Deborrah Cooper
Dating advice columnist on AskHeartBeat.Com and Examiner.Com; hosts the Date Smarter Not Harder relationships talk show on BlogTalkRadio.Com every Saturday night at 7 pm (PST). She is the author of hundreds of articles on dating and relationships, and penned the Best Black Books of 2007 award-winning guide to modern dating "Sucka Free Love! How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged." Sucka Free Love is a hilarious, street smart examination of the mistakes singles make in relationships - find it on Amazon.Com.
Exposing Black Male Privilege
I’ve repeatedly heard Black men express the belief that they are victims of a matriarchial society, that they are denied rights and privileges and the opportunity to “be a man” by “strong Black women.” I’ve heard grown men whine that women need to be responsible for men’s attire (sagging pants), teen pregnancy amonst 11, 12, 13 year old girls (who are actually victimis of child molesters, not willing adults making a choice for sex), and assign to women the responsibility for changing the Black community. With women being blamed for all that, what the hell is it that Black men are going to get off their asses and do?
Beware of the Verbally Abusive Man Hiding in Plain Sight
It really doesn’t matter why a man is verbally or psychologically abusive towards females, nor does it matter if the undercover abuse is purposeful or not, the damage to a woman’s self esteem and emotional stability if she listens to that bullshit is exactly the same, and it can be quite considerable.
His Ex Emailed to Say She is Pregnant with My Man’s Baby!
We’ve been together 7 months, but recently a woman he dated for only 2 weeks sent an email to say she is pregnant with his child. Help! Do I stay or go?
9-14-2010 Dependency Issues in Relationships
How do you avoid slipping into codependency with a partner wrestling with chemical or alcohol dependency or some other addiction?
Why “Nice” Guys Suck and Women Don’t Want You!
Being a “nice guy” does not win you any brownie points in the dating game! Never has, never will. You win at dating when you give the opposite sex what they want.
8-31-2010 Ladies, Can You Pass “The ‘Ho Test?”
We will discuss how women ‘ho and the differences between being an incidental ho and a professional who has made ho’ing a lifestyle choice. We’ll also discuss how men test to see if you ARE a ‘ho or not!
You Too Can Start a Black Church!
Some say a church begins when a group of Believers get together for prayer and to praise Jesus Christ. If you believe that, I have a great deal on a bridge I’d like to tell you about…
Feminism, Black Men & Black Relationships – 8/22/10
“You’re a feminist!” is a phrase uttered with the utmost disdain by Black men, and being called a feminist is right up there with being called a bitch. What is it that feminism means to Black men and women, and why are so many African Americans against feminism?
Black Feminism and The Black Men’s Rights Movement
Many Black men believe that all hell broke loose in America when the 1970s feminist movement came into being. These men feel that the dysfunction in the Black community – the collapse of every institution such as our churches, schools, families and communities – is due to the distortion of gender roles brought about by feminists. Looking back fondly on the apron wearing homemaker of the 1970s, Black men long for the caretaking and attention they didn’t get as children. If a woman prefers a career to staying at home with children all day, shouldn’t she have that right with no problems from her husband? Does marriage still mean property ownership of the female?
Single Black Men Insist on Open Marriages?
An advice seeker asked me to explain the reasons why so many young Black men are insisting that their prospective bride agree to an open marriage – or there will be no wedding.
Why Black Women Put Professional Black Men on ‘NIGNORE’
Men write me frequently to get my take on why Black women complain that they “can’t find a good Black man” or “can’t find a Black man on my level” when they are surrounded by educated, professional Black men. It made me wonder too. Why a guy, with all the outward appearances of a highly desirable catch (college educated, established, an “on point” Black man) would be passed over by women for romance and marriage. Well, I have some answers.
When He Won’t Take ‘No!’ for an Answer
No! is a complete sentence and easy enough that anyone should understand its meaning. Yet when told “No!” by a female, most men’s response is not “okay then” but instead “well, why not?” or “how come you said no?” or “you don’t mean it!” or “but you’ll like it if you try it.” Such responses put females on the defensive and are nothing but denials of a woman’s right to say “NO!” and be taken seriously.
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