Why “Nice” Guys Suck and Women Don’t Want You!

| 08/26/2010 | Comments (113)

In the world of male/female romantic relationships, females do the choosing.  Women respond most positively to men that exhibit specific behavioral attitudes and qualities.  Nice guys feel that women should choose them.  Wrong!  Let me tell you why guys perceived to be “too nice” get passed over for exciting guys with a bad boy edge.

There are many men that feel they are a “nice guy” and that women are crazy to pass them over.  Well, I have some news for you dudes.

Nobody cares that you are “nice.”



See, the problem is that “nice” guys put themselves on some sort of pedestal.  Nice guys like to think they are superior to other men, that they are better at relationships, and that by virtue of their “niceness” are more deserving of a woman’s romantic attentions.

From experience I can tell you that “nice” guys are not as nice as they like to think.  Most “nice guys” are whiney, close-minded, judgmental, spineless, controlling, and weak.  Women do not like weak, whiney, judgmental men.  Ergo, women do not like “nice” guys.

Women want MEN – decisive, action oriented, determined, aggressive.  Sadly, sometimes that comes bundled with a liar and a cheat which is what the “nice” guys point to and the reason they say women are crazy.

But who said that every woman SHOULD want a “nice” guy?  Who made that a law? Why do “nice” guys condemn women for choosing thrill seeking, impulsive men with a bad boy edge?  In other words, choices that exclude “nice” guys?

(more on page two)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookPinterestGoogle PlusFlickrYouTube

Pages: 1 2

Tags: , , , , , ,

Category: Men's Issues

Loading Disqus Comments ...
Loading Facebook Comments ...

Comments (113)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. blazeinferno92 says:

    this is how I see it. women and men have their own taste in the opposite sex,weather it’s having the bad girl/guy or nice girl/guy . it all depends on the person and what they are looking for in their romantic interest, if you do not have they won’t go for you.
     
    I am a 19 year old male, and not too long ago I confessed to a girl i had been in love with for 5 years and she rejected me, her reasons were that she was looking for someone who can take care of her, insulting to me, but she thought I wouldn’t  be able to take care of her. I thought to myself how can she know if I won’t be able to take care of her? The thing is she must of saw something about me that made her think that I would not be able to. after she rejected me and I was depressed for a couple of weeks my eyes started to really open and my way of thinking changed as well.
     
    My point is weather you think you are too nice for the girl or you the bad boy the girl is looking for you are just fooling yourselves, thinking that a women will not go for you because you are too nice or she will because you are the bad boy,woman want what they want and same goes for us men, as long as you treat a women like she is the only woman you find special and treat her special, both sides (nice guy and bad guy) will get the girl.
     
    There is something I live by and I always tell myself  “instead of moaning about something,do something about it”

    • AlexSefton says:

       @blazeinferno92 “as long as you treat a women like she is the only woman you find special and treat her special, both sides (nice guy and bad guy) will get the girl”
       
      NOOOOOOOOO! You’re still totally missing the point bro.
       
      If you treat a woman with all the love, respect and adoration in the world that doesn’t mean she HAS to sleep with you. Or even that she HAS to like you more than a friend. Or even go on a date with you too “Give you a chance…”
       
      If you ‘treat a women like she is the only woman you find special and treat her special’ she does not owe you sex. The only person you should be pi’ssed off with if she hooks up or gets into a relationship is yourself, and only then for the fact you’re pi’ssed off in the first place!!!
       
      There is X+Y=Z formula for the human heart. People like who they like, flaws and all. You get rejected? Move on. Don’t be shocked that just because you follow a check list of things you think are expected of you (smile a lot, always be there too listen, pay for dinner etc etc) you don’t get laid. 

  2. mrniceguy says:

    I get the whole “nice guys finish last” thing… although that may be true… but if one piece of advice i could give to everybody is don’t piss off Mr. Nice Guy! Because When Mr. Nice Guys is not so nice anymore things don’t turn out usually so well for everybody… just look at the history books and you will see what i mean… ^^

    • Deborrah says:

      Yup. Go straight psycho! Then all the neighbors are saying “oh my, he was such a NICE man! we never thought he would do anything like kill his whole family!”

  3. MMD says:

    There is no such thing as a “nice guy” or a “bad boy”.

    There are men with jail records and then there are men without. There are men with graduate degrees and there are men without. There are men who have completed college and there are those who have not. There are men who have jobs paying above average household income and there are men with less than average income. There are men who are self-confident about themselves and there are men who lack self-confidence.

    But “nice” and “bad” are just ambiguous meaningless terms used for meaningless discussions which never end.

    And there is no such rule that all women don’t want a certain type of men. For each type of men, there are women attracted to you. Some dominant self-confident women are attracted to meek men while other dominant self-confident women are attracted to strong men. There are all types of men and women in the world.

    So, all generalizations and absolutes, including this one, are wrong. 🙂

    Finally, to the man married for 20 years who claimed that he is the kind of man that women seek and that nice guys are the ones putting up an act to get into his wife’s pants, your message actually sounded a bit weak. Your message and your fears conveyed through that message shows that you lack confidence, in your ability to keep your wife with you and in your wife’s ability to see through the sham that the other man was trying to pull. Besides, it also generalizes and incorrectly associates the term “nice” with “slimball”.

    So, to the guys claiming to be nice out there, stop doing that. Be precise. Instead of generalizing yourself into a category, tell us women something about you. Stop comparing yourself with other men. You are not going to be joining all the other men in marrying a woman.

    You are an individual. So say exactly what you are like, what kind of education you have, what job you do, what you seek in a relationship, what attracts you to a woman, what does 10 years into the future look like for you, how many kids do you want, what you have got to teach your kids, etc. And not all in your first 10 minutes of meeting a woman, or you will scare her away.

    Be actually “nice” to people around you instead of saying you are “nice”, and we can see for ourselves. Because at the end of the day, although this is a sweeping generalization, “most” women are not going to like you if you are a “bad boy” to the waiter.

  4. franko says:

    women that do not want nice guys are filthy low life whores, that should burn in hell. they are no good today anyway. to me, they will always be the scum of the earth. i have a very good reason to talk like this. i was married twice, and was a very good, loving, and caring husband, that never cheated on them. i was very committed in both of my marriages, and was at one time, a very happy man. now i have a very good reason to be hurt, because, going out again and trying to meet another woman is very hard for me. i meet all the nasty ones, instead of the good ones. i am a man that hates staying home alone , so i go out every night just to be around other people. if i could meet the right woman, i would rather spend time with her, than be alone. i feel so hurt to see other people out there that have families,they are just so lucky. that makes me very upset, and a lot of times i do cry. what makes me any different than them, i breathe the same air they do, i eat like they do, i walk like they do, i work like they do. i know for a fact, that god must be punishing me, for a reason i do not know. now you can see why that i am a very bitter person. at least you cannot blame me for this. the women out there that do like men, want to have as many men to please them instead of just one. they are the whores. then, you have the ones that are lesbians, what losers they are, since they only want to be with women. i speak for all of us good straight men out there that feel the way that i do. you low life women, should be thrown into acid to burn, the way you are today. you are just garbage to me. and hurting good men like us. oh, by the way, both of the women that i was married too, cheated on me. that makes them filthy whores.

