Black Feminism and The Black Men’s Rights Movement
For some reason, Black men seem to feel a woman who describes herself as “a feminist” is a male basher that hates men. To these fellows, a woman who would dare upset the well established imbalance of power by requesting an equal share, respect and opportunities for females is viewed as someone whose goal is to destroy the Black family, and Black men in particular. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Taking a stand against male oppression and fighting for women to have the right to make choices for her own life does not mean that such a woman is against you. Being pro-woman does not mean that one is anti-male.
According to the dictionary, feminism is “the movement for the full social, political and economic equality of all people.” When viewed in those terms, how could any decent man be against the feminist movement?
An English professor wrote the words: “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate the phrase correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
And this my dear readers, is the chief motivation behind my quest to raise awareness amongst men about their deeply ingrained sense of entitlement and superiority to women. Men have this belief for no reason other than they have a clitoris that is a little bigger than ours, and ovaries on the outside of their body.
For thousands of years, society has been constructed to place men in a position of superiority over women. By placing themselves in the power position, men have conveniently had things their way for generations.
Men have been judge, jury, and executioner (with the right to decide what is right and wrong when it comes to women) for generations! Men will of course resist and resent any female that would have the gall to say that the old way ain’t benefitting her, thus she has no interest in participating in their system.
Why I Decided to Become a Feminist
I am compelled to write this post after more than a year of listening to Black men complain about “the natural order of things” as they relate to Black women subjugating themselves to men. That, along with the Biblical quotes used to justify persecution of adult women and the sexuality of both women and girls, inspired me to investigate the reasons so many Black men felt entitled to have us behave the way they wanted. Several blog posts followed including The Male Struggle for Control of Female Sexuality, Are Black Men Judgmental Haters of Black Women?, and the upcoming radio broadcast How Religion Messes Up the Minds of Men.
The last straw was delivered to my e-mail box in the form of a link to an Internet radio interview. The show’s guest was a middle aged Black man who purports to be a leader in the men’s rights movement. Hmm, what possible rights could men want that they don’t already have? I wondered to myself. I clicked the link expecting to be educated on a new cause with a solid foundation of fact. Instead, I ended up utterly dismayed at the majority of the guest’s statements, as he expressed a toxic anger and deep rage at Black women.
Let The Shit Fly
The guest led off the interview by expressing his belief that the Black woman has failed to address the needs of Black men, especially her own sons. He provided no statistics or facts to back up his rather brash statement. Nor did he elaborate on which needs men have that Black women failed to address. But he didn’t need to. The words alone were like throwing gasoline on an already burning fire. The statement of failure was enough to start the finger pointing and blaming of callers, which proceeded unabated throughout the 2 hour show.
Sadly, this immature blaming-style behavior pattern is one I’ve become all too familiar with over the past year.
I continued to listen as he railed on, stating that “all hell broke loose” in America when the 1970s feminist movement came into being. His opinion was that each and every dysfunction in the Black community, the collapse of every institution (such as our churches, schools, families and communities), was due to the distortion of gender roles brought about by feminists. He felt Gloria Steinem’s statement: “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” was a declaration of gender war.
Let me stop here and interject my thoughts.
When the honorable guest spoke of what Black women failed to do for young Black men, I wondered where the Black fathers, the Black uncles, and the Black grandfathers were in this equation. I mean, on one hand women are angrily charged with failure when we TRY to raise a young Black man. We’re told “a woman cannot raise a boy into a man!” But we try valiantly anyway, since Dad is nowhere around. What is a woman supposed to do when Dad prefers his crack pipe, his White woman, or his boyz to the day to day responsibility of his son’s psyche and success in life?
“This is where Black women have failed!” he shouted. “Black women are not raising their sons into good Black men!”
From what I’ve seen, women try hard to fill in the emptiness that trifling Brothas left in their children’s lives. Women sacrifice and overgive to their children to try to make up for what they aren’t getting from their fathers.
Yet, the manner in which our society is structured provides these men the privilege of sitting on their butts and doing nothing for their children themselves. Men believe they have the right to criticize what women TRY to do!
