Why Won’t Men Say I LOVE YOU?

| 06/05/2009 | Comments (0)

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Question:  Why won’t men say "I love you" to their girlfriends and wives?  These are sincere guys! They know they feel the love, and we know they do too. But they just won’t say the words we so badly want to hear.  WHY NOT??????  


So why don’t the men in your life SAY "I love you" to their girlfriends and wives when they are sincere and there is an understanding that there is indeed true love there? It is because they are too busy LIVING it in front of you and expressing their love and adoration for you in their ACTIONS.

It truly AMAZES me how the average woman takes so much stake in WORDS. I don’t get it. It seems that if most of you ladies had to choose between WORDS and ACTIONS, the poor little ACTIONS would be kept in the corner indefinitely. 

I have a feeling that many of you equate a man’s words with his thoughts, and so if you can hear his words, you feel that you will know his deeper thoughts, and whether those thoughts are mostly about you with your vain little selves. 

But alas, you ladies forget so easily about these little things called LIES, which most often come in the form of WORDS, but are much harder to express in ACTIONS.

Your average guy is going to tell you verbally every once in a while that he loves you, if he truly does. He has to reach a point though where he realizes that expressing his love verbally, every once in a while, is not an expression of total vulnerability to you by him.  

See, a lot of men remember when those words were like the kiss of death to respect from a woman when they were younger, when most of the ladies were on their little EGO boost of having a guy "sprung."  Sometimes, you sincere ladies get residual apprehensions from guys that learned saying "I Love You" too much was a romance killer.

So for some men, it is better to err on the side of caution, and says it much less than, to say it too much, because in the average man’s mind, "actions speak louder than words." And it is true, the actions of a person will show more of the heart of a person than their words ever will.  

And if you find someone whose words align with their actions consistently, you are blessed.  


Men are control freaks.  They want to love us in the way THEY want to, instead of the way we need to be loved, and try to justify their laziness with tired excuses such as "well, that’s just how we are!"  Men want to be happy giving only what they want us to have instead of providing us with a total love experience. 

Excusing one’s self from giving your woman the verbal assurances of your feelings for her robs her of one of life’s great joys – hearing her name whispered by your strong sexy self, followed by you pouring out your heart.  Wow, I get a tingle all the way to my toes just thinking about it! 

Telling us with words that you love us without action to back the words up it isn’t enough; but neither is doing what you think demonstrates love without regular, sincere vocalization of your feelings. 

Men don’t want to accept that there are major gender-based differences with regards to information processing.  Men use primarily just one of their senses – either sight (#1 for men, as most are highly visual), sound, or feelings.  Women use all 5 of their senses throughout their day, every day!  What we see … how the men in our lives treat us and what they do (or don’t do) for is duly noted.   

Women are very verbal and auditory creatures.  Notice how much we talk to each other and to the people we love! What they have to say and how they say it is of great importance to us.  We can tell a lot by the "tone of voice" someone uses… we know if someone is sick, frustrated, in emotional pain or lonely.  We intuitively communicate and receive messages from people we care for from what they say as well as what they DON’T say!   

Refusing to meet your woman’s very real need to HEAR you tell her how you feel communicates a negative message.  You injure your woman every time you have an opportunity to tell her that you love her, and you don’t do it. 

We are not asking you to be a fraud and tell a woman that you love her when you don’t.  All we are saying is that men in loving committed relationships cannot continue to live solely within their comfort zone, ignoring their woman’s emotional and psychological needs.   

If you truly love your woman, you need to frequently tell her with words, regularly show her with action, and let her feel the heat of your love every damn day with non-sexual affection.   

An occasional PDA in front of your mother won’t hurt either!

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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