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1. blackcaesar says:

   03/06/2012 at

   You should probably try to advertise this article in a medium that targets white women, because black women by in large do not marry any more. 

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   • Deborrah says:

     03/06/2012 at

     Black women don’t marry because they are ahead of the curve. They realize what this article is saying – that the fantasy is better than the reality. That’s why Black women aren’t that interested in marriage.

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2. Carl J Armstrong Jr says:

   03/03/2012 at

   I’m a student of anthropology and as part of my studies had to read about a number of other culture’s ideas on marriage.  One common thread seems to be basic exclusion in gender roles/rules makes marriages work.
    
   In other words, if men are restricted from doing something and women are allowed to, women are restricted from doing something and men are allowed to, and both of those things are NOT sexual and are vital for survival, marriages work because it creates a need on both people’s parts (in addition to sex) that is reliably met by having a steady partner.  
    
   My bet is–in these cultures–it’s also used to leverage sexual satisfaction out of each other as well.
    
   Additionally, marriage is also common because most cultures are male-dominated.  This means male-male competition is tempered by male-male cooperation and one way to reduce ongoing competition is to find a way to reduce competition between men for women.  If marriage is respected, men can cooperate on other activities more easily.  Male-male cooperation becomes less of a marriage motivation in our society as women start taking leadership in society and males find ways to succeed without having to rely on pure male groups.
    
   In post-feminist culture, other than sex and reproduction, there’s no real restriction by gender and therefore no “leverage” offered by being married to use to affect the sexual/reproduction relationship.  Additionally, with DNA testing and child support laws, there’s no “need” on the male’s part to use marriage to try and make sure his kids are his kids.  Therefore, there’s no real benefit–for most people–to make a huge social commitment, essentially asking society to help “enforce” the relationship–when it’s simply based on mutual sexual desire which might change quicker than either person’s economic or social value to the other partner.
    
   White people with money tend to hold on to the old concept because they 1) have the luxury of stay at home parents, even if they don’t completely 2) have a greater difference in incomes and gender role expectations and 3) often still have an intact family structure that has different gender roles as expectations.  So, marriage may make sense in those situations.
    
   Which might be some of the reasons you see what you’re seeing and presented what you did.

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   • Deborrah says:

     03/03/2012 at

     The problem with your theory is that it is not borne out by statistical facts.

     The higher the income and education of the woman in White marriages, the more likely she is to file for divorce. Lower income women tend to stay married because they have fewer or no economic resources without their husband’s income. In general, women just get fed up with men’s crap. Part of the male “role” thing is the expectation that if a man brings home the most money, he has the power and privilege to do what he wants – like have other women on the side. He feels that since he is paying for everything, this is his bonus benefit to marriage. But a woman that has financial options doesn’t have to stay and take that mess. She has adhered to her role as devoted mom and home maker, faithful to her husband and family – and rightly expects the same from him. When that is not delivered, she leaves. She leaves him because she CAN.

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3. Jules says:

   09/26/2011 at

   This presentation is 100% on point and some. I have told my mom countless times that I believe it is men who get the benefit out of marriage. Don’t get me wrong I know there are exceptions to every rule, but I have yet to meet a man who is unselfish, or whose ego is not the compass that guides his every move.

   Furthermore, I have yet to meet a man who does not believe he is intrinsically superior to a woman just by virtue of him being born male. I can’t figure that one out because all males incubate in a woman, and I cannot see how the fruit is greater than the tree, but only men know the formula through which they work out these bullshit theories.

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4. Raz says:

   08/04/2011 at

   This is a real reality check for women, they don’t want women to know what marriage is really about. There are so many wedding shows on TV. Wedding/marriage is a billion dollar industry and lawyers make bank over divorces. If women would just see this, they could save themselves a lot of heartache and at least go into marriage if they insist on doing it with their eyes open and no fantasies.

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5. eLLe85 says:

   08/04/2011 at

   LOL–another good one Deborrah–exactly the reason I have opted since childhood to forego marriage.

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