Why Asking Men for Closure is a Dumb Move
Women tend to act confused when a guy suddenly leaves “a relationship” and stops taking their calls, responding to their texts, coming over to visit, asking them out, etc. They wanna act all brand new like he was the love of their life and their heart is broken into smithereens about Clown Ass Fool #79. To feel better about things being over, they want the guy to talk to them about why things ended and how hurt they are and what they thought was gonna happen and all that.
Ladies, you need to understand that men don’t wanna deal with your emotional shit, and that is why they do the fade to black breakup. It is rare to find a guy who will just straight up TELL you to your face why he doesn’t want to deal with you anymore. Prepare yourself going into any new relationship that him pulling a disappearing act is probably how things are gonna go down at the end. Why?
Because if at any time a dude feels you are not the one for him – something you said, something you did, something you DIDN’T say or do, or because he met someone he likes more, or just because it’s Tuesday – the bottom line is he doesn’t want what you want. Anything else told to you as an explanation or justification are just empty words. The bottom line is this situation isn’t what he wants, and he is out.
However, rather than tell you that and deal with the repercussions, he just does a Casper ghost thing. Because it’s easier.
Some women feel that men who behave in such a manner are cruel, insensitive, sociopaths, liars, players and a host of other things. Unless you are about to walk down the aisle and he jumps ship, I can’t be mad at him.
Hey, that blackout style of ending nonsense is my style too! So I totally get why he would want to avoid a big emotional scene trying to give you “closure” that you could easily give to yourself .
In my case, I don’t want a dude asking me why I don’t wanna be with him anymore. Cause I don’t! That is the only answer that need be given.
I don’t want him saying “but I love you!” That’s your problem, cause I never ever told you I loved you!
I don’t want to have to deal with him whining or crying or cussing, or wanting to talk about the shit endlessly.
Ugh.
Why is she still calling me?
I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk to you either. In my world it’s all about me and what I want. When I’m done I’m out. No goodbyes, no explanation because I don’t owe you one. I don’t want to be bothered hearing about your feelings, because I don’t care about your feelings. I only care about mine. And right now you are making me sick with all this.
I’m a woman and if that is how I feel, imagine how a guy feels?
So ladies, I’m not saying you have to be as matter of fact as I am, but you really do need to understand that once a dude has made the decision to exit from your world, he has no fucks to give about you or your feelings.
He is not going to provide you with anything, and it is silly for you to expect him to. Your feelings about him leaving and the end of the relationship are not his responsibility – they are yours. He’s gone, he ain’t coming back, move on.
Just like his tumbleweed ass came blowing through, so will others. When a man leaves you, there is nothing you need ask him for or seek for your own solace. You must handle yourself like a grown woman and comfort yourself in your disappointment that things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to.
If you need a hand to hold, call a female friend. Or your mother.
But don’t you ever, ever call the clown who left you behind asking HIM to help you heal. You are guaranteed to get your feelings hurt when he laughs in your face, or tells you “fuck you!” or doesn’t respond at all cause he is thinking you are too dumb to “get it.”
Always maintain your dignity and never beg a man for acknowledgement of you as a person. If you do you will set yourself up to get your feelings hurt and your heart broken.
That is all.
Deborrah Cooper
Social Researcher, Advice Columnist and Author
Visit my blogs for more information on dating and relationships at www.survivingdating.com and www.askheartbeat.com
Weekly podcast at www.blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat
YouTube at www.youtube.com/debsterism
MsHeartBeat
Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder, Women's Issues
Thanks for your article.