    • PatFinley says:

      You have anger issues dude and need to work on yourself.  You don’t know that all women are whores, because they aren’t.  You have deep issues, and no one is perfect, but that does not mean they are whores.  I see most men as whores, so I feel the same as you, at times.

      • Carlosvc92 says:

         @PatFinley 
        Perhaps, but what I can tell you is that both whores and decent women fall for jerks, and when their hearts are broken, they complain to their nice guy friends that all men are the same. Tell me if that doesn’t happen at least most of the time??
         

  5. Lee says:

    There are very few females I am interested in; very few that I would consider emotionally healthy, whole and capable of mature adult intimacy. I don’t care what women want; I know what I want and I’d rather be alone than in bad company.

  6. MM590 says:

    LOL.

    Okay, I find it funny how you get an article like this and all the ‘Nice Guys’ come out of the woodwork.

    I’ve seen the lines “Oh yeah, some nice guys are like that, but I’m not! I’m a sweet, caring, sensitive individual who communicates and listens to all her problems and never disagrees. But I can’t get a date, so all women are bitches!”

    I’ve seen that mindset, that phrase there reworded a thousand different ways. You always blame women, they’re all stupid because they don’t see what a quality guy you are. Boo-frickin-Hoo.

    Let me put it like this, in writing. When you have a character that doesn’t have any traits, or any real personality – nothing that makes them TICK. It’s called a ‘flat’ character. Flat characters are BORING.

    The biggest problem is that so many ‘Nice guys’ out there are just that, boring. They’re ‘Nice’ – They’re not Intelligent, They’re not sexy, They’re not edgy, Or artistic, or Musical, or anything. They’re just….’Nice’

    They’re like vanilla Ice cream, oh certainly nobody has anything /against/ vanilla ice cream. But it’s waiting to be mixed up with something more exciting!

    Be spontaneous, have a hobby! Get into music! Be politically minded, have your dreams and aspirations – the things that incite you to have passion and be /INTERESTING/. If you do these things, you’ll be that much more naturally attractive to women. Especially when you’re not trying so damn hard to be ‘Nice’ and get into a relationship. Trying to force something like ‘love’ to happen is like trying to stick the square block through the triangle hole. It doesn’t work.

    Another thing, a lot of you nice guys mistake being assertive with ‘being a jerk.’ – And I’m probably one of those ‘jerks’ you railed and ranted against.

    I’ll share a story, I dated a woman in college who eventually became my wife of 20 years (thus far!) and I told her I didn’t want her seeing a particular other dude, I had no problem with her having guy friends. But I have a problem with guy friends like YOU.

    Passive-Agressive little shits who spent all their time saying what a bad person I was, because I was setting unecessary boundaries.

    Wanna know why I did it?

    It’s because I know guys like you put on this whole ‘Nice guy’ act to try to get into a woman’s pants. – And you think WOMEN are jerks? What about manipulative assholes like you?

    Because sometimes a man has to make decisions, be assertive. Or get aggressive in bed! Set boundaries, say ‘No’ sometimes.

    I love my wife fiercely, and I know she loves me. Twenty years of marriage, and we have fought, and made up. We’ve made hard decisions, and we’ve raised a happy family.

    I guess I’m rambling at this point, but to all these ‘Nice guys’ out there – I implore you! Don’t be vanilla ice-cream, don’t be ‘Nice’. Find out WHO YOU ARE. And when you have the confidence to love yourself a little bit, and be happy – that is when you want to find a relationship with someone who works for you, and share that happiness.

    Sincerely,

    A happily married man.

    • Deborrah says:

      Ohhh wee! If I could give you a standing ovation, I would! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, real world experience, and hard learned wisdom with these knuckleheads.

      • eLLe85 says:

        Yes, thank you for this message and getting it/spreading your wisdom to the ignorant masses of “nice guys” out there. Or the more aptly described “Passive Aggressive little shits” LMBAO!!!

        Oh and one more piece of advice to the “nice guys”–get in shape, keep your haircut nice, keep your shaves clean, get contact lenses or flattering frames, wear fashionable clothing that fits you properly and not the same old tired Tee and jeans from 1980. Date in YOUR LANE. In other words, get some style about yourself and take assertive training classes–make your case for yourself and stop waiting on life to happen To you!!!!!

    • Raz says:

      *Standing on the chair* giving MM590 a big round of applause* Now this is what I call a MAN and this is what women find attractive.

  7. Rafael Meza says:

    I see what your doing. The way you stated your case was intended to be brutally honest, intentionally upsetting so that it get’s through, and motivates guys to want to change those self sabatoging behaviors so they actually can attract and keep a quality girl instead of getting stuck lying to themselves, being bitter, creeping girls out, annoying and scaring them to death. I’ll take what I can get from this.

  8. Danta' Williams says:

    Elle85
    No It don’t say anything about me women claim to be attracted to me until something “better” comes along. On the Social Ramifications you talked about and using other Big words that doesn’t mean anything because the Thugs/Bad Boys and HoodChicks don’t know what it means and never bothered to find out Stop giving them a Pass as Slick Rick once said: “Society is a Weak excuse for a Man”. You can’t talk about social order in this because people either grew up the same environment, or ended up going to those environments later in life but had the same chances. Remember I’m from the hood so I can back all of this up. I coulda been in a Gang but didn’t want to be I beat up Gang members back in the day!!!! and I wasn’t on what they was on. or showed them I wasn’t afraid. and again Mostly all of them Got into that for the women it’s been proven and Former Gangmembers and some present ones have laid claim to that from all parts of the U.S. Also if you ever been in anywhere in your respective city you will know that women from all walks of life for some reason like Gangmembers again it’s been proven it’s in documentaries, and I’ve seen it myself especially when a woman is an adult tryin’ relive her second childhood. Also on the Gangs yeah Dudes joined them For the Women, other reasons will be because he has friends in the Gang or his one of his family is in a Gang. WTF am I Talking about with women liking Gangmembers? It’s been Women that will be in another Gang be and dating members of the Gang they supposed to be in War against, and date still date the Male members of the Gang they are in In Chicago that’s called (Nation Ho’s) Whatever Gang look like they really doing something as Far as Money, and Clothes, or they got the”Finest Gangbangers as far as looks go” the Girls will be with them. And sad to say this has happened with sistas that didn’t grow up in the Hood but they will take it further by moving him in with her, letting him drive her car, she will take him to places that put her in danger, hide Drugs for him etc. Please Define Wimpy for me, Nice don’t mean Wimp Never did. you also made the attempt to say something profound and fell real short. The thing that’s funny is that you said I don’t know you, but you blasted me in my previous 2 part post like you know me because you think you know men and that’s cool right? Again you can’t have it both ways. And it don’t say anything about me I ain’t the problem. I ain’t speaking just on me, any Down-to-Earth Dude out there that goes through this, Oh I get liked for a minute no doubt the problem comes in when women that I have spoken to Punk out or can’t believe that I always have something going on, but I always make time for. They wasn’t on that. the So-called Thugs not even the fact they on nothing because that goes without sayin’ But it’s much more exciting to be in Drama-filled Relationships and I don’t bring any! and those females that I thought were cool couldn’t process that. plus on the Wimpy thing I ain’t neva, eva, eva, seen a Thug or “Bad Boy” Stand up for his woman Cuz again it don’t happen Not just in the Hood but anywhere. Also Thugs always get always get Buked! (Chicago Terms) in a Fight and run off screaming various Gang signs, or threatening to get they Gang or they Gun, But they will beat up a Woman Like she is a man, But against another Nice, Down-to-earth Dude He will get Lit-up!!!! (Chicago Terms)Why ain’t He a Wimp? Where is his True Strength if he has any? This has been true in any city any environment and throughout time. C’mon Son! Think Personal Responsibility, Not Media-Influenced Societal Beliefs.

