Why Are So Many Women Opting to STAY Single?

| 06/12/2009 | Comments (5)

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Question:  American women are not happy with marriage as it exists today, evidenced by the fact that 75% of women file for divorce in this country, and the marriage rate is decreasing. More than ever, single men and women are opting to STAY single! Is marriage as an institution played out?


HE SAYS:

Marriage as an institution is played out for the current generations style of living. Modern generations have participated in culture-shifting, social-reprogramming, experiments that have created an unworkable dynamic for both your average man and women in the contexts of long term committed relationships, namely marriage. 

There are no clear cut gender roles anymore. And I suppose the field has been evened out for the ladies. But you can’t deny, women have been robbed of the gentleness they used to have in their overall character. And men have been robbed of some of the masculinity as well. 

Past generations in this culture knew the demeanors and dispositions that fit men and women better. Now, we have this hodgepodge of “pissing contests” between men and women. I think however, had it not been for the foundational infrastructures of law, engineering, defense, welfare, medicine established by a majority of men, this 50/50 equality “experiment” as we know it today, would be impossible. 

In this ship we call life and modern civilization; the captain may be a man or a woman. Either may have control, but the heart of the operation is in the Engine room, the core infrastructure, that makes everything functional. That’s usually where men are, doing the tough and dangerous things to make it easier for others.

If you want to see marriage come back (which I seriously doubt it will for recent generations), we need a roaring comeback of TRUST and INTERDEPENDENCE.

We are a network of interdependent individuals. When we went from agrarian and hunter/gatherer cultures, we devised DIVISION of LABOR, which means everyone wasn’t trying to do the same exact stuff, just to claim "independence."

We could get more things done if we specialized, but we had to be able to TRUST each other to get it done. That’s what we are missing, TRUST and a common goal as men, women, society. And that’s why "dependence" seems like a curse word to so many. Let’s replace it with SYNERGY… energy in a common direction. Otherwise, let’s watch more of this "free-styling" B.S. that’s going on..  

 

SHE SAYS:

To quote philosopher Herbert Spencer: "Marriage is a word which should be pronounced ‘mirage’." 

The vision that most people have of marriage and what they expect to get out of such a union is nothing but a mirage… a vision that they imagine exists but which does not and probably never has.  
 
Marriage was established as a social and religious based institution, allegedly to protect women and children and provide them with a legitimized existence. In exchange for these benefits, women were expected to perform a wide range of carefully scripted duties, performed in a way that met their husband’s approval and needs. Men received a virgin bride, a dowry, someone to cook and clean their castle, a vehicle to bear his children, and a sexual servant.

The funny thing about having a protector though, is that in exchange you have no rights, no privileges, no voice, and no power. Women had to fight men to balance the scales of justice and self-respect, and men didn’t like it. No one fighting for survival should ever be expected to be "gentle."
 
Women realized decades ago that they got the raw end of the deal in marriage. Having to ask a man for money to buy tampons or get your nails done? I don’t think so! Traditional marriage with its limiting gender-based roles meant living your life for a man or children and giving up opportunities for self-expression, the right to have your own thoughts and opinions, and opportunities for growth and fulfillment that were meaningful on a personal level. 
 
This is exactly why marriage is not attractive to women anymore. We can get pregnant and have a baby any time we want, and have sex whenever we want it. We are a vital part of the economy, we own property, vote, travel the world, run our own businesses, and dress the way we please.
 
There is no 50/50 in modern relationships! Men still expect women to be the perfect little Mrs., yet pull her own weight financially, take care of the kids, the house, and his needs. What is attractive about that? And when a man claims to love you, why would he abandon you to shoulder such burdens alone? That crap isn’t demonstrating love at all! And when a woman feels abandoned, overburdened, exhausted, and angry, how could she trust the love her man proclaims to have for her? 

Creating synergy in a relationship or marriage is the responsibility of the male. You want to be the leader and the head of the household, then take the reins and effect positive change! Remember, women don’t NEED a husband anymore, but many still WANT one… as long as he can respect the fact that her world includes him, but does not revolve around him.

 

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Society and Culture, Women's Issues

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  1. zipporah says:

    Not all men are knuckleheads….there are even good black men, BUT you need to observe what they are into…(keep clothes on, no perfect birth control) and if he’s into modern rap or rap music period, THAT’S PORN in the true sense of the word — and now, many women are singing PORN SONGS over love songs, which caters to them. It might take you a little longer to find someone, but marriage is still worth it.. I will be having my SILVER ANNIVERSARY NEXT YEAR.

  2. swirlygirl says:

    Really? What about my ex husband who was an under cover brotha? He was gay, never told me, loved to chase multiple cross dressers too. So what if someone is lesbian? Being a lesbian is ok there is nothing wrong with it. At least most lesbians are honest about their sexual preference. Some of you black men have such small packages, might as well be with a chick! It’s funny how black men have a rep for being endowed, yet I have seen no real proof that black males are more endowed than other males!? Last guy I had thought he was so hot, but his package was so small, I was embarrassed for him. Talk about myth! Lol oh he thought he was something, and a womanizer to boot. I never saw anything so freakishly small. Imagine being 6’5 with no package? That is how most of you are..must be all the weed most of you smoke.

  3. so very true says:

    @Razzy  @so very true then again, so many of you women today are LESBIANS anyway,  certainly no loss there.

  4. so very true says:

    half of the women out there now are basket cases to begin with,  nothing new there.

    • Razzy says:

       @so very true Fooling around with trifling stupid knuckleheaded men is enough to make any woman a basket case which is why so many women with any sense are opting to remain single.  They aren’t missing anything, except being tied down with a knucklehead waiting on his trifling butt. Who  needs that.

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