Valentine’s Day and Selfish Ass Men

| 02/05/2012 | Comments (83)

All over the Internet men are whining about the “fake holiday” that is Valentine’s Day. Even small children understand that this is a day set aside to show someone that you care and that they are special to you!  What is it about that concept that grown ass men don’t get?

Why do so many men resent Valentine’s Day and spend hours bitching and moaning on websites, blogs and to anyone that will listen about why women don’t deserve to be honored on Valentine’s Day?

I’ll tell you why! Because those men are spoiled, selfish assholes!

These fellas want everything their way, they want women to believe what they believe, and they want women to fall in line and not demand much of anything from them. These men want to receive the benefits of a woman’s time, attention, affection, loyalty, cooking, cleaning and body 365 days a year without spending even 60 seconds on the one day set aside to make one’s lover feel special.

A blog post by Marc Rudov advocated “No-Mance Day” instead of Valentine’s Day.  A quote from his page:

I gladly do sweet things for women, including buying them flowers, when I choose to do so — not when radio and TV spots instruct me, not when women expect or demand it, and not if these women wouldn’t reciprocate or initiate the same gestures.

I don’t pay for sex, and I never will.

Check out that last line ladies. He like every other man that cosigned onto his proposal equates a woman’s sole value with sex. That’s it. It’s okay for him to expect or demand sex, but it’s somehow wrong for a woman to expect him to spend time or energy showing — on just ONE DAY now — that his woman, his relationship and the sex you two have is important and special to him.

Wow.



Some of the men griped that a woman shouldn’t expect them to “go broke” on Valentine’s Day, as if doing anything at all costs an arm and a leg. That was their excuse not to do anything – it costs too much.  Really?  But the $59.99 you spent ON YOURSELF for an X-Box Madden game, well hey, that was a life-saving, absolutely necessary purchase! I get it.

Look guys, giving someone a card that you made costs nothing.  Adding one red rose costs a few bucks. Writing your woman a poem or a love letter and giving it to her on Valentine’s Day is free. Cooking her favorite meal and setting the table with candles costs what.. an extra $5 for the candles?

Selfish men go to great extremes and come up with the most creatively bullshit excuses not to do anything  for a woman on that one day.  You stubbornly insist that since it’s “expected” you won’t do it, and you “don’t pay for sex” either.

The guys with this selfish hoarding mentality are always single. The mentality that they don’t have to go out of their way to occasionally please a woman guarantees that they will remain single for many, many years. Even if they are lucky enough to get a woman to date them for awhile, when she realizes how self centered he is, she will leave him anyway.

Another interesting fact that surprised me was how many Black women defended these emotional and financial cheapsters. These women claimed that it’s a nothing day anyway, and that men should not be on the hook or “forced” to show a woman any special attention on Valentine’s Day.

Personally, I think those statements are being made by women that don’t want to get their hopes up about men. Not anymore. They’ve been repeatedly disappointed by men in the romance department, and in response have lowered their expectations of men to ground level. That way they don’t get their feelings hurt when the guy in their life doesn’t do anything for them or treat them like they are special. They aren’t upset because they never expected him to do anything for them anyway.

I say that with confidence, because even as young children in Kindergarten, females love Valentine’s Day!  Women love romance and passion and for men to show that they care in many small ways on a daily basis.  Sure guys might do things YOU want to do for her when YOU want to do them over the course of a year. But to women, Valentine’s Day is a day set aside to show extra love. Why refuse to do it?

Every woman likes to be thought of as special to her man and it started with Little Reggie Smith that brought her a penny Valentine and a lollypop in first grade. He didn’t expect sex – he just wanted to show how much he liked her.

Wise women also know that when a man really loves a woman with his full heart, he jumps at the chance to celebrate Valentine’s Day and is not grudgeful about it either.  A man that loves his woman is proud to bring joy to his woman’s heart and put a delighted smile on her face on Valentine’s Day.