    • AlexSefton says:

      That’s an incredibly small focus group though. So what are you trying to say? Young women in poor inner city environment’s gravitate towards gang members? Wow no sh’it. So?? 
       
      In economically depressed areas with high levels of violence and very high crime rates young men form gangs (this is not the time or place to get into that though) and your… What?… Surprised that the girls/women in the area date these people?
       
      These people have all grown up together and know each other. There is a very small social pool to draw from. Criminal behaviour is encouraged and respected. The women’s brothers will be in gangs. Their friends will go out with gang members. Who’s making all the money in these areas? The gangsters!
       
      Now you’ve just said you got out of all this… didnt join a gang etc. Soooooooooo why you so obsessed with the girlfriends off 
       
      The rest of your rant (Learn what a paragraph is man, seriously) seems to be a mix of “Look what a tough guy I am!” and “Womens is stoopid for not liking me” and thats just too pathetic for me too even bother mocking

    • AlexSefton says:

      *obsessed with the girlfriend’s of gang members???

  9. Raz says:

    ‘Women want MEN – decisive, action oriented, determined, aggressive. Sadly, sometimes that comes bundled with a liar and a cheat which is what the “nice” guys point to and the reason they say women are crazy.’

    The erroneous assumption is that so called ‘nice guy’s are ‘always nice‘ they never show any of the ‘bad boy traits. And all so called bad boys are never nice, they ONLY show bad boy traits. So called nice guys love to jump on that mantra and point to all of the ‘bad boy traits however they fail to look within to see where they are lacking. Most so called nice boys are pious judgmental overly critical, emotionally and socially immature, narrow minded, not to mention they lack a lot of ‘male attraction that draws women to them. If they can’t draw a woman to them in the first place how will a woman ever know if they are ‘nice’. So called ‘nice guys’ base their ‘niceness’ by what they are not doing, and they judge themselves against below standard behavior.
    They think if they are not the following: Baby daddy, jail record, unemployed, uneducated, dogging women out, beating up on women then they are ‘nice’ This is not the benchmark to decide niceness, rather this should be behaviors any responsible mature man would avoid.
    When it comes to relationships with women and how to communicate and treat women and how to appeal to women, many so called ‘nice guy’s have no clue where to start. And are no better off than the so called ‘thuggish man they tend to compare themselves too. Women really want the ‘nice guy with an ‘edge’ The guy who knows how to relate and please his woman, who can handle his business in the streets and at home. Nobody wants a nerdy urkle wimp type which is how a lot of these ‘so called nice guy posters are coming across.

  10. eLLe85 says:

    Agree with most of the ladies here but I will add that the term “nice guy” is a misnomer. What most women really want in a man is what Brittany described. Basically men in general need to get a clue.

    There is a difference between someone being nice i.e. someone who is agreeable, with a pleasant demeanor, respectable and virtuous, and someone who is passive aggressive like the “Nice guys” that many men claim to be. Most “Nice guys” aren’t nice at all. They are often emotionally and socially underdeveloped, intimidated, unattractive, perverted, rude, inappropriately assertive or non-assertive geeks who get upset because they think that since they put “time in” for a woman, then she should just give him sex.

    They think time=friendship=sex, not realizing that if you are a real friend, that is what you are, there are no strings attached because then that becomes something else. If you want a friend be a friend. If you want something more, make it known and be ready to accept rejection. Be ready to bounce on to the next woman if the previous one shows all kinds of signs that she is not interested. And KNOW THE SIGNS!!!

    Remember, just because a woman is NICE to you that doesn’t mean she is attracted to you, it doesn’t mean you deserve all her time and attention. And it damn sure doesn’t mean you automatically get to have sex with her.

    • Raz says:

      eLLe85 “ Tell it! Guys need to read and re-read your comment! Shoot it should be a post! Well stated! Guys take notes instead of whining like babies! Women don’t find that attractive at all. Most guys think just because they want you, they are entitled to get you regardless of what you think/feel. If you turn them down, they get upset and bitter rather than just moving on. Nobody wants a so called ‘nice guy’ who is as you so aptly put it:
      emotionally and socially underdeveloped, intimidated, unattractive, perverted, rude, inappropriately assertive or non-assertive geeks who get upset because they think that since they put “time in” for a woman, then she should just give him sex.

    • Danta' says:

      This is unbelievable!!!! Downright exciting!!!! Entertaining even But allllllllllllll wrong.

      Why???? I don’t know of any “Nice Guy” that puts hinself on a pedestal that’s what you think and you are entitled opinion just please don’t pass it off as a Fact cuz it ain’t. Nice Guys always run the identity crisis thing of being Nice or Being a Bad Boy. I know women don’t want any jerks. You can say that but not a Nice Guy. Nice guys compromise alittle to much and I’m speaking as one, we are cooperative, and give and make suggestions on anything. True women do the choosing but explain to my why y’all Choose knuckleheads that y’all know ain’t good for you? You say Bad Boys decisive How can they be when these Knuckleheads in and out of jail? Action-Oriented? Aggressive? Are you serious? You only talkin’ Sex-wise and not showing those traits anywhere else Cuz they can’t. Nice Guys ain’t judgemental if anything Attractive Women all across the board and Bad Boys Judge Us! So yo gotta come Wayyyyyyyyy better than that. Oh yeah Whinny ain’t those Bad Boys? Whinning about they Rims?, they Weed?, and other stuff that means absolutely nothing! Tell the Truth you and other women that like these cats want the Bad Boy cuz he’s a Male version of you! kickin’ up Drama, and talking about all the stuff you don’t do, and never will. Keep Hittin’ that brick wall at 400 miles an hour. Maybe you’ll get sum sense.

      This message has been brought to you by Nice Guys, Nice Guys why? Cuz we finish First, Strong, Right and Last y’all don’t want no scrubs do y’all?

      • eLLe85 says:

        Danta’–dude WTF? Half of your comment is illegible and the other half? Please go back and actually READ the article and absorb and digest the contents. You fit the classic case of a nucka who calls himself a “nice guy.” By the way when someone is nice, when they do nice things–they don’t talk about it, they be about it. Any fool calling himself one and then comparing himself to other ne’er do wells doesn’t quite grasp the concept. In fact, you also need to check out quite a few of the articles on this site, because you are clueless. Most people are attracted to those who assert themselves, confidence is sexy. What you describe is not confident, its not sexy and it doesn’t make you sound much different from the men you compare yourself to-who you think you are better than–bruh you got some work to do.

