What is the Best Opening Line to a Woman on an Online Dating Site?

| 05/14/2014 | Comments (1)

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’ve been doing online dating for a while now and wanted to know how if I am sending the right emails to introduce myself.

I have a confident, non-needy profile and do a good job portraying my lifestyle and what I am looking for. I’ve done the formulaic, “I noticed you, I think we have things in common” opener, but think there has to be something better.

I’ve asked my friends for advice on how to introduce myself to a women I find interesting or have shared interests. To say the least, the advice is all over the place!

I have a group of friends (guys and gals) who say use a “bad boy” approach, and other say to use a more sincere genuinely interested approach. It’s unbelievably confusing.

I realize there is no one “cut and paste” solution, but engaging in online dating is seriously expensive and time consuming. I just want to get the best ROI and not become a “lifer” on these sites.

Any suggestions?

Dazed and Confused

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
Online dating can be tough. All you who do it get applause for bravery from me!

My best suggestions for online dating situations are to: online dating scams - catfished

#1 Be your authentic self at all times. There’s a television show about this phenomenon and the types of internet scams people run in romance. It’s so common that the behavior is called ‘being catfished’ after the name of the show. For women looking seriously for a relationship, there is nothing worst than a man who presents himself to be one thing, then is later exposed to be something else entirely. Even if you come clean later, you’ve established yourself as a fake and a fraud which creates distrust and resentment, and makes women hesitant to get further involved; and

#2 Tailor and personalize your response to the woman you’re responding to. There is nothing worst than getting some cut and paste response that a lazy dude has copied from somewhere then sends out to every woman on a site he’s interested in. In my mind these are the same guys who plagiarized term papers and copied test answers in class from the kid in the seat to the right.

First of all, take the time to read her entire profile. Just doing that alone puts you about 600,000,000 lightyears ahead of other guys who generally only look at a woman’s picture then send off their response. (Yes, I am rolling my eyes at the juvenile mentality.)

Then, when you find someone you want to write to on an online dating site, reference something buried deep in her profile that caught your eye. Share something about yourself in line with that which demonstrates that you understand where she is coming from, and which emphasizes one or more points of compatibility. Invite her to contact you if she has further interest. This initial email should be nothing too long and definitely not overly emotional.

Let me give you an example of what I mean.

Say she says something about having taken ballet for years as a child, but that she doesn’t dance anymore and misses it.

So when you write her you might say “I see you don’t dance the ballet anymore, but do you enjoy performances? Ballet is so beautiful, the dancers so graceful. blah blah blah.” Get it? Express an interest in what SHE is interested in, and perhaps an activity you two can share together.

Another example – maybe she said she used to fly fish with her Dad in her teens. You can say “me too! I rarely caught anything but still reflect on the times I spent with the old man talking and enjoying his energy. It was great.”

Be light, be friendly, invite further contact with no pressure. If she is interested, she’ll pick up where you left off. If not, keep it moving.

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Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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  1. Gael Breton says:

    I enjoyed the reading of this article. Really sometimes it is very difficult to start conversation with women. Thanks for guiding the proper way for it, and sharing this article.

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