His Ex Emailed to Say She is Pregnant with My Man’s Baby!
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Help! My boyfriend just found out his ex is pregnant. Should I stay? I’m a successful and attractive 37 year-old living with a successful 45 year-old. We’ve been together for 7 months when his ex (they only dated for 2 weeks one month prior to meeting me) contacted him via email that she is pregnant with his child.
He believes the child is probably his and wants to a part of the child’s life but not be involved with the ex. We are both hurt as we were discussing having our own children and marriage. We love each other – but is this too much for a newish relationship to handle?
My 2 best friends are split – guy says “move on…more guys out there that don’t have the baggage” and girl says “he obviously loves you – see how it plays out.”
It’s ultimately my decision, but I’m so confused. Adding to the confusion is the fact that he still hasn’t updated his Facebook page and removed the many pics of him with other women (entertainment events he attended prior to meeting me). I know this is small in comparison to the pregnancy – but another flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
What should I do?
Signed,
Stay or Leave?
Dear Stay or Leave:
That’s not his child! That heffa found out he had someone else and that things were getting serious. She was also not a girlfriend – they just slept together a few times. This cow must be seriously desperate to even think saying she is going to have a baby by some man she barely knew is sensible. I’m disgusted that she has such little decorum. It seems she is removing all stops in an effort to keep him around. Sadly, he is allowing her to do it by entertaining this nonsense.
When she emailed him with this drama he should have replied with this:
“Yes, we did sleep together a few times and of course I know that means there is a remote possibility that the child is mine. But this is what we are going to do. I am not going to give you a dime or acknowledge that I have anything to do with this child until after it is born and a DNA test is conducted. If it is confirmed that the child is indeed related to me, I will do the responsible things I need to do for my son or daughter. But you should know right now before you go too far with this pregnancy that you being pregnant doesn’t change anything between us. I can’t stand your ass and don’t want anything to do with you anymore which is why I dumped you. We’ll handle any child visitation and other arrangements through the court system and I will pay the child support I am legally obligated to pay. But you and I are through. I will never have anything to do with YOU personally ever again. Keep me in the loop so I know when the baby is born and you are ready to take a DNA test. Until then, don’t call me, don’t email me, and don’t bother me.”
That is what he should have done.
Now since you are on the downstroke to 40 years of age, I’m wondering what is all this about Facebook pictures. You sound like a silly teenage girl with that nonsense!
You need to accept that the man had a life before he met you! He had lots of women and lots of sex with those women. Now if you can’t handle that and don’t want to be bothered with him and potential baby momma drama, then leave now. Because if that really IS his child, the baby won’t be going anywhere. You would have to share him with the child and be bothered with whatever changes that hag decided to put him through. And the dream you shared of having your first child together will go up in flames.
Your dreams of love, marriage and family can certainly come true, but it sounds like you’d really be gambling a long-shot by placing such bets on THIS guy in a very tough situation.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Dating Advice