The fact that women are doing SOMETHING while these irresponsible Brothas do NOTHING seemed to have escaped him.
The Myth of the Happy, Apron-Wearing Housewife
This same gentleman looked back fondly on the 1970s. The host asked him “what is it that you miss about the 1970s?” The guest responded that he missed that time, a time when “women took pride in wearing an apron, cooking, and being traditional stay at home housewives.” After all, there is no place like home.
I laughed out loud. Hey, I was alive and kickin’ it hard in the 1970s. I remember looking at the faces of my aunts, older cousins, neighbors, and even my own mother every day, and I can honestly say I don’t know any woman that took pride in that drudgery!
Women were just trained to not expect anything more for themselves, and being a wife and mother was ALL that women were expected to be, to do, to achieve. Even college educated women that could have contributed a great deal to our culture and society were silenced by the weight of the patriarchy which mandated that they stay at his home all day, raise his babies, have his dinner on the table at 6:00 p.m. sharp, and hot sex on a platter for him at 10:30.
Women were depressed, miserable, lonely and unfulfilled, but men somehow failed to see that. As long as their needs were being met and their fantasies fulfilled, they were happy. You don’t believe that being at home with children all day is stressful, anxiety provoking and unrewarding? Just look at Andrea Yates as a perfect example of the baby breeding, pot scrubbing chokehold society has on “traditional” women.
Sagging Pants, Lagging Men
The guest went on to add that he felt it was the responsibility of Black women to tell young Black men to pull their pants up and stop sagging. He wanted to know why women aren’t complaining about or alarmed by this trend.
First of all, his statement shows just how ignorant he is of how it feels to be vulnerable in our society… to be viewed by those in power as property, easily dispensable, use of our bodies available for the taking if a guy wants it. He has no concept of nor respect for how scared females feel around intimidating groups of angry men. I know no woman that would choose to confront a man about his attire and risk getting cussed out or physically assaulted by a surly, half high gang banger!
Seriously, half the men I know wouldn’t have the courage to give such a command to one of these not wrapped too tight knuckleheads! 
This man, an alleged spokesperson for the Black male movement, continued his finger pointing and assault on Black women by charging that our communities have been destroyed “because of women’s acceptance of out-of-wedlock children.”
He pointed out that women used to be ashamed of becoming pregnant outside of marriage, and would run off to another state to have their child in secret. He expressed contempt for accommodations made by public school systems around the nation for pregnant teen mothers. The fact that the girls are educated on proper nutrition and child care as they also complete their academic curriculum to graduate high school and have a chance at a halfway decent life is irrelevant in his book.
Let’s also not forget the fact that it takes a sperm and an egg to create a fetus. Meaning that for every pregnant teen FEMALE, there was a teen or older male involved in getting her that way. For every ashamed and guilt-ridden pregnant FEMALE, there is a teen or older male that needs to be ashamed and guilt-ridden as well.
BUT WHERE ARE THOSE MEN? Why are they not stepping up to the plate as they had to in the perfect olden days to marry these girls and make a proper and legitimate home for their offspring? How could an allegedly responsible elder completely ignore the responsibilities of the male partner in the creation of a child, and the need for his input and energy in its rearing? Why demand that females alone bear the burden of guilt and shame about a sexual escapade that some man’s son happily and voluntarily participated in as well?
And finally, why would a female that bore a child be viewed as a slut, a ho, and unworthy of marriage in the future since she had a baby out of wedlock, when the father of said child HAD a full and equal part in the fiasco?
This is the point at which my respect level for this guy went underground.
- Not once did he suggest that young Black men keep their penis in their pants and stop pursuing sex with women they have no interest in parenting with.
- Not once did he advocate that young Black men cover up and carefully protect their seed to take control of the vast numbers of pregnancies in the Black community.
- Not once did he demand that teen boys and adult men over the age of 18 stop victimizing and molesting female children 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 years of age and knocking them up. Reality check for men: when you have sex with a minor child you are a perverted, pedophilic child molester.
