Dating Tips: What Questions do you Ask During the First Date?
Some people believe its best to ask a barrage of questions (some of them very personal) on the first date or within the early dating stage.
They want to know things like if you’ve been married, why you aren’t any more, how many children you have, how many mothers/fathers you have for those children, how much you make, when you graduated from college, where you see yourself in five years, what your flaws are, your health issues, family mental health issues, if you are looking to get married soon, etc. All on the first date or two! They say they want to know if you are what they are looking for before they get emotionally involved.
That’s great, but what about the person that feels intimidated or pressured to talk about things they may not be comfortable discussing with you on a first date? Do we really need to focus on our questions, or should we be focusing on making our date feel comfortable enough to provide information to us readily?
Do you agree with this “direct question” dating philosophy or do you prefer a more conversational approach?
Is it feasible to think about a commitment and a relationship with a person before you really know who they are and if you even like them?
If you were asked these pointed questions on the first date by a stranger, how would you feel?
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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di135i Women know what they don’t want, and if they decide that’s you, then she will reject you. That doesn’t mean its a game. It means she has, by spending time with you, discovered that you are not what she is interested in. Get over it. Men choose a woman by how sexy she is, but women look for more. Lots more. THat is why its easy for YOU to “live in the moment” without any regard for what else she has going on. Women don’t do that. We want a man who has something going on financially, mentally, emotionally, educationally and a host of other things. You think because you describe yourself as a “worthwhile man” that women have to agree. No, she doesn’t. Unless you are dating men, your opinion about what makes a man worthwhile is about as much of a factor as the Broncos were in the Superbowl.
Women know what they dont want but these women dont seem to say what they do want. Personally i like to live in the moment. If we are out i dont give a damn what you do for work or who you knew the week or year before. If chemistry doesnt dictate then be prepared to evacuate…figure out what you do want ladies so you can see you are most likely never gonna get it cz ur mostly caught up in playing games and doing that w a worthwhile man you end up playing yourselves and act surprised when you get played
All I know is that if i were hit with a barrage of questions like that on the first date, that would be the first and last date. lol And for the dudes, just like you don’t want women to ask you a ton of ‘interview’ like questions on the first couple of dates, you need to learn about personal space. Stop expecting to get all touchy feeling on the first couple of dates too. That is also a date faux pas but I believe that is another article that might be somewhere on this website.
So not hitting dates with a ton of questions like you’re from the CIA or FBI and no touchy feeling on the first couple of dates either (unless it is mutual).
In the early stages the purpose of a date is to determine whether a person will make a good partner. This is true regardless of whether your goals are long term or short term.
But it’s still a date, not an interview. Going through a list of qualifying questions is probably the worst way of going about things, as it’s both uncomfortable and ineffective.
Strangely enough, the best way to get information from a person is the same regardless of whether you’re talking to a prospective mate or a suspected terrorist: make the subject feel comfortable, establish rapport, identify common ground, make a connection, and listen.
If the conversation feels like an interrogation, then the person will respond defensively. The answers will likely be prepared or tailored to please the questioner, but not necessarily honest. Information that flows unprompted from natural conversation is far more likely to be the unvarnished truth.
And it also makes for a much more enjoyable date.