Day 9 – 40 Days of Rain on DBR Black Men: Parasites Moving In With a Girlfriend
Black men have no problem moving in with a woman. Whether she is low income on Section 8, or whether she is a big baller and shot caller living in a high rise condo on the 33rd floor, DBR black males have no problem tucking what is supposed to be their manhood into a paper sack and rolling into a woman’s crib to live high on the hog at her expense.
Ex-convicts are the #1 type of parasitical male that you’ll find favoring this type of living situation. However, there are plenty of black men that are gainfully employed but find it easier to live off a woman they have no interest in than it is to live on their own and pay all their own expenses.
I come from a long line of hard working men who, even though they were not the most formally educated, were creative geniuses and driven to be successful entrepreneurs. So when I was in college and met a young lady I’ll call “Sherry,” we bonded immediately. She was like me, and her parents were like my parents. Her mom had worked for years as an RN then opened a nursing registry. Her dad worked until retirement as a high level postal employee then retired and opened a barbecue pit that was doing very, very well. (That man could CUE!!) So her family had a bit of change.
In our senior year she met a guy we’ll call “Tyrone.” Now Tyrone was tall, handsome, had that “good hair” that some black women go crazy over, and was in school making strides to become someone, or so we thought. Sherry’s parents met him and liked him, but the Dad always did say ‘something ain’t right about that boy.”
Didn’t matter, Tyrone put the mash on Sherry and in less than a year Tyrone bought a ring and proposed. Sherry, feeling dizzy from the excitement and romance, accepted. Sherry and her parents didn’t meet his parents until the wedding weekend. I remember Sherry telling me how it made her uncomfortable how often his parents kept asking her if she was sure she wanted to do this.
The wedding was beautiful. Sherry’s parents had her gown custom made in Paris, and I tell you I have never even to this day seen a wedding dress that would take your breath away. They spent more than $50,000 on this wedding in 1989 dollars… who knows how much that would be today? The wedding reception was a fancy sit-down affair at one of San Francisco’s most well-renown hotels with hundreds of guests in attendance. Those people spent a fortune on their only child’s wedding and made it a fairy tale dream come true for her. A honeymoon in Europe, paid for by the parents, followed. When they got back they moved into a new home purchased by Sherry’s parents not too far from them so they could be close to their baby and hopefully grandchildren.
But when Sherry returned from the fabulous honeymoon is when things got interesting.
Within weeks the new husband had quit his job, and had the house full of his buster, college drop out friends and home boys from his childhood. After working all day Sherry came home thinking she would be able to get romantic and cozy with her new husband, and instead the house was filled with beer drinking, weed smoking, loud ass niggas. Her husband told her he was depressed and needed a few weeks to figure out what he wanted to do and to get off his back. Plus she made plenty of money, why should he HAVE to work anyway? Her parents could help them out if money got tight.
He figured he had a wife that worked, inlaws that were very well off, and now he was just gonna be able to kick it all day for the rest of his life. Sherry’s father, who owned the house, promptly put dude out on the other side of the front door. An annulment followed soon after. Who knows how many hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain along with their daughter’s self-esteem.
But for most black women there is no fairy tale wedding or romantic, whirlwind courtship. Instead, they have some bum ass do nothing trifling leech living with them and living off them, guys who planned to not do shit which is the reason they are there in the first place. It has everything to do choosing to live off women.
Whether it is a girlfriend or whether it is with his divorced or widowed mother, these bummy dudes are lazy chumps that prefer staying at home playing video games while his Momma or his woman is out working her ass off. If they are en ex-convict, they won’t be able to pass a criminal background check or an employment drug screening, so their excuse is to live off their mom or girlfriend “to survive.” 
Long ago I had a pretty close male buddy that was scandalous. I learned a lot of game from being around him. This boy NEVER paid rent. Not one day in his life. He ALWAYS lived with some woman and her kids. He was an extremely handsome guy, highly intelligent guy with smooth rap. He had a knack for ferreting out the women that were looking for something, finding out what that something was, and presenting himself as the Fairy Godfather that could make those dreams come true. I tell you, this dude could talk his way into a woman’s head and move himself right on into her house within a week or two.
