Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
When I first started dating this fellow he treated me like a queen. He took me out for nice dinners and we had wine on the beach quite a few times (very romantic!). That treatment lasted less than a month. Then he started telling me that he was broke.
Now, I don't expect him to spend money on me all the time, and I can understand being a bit short on cash because of bills, but he's always
broke - even right after payday! I'm trying to be patient with him, but I've ended up paying for everything. Even the little things like ice cream at McDonald's, or coffee at Starbucks in the mornings.
I know you are going to tell me that I have the option to say no, but these are things that I want to do too. However, doing all this treating has put me in a situation where I'm getting behind in my bills. I've started to tell him that I'm broke too. I want to be romanced by a man, I don't want to be his caretaker.
What can I do to get him to at least pay for himself?
A Girl in Canada
Dear A Girl in Canada:
You my dear have fallen prey to one of the most common pimp games out there.
What guys do is treat you like you are wonderful, special, important for a few weeks to a few months; then they pull the rug out from under you and get elbow deep in YOUR pocketbook. Though his scale is small, the mentality this guy has towards you is the same of any street corner pimp. With the pimps, the next comment is "you need to go out and make us some money." The way they derive at it is for you to sell your body to "a friend of mine." The women feel confused - they love the guy and understand that he has been spending a lot of money on them and the relationship, so they feel pressured to "contribute" and to "help him" keep things afloat. The next thing the naive woman knows, she is turning tricks on the regular and making him $1000 a day prostituting herself.
There is nothing for you to do here. You do not have the power to get him to see anything, change anything or pay anything either. He has you right where he wants you, and all it costs was a few dinners, a couple of bottles of $7.00 wine, and gas to drive to the beach.
My suggestion is that you immediately dump this loser. Dude is so suspect it's not even funny.
Any man claiming to be broke right after payday is either setting you up to put you on the street, getting his salary garnished, paying back a bail bondsman, dealing with baby's mama drama and child support, gambling like a fool, or messing with some SERIOUS drugs. It's as simple as that. None of those things make any sense for a single woman to be bothered with. Get rid of him.
Category: Dating Advice