Stranger Rape and Date Rape – Know the Difference

| 05/15/2013 | Comments (0)

A group of rapists in prison were interviewed by researchers on what they look for in a potential victim. Here are some of the interesting facts gleaned from those interviews:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential stranger rape victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for distracted women texting, talking on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.distracted by phone in busy street or parking lot can make you vulnerable to rapists

4] The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it before they get close enough to put their hands on you.

Protecting Yourself From Rape and Abduction

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: “can’t believe it is so cold out here,” or “look like we’re in for a bad winter.” Something I learned to do growing up in San Francisco is to turn around and face them, and either stand there until they pass me OR start walking backwards and staring them directly in the face. Once you show courage and you’ve seen their face and could identify them in a police line-up, you lose appeal as a target.

Pepper Spray 2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell “Stop!” or “Stay back!” Most of the rapists the researchers talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray, yelling “I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!” and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you probably can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a self defense class told the class she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists said is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. One woman said that her instructor did it to her without using much pressure, and she ended up on her knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

Abduction and Rape Survival Tips

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This move has saved many lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, START THE ENGINE AND LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side or the front of the car near the wall. Peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (ALSO DO THIS BEFORE GETTING INTO A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic and “nice” to everybody. STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Date Rape or Acquaintance Rape

Now, let’s discuss date rape or acquaintance rape, which is actually much more common than stranger rape.  Dr. David Lisak, University of Massachusetts Boston, is a professor of psychology. A part of his work included conducting research on rape. After date rape women are confused about the events

The research methodology utilized by Dr. Lisak and others is this. Men on university campuses were invited to participate in a written survey on life experiences, including sexual experiences. Embedded in the survey are questions such as:

“Have you ever had sexual intercourse with an adult when they didn’t want to because you used physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they didn’t want to cooperate?”

These questions are framed to meet conservative legal definitions of rape, attempted rape, and other forms of sexual assault. Respondents are only asked behavioral questions; and they are not asked whether they have committed rape or other criminal acts.

The researchers then interview the respondents who say “yes” to the questions about forced sex.

Dr. Lisak’s research has documented statistics like the following. In one sample of 1,882 men, the subjects were representative of the diverse American population, had an average age of twenty-eight, and were employed and attending college part-time. The results revealed that 120 men had committed 483 rapes against women they knew . None of these rapes were ever reported.

Of these 120 rapists, 44 men committed a single act of rape and 76 were serial rapists who committed 439 rapes, an average of nearly six rapes per rapist.

The research on undetected rapists shows the same pattern as is found among incarcerated rapists: a small number of men commit the majority of crimes. But these undetected rapists do not reflect the stereotypes about rapists that have been derived from the incarcerated population or invented to explain the phenomenon of rape.

In the course of twenty years of interviewing these undetected rapists, in both research and forensic settings, it is clear that the stereotypes about rapists are false. The stereotype of a rapist is a ski-masked stranger who jumps from the bushes with a knife or gun and inflicts terrible, visible injuries on his victim. The reality is 180° away from this stereotype.

In fact, the vast majority of date rapists:

  • Personally know their victim;
  • Have access to consensual sex from wives or girlfriends;
  • Are educated and employed;date rape or acquaintence rape is very common
  • Come from every racial, ethnic and economic group;
  • Are not mentally ill;
  • Plan and premeditate the assault;
  • Rarely use weapons;
  • Rarely inflict serious visible injuries;
  • Use only instrumental violence, meaning only the level of threat or force needed to terrify and coerce their victims into submission;
  • Use psychological weapons—power, control, manipulation, and threats—backed up by physical force, and almost never resort to weapons such as knives or guns;
  • Use alcohol deliberately to render victims more vulnerable to attack, or completely unconscious;
  • Are as likely to be serial and multi-faceted offenders as are incarcerated rapists.

What is also clear from this research is that so-called “date rape” is not a pleasant evening gone bad because of too much alcohol. These undetected rapists plan and premeditate. They have a scheme for getting their victims into a secluded place where they will be vulnerable. Alcohol is part of this plan, intended to make the victim vulnerable.

Send this URL to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazy men in it at college campuses, at your job, on television, on dating sites, and living next door. Do all you can to protect yourself from date rape and stranger rape.

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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