My Man and His Brother are Not Speaking Because of Me

| 02/27/2012 | Comments (0)


Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Prior to our recent wedding, my husband and I had been telling everyone that we would be having a wedding very soon. All of our friends and family seemed very supportive. As the day approached, we assumed we had everyone’s blessing. However, my husband’s brother apparently did not take our relationship seriously, and is not speaking to my husband. He feels that marriage will only make my husband unhappy and that it was not a wise decision. I was very hurt, as he and I seemed to get along very well before now.

I understand why he thinks this, as my husband’s parents did not have a good relationship and his brother has had his share of very bad relationships as well. My husband told me not to worry about it, and that his brother would just have to accept things. However, I feel like I am getting in the way of his relationship with his brother. I don’t know what I should do. I love my husband, but I feel guilty about their not speaking.

Caught in the Middle

Dear Caught in Foolishness:
When I was growing up and we got into thinking about or doing dumb shit, my mother would always make us get busy doing some sort of housework. We lived in a 10 room converted Victorian style home in San Francisco and there was ALWAYS something that needed dusting, waxing, polishing, washing, weeding, mulching, watering or sweeping. We quickly learned to focus on sensible things and to never, ever open our mouths and tell my mother that we had the time or energy to do dumb shit.

So to you I say, people that waste their time feeling guilty about nothing that involves them obviously don’t have enough work to do.  If you were busy, you wouldn’t have the time nor the energy to worry about what some stupid, grown ass man thinks or feels about your marriage to another grown ass man.

Really, you should be glad that they aren’t speaking. That way, there is no reason for this brother that feels animosity towards you to come near your home or anywhere around you. I’m wondering why he has such a high level of emotion about his brother’s wedding, and the only thing I can think of is that he is jealous that his brother married you instead of him.  Be on alert for this guy. Hey, I watch Forensic Files and The New Detectives, and see how jealous men try to destroy relationships and the woman they are fixated on that they believe rejected them for another man. Even if that is not the case, this guy’s reaction is irrational and weird.

I suggest that you leave this situation alone and stay out of grown man’s business. They are men and they are related. Do not interject yourself into their conflict because its not your business. The brother is not a child. You are not his momma. So you don’t need to worry yourself about any aspect of his existence. He is your husbands brother, not yours. And if your grown ass man is not concerned about it, you need to take a clue from him and think about something more important, more positive, more growth oriented, and more fun. Like a new sex position or something useful.

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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