        • Raz says:

          eLLe85 “Danta’–dude WTF? Half of your comment is illegible and the other half? Please go back and actually READ the article and absorb and digest the contents

          Gyrl you actually read all that ‘ish’? I didn’t. My eyes crossed and my brain started to hurt. Couldn’t put myself through that torture or put that ‘mess on my mind. hahaha. Some things are better off never read. I’d rather use my ‘mind space reading ‘your comment’s . lol.

        • Danta' says:

          What’s Da biness???? First off I don’t compare myself to nobody and not to a knucklehead. Also I read the article and as usual when the truth comes out it is ignored, and you try to bring up something else to throw things off. About what I wrote I can do that because it’s the Truth, and it makes sense. Everything of what I wrote y’all cannot Dispute it, and you didn’t. It ain’t Not about Brownie Points(improper grammar on purpose) I only thought you get those in Grammar school, or a Scouting troop. It’s about Character. the knuckleheads don’t have any. y’all get image, and arrogance that’s it. Don’t mistake Arrogance for Confidence. but y’all do all the time. I dun seen y’all Had to use the N word again I ain’t the slang or what the White used to call us back in the day. I am a Black Man address me as that, Black Women. And if it’s so Sexy how come y’all can’t tell the difference between the Confidence and Arrogance of a Man? Ladies? You talk about being about it, What y’all and the knucklehead about? Cuz all I see y’all be about the Image of it. As long as the knucklehead make his words and front believable y’all good to go! and I can see why ya’ll write and respond to these back in a bogus manner You don’t want change or what you really want is a Knuclkehead with Nice Guy Qualities it ain’t finna happen! Keep Hittin’ that brick wall.

          • Raz says:

            Danta: ” First off I don’t compare myself to nobody and not to a knucklehead…It ain’t Not about Brownie Points(improper grammar on purpose)…Don’t mistake Arrogance for Confidence…I dun seen y’all Had to use the N word again…I am a Black Man address me as that, Black Women…And if it’s so Sexy how come y’all can’t tell the difference between the Confidence and Arrogance of a Man?…What y’all and the knucklehead about? Cuz all I see y’all be about the Image of it. As long as the knucklehead make his words and front believable y’all good to go! and I can see why ya’ll write and respond to these back in a bogus manner You don’t want change or what you really want is a Knuclkehead with Nice Guy Qualities it ain’t finna happen! Keep Hittin’ that brick wall.”

            ROTFLMAO HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

        • Danta' says:

          Ell85

          I didn’t say I was better but I ain’t like them. You didn’t even acknowledge that I grew up like these dudes did in the same hood the only difference is I went outside.
          and seen the Hood, they didn’t come out until they was with a gang in they teens, or just turned 20 years old. These dudes are like that because they know you love it. Gangs it wasn’t for protection or family, or to be tough They got into it for the women!, Sellin’ drugs Women!, Packin’ heat Women!, playin’ B-Ball all that for the women the best looking women at that! I got no work to do cuz I done it already growing up the same way and chose not be on what they on. I ain’t better and you got work to do if you think I say I am or that you are or better than any hoodrat chick. cuz them, and females that grew up in “better areas” follow the same mentality. Don’t get mad cuz he datin’ her, and not a hoodrat y’all both go for the same thing and to him that female from the other Hood is different, he don’t want the same he wants variety. Plus unlike the Knucklehead I don’t justify doin’ something I shouldn’t. that’s a poor excuse of and for a man. So again I ain’t better and I sho’ ain’t worse, I’m just me, and that’s all I need to be.

          • eLLe85 says:

            Here you are again Danta’ talking nonsense. Its like you are trying to say something profound but it keeps getting lost in lines like “I have work to do if I think I am better than a hoodrat chick”-I am not saying I am better than anyone but I know how to make the right choices. You don’t know me and we aren’t discussing women we are discussing wimps who call themselves “nice guys.” In your diatribe you mention that guys get into gangs because of women. And women always love these type of men. WTF are you talking about? So I guess Patriarchy, lower socio-economics, hyper-masculinity, self-hate and internalized oppression have nothing to do with the picture you paint? Its just that all the women you are attracted to only love and are attracted to the “bad boys” right? And you don’t think this says anything about you?

            GTFOH.

          • Raz says:

            “Here you are again Danta’ talking nonsense”
            I think Danta is a troll on this blog. He has so much to say, on a blog created by a woman with information about dating. He should go create his own blog.

        • Danta' says:

          eLLE85 With Knuckleheads I also know this too, about being better I said I ain’t but I am better and I am better enough to know that when you get around fake people Real stuff happens.

      • Raz says:

        Dante: “True women do the choosing but explain to my why y’all Choose knuckleheads that y’all know ain’t good for you? You say Bad Boys decisive How can they be when these Knuckleheads in and out of jail? Action-Oriented? Aggressive? Are you serious?”

        Why do you think if a woman doesn’t choose you, then she is with a knucklehead ‘badboy ‘RayRay type? Why do so called ‘nice guy’s think there are only 2 extremes? You know women get dogged out more by the ‘so called nice guys’ than they do by the Rayray types. Because with the so called ‘nice guy’s they aren’t expecting to get dogged out. Not every guy who ‘dog’s out a woman is the proverbial ‘badboy ‘doggish type’. So before you put the labels on these men. Look at their behavior. Every man, including the so called ‘nice one’s can and do show thuggish ways.

        • eLLe85 says:

          LOLOLOL Thank you sista!

          • Danta' says:

            Very True not going to the extreme like y’all did on Nice Guys again y’all missed the point which seems to be happenin’ alot on here. It’s about Character you do the choosing you know what type of guy you gettin’ invloved with and you know your Character but y’all keep makin’ mistakes cuz you act off impulse and not takin’ the time to know the Dude. When I date a woman I get to know her, and how she is around me and I make the decision whether I wanna go further with her or not. But I see character ain’t in your vocabulary. Talk about it and be about it is in a Good man’s as well as a Good Woman’s Character not afraid to say and do. I ain’t mad I ain’t gettin’ chosen as much, but Don’t act like me being nice Dude has something to do with it, Even If I ain’t chosen I’m happy for the Nice Dude that does because obviously that woman sees that man for who he really is. Sad to say I can’t say the same for y’all.

          • You assume wrongly that every woman wants a serious long-term relationship every time she goes out with a guy! Believe it or not, some women just want the dick from the freakiest, nastiest dude they can find and then they want to get up and go back to school, back to work, back to their life with no obligation to listen to his problems or be his support system. They don’t care about his character because they are not trying to date him, be his girlfriend or marry him like you all seem to want to think.

            Nice guys don’t know how to screw. They ask if they can have intercourse tonight. They cum too fast. They whine if they don’t get booty and don’t know how to seduce a woman and make her feel sexy, desirable, hot. That is what women want and why player types are so successful with women.

            Now for the women I must repeat again, its fine to get a man like that if that’s what you want. My problem is that some women get stupid and fall for the game and want to have a baby by this clown. THAT is hella stupid. You don’t fall in love and you don’t have his baby either!

