The Ho Test – How and Why Men Test Women’s Values and Morals
“I ended a 9 year relationship a almost a year ago, and met a man that I consider to be ideal. We’ve been hanging out and having a mostly sexual relationship. He has a wonderful personality and my family likes him. Why are we not committed? Well, he has a live-in girlfriend…”
“I met this guy about a year ago. We never had sex, but on our first date he told me that he had a rubber and I told him that I didn’t want to have sex on the first date. I still see him around. I’m lonely and need a companion and would like for this guy to be the one…”
“I have a wonderful boyfriend of almost 2 years. We are having sex and very much in love. There is this other guy though that I dated before my current boyfriend, and I’m starting to have feelings for him again. We went on a motorcycle ride together and he was putting the moves on me. I want to cheat on my boyfriend in the hopes that I don’t get found out. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t get this other guy out of my head…”
“I met this guy 3 weeks ago. He has a girlfriend, but says its not like he’s married or anything. We talk everyday for about 30 minutes. He asks me what kinds of things I like in bed, what I am wearing, and things like that. What’s going on here? If he does have a girlfriend, why is he acting so interested in me?”
“I’ve been dating this guy for six months now but our relationship is so strange. I only see him once or twice a week at night when he gets off work and we have sex. When I page him he calls me back a day or two later (I don’t have his home number). He never takes me anywhere and I have yet to meet his friends or family or even to go to his house. What is going on?”
“I met a guy recently that I found out has four children by four different women. He is staying with a fifth woman that he claims he is just using for a place to stay. He wants us to get together, and promises to be committed. He says he was young and immature and that’s why he wasn’t faithful before. He has even discussed us moving in together, having a baby and even what our children would look like. He says that I am the woman he has been looking for. Do you think he is for real?”
“I have had many dreams about my friend/boss and told them to him. One night he was giving me a ride home after a night of drinking and we kissed. I got mixed signals because he has a girlfriend. I really like him. What should I do?”
“I work with this guy and we are good friends. Recently we admitted to each other that we are mutually attracted. The problem is he is married. Seems to be happy – he talks about her all the time. Yet every day we stare into each other’s eyes and whisper those secret comments we know we shouldn’t. He hasn’t made a move to do anything intimate, but I know he thinks about it just like I do. I don’t want to lose his respect for me, but every time I look at him I feel the fire.”
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This article is going to upset a lot of women. They are going to be angry with me and tell me that I am ignorant and don’t know what I am talking about. They are going to refuse to accept responsibility for their role in the game, instead pointing the finger of blame while angrily declaring that MEN are the ‘ho’s, not women.
This article is good for you ladies, kinda like cod liver oil (not too good going in, but if you take it, you’ll see the positive benefits!) It is going to set women straight about the many secretive, yet serious tests run by men to screen females they meet. It will tell you which women pass the tests and go on to become respected partners and wives in committed relationships with men that truly adore them, and which are lied to, cheated on, stood up and generally treated like… well, like ‘ho’s.
I am not going to discuss HOW women ‘ho and the differences between being an incidental ho and a professional who has made ho’ing a lifestyle choice. I’m just going to stick to a very narrow subject matter – how men test to see if you ARE a ho or not.
Why Are Women Tested?
Though its true that women choose the men in their life, a man that has been around the block is not desperate, and he is not going to allow you to catch him if he doesn’t want to be caught! He may date you FOR YEARS but won’t agree to advance the relationship. Men have more power before a relationship is firmly established while the women in his life try to get him to meet their emotional needs and commitment expectations. Women tend to have more power within a relationship once the man has fallen in love and becomes attached to her. And the reality is that ALL MEN WILL TEST A WOMAN – nerds, players and even “the marrying kind,” however each of their tests has a different focus or intent:
Players test women to see how desperate they are and what a woman will take just to have him around. Every woman in his world serves a strict purpose and he always has room for some other sucka to give to him. He tests to see how weak you are, what your expectations might be about the men in your life, what he can get away with and how easily you might be manipulated and used.
A guy that has been hurt badly before, been cheated on or used by women, or that has been told stories about or seen his friends and relatives being lied to, cheated on or used is very apprehensive about loving. He doesn’t want those horrible things he’s heard bout to happen to him! And he is extremely defensive and leery of commitment and being used. His tests will be focused on what is wrong with you and why he is justified in ruling you out as a suitable mate. Since he is wounded and not ready for a relationship, his tests run primarily to validate his belief that all women are trifling like the one or several that hurt him previously.
A man that is seeking a mate will test with the intention of judging you as a down woman. He is also testing to screen you out, but it’s with the goal of finding a woman that he can settle down with because HE is ready for it. But first, he needs to know what your expectations are of the man in your life and if he can meet those expectations – mental, emotional, physical, financial, sexual.
He wants to know intelligent you are and if you recognize game being thrown your way; how assertive you are about expressing yourself and establishing acceptable boundaries – not only for his behavior but for the men who have been in your life previously. He will test to see how honest you are; what kind of person you are; if he can trust you around his friends or other men; and how well you hold up to the pressure that is going to be exerted by other men about your figure or beauty.
A “good man” will test you because he needs to be extraordinarily sure you are the woman he needs and wants in his life before committing himself and opening up his heart, home and wallet. He has to have trust in you and feel secure that you won’t betray, violate, trick or purposely hurt him. He wants someone that his mother and sisters and aunts will welcome into the family with open arms – not pull him aside and ask him what the hell he is doing! He needs to know you will be an asset that brings him contentment and satisfaction over a long period of time, not a worrisome liability that COSTS him in some big way.
Passing His ‘Ho Test
A man is not going to tell or warn you in advance that he is running the ho test – that defeats the whole purpose of the pop quiz! And there are no rules or guidelines for execution of the ho tests either. Some of the tests may seem harsh, unfair, and perhaps indicate the existence of a double standard with regards to sexual expression.
Don’t waste time fighting and arguing about it ladies, instead learn the enemy… arm yourself with KNOWLEDGE!
The bad thing about the women in the skits above is that they (a) didn’t know they were being tested; and (b) don’t KNOW they failed the tests and have been labeled certified low class, trifling, cheating, lying, or money grubbing ho’s.
The men that ran ho tests now know that these females are either stupid or desperate, as they have no strength, determination, focus, morals or standards for performance for the men in her lives. He may begin to treat her in a manner that suggests she should be bagged up and set out at the curb for trash pick up.
In the second half of this article I will outline some of the many tests men run and how you (if your goal is to be viewed as a woman worthy of respect, admiration and commitment by a mature man who has his stuff together), must respond to them.
OP 01/02/1999
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
I love this article, and will share it…I test men…which is why this article does not bother me. There are men that I don’t give a time of day to, but to those that I do, I give them the dog test. I use the same approach as this article, except for one thing… er I better keep that a secret…