- Not once did he demand that young Black men stop the cycle of unwed mothers in the Black community by settling down and marrying the mother of his child before the baby is born.
- Not once did he suggest that Black men put down the television remote, Xbox or PlayStation controller and pick up a book.
- Not once did he advocate that Black men of all ages join their female counterparts in regular church services and devote their time and energy to connecting spiritually with other positive men, and with the hundreds of single women desirous of a God-fearing man in their life.
No, he didn’t do any of that because it would mean that the Black male privilege he and so many others enjoy, the opportunity to be totally irresponsible and blame women for every single one of their failures, would be eradicated. It’s so easy to point the finger at someone else rather than examine your role in your demise.
But since he won’t say it to you men, I will: It is not at all appropriate for you to avoid taking full responsibility for your life and for that of your offspring, family and community.
In summary, the guest’s views seem to boil down to this: the breakdown of the Black family means the breakdown of conditions that favor Black men over Black women socially, politically, financially, educationally and psychologically. However, this too was blamed on women – feminists to be exact.
What Do I Describe as a Feminist?
Feminists believe the way to break the chains of oppression is to liberate women, in mind, body and spirit. Feminism provides the motivation for women to free themselves from centuries of “traditional” roles which limit women’s opportunities and choices, and provide men with the majority of earning power, social power, and a sense of superiority to women.
Feminism provides women with options and choices to be who and what they want to be, not who and what MEN want us to be.
Being forced into “traditional” roles squashes women’s ability to self-actualize, and oppresses our spirits. Women are berated and made to feel guilty for not meeting male expectations of a “good woman.” Gender oppression denies women basic rights that all humans should have such as control of their bodies, their sexuality, and creativity.
Oppression gives men the right to rob us of our children and run off with them to foreign countries, to confine us in homes and make us totally dependent, and to deny us the ability to work and acquire a sense of autonomy. Gender oppression denies women our rights as human beings to choose our own path.
But our guest didn’t see any of that. ”Women as a collective have never been oppressed!” he barked. I wonder if he really knows what the word means?
Oppression - 1. the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner. 2. an act or instance of oppressing. 3. the state of being oppressed. 4. the feeling of being heavily burdened, mentally or physically, by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc.
It’s very easy for men to deny that women are oppressed in our society.
It’s as if they say “my mind is made up, don’t confuse me with the facts.” It’s a challenge for women to live with the hurt of being oppressed while those around you are telling you that you’re not. Most women have a difficult time facing the reality of the oppression they exist under because it’s depressing, and infuriating.
Our culture has embraced gender oppression of females for thousands of years. Because people bought into the oppression, it came to be viewed as normal and expected (“the natural order of things”).
I guess this guest didn’t recognize that his entire platform was based on oppressing women.
He even went so far as to say “We don’t want you wearing pants! You have a vagina and it needs to breathe. You’ll get a yeast infection. Air needs to circulate around the vagina. I don’t want no issues with my stuff, it needs to be working right!” the guys on the phone chimed in with laughter.
Without an M.D. after his name or even one day of medical studies, this guy purports to know more about what women need to do with their bodies than women do? I just shook my head.
The show went on, full of blaming women, castigating and laying guilt at the feet of women. Black women especially were deemed responsible for every weakness, failure, behavior and unrealistic expectation of Black men!
He made snide remarks about women’s inability to lead. “It’s against a woman’s nature to lead because they are emotional, not logical!” he said with twisted conviction. ”Women have had power for 40 years and not done anything with it!” he added derisively.
“What movement have Black women started in 40 years?” he asked no one in particular. ”None! ….not gonna do anything but shop ’til she drops!”
He and a few of the male callers subsequently joked about women not having to wash clothes, cook, clean or have a job. I guess it escaped their notice that a beautiful home with satellite television and a pool can be just as much a prison and killer of aspirations, dreams and spirit as a 10×10 cement floored cell with bars.