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL21EV9N5uA

          • Raz says:

            Danta: “you do the choosing

            Exactly women do the choosing and women don’t choose some whiny guy playing the world’s smallest ‘Ima nice guy violin’ who probably sucks in bed, doesn’t know how to appeal to a woman. Is probably unattractive inside and out, has no charisma, no pizzazz, no sexual attraction, nothing that would draw a woman to him. Yet he want’s to date women way out of his league. Why don’t these nice guys date their ‘nice woman counterpart. If you’re a ‘nice guy’ at least have some sort on animal magnetism about yourself, be confident, sexy attractive something. don’t think your ‘niceness is going to keep women coming for you. Not at all!

          • Danta' says:

            Deborrah, Tell me something I don’t know
            I know most women like that. however you failed to mention that most women like that act like they wanna be with the Dude when all they want is to get broke off. They got they rocks off and they can go about they business it should be like that no strings attatched. but where this point is missed is their ain’t no maturity from women on that, A real man or nice dude would not think any less of a woman if she is real about what she wants and not make us jump through hoops. women always miss out possibly havin’ the best sex they ever had and it may be continuous. I’ve seen the looks on many a women’s faces after havin’ sex with Nastiest, Freakiest, Dirtiest Dude they can find usually a knucklehead, or thug they upset disappointed, disllusioned, frustrated, and Angry. I seen it too many times for it not to be true and that’s when the profanity starts, and all Men are the same drama comes up. and instead of being relaxed after gettin’ broke off for school or work or whatever that wack Night and wack dude stays on the mind of and you can’t think or sometimes do what you need to. There is 2 ways to prevent this: Don’t spread them thighs or bend over, sideways, Reverse pike for dude, or ask him to use protection. No Baby No Double Guilt which equals Bad sex and an unplanned pregnancy. Again you can get all of that Sex you want and more from a Nice guy if’n you just be honest about what you want. If’n you want One night stands, Quickies, Rocks on Rocks off, 3 Dicks a week, A night, A day, at the same time More power to you. MAKE SURE THAT those dudes that you choose to get down with respect you and the situation and don’t be selfish You want dick, he’s wants Ass collaborate! If a Nice Dude want that and only that a female will complain she ain’t down for that, she is not like that, she thought the Nice dude was different, and him just wantin’ to hit it and go about his business She sees him as a Dog! About Nice Dudes Not knowin’ How to Fuck okay that’s a lie. Not as I’m speaking as a Nice Dude I gets down and I have suprised a few women that thought I was wack in bed. they kept commin’ back! not even cuz nuthin’ else was out there better for them. they know I’m good. I can do that, but only the woman I want at that time will know it. Believe it or Not Guys don’t be into it either especially when they bonin’ somebody they don’t want to they just happen to be there. If’n it’s all about Sex notice you didn’t say Good Sex, then their should be honesty about it. Really if you want that kind of Sex Try Porn they do it all the time and you see how they look afterwards totally fucked up.

          • Raz says:

            Danta: “Don’t spread them thighs or bend over, sideways, Reverse pike for dude, or ask him to use protection. No Baby No Double Guilt which equals Bad sex and an unplanned pregnancy. Again you can get all of that Sex you want and more from a Nice guy if’n you just be honest about what you want. If’n you want One night stands, Quickies, Rocks on Rocks off, 3 Dicks a week, A night, A day, at the same time More power to you. MAKE SURE THAT those dudes that you choose to get down with respect you and the situation and don’t be selfish You want dick, he’s wants Ass collaborate!If’n it’s all about Sex notice you didn’t say Good Sex, then their should be honesty about it. Really if you want that kind of Sex Try Porn they do it all the time and you see how they look afterwards totally fucked up.”

            Why don’t you lecture guys who are all about hitting it and quitting it, in fact society gives guys a pass for ‘sewing their wild oats’ and screwing like porn stars. Yet I didn’t read anywhere in your warbly incohesive comment where you hold them accountable for ungentleman like disrespectful behavior towards women. You’re busy telling women what they need to be doing and what they need to stop doing. Why don’t you tell the brothas who are screwing and not using protection, what they need to be doing and what they need to stop doing? It is a man’s responsibility to use protection A woman shouldn’t have to tell a grown ass man to protect his own sperm and not have bareback sex, he should think to do that himself, all by himself. You act like men are 2 year olds and have no sexual accountability for their actions and how they treat women. You place the blame solely on the woman for how men behave towards them. Guys who think like this need to go kick rocks! Women ain’t screwing by themselves and if they are, it’s none of your business, you ain’t the one screwing them. You ‘sposed to be the nice guy remember? The one who ain’t into getting uncommitted sex. The minute you read that a woman just wants a little sausage without the ‘pig’ here you come with a lecture for the women trying to make it seem she’s a loose woman, yet you have nothing to say for guys who act like this. What’s up with that double standard mentality? Nobody needs you to tell them how to handle their sex life Dante. You just worry about handling yours. And just because women may want uncommitted sex doesn’t mean they are sexing like a porn star and acting like all those negative things you named either and if they are, so what it’s none of your business. You would never know who a woman slept with unless she made the mistake to tell you.

            What’s with black males like you with the madonna/whore mentality where black women are concerned? However you brothas give nonblack women a pass onpromiscious sexual behaviors and nonblack women sleep around big time! In fact the whole ‘FWB term was coined by nonblack ‘uncommitted relationships. Why are you continually posting on this blog anyway? Go away you have nothing constructive to add and your posts makes no logical sense.

        • Danta' says:

          Y’all are worser than News Broadcasts! Takin’ snippets of what I wrote? Y’all gotta come better than that. And Raz you right There is some Nice Guys that show Thuggish ways that means they really ain’t Nice Guys they like that until they break from the front, Again Con-Artists. On top of that They not Thugs What Mob Oufit do they work for? Who’s Car or House did they Blow up? Who they Strong-armming for money besides Y’all? If you gonna use the teminology use it right. You can say Hoodlum, Gangbanger or Petty Thug, You can say Bad Boy or Criminal. Not Thug. Again I’m from the Hood so I can say these things been witnessin’ them since I was little. And if you with or like Nice Guys that have those Thug-Tendicies what does that say about you? Opposites do not attract they Connect. It’s obvious that there is alot of Female Pandering on this site, and not a Forum to where you can share dialogue, and possibly come up with solutions. I take the time and read y’alls no matter if they long or short, but ya’ll take snippets of what y’all don’t like and Run with it. I pointed out everything that was wrong with these articles, and y’all comments can’t dispute any of it. If it did ya’ll would write solutions to these articles instead keepin’ up the “Yak and Insult Fest.” Keep hittin’ that Brick wall.

          • You can share whatever thoughts you like. What you seem to be demanding is that the women here agree with you. You see your statements as “the truth” and no one else does but you. Women don’t have to agree with you about anything. And what you “saw” as you were growing up only pertains to what YOU SAW in your small piece of the world. Using your male brain to analyze what you saw without speaking to women about it is even more limiting. What you saw does not apply to everyone, and it certainly does not apply to thousands of women around the nation which are the people that I consult before I write these things.

            The solutions to these problems are included in each article – men need to STOP DOING THOSE THINGS. Viola! Problem solved.

          • Raz says:

            Danta: “Again I’m from the Hood so I can say these things been witnessin’ them since I was little.”

            Where else have you lived/been experienced besides hood life?

