Why Does My Boyfriend Always Claim to be Broke?
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
When I first started dating this fellow he treated me like a queen. He took me out for nice dinners and we had wine on the beach quite a few times (very romantic!). That treatment lasted less than a month. Then he started telling me that he was broke.
Now, I don’t expect him to spend money on me all the time, and I can understand being a bit short on cash because of bills, but he’s always broke – even right after payday! I’m trying to be patient with him, but I’ve ended up paying for everything. Even the little things like ice cream at McDonald’s, or coffee at Starbucks in the mornings.
I know you are going to tell me that I have the option to say no, but these are things that I want to do too. However, doing all this treating has put me in a situation where I’m getting behind in my bills. I’ve started to tell him that I’m broke too. I want to be romanced by a man, I don’t want to be his caretaker.
What can I do to get him to at least pay for himself?
Signed,
A Girl in Canada
Dear A Girl in Canada:
You my dear have fallen prey to one of the most common pimp games out there.
What guys do is treat you like you are wonderful, special, important for a few weeks to a few months; then they pull the rug out from under you and get elbow deep in YOUR pocketbook. Though his scale is small, the mentality this guy has towards you is the same of any street corner pimp. With the pimps, the next comment is “you need to go out and make us some money.” The way they derive at it is for you to sell your body to “a friend of mine.” The women feel confused – they love the guy and understand that he has been spending a lot of money on them and the relationship, so they feel pressured to “contribute” and to “help him” keep things afloat. The next thing the naive woman knows, she is turning tricks on the regular and making him $1000 a day prostituting herself.
There is nothing for you to do here. You do not have the power to get him to see anything, change anything or pay anything either. He has you right where he wants you, and all it costs was a few dinners, a couple of bottles of $7.00 wine, and gas to drive to the beach.
My suggestion is that you immediately dump this loser. Dude is so suspect it’s not even funny.
Any man claiming to be broke right after payday is either setting you up to put you on the street, getting his salary garnished, paying back a bail bondsman, dealing with baby’s mama drama and child support, gambling like a fool, or messing with some SERIOUS drugs. It’s as simple as that. None of those things make any sense for a single woman to be bothered with. Get rid of him.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Dating Advice
@moviemonk-You want to be the woman? You tired of being the man? Simple…don’t date. Or…date women who want to ‘equal rights” everything. Your preference is personal…deb’s response is for a global audience.
Damn, quit whining already. Entitlement? So don’t give your money to a woman. What’s the matter? The women you want are “entitled” women? Level playing field? All’s fair in love and war! A woman is supposed to do whatevah she wants to do…period. If she doesn’t want the 50/50 split-PASS her by. You want it easy, right? Why you gotta be the one to search-because that’s work and effort? “Entitled” women want men who work and put in the effort? So you want 50/50 and the women you like don’t?
Question Deborrah, when actually does that thing called equal rights come in to exisistence? I agree this guy is a loser, no question. But when does this entitlement phase supposed to translate into we are equals and your time and money is just as important as my time and money. In 2012 when is the playing field level. I would appreciate a real answer and not that men are supposed to do this and that propaganda that normal comes from you. Again in the above case the guy is wrong. But when and what is a woman “supposed ” to do???
@moviemonk When a man is dating a woman (dating, not in a relationship) he pays for dates. Once they start dating consistently and on the way to a committed relationship, or better yet in a committed relationship, she pays. This is the way things are done. When men pay for dates, they are showing that they are the provider and can handle taking care of that woman and any children she may have with him. If a man can’t do that or if he’s resentful of doing that, then he doesnt’ need to date. Dating isn’t about ‘equality in the way you are making it out to be. Men like you want to come off as cheap and fearful of being used, yet you want the sex and wifey benefits from a woman without investing too much of your time/energy/money. Only black broke men seem to have this silly cheapskate attitude. Men who have money and means realize that dating means the man pays until such time they have established themselves into a couple and the woman can chip in an pay sometimes as well.