Valentine’s Day and Selfish Ass Men
All over the Internet men are whining about the “fake holiday” that is Valentine’s Day. Even small children understand that this is a day set aside to show someone that you care and that they are special to you! What is it about that concept that grown ass men don’t get?
Why do so many men resent Valentine’s Day and spend hours bitching and moaning on websites, blogs and to anyone that will listen about why women don’t deserve to be honored on Valentine’s Day?
I’ll tell you why! Because those men are spoiled, selfish assholes!
These fellas want everything their way, they want women to believe what they believe, and they want women to fall in line and not demand much of anything from them. These men want to receive the benefits of a woman’s time, attention, affection, loyalty, cooking, cleaning and body 365 days a year without spending even 60 seconds on the one day set aside to make one’s lover feel special.
A blog post by Marc Rudov advocated “No-Mance Day” instead of Valentine’s Day. A quote from his page:
I gladly do sweet things for women, including buying them flowers, when I choose to do so — not when radio and TV spots instruct me, not when women expect or demand it, and not if these women wouldn’t reciprocate or initiate the same gestures.
I don’t pay for sex, and I never will.
Check out that last line ladies. He like every other man that cosigned onto his proposal equates a woman’s sole value with sex. That’s it. It’s okay for him to expect or demand sex, but it’s somehow wrong for a woman to expect him to spend time or energy showing — on just ONE DAY now — that his woman, his relationship and the sex you two have is important and special to him.
Wow.
Some of the men griped that a woman shouldn’t expect them to “go broke” on Valentine’s Day, as if doing anything at all costs an arm and a leg. That was their excuse not to do anything – it costs too much. Really? But the $59.99 you spent ON YOURSELF for an X-Box Madden game, well hey, that was a life-saving, absolutely necessary purchase! I get it.
Look guys, giving someone a card that you made costs nothing. Adding one red rose costs a few bucks. Writing your woman a poem or a love letter and giving it to her on Valentine’s Day is free. Cooking her favorite meal and setting the table with candles costs what.. an extra $5 for the candles?
Selfish men go to great extremes and come up with the most creatively bullshit excuses not to do anything for a woman on that one day. You stubbornly insist that since it’s “expected” you won’t do it, and you “don’t pay for sex” either.
The guys with this selfish hoarding mentality are always single. The mentality that they don’t have to go out of their way to occasionally please a woman guarantees that they will remain single for many, many years. Even if they are lucky enough to get a woman to date them for awhile, when she realizes how self centered he is, she will leave him anyway.
Another interesting fact that surprised me was how many Black women defended these emotional and financial cheapsters. These women claimed that it’s a nothing day anyway, and that men should not be on the hook or “forced” to show a woman any special attention on Valentine’s Day.
Personally, I think those statements are being made by women that don’t want to get their hopes up about men. Not anymore. They’ve been repeatedly disappointed by men in the romance department, and in response have lowered their expectations of men to ground level. That way they don’t get their feelings hurt when the guy in their life doesn’t do anything for them or treat them like they are special. They aren’t upset because they never expected him to do anything for them anyway.
I say that with confidence, because even as young children in Kindergarten, females love Valentine’s Day! Women love romance and passion and for men to show that they care in many small ways on a daily basis. Sure guys might do things YOU want to do for her when YOU want to do them over the course of a year. But to women, Valentine’s Day is a day set aside to show extra love. Why refuse to do it?
Every woman likes to be thought of as special to her man and it started with Little Reggie Smith that brought her a penny Valentine and a lollypop in first grade. He didn’t expect sex – he just wanted to show how much he liked her.
Wise women also know that when a man really loves a woman with his full heart, he jumps at the chance to celebrate Valentine’s Day and is not grudgeful about it either. A man that loves his woman is proud to bring joy to his woman’s heart and put a delighted smile on her face on Valentine’s Day.
Few woman would verbally check her man about him not doing anything for Valentine’s Day. But the fact that your woman doesn’t SAY anything to you does not mean she doesn’t FEEL negatively about your behavior. You can bet that inside she feels unappreciated and neglected and her feelings are hurt. She wonders why you don’t think she is important enough to show a little extra attention to her — just to make her feel good.
Your stubborn refusal to give her attention on Valentine’s Day puts your relationship on the fast track to disaster.
Your woman sees that you are a man that cares only about himself and what YOU think. Your woman sees that you are a man that gives only when YOU think she should have something, not when she needs or wants it. Inside she knows you are a man that will resent female expectations of performance, unless YOU want to meet them, and it has to be at YOUR convenience. She now knows that you are a man that will leave her starving for romance – just because YOU don’t think its important.
Women smart enough to recognize these facts will break up with a guy when he doesn’t do anything for her on Valentine’s Day. You guys want to attribute the break up to unrealistic expectations about “one stupid day.” In reality, your refusal to participate in a lover’s day celebration shows that you think of her as nothing but a convenience… she feels like nothing to you but a booty call. The realization that you feel so little about her happiness motivates her to dump you on the spot.
Sometimes I wonder if men are really as clueless as they come across. I’m serious! I look at all the ways they slight and injure women they claim to love – the controlling behaviors, resentful attitudes, the selfishness – and I shake my head.
Men have the power to save their relationships by getting smart about how they treat the woman in their life, and it begins with adjusting their attitude about Valentine’s Day.
It takes you guys as little as 15 minutes to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day, but your woman loves the extra attention for days. The card you made or carefully chose, the poem or song you wrote, or the love letter you penned will be cherished forever.
Why is that such a problem?
And why is it that so many Black women don’t feel deserving of that kind of adoration?
What do you say readers?
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
Deborrah Luckystrike351 And where did you get the idea that men aren’t doing anything for women for those 364 days a year?