          • Danta' says:

            Rax I bring up that I’m from Hood that it ain’t a sanctuary or pass for the knuckleheads. it ain’t right!!!! cuz I’m from it, I lived other places to know that there is more out there than the hood and always has been. At Deborrah don’t want anyone to agree with me but women get upset when points like yours are made and men don’t agree with it either I’m just opening up what people lookover all the time. I ain’t portrayin’ nobody as nothing and I always hold dudes accountable for their actions sexual and otherwise I made that point because you didn’t say Casual Sex instead it was all about you sex, and what you want. Y’all did not touch on the point I made about maturity so noncomittal sex would be cool between male and female. and I feel a woman should ask a man to wear one that means she cares about herself and just wants the sex and no suprises. before you try to go in on me, the male shouldn’t be so ready that he forgets to strap up the male gotta be on his square too. Sometimes women don’t want a dude to wear one alot of the knuckleheads don’t cuz it’s the real. this has happened to me a few times and I kept it on or I won’t do it all. And again you ignore what I said this goes for the man too Make Sure that y’all Respect each other, the situation, be comfortable with each other, and trust each other to take that step or many of them. Again Raz that’s the Media on How Men are supposed to be. It ain’t right that if a female has many partners that she is called a Hoe when a Man is called a Hero I agree again it’s about Respect. It goes back to Maturity and Responsibility and alot of people engaging in the act male and female ain’t mind ready Body yes, But not mind. and I ain’t screwing her Tell me Raz who is Her? I don’t want to screw her if I don’t know her and she don’t like me. And how would you know Nice Dudes are wack in Bed? You don’t like them right? And it affects all it’s not small-minded or close-minded in what I am sayin’ Because It goes on everywhere and with anybody. You spoke about the Bay area, why can’t I speak about the Mid-West? not much difference but time,climate,and possibly culture the same thing applies: Women need to be responsible, and Men need to take more responsiblity. At Raz One Mo’ again I do speak my guys about this all the time You get the girl cool be Respectul and Responsible about it though. That thing about out of your league always applies when Men go after women, that ain’t true cuz the knuckleheads get women out-of-their league all the time cuz they feel they missin’ out on some form of excitment that they can’t get anywhere else. Nobody’s outta anybody’s league if they feel that way then they should stop meeting and dating people period. All it is clothes, and status they may have grew up the same way as you, or otherwise out-of-your-league is sayin’ you better than them remember that? it’s always material, or status it doesn’t mean anything when y’all doin’ the same thing like goin’ out, or like the same things but don’t know it because neither one bothered to find out about one another. I understand Primal urges and all that but if you act responsibly You can satisfy those urges without any drama happening to you or commin’ you’re way.

          • Danta' says:

            One Mo’ again at Raz It’s sluts Male and Female in every race so what’s your point? It’s bogus when they do it too. To you it didn’t make no sense but it got your attention. Again quit Lumpin’ all Dudes in the Catergory I can’t use Nice Dude anymore because it’s been thrown under the bus, So I’ll say I’m a Down-To-Earth Dude. Responsible too.

  11. Jay says:

    This is just like “educated” women swearing a man should want them because they are “educated”, lol.

    • Raz says:

      Give us an example of this happening to you Jay. I know men in my experience do this all of the time. But I don’t know of women who think just because they are educated think that makes them eligible for guys. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen and there are some women who tout their education and accomplishments, thir resume as though that makes them attractive to guys. Both genders need to learn about each other and what they both want. Both genders (but guys especially since they seem to suffer from emotional disconnect more frequently) need to learn that ‘external’ things is not the main thing that keeps a relationship together.

      In addition to this article These articles are a start that men and women can read to learn about what they want:
      Men Want to Know: What Do Women Want? http://survivingdating.com/?p=943
      What Do Men Say Is “Sexy?http://survivingdating.com/?p=713

  12. Brittany says:

    As an early twenty-something woman, I would like to submit that the idea that all young women want thugs is a bit of a misnomer. Granted, I can only speak from personal experience, but I don’t know of any young woman – 16, 19, 21, 25, 27 – who is specifically invested in the “thug as partner” idea, or who personally who wants a man who will abuse, misuse or abandon her. She wants- – deep down, and deeply – a man she finds attractive, that she can see herself having LOTS of sex with over a period of years and years, who is committed and devoted to her and any children they may have. Women still want a man with good qualities…it’s just that if one has to choose between “niceness” or the sexual attraction, the biological weight seems to lean in favor of the bad boy. But the real ace is a man who is sexy and also has sound character. I think every “nice guy” has the potential to be “that guy,” with a little bit of care and attention. I feel that developing a sense of wit and charm, having good grooming and hygiene, being a provider and protector, and honing emotional intellect – is within the reach of every male, if they want it, and will make them very successful with the ladies. Now granted, one still has to find a person with whom there is a good “fit.” But there will be plenty of women who will want to “fit” with you, if you know what I mean 😉

    • Raz says:

      Brittany “She wants- – deep down, and deeply – a man she finds attractive, that she can see herself having LOTS of sex with over a period of years and years, who is committed and devoted to her and any children they may have. Women still want a man with good qualities…it’s just that if one has to choose between “niceness” or the sexual attraction, the biological weight seems to lean in favor of the bad boy. But the real ace is a man who is sexy and also has sound character. I think every “nice guy” has the potential to be “that guy,” with a little bit of care and attention. I feel that developing a sense of wit and charm, having good grooming and hygiene, being a provider and protector, and honing emotional intellect – is within the reach of every male, if they want it, and will make them very successful with the ladies.”

      My name is Raz and I approve this comment! Well said Brittany!

    • Danta' says:

      Man!!!!

      this was beautiful and to the point, now if that can be shared with other women out there that look over this all the time, and men who need to understand this alot of drama will be prevented and avoided. Good Post Brittany educate the other women on here. Please!

  13. CDF says:

    LMAO!

    I guess I need to work on my thuggish nature and start knocking up women while forgetting their babies’ names. Will that attract them?

    • Raz says:

      CDF “I guess I need to work on my thuggish nature and start knocking up women while forgetting their babies’ names. Will that attract them?”

      I know you need to start working on your basic reading comprehension skills and the ability to make intelligent inferences based on what you have read if this is all you’ve gotten out of reading that article. Actually you must not have read it at all.

      • CDF says:

        My reading comprehension is fine. There’s a difference between a man with common strength and decency with an understanding of women & relationships (nice guy!) versus the description in this piece of a man who, though appears and acts nice, may have underlying issues needing addressed (“nice guy?!”).

        If my sarcastic tone in dealing with this issue has irked you, my bad! This is coming off of personal experience where nice guys! like me without those “underlying issues” get pushed aside anyway by women for the so-called bad boy persona, only to get burnt and wonder what happened, hence my original comment. Remember, there’s always 2 sides to this story! 😉

        Otherwise, I have no problem with this piece…

        • Raz says:

          CDF: “This is coming off of personal experience where nice guys! like me without those “underlying issues” get pushed aside anyway by women for the so-called bad boy persona, only to get burnt and wonder what happened”

          What makes you ‘think’ you’re a nice guy? Just because you’re nice, doesn’t mean a woman has to be attracted/drawn to you. You so called nice guys just don’t get it. Nice guys can be about as exciting as congealed cold left over soup. Women want to be with men who have an edge who excite them, who make them tingle with a thought. Apparently ‘nice guys’ want the same thing because they don’t seem to go after their ‘female nice girl‘ counterparts. They seem to want to go after women probably out of their league and women who are probably vivacious, attractive, smart, outgoing, everything in personality and looks that they aren’t.

