Shopping for Men is Just Like Shopping for Shoes

| 04/26/2015 | Comments (0)

There are two kinds of women in this world – those who love to shop, and those who don’t.Shoes-Every-Woman-Should-Have

I have a friend (let’s call her Della which I borrowed from my Dell monitor), that loves shopping… the excitement of going from store to store, haggling for the best price at flea markets and outlet stores, and getting the perfect thing for 75% off makes her day.

She usually doesn’t shop to get a particular item for a particular event like I do, she shops simply because she enjoys the experience of shopping. Trying on one shoe or pair of jeans after another in a wide variety of styles and colors (and of course at different stores), can entertain her for an entire afternoon.  That girl can hit more stores in 2 hours than I’d want to go into over the course of an entire year.

I hate shopping.  I mean, I really, really hate it.  Which makes me one of those grudgeful, resistant shoppers that goes looking for something only when I absolutely need it.

Normally I shop with a specific goal in mind, and I go looking for that ONE item (or maybe the item and earrings to match), and I’ll usually journey to just one mall or specialty store if I can’t find it online (my preferred way to shop).  I carefully scrutinize what’s on the rack or shelf with strict guidelines for cut, color, fabric and fit.  Then when I’ve found the type of item I am looking for, I’ll try it on, see if it feels good on my foot or body, if it matches, and if the style is appropriate for the occasion.

And if everything works to my critical satisfaction, I buy what I need and take it home. I’m done! My goal is not to waste time trying on a bunch of different things just to try them on.  I am not going around store to store to look at even MORE black dresses, boots, shoes or whatever just to look.  I don’t worry about the money what I want costs, which is why I never look on the clearance table.

That’s how I shop.

But last weekend I made the mistake of going shopping with my friend “Della.”  We have entirely different taste in shoes I discovered… everything she liked I thought was awful, and vice versa.  And after the third hour of watching her try on yet another pair of black city sandals, I realized with a shock that dating is very similar to shoe shopping.

And I hate it just as much.

I read an article a year or two ago about celebrities and their fixation on shoes.  People News reported that actress Keira Knightley is unable to control herself when she is near a shoe shop. She confessed: “If I see a pair of shoes that I adore and they haven’t got them in my size, I still have to have them.”

Wow.

So then I wondered “how often does something like this happen with women? How often do women buy a pair of shoes that they know won’t fit without sacrifice and significant pain?” 

Women settle a lot for man-shoes that really aren’t the right size, and they just have to have them anyway. Squeezing their toes into the ill fitting shoe they think is so cute, women will wince, tiptoe with some strange gait, have to sit down a lot because their feet are killing them, or suffer bunions corns and blisters on their feet – all because they refuse to leave that pair of shoes in the store and buy something that fits.

Women will spend an inexplicably large amount of energy and time on a man that isn’t the right style, the right fabric, the right cut or the right size, or that was some busted leftover from last season they picked up on the clearance table trying to save a buck. Let me explain what I mean.

The Right Fabric: I’d equate the “fabric” of a man to be his character.  When a woman involves herself with a married man, a thief, a liar, a manipulative game player, or someone that she for any reason doesn’t fully trust, she has picked a man made from the wrong cloth. If you want a smooth silk dress shoe, don’t waste your time trying on something made from plastic or rubber.

The Right Style: Are you a ghetto fabulous hoochie mama? Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, trust me. But be realistic about the appropriate “shoes” for your feet. Don’t expect to bring home an Harvard educated business professional – not gonna happen.  Your style of man must be ghetto fabulous too.  You two would understand each other, coming from similar backgrounds, and you would have similar styles.  He would be the right shoe for your “occasion”. Just like you don’t purchase high heeled glittery party shoes to wear to a kid’s pee-wee football game; and you don’t buy the latest Jordan’s to wear to a formal dinner party or wedding.

The Right Cut: Cut from a similar mold, you see the world through the same eyes, have personal goals and family values that are in sync.  You handle money in similar ways, perhaps share religious beliefs, an interest in fitness and having 4 children when you marry.  Your man is cut from the same or a very similar mold with regards to morals and values and how you treat people.

The Right Size: When you slip your foot into a shoe that is the right size, no adjustments are necessary. You don’t need to have the shoe stretched, nor do you need to wear it around the house to “break it in.” You don’t need comfort insoles, heel cushions, or an extra pair of socks. Even when you stand around in the shoes for a couple of hours, or run to catch the commuter train at the last minute, your feet still feel great.

Men are like shoes… some fit better than others, and some are made of a higher quality than others as well. Sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like, so you come home empty-handed.  Sometimes you feel pressured to buy something to wear immediately, so you hope the shoes that you picked will work out, but after wearing them a few times they are given away or relegated to the back of the closet.

What you want to avoid is EVER making a desperate choice, a pressured desperate grab for either a pair of shoes or a man.  Don’t waste your money on a discount item just to say you saved a few dollars when you ultimately wasted it because the shoes hurt your feet!

Take your time and scrutinize carefully. Try the shoes on. Walk around in them for a time in the store and see if they pinch your foot, if they are too wide or narrow, if the shoes fit one foot better than the other, or if in just a few minutes you feel that you need to take those suckas off!

Make sure that any shoe you buy, right along with any man you commit to, are the absolutely perfect fit for YOU long-term.

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues

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