That’s why V-Day is unfair, because it’s based on many (bitter) women’s false assumption that men do nothing for women 364 days a year. Men are still the ones who have to jump through hoops and pay for everything for their partner. Men also love their partner. The notion that men do not love during a relationship is a lie, and offensive to men in relationships.
@LMH What do you or other women do for men on Valentine’s Day? It is shown that men on average do more for women than women do for men on Valentine’s Day. Perhaps when women call men “selfish”, women should look in the mirror.
The female gender is the most selfish, narcissistic, vain, entitled gender.
Deborrah That’s BS. How about looking at the relationship. I’ve dated many women who made the same or more than me. Yet women still think men should pay for everything.
@Kathy Henry How are men “selfish” when it’s men who do most of the spending their money on things for the woman on Valentine’s Day, when women don’t reciprocate.
Aren’t women the ones who are selfish since women think Valentine’s Day should be all about them?
@Destiny What do women do for men?
This entire article is about how men are here to serve women and devote Valentine’s Day to women, while women should not reciprocate for men.
Women are far more selfish than men.
Razzy Chris4267 daddySoulpoll The notion that women do most of the work in a relationship is an absolute lie.
What kind of relationships are YOU in to imply that men don’t do anything except on Valentine’s Days and anniversaries? Relationships involve men doing things for women 365 days a year.
Therefore, the notion that only women deserve a special day is unfair and sexist towards men.
@SilentBro Since men make more than women do, even for the same professions, that would be appropriate.
Luckystrike351 Men get everything from women 364 days a year. You need to shut up and quit yer bitchin.
Thank you Deborrah,
As a complete and incurable idiot (a man) I didn’t realize what a problem I and the rest of the idiots that make up one half of the world’s population have been creating for you. Every woman in America is on board with your assessments of this very important holiday. That is why women never complain about anything on Valentine’s Day except the gross mistreatment
that they suffer at the hands of men (hereafter referred to as ‘the terror’). When a woman stands me up for a Valentine’s dinner we had planned for weeks in advance and that I spent much time and effort preparing and instead sleeps with my roommate I should have realized that my anger and disappointment was really just unwarranted selfishness. Women deserve romance. All women. As a member of the terror I have foolishly wondered why it is that I have to be vocally observant and complimentary to all superficial changes in a woman’s physical appearance in order to keep her from leaving me while neither she nor any woman I’ve had a relationship with has ever taken the three seconds necessary to say, “You look handsome.” Now I know that it’s because I didn’t deserve it. I probably never will. Women don’t actually owe anything to the terror so why should they be likeable or polite, especially when they don’t receive what the terror owes them as a collective gender? The terror act as a kind of
collective consciousness so realistically I have no control over my own actions and all control over the actions of all the terror.
An intelligent woman will know that certain things are expected of a halfway decent terror. Those things are unspoken. This is obvious. When I make a dinner rather than making a reservation at a restaurant that she wanted to go to and never told me about I have no one to blame for her anger but myself. What a dipshit, right? I had thought for years that when I
told strange women to have a happy Valentine’s Day that I was doing it to make them a little happier. Of course I was wrong. Really, I just wanted to have sex with all of them. I mean I am incapable altruism as is the case with all of the terror. We all just want something for nothing. Women shouldn’t have to stoop to same level as the terror and say something like, “You too,” in response to such false kindness. Likewise romance must of course be initiated by a terror since a woman spends so much effort all year long to show how much she cares for these undeserving creeps. That’s why no woman would ever gawk or get bitter at the idea of paying her own half of the bill at a café. No woman would ever flock to the wealthiest and most alpha terror in the room along with all the other women because women are incapable of selfishness or superficiality or neglect for other people’s feelings, at least not in same capacity as the terror.
Speaking of romance, we should mention the erroneous connection the terror make between romance and sex. Sex is after all totally irrelevant in romance unless a woman says otherwise. The fact that no woman whom doesn’t
want to fuck me would ever dream of entering a relationship with me shouldn’t blind me to the reality that sex isn’t everything. In fact, this article is a stark reminder that I and the rest of the terror are really just lucky when we get laid. Women are just showing them pity. Sex has a higher meaning for women. No terror would think of sex as a break from the harsh realities of great responsibility or the soul-crushing effects of poverty where they get to be close to someone and show unrestrained affection in the arms of another person. We can’t do that. To us, sex is a competition and every morning after is another golden cup in our carnal trophy cases. Jesus, you can just imagine what life is like for gay terrors. They’re both horrible people to begin with because they’re the terror. They probably have to take turns ignoring each other in order to fulfill their duties as dirty rotten Valentine’s Day haters.
I am so glad that you have the wisdom and courtesy
to tell other women to break their relationships up over what is almost
certainly one of the most important and well defined holidays in this country.
It is appropriate to generalize about tens of millions of people you have never met nor have any data on since that’s what makes good research. I applaud your courage. It takes real bravery to preach to the choir.
-Have a good summer
V day is about the celebration of a romantic relationship between TWO people. Somehow, over the decades, V day turned into a day where it’s solely a man’s job to pamper and grovel at the feet of a woman he’s romantically involved with. That said, V day today is no different then celebrating an anniversary….
Guys will stop complaining about V day when women spend their money and equally participate in the V day other then just offering sex at the end of the night. Make us feel special too! Do something for us! Cook us a meal, pay for the dinner, or buy us a car part that we always wanted…SMMFH!
Brilliant article and whole heartedly agree. I was one of those women who wasn’t acknowledged on Valentines day in any way shape or form by the guy I was dating and it felt like a huge kick in the teeth. However, it was for the best as was just the wake up call I needed to let me know that I was nothing to him other than a glorified booty call and actually gave me the incentive to dump his sorry arse for good! Very well written and accurate article.