I’m the Man…Woman Listen to Me!
I’ve often wondered why men feel so authoritative when it comes to women, especially in the area of dating/relating and mating. Men are full of advice on telling women what they need to be doing, how they need to behave, how they should act, how they can be better and it is all based on ‘HIS’ opinion usually said in a way that suits him and requires the woman to put in the work and effort to change herself according to what pleases him.
Rarely do I hear men tell other men what they need to do to get and keep a woman happy and content. Rarely do I hear men school other men on the things they do that drive women crazy and make them unhappy in their dealings with men. Rarely do I read men checking other men on their attitudes, behaviors and negative communication with women.
Yet whenever women get together to discuss the negative dating issues they suffer at the hands of men, men always invade women’s discussions with the ‘Not All Men’ are like that denial, and then deflect and blame the woman for ‘choosing the wrong man in the first place.
In a recent discussion, I asked a man why don’t they hand out advice to other men the way they are so quick to hand unasked for advice out to women?’ This man responded:
“Because guys don’t listen to other guys anyway, they are hard headed, but guys will listen to women“. He then gave an example of: ‘If a woman told a man she would go out with him if he did xyz, then that guy would listen and do what she said.’
I don’t know what is sadder this guy thinking this is a legitimate example of a guy actually listening to a woman, or his excuses for being too cowardly to dole out advice to men.
I also asked the guy, “What makes men think women want to hear what they have to say when it comes to dating and relating”? This guy had this to say:
“Because we’re men and we have first hand knowledge that women do not. Our experience of being a man makes us primary resource (living as a man) for information compared to women who only have secondary resources (what they observe) Why would women NOT want a primary source of info compared to a secondary source?”
Isn’t it ironic that guys act entitled to be heard by women simply because they are men, but they give men’ excuses for not listening to other men give them advice.
Deborrah Cooper had this to say about it:
Men cannot presume to speak for all other men when it comes to dating and relationships, and no woman would good sense would listen to him.
Why? Because men are very quick to separate themselves from other men when it is convenient to do so. They are quick to tell you in what minute ways they are DIFFERENT “from all the rest of the niggas you’ve met” Let me give you some examples.
You say that men are shysty and always gaming on women about something. “Not me! I’m not like that! I’m a GOOD BLACK MAN!”
You say that men are always chasing some new booty and can’t commit to a relationship (as has been the experience of you, every woman you know, every woman you read about in books and magazines, see on television, etc.). “That’s not true. Not ALL men are like that!” he says with disgust.
You say men leave their children and don’t seem to care about them these days. Fatherless children suffer. “That’s not true. Not ALL men are like that!” he says with disgust.
So you see, since men are very quick to separate themselves from the thinking and behavior of other men, why is it that a woman should listen to them about much of anything? Though he says he is special and unique, she has no proof that he is not just like the others in many or even most ways. His cry of “NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT!” doesn’t correlate to HIM not being like that.
Men try to set themselves up as an authority on ALL men when it comes to women listening to them. The fact that they think because they are men they are right, they know it all, their opinions and thoughts should automatically be respected and unquestioned, and that women will learn something from them is interesting. I’ve never met a man yet that didn’t think his way of viewing the world was the sole way, the right way and the only way.
Yall really need to get over yourselves. Each of you can speak only for yourself, since “NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT!”
Men really need stop telling women what to do. Women who have their ish together are way smarter than you and they can think light years ahead of you. Use your time and energy and tell men what to do to be better men towards women and that would fix a lot of the dating issues with singles. When men who ‘get it’ as a collective can bring themselves up and school men on how to be better mates to women, both men and women benefit.
As Deborrah Cooper said: “I think if men that “got it” taught other men when said men were young (before they think they know everything), the world would be a much better place for men AND women. Women would not have to waste time warning young women about men, because 90% of men would be about something, be men of honor, men of respectability and men of purpose. Who wouldn’t want their daughter with a guy like that. “
I agree, instead of men always writing books and posting away in cyberspace advising ladies when it comes to dating/relating/mating, they need to STOP and advise men instead. I only know of one guy really who is doing that on a large scale. Yet there are hundreds of books/blogshows,youtube videos, forums out there with men advising women on how they can be better suited as mates for men.
When men focus on being better men to women, then women would have a better pool of men to choose from. So you don’t have to be giving her advice on what to watch out for, because you would be schooling the trifling behavior out of these men. Stop being cowards men, school your fellow man.
Until men get their ish together, they really have no room to tell women what they need to be doing in the dating/mating/relating arena. You have a full time job schooling the men… so Chop Chop and get to it.
