In part two of our “Manipulative Shit Black Men Say to Make Black Women Jump Through Hoops!” we take a look at the single black men who are all in women’s faces, taking up your free time, sexing you down, etc. – but who, when asked about taking things to the next level pops out with “I’m not ready.” What do you do if you’ve been dating him for months or even years, and hear this statement from his mouth?
Women must remember that a man looking for more will take the initiative to move things forward with calls, asking for dates, making excuses to see and be around you every chance he gets. He does thoughtful things for you, without you having to ask. He behaves protectively and tenderly towards you like a husband would. His BEHAVIOR would be showing you that he wants more, even if his words don’t. He is showing you with ACTION that he truly enjoys you, and is most likely still processing his feelings and considering how deep they may go. He will happily discuss the next level and make it happen.
My take on it is this: if an adult man wants to be sexually and emotionally intimate with an adult female, he needs to be ready for the commitment and responsibility that comes with it. That’s reality.
But if you ask about the next level and he opens his mouth to say he’s not ready…things are moving too fast…you’re pressuring him…what’s the rush…he loves you but he’s not sure he’s IN LOVE with you…he’s still getting over his ex…why can’t we just let things flow, etc. – should you wait around for him to maybe possibly get ready, or do you throw up the deuces and move on?
Most women are very confused about this dilemma. They often express to me that they have invested so much time and energy into the relationship, they’ve held him down, lifted him up, and had his back so they’re hesitant to let it all go. Their hopes are that when he does get ready, she will be the woman he chooses because she has EARNED it.
If you want marriage and children, does it make sense to wait around for years and years, investing more time and energy into a man who has already told you that he is not ready for all that and doesn’t know when he will be? How much can you give a man in a situation where he is getting everything he wants, while what you want is withheld from you? At what point does it hurt so much that you are forced to make a decision?
Advice columnist, social researcher and dating expert Deborrah Cooper discusses the frustrating but extremely common issue of the man who gives mixed messages by saying one thing and doing another.
Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder