Drama Dating an Ex-Convict

| 08/16/2010 | Comments (1)

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I finally met the man of my dreams…  he is smart, has money and is extremely handsome. Unfortunately, he also has a very dark past.

When we first started dating he was almost perfect. My only complaint was he wasn’t affectionate. Then all the things in his past started resurfacing and I wouldn’t hear from him for days and he stood me up a couple times. Then one night after I hadn’t heard from him in two weeks, he stopped by my room and told me everything that was happening in his life.

Since that night, we’ve grown closer — he was even beginning to be more affectionate, then all of a sudden he told me he wanted us to be on a “Hi” and “Bye” basis. I told him I would respect his wish and leave him alone.

I’ve cried every night since we stopped speaking. I know it has been bothering him too, because he has been doing things he does only when he is upset or very stressed. I really love him and want to be with him.

Should I respect his wishes and keep our relationship on a “Hi” and “Bye” basis? Or should I follow my heart and try to be with him and if so how would I go about doing it?

Not Ready to Give Up

Dear Not Ready to Give Up:
What do you mean “follow your heart?” That is kinda dumb, ya know? Stop romanticizing this situation and accept reality – the man DOESN’T LOVE YOU AND DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

Stop crying over him, and stop pretending there is more to this relationship than there is. His errant behavior should have told you he was not the man for you. There is no excuse to hang onto a man that disappears for weeks or that stands you up for dates.

Really, you should have been through with him that DAY.

Dude is far from perfect or the man of anyone’s dreams because he is incapable of putting in the time, the energy or the emotion which creates intimacy and on which lasting and loving relationships are built. You are going by the exterior – how he looked and what he had – to make your judgments on his alleged “perfection.” Move on honey before he dogs you out just to get you to leave him alone.

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Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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  1. Raz says:

    That woman sounds like she’s watched too much TV. “should I follow my heart’. TV romance has messed up the minds of both men and women when it comes to relationship. TV romance is a fantasy. In TV, following her heart, and continuing to love him despite his trifling ways, would have a very happy ending with the guy eventually coming around, falling to his knees proposing marriage and they ride off into the sunset with all of his money.

    In real life, this guy will dog her out even more than he’s starting to do all ready. End up with someone else (who probably wouldn’t put up with his mess), and she’ll end up with a broken heart.

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