Few woman would verbally check her man about him not doing anything for Valentine’s Day.  But the fact that your woman doesn’t SAY anything to you does not mean she doesn’t FEEL negatively about your behavior.  You can bet that inside she feels unappreciated and neglected and her feelings are hurt.  She wonders why you don’t think she is important enough to show a little extra attention to her  — just to make her feel good.

Your stubborn refusal to give her attention on Valentine’s Day puts  your relationship on the fast track to disaster.

Your woman sees that you are a man that cares only about himself and what YOU think. Your woman sees that you are a man that gives only when YOU think she should have something, not when she needs or wants it. Inside she knows you are a man that will resent female expectations of performance, unless YOU want to meet them, and it has to be at YOUR convenience.  She now knows that you are a man that will leave her starving for romance – just because YOU don’t think its important.

Women smart enough to recognize these facts will break up with a guy when he doesn’t do anything for her on Valentine’s Day. You guys want to attribute the break up to unrealistic expectations about “one stupid day.”  In reality, your refusal to participate in a lover’s day celebration shows that you think of her as nothing but a convenience… she feels like nothing to you but a booty call. The realization that you feel so little about her happiness motivates her to dump you on the spot.

Many women feel sad and unappreciated on Valentine's Day

Sometimes I wonder if men are really as clueless as they come across. I’m serious! I look at all the ways they slight and injure women they claim to love – the controlling behaviors, resentful attitudes, the selfishness – and I shake my head.

Men have the power to save their relationships by getting smart about how they treat the woman in their life, and it begins with adjusting their attitude about Valentine’s Day.

It takes you guys as little as 15 minutes to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day, but your woman loves the extra attention for days.  The card you made or carefully chose, the poem or song  you wrote, or the love letter you penned will be cherished forever.

Why is that such a problem?

And why is it that so many Black women don’t feel deserving of that kind of adoration?

What do you say readers?

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Comments (83)

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  1. maskedwriter says:

    I totally agree with Marc Rudov. Men should not only boycott Valentine’s Day, but also marriage and any other institution where the deck is stacked against men and boys. The current Feminazi gynocracy that men must endure needs to be changed.

    When will men be free?

    This is all about freedom and men don’t have freedom in Western countries anymore. Men should have psychological and economic equality when it comes to dating, romance and Valentine’s Day. Currently, men don’t have this equality, so BOYCOTT VALENTINES DAY AND MARRIAGE GUYS!

    • eLLe85 says:

      @ Troll aka masked—>You sound like a natural, 100% grade A, certified FOOL.

    • topaz627 says:

      Wow men aren’t free in America anymore? That’s a stupid comment. You’re “free’ to get a job and “free’ to have an opposing opinion with the government publicly and not be  jailed for it so stop bitching. Your so called “freedom’ is only under attack when you have to actually put effort and care about a woman in a relationship. To you freedom is to have unlimited and unquestioned access to women, to treat them however you want to and not be called out for it. Which is probably why you’re a lonely troll on a relationship website. lol

  2. life blows says:

    my bf promised me we’d do something this valentine’s day and we didn’t…. I was home, alone, eating one of the last remaining boxes of low quality chocolate the store had…. Which I bought….. It’s July and I’m still depressed about it…. he has not made it up to me….. I some times think it be better to be single.

    • Deborrah says:

      Not necessarily single, but definitely not in a relationship with that chump! You should have broken it off with him on that day. The fact that he made a promise to you then didn’t keep it is reason enough to get him terminated. A man’s word is supposed to be his bond. If the people that he claims to love cannot believe in him, trust in him, have faith that he will do the things he promises and be the man he claims he will be, then what is the good of being in a relationship with him? Why love someone you cannot depend on, that lies to you, or blows you off as less important than whatever else he decided to do ON VALENTINE’S DAY!?

    • AnitaFarmer says:

      Maybe…maybe not…re -evaluate what kind of rela you have and if you truly want to stay in it….

    • Go now while your dignity is intact..Go now while the best years are ahead of you!

