Sexual Double Standards and The Virtuous Woman

| 11/06/2011 | Comments (2)

Minister Louis Farrakhan said it the other day “a virtuous woman is more valuable than silver and gold.”

Hearing him say that mess in 2011 got me thinking – why do Black men place so much value on a woman’s virtue, chastity, lack of sexual history or sexual knowledge and experiences? Black men hate it if a woman has had other lovers or other men’s children. A woman with such experience will, for the most part, be immediately dismissed as a potential mate and considered to have no more value than a “jump off.”

Yet Black men hold themselves to no such such judgments or standards and instead applaud each other for having multiple women in their lives.

These attitudes about women are passed down from generation to generation of Black men, so that a woman’s perceived value remains generalized and measured almost exclusively by what has gone on with her body.  Black men focus more on what a woman has done with her genitalia  than where her mind is, her heart, or any other wonderful qualities she may have.

Prophet Muhammad (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) was full of praise for virtuous and chaste women. He said: “The world and all things in the world are precious but the most precious thing in the world is a virtuous woman.” He once told the future caliph, Umar: “Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can hoard? It is a virtuous wife who pleases him whenever he looks towards her, and who guards herself when he is absent from her.”

Christianity perpetuates the same mentality by blaming women for inspiring men’s lust and carnal desires:
“Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes”.

The Date Smarter Not Harder Relationship Talk Show returns from our summer hiatus with a bang! Please join us to talk about sexual double standards in the Black community as we start off the fall season of the show with a bang!

Call 347-327-9215 so participate in the live discussion or log onto

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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  1. JulianGumbs says:

    One overarching theme in your blog is always Black Men, well here’s just one black man. So what’s your generalization point again……….. Oh the virtuous woman is more valuable the Gold. Yeah that’s about right in my book also. My mother has four sons, we all love OUR OFFSRINGS more than LIFE ITSELF. Money can never replicate or be a substitute for LOVE. My advice to you, when you say Black men to sell your ideas and garner views, in an attempt to persuade opinion. Woman structure your argument less wide. Rather, argue, the men I have encountered, or the men I have read about or the men I routinely view are like this. Case in point, modern American dreads are fashionable, but in the more religious Rastafarian beliefs, an UNVIRTUOUS WOMAN IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND. So, for argument sake, during a pilgrimage to let’s say Jamaica an American Dread takes his significant other and visits let’s say a Bobo Ashanti Village, you THEN tell me how you a woman who is not virtuous is going to feel amongst women like that supported by Black men like that, I’ll give you one hint……..forget it. Stop painting a broad picture of Black Men based on your researched opinions or your personal encounters, it’s annoying, you won’t change probably though, neither will I. But, at least I know of places and have the support of Real Black Men in my life to know the Truth.   

    • Deborrah says:

      First of all, we are not talking about YOU. Why black men always want to come on my site and jump up and down like puppets exclaiming about how they are not like the article is so silly to me. We are not talking about YOU, YOUR life, YOUR thoughts, nothing. When I write I am writing about thousands of men that do exactly as I say.

      You wouldn’t have this problem if I were talking about millionaire black men, though those comments wouldn’t apply to you either. For some reason though black men are extremely defensive when it comes to any criticism of black men in general. You know you wouldn’t want to be judged in the manner you want to judge women, so please stop. It’s not attractive when men whine as you are doing. It makes you seem less than masculine.

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