          Why not date the proverbial ‘nice girl‘? The girl who has the same looks, personality and everything like yourself. She may not get your sexual juices flowing, but hey ‘she’s a nice girl just like you consider yourself to be a ‘nice guy’. Get a church going woman, a female Urkle type. I’m sure she’s nice and would make ‘nice guys’ like you a wonderful mate. You would probably be a far better match than going after women who are more drawn to the ‘bad boy persona’. I keep telling these ‘so called nice guys’ that you can’t expect a woman to ‘fall in your lap just because ‘you think‘ you’re nice’.

          These so called nice guys need to ask themselves this question when it comes to women: What traits do you ‘show’ as a ‘man’ to the lady you’re interested in that appeals to the ‘woman’ in her? We’re not talking about your job, your virtue, your accomplishments, your character or your so-called ‘niceness.’ We’re talking about the primal basics of man relating to the woman he wants and showing her their masculinity in a way that captivates her and draws her to him.

          If guys can’t answer this question for themselves, then they should know they’ve got some work to do in the mating/relating and dating game with women. If a guy can’t captivate a woman on the primal level, women could care less about all the rest of what guys think they have to offer her that she ‘ought to appreciate getting from them. Women may accept their offer, but still go else where to get that primal urge fulfilled. That’s just the way it is.

          • eLLe85 says:

            Oh yes Raz! That is another piece to this mess—what I stated in another thread, that basically people need to date at their level without all these high expectations from the opposite sex that they themselves can’t fulfill. Its always the so-called “nice guys” who want the supreme top of the line type women-and get upset when these women don’t want them back. Its always these so-called “nice guys” who after seeking fame and fortune turn around and make rap songs about how “back then they didn’t want me, now I am hot they all on me” or some such mess. I wonder hmmmm why is it that these type of “nice guys” that I described in the last comment never seem to go after their female counterparts as you say–they never consider that there are women who consider themselves nice too and they don’t always get the love they want either but the “nice guys” don’t go for these women. Interesting…NOT.

          • Raz says:

            eLLe85: “Its always the so-called “nice guys” who want the supreme top of the line type women-and get upset when these women don’t want them back. Its always these so-called “nice guys” who after seeking fame and fortune turn around and make rap songs about how “back then they didn’t want me, now I am hot they all on me” or some such mess”

            Exactly Gyrl! I was listening to a guy a month ago howling and whining this same tired tune. This guy (to be honest is not the most attractive guy in the world and he knows it), yet he was always reaching above his league wanting to go out with the hottest women. He never wanted to date women more in line with his looks and personality type. Then about 5 years ago, he opened a successful chain of stores selling used xbox 360 games, playstations and things like that. Guy has plenty of money now, nice house, nice car, dresses well, but he’s still well… unattractive. But now the ladies are looking at him. Now he’s whining about how come they’re looking at him now, when they didn’t look at him twice when he was broke with nothing but a dream. So I told him, there were women looking at you back then, but you didn’t want them because you didn’t like how they looked, you wanted to reach for someone on your arms, like ‘arm candy’ to make you feel more attractive. Now you have money and you can ‘buy‘ just what you want so whatcha making noise about? That’s just the way of the world. An unattractive man has got to have something going for him, if he wants to ‘date out of his league. He knows this, so why is he whining about it? White guys know and expect this so I don’t know why brothas don’t get this concept.

          • CDF says:

            I knew this was a female-oriented piece, but decided to jump in, so here goes…

            Is this so-called “primal” level that a woman has the makings of nature or is this instilled from the patriarchal, man-made version that I think you’re grasping at? If it’s from the latter, we’re back at square one!

            Let’s flip the script: what traits do you show as a woman to the man that you’re interested in that appeals to the man in him? What would a woman have to do to showcase her “femininity” to attract said man, whether it be “primal”, physical, artificial, or whatever?

            You have good points, especially about the error of “nice guys” expecting females to break down the door in order to have their version of a real man, but what I’m getting at is this discussion can easily be flipped with me suggesting that women might as well stick with the “bad boy” if all they’re after is a “tingle”. As with the scenario about “nice guys”, don’t go running around wondering what happened when that illusion of a “real man” turns out to be an unofficial pimp!

            Men must also make that effort in determining whether or not a woman is worthy to even pursue a relationship. Nice girl, bad girl, shallow girl, whatever! “Primal” instincts and providing a “tingle” can only get you so far in this day & age, when you must consider the playas, golddiggers, and outright nutjobs to contend with.

          • Raz says:

            CDF: “Is this so-called “primal” level that a woman has the makings of nature or is this instilled from the patriarchal, man-made version that I think you’re grasping at? If it’s from the latter, we’re back at square one”

            CDF, give it up, you FAIL at appealing to women in the way that draws women to you. You have no clue because you don’t want to have a clue. You want to remain defensive with your walls up and your antagonistic attitude towards women. This site is not for you. It is for men who are open, ready and willing to learn what they need to learn to be better to their women. Obviously you don’t want to do that. You just want to come here and whine and complain oh woe is me, the same tired ‘nice guy’ song. You need to ‘go away’. Women aren’t interested in that ‘blues song.

            CDF: “Let’s flip the script: what traits do you show as a woman to the man that you’re interested in that appeals to the man in him?”
            Typical, you refuse to answer the question and want to make this topic, ‘Why nice guys suck and women don’t want you, be about you. Guys tend to do that. They always want to turn a topic around away from women’s concerns, desires and needs, and flip it onto what they want. Nope not happening here. This is not what the topic thread is about. Why don’t you create your own blog and talk about that.

            CDF: “but what I’m getting at is this discussion can easily be flipped with me suggesting that women might as well stick with the “bad boy” if all they’re after is a “tingle. “As with the scenario about “nice guys”, don’t go running around wondering what happened when that illusion of a “real man” turns out to be an unofficial pimp!”.

            Yeah that would be all that you get out of the comments from women and the article. Again a closed defensive mind like yours (still mad and bitter behind a rejection) won’t be open to getting ‘anything that requires you to ‘self reflect’. You just want to stay mad at the women who didn’t want you just because you wanted them. Keep ‘getting what you get’ and see how that continues to ‘work for you. I could care less. I’ve got mine and yes, my nonblack man makes me tingle all over. 🙂

            Typical dumb-azz remark by a bitter judgmental nice guy, who thinks if a man can make a woman tingle, then he must be a pimp and that’s all that is important to the woman. By that logic, if a man has no clue about how to make a woman tingle, then he must be a bitter, whiny, emotionally immature with underdeveloped social skills, ‘nice guy’.

            CDF: “Men must also make that effort in determining whether or not a woman is worthy to even pursue a relationship”

            Typical nice guy remark once again, if he is rejected, then in his mind, ‘She wasn’t worthy in the first place. Because he is so pious and upstanding in his own mind, he thinks only worthy women would have the good sense to accept his overtures and ‘not turn him down. (rolls eyes).

