Dating Communication – Five Tips for Having The Talk

| 06/14/2012 | Comments (0)

Photo Credit: joshfassbind on flickr

So you’re seeing each other but not sure whether or not things are getting serious? It’s time to have “the talk” about what you both want from the relationship. It can be tough to bare your feelings, but when you communicate and be honest you will ensure that you are both happy. Here are five tips for talking about your relationship successfully and communicating openly with each other.

1. Make sure you’ve received at least a few signs that “the talk” will go over well. Before you dive into a heavy conversation about where things are headed, reflect for a minute on any signs that things are turning serious. Have you been on dates at least once a week, perhaps even more, including Saturdays? Has the person you’re seeing touched on shared plans for the future? Do you know each other’s friends, perhaps even families? The answers to these questions can help reveal if it’s the right time to talk about exclusivity.

2. Decide what you want. Exclusivity talks require you to put your feelings out there, which can be difficult. It’s much easier to do that if you know exactly what you want out of your budding relationship. Don’t dive into serious talks on a whim – you might end up leaving the conversation unfilled, perhaps even more confused than before. Instead, take a moment to reflect on how you feel and what you want. Try to get help pinpointing your feelings by talking to trusted friends and family. You could also try writing your thoughts down.

3. Have the talk on a stress-free day in a good location. Sometimes, time and place can make a huge difference in how well things play out. Approaching someone with a serious topic after a stressful day at work or school could unnecessarily backfire; trying to talk in a place packed with distractions is also unlikely to end well. Select a comfortable, quiet location where you can pay attention to each other. This draws the focus to the conversation at hand.

4. Be clear. Important conversations are no time to be vague. It may feel uncomfortable candidly delving into deep emotions, and it may be tempting to waffle in what you’re saying to avoid rejection. Both reactions are perfectly normal, but they could also undermine the point of the conversation. If you are communicating with someone with whom you’d like to be seriously involved, you must be able to speak freely.

5. Leave the talk knowing exactly where you stand as a couple. If you want an exclusive relationship, make sure you hear that word explicitly before the conversation ends, not general sentiments of affection that skirt around the issue. Words like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” should come up. All too often, people can walk away from significant conversations with different impressions of what they discussed. In this case, that can mean one person believing he or she is in a relationship, and the other believing that exploring other dating possibilities is still fair game. Take care to finish the talk with absolute certainty about where you stand as a couple.

At the end of the day, you shouldn’t get too frazzled over “the talk.” In the short term, emotions can run high and rejection can be a possibility. However, in the long term, it’s a crucial step in understanding how an important person in your life feels about you. It is a moment of truth, which can be a bit scary, but which is also a source of much-needed clarity.


Guest post contributed by Tammy Warner, on behalf of – One of the popular Christian dating sites. Tammy is a freelance writer and contributes to various websites. She enjoys writing about relationship issues and spirituality.


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