Why Black Women Are Their Own Worst Enemy

. 05/16/2011 . 16 Comments

Just this week, a Japanese fool (ahem scientist) penned an article which appeared briefly on the Psychology Today magazine’s website.  It was quickly removed. The article reported on the relative attractiveness of Black men and women in comparison to men and women of other races. I refuse to repeat the gory details, because the racist rantings of a short stubby little idiot are of little importance here. After all, we’ve all had our IN-box and eyeballs flooded with questionable analysis, brazen stereotypical untruths in the form of “news reporting,” and shaky “studies” about Black women over the past three years.

Instead, I need to discuss the behavior of Black women when it comes to this kind of journalism. Is it low self esteem, self-hatred or both which motivates Black women to share, post, and discuss such garbage both in cyberspace and offline in the real world?

Black woman using computer to forward upsetting post about Black womenIn order to keep one’s mind free of self-limiting, doubt-inducing, esteem shattering thoughts, we must be ever mindful of the messages we feed ourselves. Most people are highly impressionable and believe the things they see on television, or read in newspapers and magazines. In their mind if its being reported on television or written about in a name media outlet, it must be true! (For reference, these are the same people that believe they can learn about lovemaking from watching pornography, that Obama wasn’t born in the U.S., and that there was no Holocaust.)

In other words, most people are rather stupid, and wait on others to tell them what to do, be, say, wear and think. Many men and women seek validation from others… from people and institutions outside themselves that they are okay. This is a very sad statement about our society, and especially about Black women.

Despite the great strides in education and accomplishments of Black women in the United States, there is still an element of insecurity and doubt about feeling deserving of success in most of you. That lingering doubt about both yourself and other Black women is what I think motivates you to seek out and gleefully spread toxic words — things that are wholly poisonous to your spirit.

So I asked myself:  Why is it that Black women repeatedly visit websites that laud women of other races as being more beautiful or better than Black women?

These sites would lose advertising dollars and go under quickly if Black women did not visit the sites en masse to get a daily dose of mental poison. It’s almost as if Black women love to feel bad about themselves and look for ways to feel pain! Over and over these sites and media outlets print stories and broadcast shows that show Black women in a poor light. These shows garner huge ratings… the websites get huge numbers of hits and make big bucks.

Sadly, most of the viewership and click-throughs come from Black women that set themselves and other Sistahs up to be used as pawns in the mental/verbal abuse and mind games of White media.

It saddens me to see educated, polished Black women so anxious to share invalidating, denigrating commentary with other Black women. Because every time you read or hear something which negates your attractiveness, intelligence, desirability, skin color, hair texture, marriageability or morals – your self-esteem is damaged. Little by little you are allowing your sense of who you are and what you can become to be chipped away.

You are, by sharing links and text to such trash, helping to damage the hearts and minds of millions of young Black women. You are doing the work of racists FOR THEM by promoting and marketing their product of hate! You are the sole reason their messages of hate are going viral!

Posting one article of nastiness in cyberspace, or advertising one program which denigrate Black women and making sure that one Black woman knows about it guarantees that messages of hate will be on the lips and in the minds of every Black woman in the nation within 48 hours. While you all proclaim indignation and go on and on about how horrible “it” is, you are making money for people that have a vested interest in seeing you hate yourself and fail.

Stop it right now!

Stop visiting websites that don’t honor and respect Black women in all her glory. Stop clicking on links to stories with headlines that proudly announce anything negative about Black women. Stop sharing stories about “colorism”… Black women come in more than 400 different shades of brown, and we are all Black women. Stop sharing stories about fraudulent “research” by racist scientists and Group of happy young black women bonding and sharing laughsnews-media outlets.

Stop spreading the nasty comments and videos made by Black men (or men of other races) about Black women’s desirability or marriageability or independence. Stop talking about and focusing on negativity. Instead, talk and think about investing for retirement or creating mentoring programs for young people in your community.

Instead, think about teaching a low cost “great nutrition for a family on a budget” cooking class for young mothers. Think about getting friends together and starting an exercise and weight loss support group.  Write an article or start the book you’ve always wanted to write.  Think about things that will uplift yourself, each other and our daughters.  Think about world travel, education, art, dance, or other creative projects that enrich the female spirit and calm the soul of the Black woman.

Please stop focusing on what idiots think and say. No matter how many times you read it or discuss it, the fact remains that idiots will continue to say idiotic things because that is what idiots do.

Instead of helping poison the minds and break the spirits of Sisters, set an example of strength and purposeful direction for your children and those that are watching you. Do not be a “look at what they are doing to us/saying about us now!” groupie, following others down a path of emotional death and psychic destruction. We are beautiful, we are intelligent, and we can manifest anything that we envision. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from being successful.

Dream big, then go out and make your dreams come true.

Until next time.

i
10 Votes

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues


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