We don't want to hear your advice Fool
Category: Women's Issues
U R WEAK AT YOUR FINDINGS.I DNT LIVE WHERE U ARE BROUGHT UP,OR GROW UP IN AN ENVIROMENT THAT EDUCATES LOW SELF ESTEEM.AM FROM A HEALTHY FAMILY.AM A LADY ,AND I DNT TAKE ADVICE FROM GENDER.I RECOGNISE THE SELF CENTRED THING ABOUT GENDER AND THE PERVERSION.I KNW MEN TAKE SECRET CLASSES TO MAKE WAR AGAINST WOMEN,I KNW MEN ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO FEEL ADEQUATE BY DECEIVING WOMEN AND SO BAD SOME DUMB WOMEN GO WITH THE FLOW,I KNOW MEN MOCK WOMEN AND PROTECT THIER OWN SIBLINGS,INFACT CHECK ANY WHERE AROUND THE WORLD,MEN CANT GET OVER THEMSELVES ,THEY PATRONISE DAMN TOO MUCH AND DEY DEFEND DAMN TOO MUCH.EVEN KIDS WILL NOTICE THAT BAD HABIT HEARD A KID SAY MEN ARE ANIMALS BY OBSERVATION DAMN!.WHEN WOMEN MARRY MOST OF DEM ARE JUST DISCOVERING HOW PROBLEMATIC THEY ARE LIKE BUT BEFORE THEN THE DUMB WOMEN SEEK ADVICE FROM THEM,WHILE THE OBSERVANT ONES WHICH ARE ALSO OUT THERE ARE AWARE OF THEIR CRUELTY AND DISGUISE.SOME GET KNOCKED DOWN BEFORE THEY KNOW BUT LYNDON IF U R STILL TALKING LIKE THIS IN DIS ERA U R IN A LA ;A LAND COS U ARE SOUND LIKE YR EGO IS MERELY FED WITH DAT ARTICLE.LOL WAKE UP WOMEN ARE NT DUMMIES ALL D WAY ROUND,THERE ARE PPL WHO GREW UP AS INTELLIGENT PPL DNT PATRONISE
Seriously? Your conclusion is, “You have a full time job schooling the men”? You need to update your understanding of human dynamics and learn that gender roles are not rigid before you go dishing out advice. Wow, this is short-sighted.
You sound like a male dominated broad who has no idea about the origin of gender roles. Who do you think made up gender roles? Men! Which is why women are brainwashed into listening to men. But women don’t have to stay indoctrinated. Once they realize that gender roles are set in society by men to control women and elevate men, they can see the BS behind it and stop listening to men.
As Gerda Lerner says in the ‘Creation of Patriarchy” “gender is a social construct specifying the socially and culturally prescribed roles that men and women are to follow. , Gender is the “costume, a mask, a straitjacket in which men and women dance their unequal dance”
This is why men feel entitled to always boss women around and women like you feel it’s your place to let them do it. You are the one who is blind and can’t see because you are still ibrainwashed. If men spent more time advising men to be better men towards women, then everyone would benefit.
Katrina is most likely a man. Only a man would say it’s “short-sighted” for men to set each other straight. A dumb, cowardly and lazy man at that. Everyone knows that men are afraid of other men and will come to heel, when they’re behaving badly, if another man or men scares them straight. It’s not much of a secret.
Like it or not, women listen to men because in them (men) is where there security lies. And in most cases they only adhere to a man’s advice when it comes to dating- not much else. Women gain self esteem and confidence from men, so to me it’s pretty understandable that they seek (whether advice is flawed or not) to advice from men.
Let’s also be honest about this too. Our base knowledge on the opposite sex should have been provided from our youth by a trustworthy, caring man. But that’s not the case for most. So a lot of folk are left to search for many answers that they have no clue what the questions are. Most of us are messed up. And no one person should be dismissed for the knowledge theyve gained (man or woman). But men, unfortunately “hold the cards” in the relationship advice game because it’s male validation is what most ppl seek.
And men can/do listen to other men. It just has to be packaged the right way.
No woman gains “self esteem and confidence” from a man. Only a fool would put her opinion of herself in the hands of a male. If she does that, then she does not have “self” esteem at all, she is a dependent idiot whose only sense of herself is that which the man of the minute gives to her. Whenever he doesn’t feel like giving it to her, she has nothing. If he should leave her, she flounders and dies because she has nothing. Only a complete fool would do such a thing to herself. Men are too flakey and irresponsible with women for that kind of dependency.
Men only “hold the cards” in the relationship advice game because so many women are socialized to believe that men are superior to women, better, smarter, faster, more qualified, etc. But when a woman gets older and starts asking the right questions, her eyes open and she sees that men are generally insecure, egotistical little boys in big bodies. Women that are more mature also understand that men have no power that women do not give them. Men have no real power over women, its all an illusion of society and religion.
That is why you all need a woman to support and encourage you, to build up your ego, and to “make you feel” big and strong and to be your “help meet.” Women too stupid to recognize that women are actually the stronger sex and run the world have a lot to learn.
I suppose some men do listen to other men. But from what I see, no man has the patience that they expect women to have to sit around thinking about “the right way” to package it to not get a man upset. Other men just say “fuck it and you too!” and go on. They don’t worry about what stupid men think or believe. Women need to get to that point as well.