  3. Jil says:

    Hi

    The first year I met my boyfriend- he made sure to do Valentines with me though in the middle of a divorce- Year 2 the divorce became final on Valentines Day- from then on every year he uses the excuse that it is too commercial to bother . And not a big deal.
    So every year I dread valentines Day -am sad, and feel unloved and it hurts.
    He is cold and indifferent and insensitive to it .
    Says he loves me and does other things for me- like dutyful things but no romance-
    Guys- when you love someone- you put aside your childish crap and do something to make the woman of your life happy- you certainly do not deliberately hurt her over and over-just so you can pound your chest like the Big ape that you are

    • Raz says:

      Jil are you still with this knucklehead boyfriend of yours? If so why?

    • zipporah says:

      I notice, when men and women share sexuality IT BINDS THE WOMAN MORE THAN THE MAN and this could be why it’s harder for woman to break up. Women lose pitocin and cant bond with a man who could love her later–aka, a GOOD MAN

  4. SpecialK says:

    Great article. Women like men should be shown love and appreciation on Valentine’s Day. As stated, it doesn’t have to be expensive – just a token to say you care.

    • Raz says:

      I think ‘expense’ is relative depending on the generosity of the people involved and the size of their wallet. One man might take his woman on a romantic B&B getaway or a ski trip, or a long weekend trip to Bermuda and think nothing of it. After all, it’s once a year and men can plan and save ahead of time for it. Just like they plan and save ahead of time for that 55 inch HDTV Flatscreen High Def #D TV they’ve been longing for and the many xbox 360 games they buy, and the expensive tickets they buy to attend sports events. Suddenly when it’s Valentine’s Day men want to cry broke and it’s too expensive. But it’s never too expensive for him to buy the things he wants for ‘himself’ and if he can’t afford it, I’m sure he hits her up for money too. So I say, for Valentine’s day, if a dude has planned well and saved his money towards it, he can afford to expensively indulge his Sweetheart on Valentine’s day.

  5. Lyndon says:

    I agree with most of your sentiment but one huge point….

    Men are selfish because women not only allow us to be, but are magnetically drawn to selfish men. Within the safe confines of a relationship is when women release their truest desire.

    Unfortunately, up until that point, many women will accept pretty much anything.The frustration for many guys is that these demands were not present before entering the “serious” part of the relationship. So when along with a laundry list of other demands, the woman now feels worthy of a Valentine and for many guys it’s not only annoying it’s a surprise.

    Again, I agree that men are selfish, but it’s primarily because in the courting process women allow SOOOO much that it’s nearly impossible to go in reverse and have even SEMI high expectations.

    • Raz says:

      Lyndon: “Men are selfish because women not only allow us to be, but are magnetically drawn to selfish men”

      A lot of men just don’t care and have learned to tune out the disappointment he sees in his woman’s eyes when he doesn’t show her romance on Valentine’s day. The women copes, by telling herself Valentine’s Day really isn’t important. I do agree that more women need to quickly dump these trifling fools instead of bending themselves into a pretzel to please them when they aren’t getting pleased in return.

  6. jl says:

    You want to talk about selfish and spoiled? In this time of supposed “equality”, men are expect to court women, be chivalrous, and honor them on Valentine’s Day while getting a bag of dog shit in return and all the woman has to do is decide whether or not she likes what the man purchased for her. Spoiled little divas and princesses, when do we as men get our day to be appreciated? What, when you “put out” for us? Is that not a glorified form of prostitution, having to shower you with monetary gifts in order to get laid?

    • You either didn’t read the article or you have very poor reading comprehension skills. Nowhere in that article did I say anything about “showering” anyone with “monetary gifts.” Wow.

      I specifically outlined the ways such selfish men as yourself can spend 15 minutes showing the woman you think is gonna be screwing your dumb ass that you at least appreciate her. A $3 card and you bitching about that? A $10 bouquet of flowers and that’s too much? Cooking her breakfast and serving it to her on a tray in bed costs nothing, since you were gonna eat breakfast anyway. Writing a poem or love letter is free unless you go buy fancy paper and a pen with special scented special ink or something.