He and other guys I know have a favorite way of doing this, which is to make it seem like by him giving up his place and moving in with a girlfriend, he is doing her a favor. The speech is always some variation of one of these:
“Baby, we spend so much time together, it doesn’t make sense for us to live separate places. That money I’m spending paying rent we could do something else with. If we lived together, I’d be around more and you could see me all the time!”
or
“Baby, I’m getting evicted out of my place. Seems like a good idea to move in together, since we tight and thinking about marriage and stuff, why waste that money paying TWO rents? That way I could wake up next to you every morning and we could save money.”
These guys select not only women that are looking for something, but the women that are relatively unattractive, kinda off socially, or very lonely and vulnerable to run this game on. She sees the end of her loneliness and finally regular sex and a man in her life…. he sees all the money he can save to do what he wants by transferring his living expenses to her pocket. The other types of guys are the ones that are mentally and emotionally broken and weak… their self-esteem and self-confidence are shattered. They see themselves as nothing but victims; the Man and feminism are their favorite scapegoats. They are not motivated to do more or do better, they just want to chill on the couch and play video games or watch television. As long as they have 3 hots and a cot whether in prison laying up off the state, or at some woman’s house laying up off her, they are good to go.
Most of the guys who are seen moving in with a girlfriend don’t pay rent. They also don’t buy groceries, nor do they contribute to the utility bills. They might wash some dishes or clean up, because that doesn’t cost them any money. They ALWAYS put it down in the bedroom because their dick is their ticket to fame and the easy life. Their excuse is the woman was already paying for those things before they got there, so why should they have to come out of pocket?
This applies even to the DBR black men that ARE working. They feel like it’s your spot, so you pay the costs. Even if they have a baby with you, they still don’t feel obligated or responsible to pay half or even much of anything because they are trifling. Their money goes into their pockets. They spend their money on their car, their gear, their hobbies and interests. They buy golf clubs and fancy digital cameras, tickets for professional sporting events, rims, fancy cell phones and blingage. But if you need help with a bill they suddenly don’t have any money and can’t contribute a dime to help you or even their own children out. 
The others don’t have a job because “its hard for black men out here in this economy. Everybody is suffering but its even worst for a black man like me.” Yet these clowns try to position themselves as head of the and man of the house?
You can’t be man of the house when it’s not your house chump! You got to pay the cost to be the boss. But these women are typically into their Sistah Soldier thing, so she cosigns on his foolishness and lets him kick back “to get himself together” instead of insisting that he pull his own weight and contribute an equivalent in energy and finances. These women are so excited to have some bum ass man living under her roof, she doesn’t notice that it is costing her money to have this “favor” being done for her.
What real man would move into a woman’s spot instead of asking her to move into his or to get a place together? How can a male moving in with a girlfriend ever be seen as a man?
Every man I’ve ever met that is about something prides himself on his ability to take care of his by providing shelter for his woman and children, putting food on the table for his family, and making sure that his are taken care of with clothing, shoes, vehicles, and everything else they need. A real man will be okay with his woman contributing to that, but he will feel that it is his responsibility to be a provider for the family, not hers to provide the things listed above.
Why would a man be okay with moving in with a girlfriend? I don’t know one solid responsible man of any color that moved into his woman’s crib. As an example, I personally know a couple (white) where he proposed a couple of years ago and wanted her to come and live with him. She said no because the house was too small to live in with him and his two college aged sons. So he built a house just for them on a portion of his huge lot, and the sons live in the other house next to them. The couple is now happily married living in the new house he built; she rents out her house. That’s how white dudes do things. 
But that ain’t how DBR black men do things! These clowns want to come move in and roost in your hen house and see nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of your labors while they sleep under a roof they haven’t provided, eating up food they haven’t provided, and running electricity to watch television and play video games when they haven’t provided any of those things either.
Nigga ain’t even paid for the couch his ass is sitting on all day!