Look at the media. for instance Beyonce” I want a man with a big ego” lyrics of a song thats millions of women are listening too. In todays society most women in age group 18-28 want a thug. I appreciate you writing this informative post but this wont change the decision of a low-self esteem black women who doesnt know what to do with a good man. Most women I know like to get beat up and talk to crazy. I treat my women with respect and good but the new breed ladies underappreciate that
Marc: “Look at the media. for instance Beyonce” I want a man with a big ego” lyrics of a song thats millions of women are listening too….I appreciate you writing this informative post but this wont change the decision of a low-self esteem black women who doesnt know what to do with a good man”
Apparently you must be listening to Beyonce, and chasing after Beyonce lookalikes. You must be listening to her lyrics, otherwise why would you make such a dumb statement that you claim black women between a certain age group listen to Beyonce and they want thugs, that’s why they don’t want you. Y’all so called good men, really need to get a new thought. All y’all think black women who don’t want your tired, boring trifling, fonky superior attitude asses, must want thugs. Pluueeze. Accept that you didn’t have the heat to attract the Beyonce type you wanted and let it go. Stop going after women who are 8,9,10 in the looks department when your ass is 2,3,4. A woman who can attract a man who has some heat is not going to want to be with some boring ass so called good man, just because that so called good man wants her. Start going after women who are your female counterpart in looks and ways.
Most of these men who always talk about ‘their goodness is code word for they are but ass ugly, but they are stable, probably suck in bed, but they have an education, a car, a job and therefore they feel that by having those things, they are entitled to their Beyonces. All ya’ll men are the same. You ain’t no different than the thug you call yourself turning your nose up at when it comes to some potential p$$Y. You want it just like the thug does.. You just mad because he is actually getting it and you ain’t.
Um hello….Patriarchy? Women don’t GAIN anything by listening to men but SOME women AND men have been led to believe courtesy of THE BIG PAT-that men are the ones “holding the cards” that is why we need sites like Deborrah’s and more and more discussion until it can get in to people’s brains that we have been lied to, set up, bamboozled and led astray. New Age calls for New Paradigms, that is it, point blank, period. In the meantime, you men could stand to do more talking amongst yourselves on how to actually BE men and promote responsible, intelligent, positive behavior amongst yourselves.
What’s ironic is that you are completely correct, and yet you insist on going with the same behavior of men who tell women how to act.
The reason these men want to tell women how to act, is simply greed. If there are more women who are acting like the kind of women they want, then the world is a better place. So everywhere they here women saying “What should we do about our relationships?”. They jump out and say, “You should try to be the perfect woman for me, regardless of who you actually are.”
But then, the other half (maybe three-quarters) of your screed is what men should be doing.
Really, whether is to men or women, the only people who should be handing out relationship advice are people who are in long-term satisfying relationships (ie: happy marriages). The rest of us, cannot really claim that we are ready to dispense the wisdom of Solomon whether we are men or women, and whether we want to give that advice to men or women. And the vast majority of the time, the advice that you hear from single men and women is coming from a place of anger, bitterness, and disappointment rather than love, happiness and contentment.
I tell men what they should be doing because THEY ASK ME!!!!! So I am entitled to give a response, whether you want to hear it or not. I am responding to requests for information from guys sad and tired of being alone. They want help, and I give it to them.
Now your opinion (which is not a fact in any way) about what qualifies people to give out relationship advice is interesting, but it doesn’t mean anything. Married people don’t date! I do. So I am qualified to talk about dating. They are qualified to talk about marriage – their marriage, no one else’s. So that means they are not qualified to talk about being single, dating, listening to men, breaking up, etc. because they aren’t doing those things.
In case you didn’t notice, this site is called SURVIVING DATING and its for single people, not married couples. Perhaps you are confused about where you are and what we do here.
Van: “Really, whether is to men or women, the only people who should be handing out relationship advice are people who are in long-term satisfying relationships (ie: happy marriages). “
People don’t have to be married to give out relationship advice. But men need to stop telling women what to do. Most of the time they don’t know what in the heck they are talking about anyway and most of the are the cause of the problems in a relationship when the woman is unhappy.
Bravo to an excellent subject matter and examination of it. I have literally made some of the same comments in this article to some of my girlfriends.
I’m soooooooo over being berated by not only the common public by by my female counterparts for questioning the male participation and accountability factors. We approach dating through a male lens; with the woman as a target to be critiqued, sometimes attacked, dismissed and damn near obliterated only to be reconstructed into some vapid display of reverse misogyny. I hate it.
Years ago I came across an article (Stop Test Driving Your Girlfriend -http://boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001306.cfm) that attempted to finally bring men to the carpet and it changed my life. Not only did it release some frustration in my soul but it equalized the load and empowered me. No longer did I have to wonder how can I stand out to get a man.
Instead I could determine instantly if that man was even ready to be competed for. I am not a religious person and the article is written with Christians in mind, however, it’s message is quite applicable to all who are navigating dating. I believe when lazy men step down from their high horse made of cards and examine themselves instead of dishing out tactics to “win” in a dating labryinth of deception and convenience for themselves then maybe those credulous female followers will follow suit and acknowledge the importance of self respect and self love for themselves.
I am actually more defeated (see DC’s article paragraph 3) with those women’s intellectual resignation than the man’s warped delusion of authority.