            CDF: “Nice girl, bad girl, shallow girl, whatever! “Primal” instincts and providing a “tingle” can only get you so far in this day & age, when you must consider the playas, golddiggers, and outright nutjobs to contend with.”

            Apparently it’s gotten the men who has the primal traits and knows how to draw women to them and can make women tingle pretty far. They’re not the ones whining and complaining and writing on a blog to women about how sad their dating life is and how unsuccessful they are in capturing women. They’re too busy out enjoying the women, while ‘nice guys’ like you sit on the side lines bitter, and writing on a blog judging men when you’re really envious of their success that you wish you had. In your mind, you have negative connotations for the words ‘primal and tingle’ That’s why you can’t catch a break with a woman. What woman wants to be with a pious judgmental man who attributes negative connotations to the words, primal and tingle. I know I wouldn’t. A man like that would totally suck in bed. If he can’t even get past those words without assigning negative meaning to it, then he certainly can’t get it on in the boudoir. Women don’t want men like that. They want the man who has it all.

            As Ms. Cooper said: “Bottom line, women (just like men), want a nice stable romantic guy that she trusts implicitly and who takes care of business in the streets and a thug lovin’ give it to me baby freak daddy in the bedroom. Nice guys ain’t knowin how to flip it slap it and smack it down and talk shyt in bed. They don’t think its “nice” to do that kind of thing to women. “

          • CDF says:

            @Raz:

            ROFLMBAO!!!

            …and you’re saying I’m defensive and woe is me? Yeah, right! Again, I’m going to say this for the cheap-seats: them so-called “primal” urges and “tingles” may have been top priority when folks were just figuring out how to cook raw meat or to bathe without mud and dirt, but in current times, things are bit more complex.

            Sure, there’s plenty of guys out there (nice or not) that will satisfy in whatever means you seek. H-O-W-E-V-E-R, unless you’re in a veggie state and bed-ridden until that “tingle” reaches your nervous system, I’d suggest you ALSO do YOUR part.

            About the only thing I can agree with is that little comment at the end RE: Ms.Cooper…but I’ll add this little tidbit: it won’t hurt you to once in every other blue moon get on top and work YOUR thang!

            😉

          • Raz says:

            CDF: “I’d suggest you ALSO do YOUR part. it won’t hurt you to once in every other blue moon get on top and work YOUR thang! “

            You worry about doing ‘your part’ CDF instead of worrying about what you’re going to get. Worry about what you put out. That’s why you aren’t getting anything you ‘re too busy worried about ‘what the woman may or may not do, instead of worrying about what you need to be doing. That’s why the so called ‘playas’ have it over guys like you. They go on and do what they need to do, instead of sitting back worried about what the woman might do in ‘her part. They do their part secure in the knowledge that they have what it takes to draw that woman to them. You’re insecure, otherwise you wouldn’t be worried about the woman’s part. You’d be to busy ‘doing’ your part.

            And who cares what you agree on CDF. What’s with you guys thinking a woman needs you to ‘co-sign and validate ‘her thoughts’. I certainly don’t. I could care less if you agree with me or not. I write what I write, based on what I believe and agree to and my own approval, not yours.

            Just so you know, a woman ain’t interested in getting on top of no man who lacks what it takes to draw her to him in the first place. Man up, and do the chasing, be the assertive man. Women like men who go after them, not passive men looking for women to make it ‘easy’ for them because they are weak and cowardly in nature.

            Those type of men are the ones this very article talks about.. you know men like you come across in your posting.
            You are not a woman, therefore you can’t speak from a woman’s perspective. I don’t know why you don’t have sense enough to take notes and learn something instead of debating with ‘women’ about ‘women’s perspective on ‘why they don’t go out with nice guys. If a guy gave me some tips on why they passed over me, I’d listen instead of acting like I know better than a guy would on what a guy thinks about women. But keep on doing you, sounds like it’s working out just fine for you.

    • Sure there are some idiotic women you can catch acting like that. I’m sure you can attract some acting a fool too. If that is what you want, have at it.

  14. Pat says:

    Good article. I, also, am tired of them being referred to as ‘bad boys.’ The truth is no one wants to date a goodie two shoes, boring, needy guy. This is such a turn off!

    • Raz says:

      Pat “The truth is no one wants to date a goodie two shoes, boring, needy guy. This is such a turn off!”

      Exactly Pat! Women want a nice man with an ‘edge’. As Ms Cooper once said, “Bottom line, women (just like men), want a nice stable romantic guy that she trusts implicitly and who takes care of business in the streets and a thug lovin’ give it to me baby freak daddy in the bedroom. Nice guys ain’t knowin how to flip it slap it and smack it down and talk shyt in bed. They don’t think its “nice” to do that kind of thing to women.”

  15. Unknown says:

    Sorry, some women want a “nice Guy” to open doors and treat her like a lady. There are still women left who want a respectable God fearing man. Nice Guys should stay nice. There’s a great reward for nice behavior. It’s sad that so many people in society are twisted. You can be a nice person and have good success and many blessings.

    • Keith says:

      Although I agree with the basic premise of many of Debora’s articles, there are many separate points & sentences which CLEARLY espouse hate or misandrist positions–especially in the comments sections. You females “want it all” (&) both ways–you seek the impossible. There is nothing wrong with requesting/urging ur mate, to work toward common productive goals, or, to put EFFORTS into the relationship (especially communication), but, if u r consistently demanding ‘change’ you’re just fomenting animosity. Again there are many things said which are valid points (I am not trying to pick-&-choose; really) yet, what I get out of most these articles & responses is the feminist mantra of “MY-way-or-the-Higway”. Wheres the gain in that?? Who wins & in the end how much damage is done? I simply don’t ‘get’ why ppl are so demanding (&, less giving) nowadays. They bemoan that, the ‘other’ is not bending to their will AND then, they wonder why they’re alone. So much for power-struggles.

      • Raz says:

        Keith: ” You females “want it all” (&) both ways–you seek the impossible.

        Whenever a ‘male‘ refers to a woman as ‘you females‘, that’s the equivalent of ‘you people‘ Women should see that as a big red flag and run in the opposite direction. If you think this is impossible, you don’t deserve to have a woman.

        Keith: “what I get out of most these articles & responses is the feminist mantra of “MY-way-or-the-Higway”.
        Funny how ‘male’s start howling like hound dogs whenever women start to assert themselves and state the standards for how they want to be treated. Dudes start calling them ‘feminist’ as if that is a dirty word. Try Patriarchy!! That’s the way the world is set up. Societal rules were made ‘for men‘ by men’ So don’t talk to women about this ‘my way or the highway BS’. ‘You male’s‘ have been conditioned to having things ‘your way‘ for so long in all aspects of life unchallenged by women. You’re used to women putting up with how ‘you choose to treat her’ and not say anything. Well that’s all changing and if you don’t like it, tuff!
        I suggest you read this article to open up your eyes to the way black males have enjoyed things in this world. “Exposing Black Male Privilege” http://survivingdating.com/?p=881

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

This site is protected by WP-CopyRightPro