Bottom line: Any guy who thinks moving in with a girlfriend and living off a woman is okay isn’t fit to be called a man. Black women need to recognize a parasite when they see one and stomp his ass like the blood sucking insect he is.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture
Deborrah brighteye10 this has got to be one of thee realist, most sincere, blog posts on this topic(if anyone has ever even had the nerve to blog about this topic without a bunch of dribble and fluff!!!) that I have ever read. This, imo was definitely a good read. Now, I’m even more determined to purchased Deb’s book. I promise you that. The irony is, I found your radiotalkshow by accident! And, it was the titles that caught my attention.
Wowzers! I heard one show and downloaded all the rest of ’em lmbo I am not kiddin’. So, I just want to thank you, for all that you do, the blog, the website, the radiotalkshow-everything. Because now I know, that I am not the only black woman that thinks this bs in our community with our men, is ridiculous and we do not have to settle for it. They’re not steppin’ up because puttin’ up with their bs has become the NORM and women that do not tolerate it, have because the “miserable, bitter, bitches w/o a man that’ll die alone” lmbo Well, I’ll be one lonely hefer then, before I put up with that foolishness from a fool!
Razzy I believe that is exactly why, it is so hard for so many good women to find a good man!!! Not because there are no good black men. Because, clearly, that is not the case! However, its like there is this “trend” of sorts, going on in our community where in order to “bag n’ tag a man” they resort to taking care of ’em. That makes it very difficult imo, then, for a woman to say “listen dude, get up off yo’ ass and bring something to the table or keep it movin’ chump”. Why? Oh, well because “The Clean-up Woman” is ready, willing, and able to take ’em in, wine ’em, dine ’em, for a penis pay as you go 69’em plan. These creeps have given new meaning to the pay-as-you-go plan.
What I find extremely disturbing is all the women that will really believe that its because you’re “single” ie., “ain’t got no man” that you see something wrong with them taking care of or “lookin’ out” for a grown ass man. Umm, NO. There is something wrong with a woman-especially a good woman, settling for that bs.
Lol…I failed to ask, what is DBR?
brighteye10 DBR means Damaged Beyond Repair
Kmsl! Thxs Deborrah….You couldn’t have said it any better, the EXACT word for them!
brighteye10 DBR means Damaged Beyond Repair
I’ve witness this kind of mentality many times…yet we call them out, point it out and contantly address the issue to them personally, but until there is a solution that reaches the weak/helpless ones….its gonna riot their kids….grandkids. I’m almost to the point of forming my last intellectual opinion,….(my thought} w/o offending anybody n particular….They r the kind of ppl that contribute to MAKING LIFE: “IT IS WAT IT IS” It’s drama for many, bad talk by others, It builds anger and lives r lost to nonsense. To sum it off, yes it’s dismayed but if nothin or no one won’t put a STOP to it….then it becomes part of our history….WAY OF LIFE for some.
Ms. Cooper is on FYAH! This one should hit home with a lot of jikkas and the women they are living with. I see this happen all the time in the ‘colored folk (And I say colored because I see Hispanics doing it too), community. Jikkas be dating a woman and next thang you know, they moved right in ‘HER’ place. Living off her. It ain’t always the ex cons either. Many could have a job, though usually it’s a somewhat menial level job they have where they barely make ends meet.
I know one silly broad who wanted to marry a dude who clearly told her he wasn’t into marriage. Now she’s been dating this dude already for 7 years and she let him ‘move in with her’. And she pays the rent. Dude pays for cable (they get all the high packaged cable, he buys groceries, but he doesn’t pay the rent. When I asked her how come you let dude move in with you and not pay rent. She said, she doesn’t feel comfortable with him paying rent. Wow… such low self esteem where men are concerned. This dude has it easy. He moved from his mama house to her house, with a woman he clearly doesn’t want to marry. That relationship is set up on ‘his terms’ and he is living it his way.
Plenty other women let their trifling baby daddies live with them, even while they are out making babies with other women. Men who they meet at the club, date for about 3 months, and next thing you know, that jikka has set up house under her roof! Yet these are the same black men whining all through cyberspace putting down women saying black women are too.(fill in the blank). And these black men want to be thought of as the king! I see this all the time in the black community, These trifling jikkas roosting in her hen house.
Women stop letting these niggas do that!