      You are just an angry cheap ass fool. No woman wants to be bothered with you because you are selfish and stingy. That’s why you are resentful and angry. That’s why you are single.

      • Raz says:

        Deborrah: “You are just an angry cheap ass fool. No woman wants to be bothered with you because you are selfish and cheap. That’s why you are resentful and angry.”

        Yup pretty much. Jl and Eric and Bob Stoops are three he-motional fools with nothing going on, which is why they were whining on Valentine’s Day instead of out handling their business in the arms of a woman (or a man). Instead they are in cyberspace whining bitching and moaning on your blog… LOSERS all of them.

        • Grow Up! Girlzzzz! says:

          You are lamenting like babies for more than 40 years to be ‘equals’. You are now. You are in fact mutch more than equal, you are spoiled babies little princess who are allway crying for more privileges and more this and more that. But what do you give bakc, nothing, no gratitude. You are only doing more Shaming and Crying for more. You are never happy!

          You can run on stupid non-argument like ‘he-motional fools’, ‘no woman want to be blahblahblah’, ‘Thats why you are single’ blah, blah blah. Grow Up!

          • Deborrah says:

            A typical selfish ass man. Resentful that women don’t have to bow down and do his bidding or kiss his ass just because he is a male. A jerk that considers giving his woman a card and romancing her to be treating her like a spoiled little princess and that he is giving her privleges, like she is supposed to be grateful he is even looking at her. Continue to whine and be by yourself. That is why YOU are single.

        • zipporah says:

          he’s jUSt SPOILED by women, hey, men dont go what women go through when pregnant–a hard 40 WEEKS!  plus PUSHING  Some women do better and dont get sick. I wonder how many babymamas does he have. maybe he has none IDK

  7. Beverly says:

    That guy Marc Rudov that wrote that was quoted in the article about ‘nomance day’ is one angry looking white dude. I checked out his site. I wonder if he has a SO in his life? What woman would want to be with him? He writings show he has ultimate contempt and hatred for women. Maybe he hated his mommy or something or is bitter behind a divorce or something and never got therapy. But any man who writes 20 out of 130 articles boycotting valentine’s day and talking about how to avoid spending money on women in order to date them,is an emotionally damaged man.

    Any man listening to this clown is a man on the fast track to not having long term success with women. Women these days don’t have time for that foolishness. They will leave a man with a quickness with a fonky attitude.

    This dude though he might be educated and financially successful, he is the very type of male women should avoid. He is dangerous to them. Probably emotionally and verbally abusive too. He might be married, but I have to wonder about the state of mind of his wife. Just because a man is married doesn’t mean he is making his wife happy. This is one angry looking Mofo.

  8. LMH says:

    I also wonder if men can be this clueless. I have dated (and dumped) the loser types who won’t do anything or complain about Valentine’s day. I have also dated the great guys who know that you really don’t have to spend an inordinate amount of money to make your woman feel special on Valentine’s day! The bottom line is there is really NO JUSTIFIABLE REASON FOR REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR WOMAN/MAN on a day specifically set aside to do so.

  9. Taylor says:

    In general, I do think Valentine’s Day is a shameless commercial ploy, but that won’t stop me from doing something for the girl I love. I treat it a lot like Christmas – yes, you can buy gifts for your loved ones any time of the year, but it has special significance for them on that day. However, I do think it’s a far better and more romantic idea to work around the consumerism garbage by doing something yourself (putting real heart into it, of course). The last Valentine’s Day that I was in a relationship, I wrote and performed a song for the girl I was with, and it seemed to mean more to her than anything money could have bought. Yeah, there’s a lot of shit to Valentine’s Day, and sometimes the expectations women put on men can be a little unfair, but if you’re in love with someone, be the bigger man and get over it, I say.

    • Raz says:

      Taylor: “In general, I do think Valentine’s Day is a shameless commercial ploy, but that won’t stop me from doing something for the girl I love. However, I do think it’s a far better and more romantic idea to work around the consumerism garbage by doing something yourself Yeah, there’s a lot of shit to Valentine’s Day, and sometimes the expectations women put on men can be a little unfair, but if you’re in love with someone, be the bigger man and get over it, I say.”

      Taylor I’m glad you’re the bigger man and get your woman something on Valentine’s day. But how about just being the regular romantic man. Consumerism is everywhere all year long and that doesn’t stop the average dude from ignoring it when it comes to spending time, energy and money on things directly related to HIM. What about the outrageous consumerism centered around sports, and xbox 360 games and all of that. Does that stop guys from griping yet going out spending their money on computer games, flat screen tv’s what about all the money spent buying expensive tennis shoes? So why put down Valentine’s day in that backhanded way you did in your comment as if that day alone has the most consumerism involved than any other event in American history?

      So yeah consumerism is everywhere all the time so what… Nothing new about that. So why is it when it comes to Valentine’s day, Men like you want to whine about consumerism as if it’s a new marketing tool aimed specifically at getting you to spend money? Don’t you spend money anyway based on consumerism? Valentine’s day is no different. You see something on TV, you are urged to get it and eventually you do. Only in this case, the emphasis on consumerism is buying the woman something romantic and suddenly dudes are all up in arms about so called consumerism as if it is a new marketing phenomenon that only occurs on Feb. 14th. (pluueeze, get over the fake hypocrisy concern of consumerism already).

      I don’t hear dudes whining about it when they want to get something related to them, only when it comes to their woman and they act like they are the ‘bigger man’ for doing what they’re supposed to be doing anyway in a relationship. And men with all these expectations of women have no reason to complain with one day out of the year to publically celebrate their romance with the woman they are with.

      Stop acting like you’re so put upon to do that. Wow these selfish whiny self centered men need to stop dating women and date other men if they feel that it’s just too much for them to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

      • zipporah says:

        So what if its consumerism–people make money that way and its ok. BTW it would be nice to do something for her and make money on it.
        I know a lady who made Valentine presents to sell and make money, she took strawberries and dipped them into dark and white chocolate.I used to go to her country church a few years ago. She went over so big that she started on Mothers Day, Christmas Anniversaries etc.
        She is known NATIONWIDE now and is on the RADIO—i even saw her advertised on Wheel Of Fortune..when you ‘landed’ on her

  10. Bob Stoops says:

    Fiction can be fun. But I prefer the reference to be a little more enlightening.

    The facts are that men spend twice as much than women do on Valentine’s Day. ($158 vs. $75)

    Yet, men are selfish assholes who don’t do anything, while women do everything. Right.

    Shouldn’t love in a relationship be a two-way street? Why do women want to receive the benefits of a man’s time, attention, affection, loyalty, cooking, cleaning, and body 365 days a year and then only expect men to do stuff for them on Valentine’s Day?

    • Raz says:

      Bob you are the very type of trifling fool this article talks about. You don’t know facts. You don’t know what men and women spend on valentine day. This ain’t fact just your stupid dumb cheap opinion. You must be one of those dateless bitter mens selfish and cheap but wondering why nobody wants you. Obviously you’re just posting for arguments sake, because based on your comments (hypothetical) you don’t know crap about how relationships are run.

      • Bob Stoops says:

        First of all, it is not my opinion, it is indeed a fact. While it may be easier to just use uninformed ad hominem and other personal attacks to support your argument why not just spend 5 minutes of actual research and see what you come up with.

        I’m not posting for arguments sake, i feel this is blatant sexist bigotry. I do not feel that men are all selfish. The fact i pointed out earlier would obviously backup that point of view. You can’t deny the facts.

        • Raz says:

          Bob Stoops: “First of all, it is not my opinion, it is indeed a fact.

