOWARDS EACH OTHER. So if you all want to kill each other off, go right ahead. I only care when you start involving women and children in your bullshit. Women are victims of sexual assault at a rate of 50:1 over men. Men rape women, men kill women, men rape men, men kill men. Notice the consistent theme here - MEN ARE VIOLENT MURDERING RAPISTS.

Now are you happy with your society? Why don't you focus on getting men to stop being violent towards each other and women instead of coming on this site bitching about the fact that men are rapists?

Hmmm
Hmmm

"When men are gang-raped by 18 or 20 guys and abducted by the hundreds of thousands, equality will be achieved."

A real humanitarian I can see. Perhaps your gender issues cloud your judgment. By your standards, if women haven't been gang-raped by 18-20 guys or abducted, then they are not yet equal either?

Not sure where you were going with that, but again, your logic just doesn't add up. Either equality is about everyone or it is about no one. I cannot believe that you'd want to see your son or even someone else's son gang-raped because it happened to a woman. But who knows...you may just be that angry.

And did you know men are victims of violent crime at a rate of 5-1 vs. women? A woman may be raped, but for every one, 5 men are killed. Is that equal enough, or do we have to kill five women and rape one man for you to be happy with society?

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