We Broke Up and She Won’t Give Me Back the Stuff I Bought Her!

| 07/27/2011 | Comments (3)


Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Why do so many girls promise to return your gifts you gave them after they break up with you, but they never do, and when you call them out that they’re lying and won’t return them, they get mad at you?

Want My Stuff Back

Dear Want:
Okay let me get this straight. You are dating a young lady and you VOLUNTARILY gave her a few things that you claim you wanted her to have. You gave these things to her because you cared, because it was her birthday or Christmas or Valentine’s Day or because you were out and saw something cute and you thought she would like it. You gave it to her, she was happy to have it and you were happy you gave it to her.

But then when the relationship sours and she wants out, you want to turn petty and spiteful and demand all your gifts back. Then you get an attitude with the girls when they don’t return them?

I have a question for you: what kind of low budget, grudgeful, hateful, strings attached giving chump are you?

The only thing that you give a woman that you have the right to get back is an engagement ring. If she breaks off the engagement, she should return the ring as it was given WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF SECURING A PROMISE FOR MARRIAGE. If that promise is broken, the ring goes with it.

Other than that, you don’t get SHIT back homey. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. You think relationships are like that, then you need to (a) date only your selfish self; (b) give gifts only to your mother.  Since a gift is given to someone you love is supposed to mean something and be from your heart, it’s not like you can turn around and give those used items to some other woman, right? So what the hell do you want with them?  I know, you are just being petty and spiteful, like I said.  You don’t want them, but you don’t want HER to have them either. You’re mad cause you spent money on a woman that now doesn’t want you and your little feelings are hurt.

Get over yourself!

No woman in a romantic dating relationship is required or obligated to return the gifts her man gave to her. Unlike you, most men are happy the woman has the gifts he made or purchased, because even if the relationship sours the woman has sentimental reminders of a tender time spent with a great guy – while it lasted. The women you dated are angry at you for your behavior because you are such a disappointment, she wonders why she even wasted her time.  By acting selfish and spiteful like this, you destroy her image of you as being a great guy.

In closing, if you are giving things with the intent that they give you rights of ownership or stake a claim in a woman forever, you have this whole thing all twisted up in that confused little head of yours. You need to learn how to let go and stop being so hateful and mean. No woman is going to want to be with you with that kind of attitude.

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Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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  1. Andrea says:

    I used to think this was just a “Black guy thing”, because the only guy I ever dated who wanted a gift returned was Black, but I’ve been watching some court shows where the people demanding stuff back have been White and Latino as well. Also a few women wanted gifts back.

    Not surprisingly, the only judge who thought they had a right to get gifts back (if they were male) was Judge Joe Brown. He is such an obvious misogynist.

  2. R.C. says:

    A prime example of an Indian Giver. My ex-husband pulled some dumb sh*t like this when we separated. For a Christmas gift, he purchased a chair for me to go with my computer desk. He probably didn’t pay no more than $50-$100 dollars for it. I didn’t realize the chair was missing from its place until one day I happen to be sitting on the other side of the room from it on the phone with my best friend.

    My first reaction was shock. Shocked that he could be so petty and trifling over a f*cking chair. The second reaction was disbelief. The(13)years we were together and as much money I spent on him, holidays, birthdays, not once did I consider or have ever taken anything back that I had given him.

    I know it was done out of spite but to take back a chair?! Like he’s gotta be kidding me???? My girlfriend and I just laughed about it a few minutes later. That incident just revealed his true character, a side I never witnessed before and gave me another among other reasons to divorce him .

  3. i have never heard of such…men really expect a gift back??? like, you bought me a MAC giftcard and I have to give you the makeup back? seriously? LOL dude good luck

    i’ve heard of splitting things maybe from sharing a home together or stuff like that, but he makes it sound like ANYTHING he gives has to be given back. wtf?

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