          Nah it’s your dumb azz opinion and you are even dumber to expect someone to believe what you state as fact just because you stated it. You don’t even provide a source as backup to prove what you wrote is fact. Another loser dude who should be put on nignore and probably dateless on Valentine’s day. LOL. A whining man with a mangina.

          • Raz says:

            Bob Stoops,
            Your dumb harping on men spending 2x as much on Valentine’s day as women is an embarrassment to intelligent and mature men everywhere. Because a real man don’t count up and keep track with how much he spends on the woman in his life on valentine’s day. Only a dumb moronic cheapskate no having woman ass trifling fool like you would be nickle and diming and trying to make a lame point. Instead of focusing on what the overall message of the article is, here you are trying to deflect and focus on tit for tat and how much dudes spend as if that is more meaningful. As I said before you’re the very type of fool this article is written for. Obviously you don’t have anyone to spend Valentine’s Day with or you wouldn’t be whining about the cost. My sweetie took me after work for a nice candlelight dinner. We had early reservations. I had roses and expensive chocolate delivered to my job. Your cheapskate trifling azz has nothing.

          • Bob Stoops says:

            Raz: “My sweetie took me after work for a nice candlelight dinner. We had early reservations. I had roses and expensive chocolate delivered to my job.”

            Wow. What a selfish bastard he must be. /sarcasm.

            You just made my point for me. Men are not the selfish ones as you should be aware of by your pointless story.

            Any person who wants only to receive everything for themselves and give nothing in return are the selfish ones.

          • Raz says:

            Bob Stoops what were you doing with your SO on Valentine’s Day? Oh I know, busy whining and bitching and moaning on this blog. You didn’t have anyone special and I can see why. Who’d want to spend time with your fonky attitude having azz. You’re the one who is selfish because YOU’RE the one who initially commented about how much more money men spend than women on Valentines. What was the point in that?

            That wasn’t what the article was talking about. You’re the one who chose to focus on ‘money’ spent when in fact the article outlined many ways a man can make his woman feel special without spending hardly any money at all. In fact it’s not about how much you spend. The fact that your cheapskate dumb hoarding butt decided to focus strictly on $$ shows where your mindset is which is why you spent your valentines day posting on a blog instead of spending it in the arms of someone special. BROKE LOSER!

            Any male focused on $$ is telling on himself. (1) He is a broke loser with no money to spend (2) He has no sex appeal and don’t know how to romance a woman at all. (3) He is a cheapskate hoarding bastard who probably sucks in bed. Because if you aren’t generous in pleasing your woman in whatever way that makes her happy, you probably suck sexually too. Since males tend to focus on what they are most concerned with and project this off onto others, all those whining on this thread about Valentines, are broke losers mad because you have no game, no money, no confidence, no charisma and NO WOMAN!

          • Can the church say “AMEN!”

      • SilentBro says:

        The article I found online “How Much Do We Spend on Valentine’s Day”, at Associated Content website written by Gipsy Herron states that men spend on average $163 and women $84.

        • Raz says:

          And so what SilentBro? What’s your point in guys spending more than women? Valentine’s day is primarily and historically a celebration of a dudes love for his woman so naturally he’ll spend more.

    • LMH says:

      The point of the article is anyone (especially bitter, whiny men) who quibbles about how much $$$ is spent on Valentine’s Day instead of using their heart and imagination to show appreciation for the person they claim to love is indeed a selfish asshole.

      • Raz says:

        Exactly LMH! The reason they ‘quibble’ (nice way of putting), I say whine, bitch and moan is because they have no heart nor imagination, nor a romantic bone in their body, and they have no money. All they have is ‘hemotions gone awry because they aren’t getting no play from the women they want. Instead of them improving themselves, they’d rather whine and blame the woman for not wanting their cheap loser butts.

  11. Raz says:

    This is a world set up by men for men, and on the couple of days honoring a woman, Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day’, you get some men begrudging them of even that. Kinda makes you wonder… why so many men dislike publically honoring and showing affection, reverence,love for women?

  12. Jeannette says:

    I must admit, I am not big on Valentines Day because everyday should be the day to say, “I Love You.” However, I still expect to receive that extra love and appreciate on Valentines Day, even if it’s not that big of a deal to me, it’s the thought that counts. I am a thoughtful person. I do let the Men I’m seeing know my needs and standards. Therefore, they know better then not to give any less on Valentines Day.

    • Raz says:

      Of course men should show their appreciation to women on days other than Valentine’s day and just because a man does show his appreciation on Valentine’s day doesn’t mean that should be the ONLY day he does it. That goes without saying. But men shouldn’t begrudge women this one day to publically show their affection. No need for anyone to trivialize it. Women who are involved with a man, I think most would like to know that on that day, that man will celebrate his affection for her on a day set aside to do that. Nothing wrong with that at all.

  13. Kerry says:

    I once dated a guy who NEVER did anything for me on Valentine’s Day. Yet inspite of that, I would always give him cards. He was Irish. I gave him cards on St. Patrick’s Day, Valentine’s Day, I wrote poems for him. I even made him a little sculpture once when I was taking a pottery class. He never gave me anything. He never showed me any affection or love in that way.

    When we finally broke up, I got all of those cards I’d given him over the course of our 5+ years together and I ripped them and cut them up and put them in a bag for him to discover if he ever opened the drawer where he kept those cards stored. That day he found them he cried like a baby.

    He thought that was so cruel for me to do that. However he never thought about the cruelty he inflicted on me for 5 years of with holding affection and refusal to show his love for me by reciprocating with the things he himself received.

    That should have been a clue to me, but I was in love and like a lot of women, I was too focused on loving him instead of realizing the love I wasn’t receiving.

    I figured the more I gave, the more he would appreciate me and start to give in return. He never did. He made it seem as though all those cards I gave him were not necessary. Yet he cried like a baby when I took them from him in anger. I didn’t want him going to the next woman in his life, bragging about all the cards and love his ex showed to him.

    Men can be such azzholes. Women get a clue. Don’t be like I did and waste 5 years on a man who made it obvious that he only appreciated you for what you could do for him and never reciprocated.

    On the flip side, I dated a dude who always went out of his way for Valentine’s Day with roses and chocolates, but he was an absentee boyfriend. He used holidays to substitute for him not putting in the time and attention in our relationship. So either extreme isn’t healthy for a woman.

    The bottom line: Women know what you want, and whenever you are with a man and he starts consistently not making you happy….LEAVE! Staying with him, only results in you compromising your happiness at your expense, not his. It’s not worth it.

    • Deborrah says:

      Excellent, excellent post. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience and learned wisdom. You are correct of course, women focus on giving love, not on what they should be getting from men. And they make excuses, cover up, pretend not to care, etc. out of fear of losing the relationship. I don’t understand the desire to settle for less than you deserve just to have something. I’d rather be single.

  14. Destiny says:

    It’s not that men are stupid, it’s that they just don’t care about the women they’re with, IMO. I think black women have given up on their boyfriends/husbands after they realize how self-absorbed he is and that his mentality won’t change.

    • Raz says:

      I think the men who don’t care about the woman they’re with is a sure indication of them being stupid, emotionally shallow, and self centered. 3 traits that are sure to kill a relationship. Any man who has all 3 shouldn’t have a girlfriend.

  15. Kathy Henry says:

    For the most part, men are selfish and women are so desperate for the attention of men, that they will swallow their pride and pretend that Valentine’s Day does not matter when they know in their hearts that it does.

    I am currently riding solo this year after getting rid of a man who did not love me and would never love me the way I deserved to be loved. At my vast age, it is better to be alone, than be with an asshole.

    Do I desire a soulmate? Hell yeah, what woman doesn’t? However, it does not bother me that I don’t have one at this time. My life has to move and fuck being depressed and shit about a man.

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