Black Men That Hate Black Women Are Everywhere
I listened to the podcast of this show three times to triple-check the statements I have presented to you above. And I am still wondering how a conscious Black man could ever follow this man’s leadership? How can Black men and women ever come together as a team if Black men continue to berate, demean, and insult the women that are his mothers, his sisters, his lovers, his wives and his daughters?
If you men truly believe that women are not designed to be leaders, then step in front of us and LEAD. DO SOMETHING to effect change. DO SOMETHING besides sit around blaming women. DO SOMETHING besides run your mouth.
I think teaching young Black men the 7 principles of Kwanzaa is a good place to start:
- Umoja (Unity) To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation and race.
- Kujichagulia (Self-Determination) To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.
- Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility) To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together.
- Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics) To build and maintain our own stores, shops and other businesses and to profit from them together.
- Nia (Purpose) To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
- Kuumba (Creativity) To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
- Imani (Faith) To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.
This essay is my request that Black men of all ages get their shit together. Black women are on the move, learning and growing every day. We’re in universities, we’re in law offices, we’re in government and we’re in space.
If you don’t take action you are going to be left behind. If you men don’t reach out to lost young boys and do all you can to help create the strong Black men our communities need, they will be left behind.
Angry Black Feminist coming through! You, Black man, need to either lead, follow or get out of the way.
PDF Category: Society and Culture
Loading ...
well written, it breaks my heart and pisses me off to learn in this day and age black men by and large are still treating their female black sisters/mothers/daughters/wives/etc as the enemy. It reminds me of the blog Khadija wrote on her site:
http://sojournerspassport.com/you-betta-recognize-part-2-white-male-dominated-law-enforcement-is-the-only-thing-standing-between-you-and-mass-rape-in-black-neighborhoods/
its hard to take the truth sometimes, but until black men and the black community recognize what ails us and willing to fix such ugliness…it will continue to alienate black women.
Black men that think this way will soon be extinct. Their genes will die out and they will be gone from the planet. They think a woman should bend to their will just because they are men. They don’t seem to understand that the accomplishments and goals they achieved FOR THEMSELVES are not of benefit to a woman when she is assessing men for romantic partnerships.
I really enjoyed your article. I really liked the part about encouraging young black men to stop spreading their seed all “willy-nilly”. I’m a 37 y.o. black man that abstains from sex precisely because I think it affords me a superior quality of life, due to the peace of mind it affords. I was watching the Chad Ochocinco reality show recently, and he was concerned about the potential for “Baby Daddy Drama” with the ex-husband of one of the contestants. Well, then I learned that Chad Ochocinco has had 4 children out of wedlock. They never mentioned any potential “Baby Momma Drama” that the female contestants might have to deal with. I recently voted that a woman with one child was a deal breaker on that online poll. The reason for me that it is a deal breaker is because it indicates poor judgement for any woman to become pregnant while unmarried. I think to myself about these women that they are lacking in self-esteem, and wonder about their devotion to Christianity and the whole not fornicating thing. Debster, I know that you have issues about black women and religion, for some good reasons, but women would do much better to simply abstain or atleast try to abstain from sexual activity prior to marriage. My mom and sister both married and I wonder why so many other black women are unable to marry the men with whom they procreate. I’m becoming a huge fan of yours Debster!! Keep up the good work!!
Deborrah, I can’t make the comments I want because I don’t know if you make the distinction btw “Black” and “White” feminist.
I say this because only in European (type) society could the idea of a “feminist” be born. It was spawned out of the female European mind, a mind that comes out of the same cultural environment of the European male. One of power for control over others.
Feminism came into existance because of oppression of the Euro male and the desire of the Euro female to express her cultural essence. Power for control over others, not just independence from male domination.
For me this is the big difference btw “Black” and “White” feminism. In African society the “Black” female has always been able to express her independence from the “Black” male, they were (before the missionaries and imperialist) matralineal.
So what is feminism for a “Black” female?
This was the subject of the show I listened to last night with Deborrah and a few other ladies. A couple of guys called in as well. This is the link from my web browser http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat/2010/08/23/feminism-and-black-love-relationships
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by TIMJNZ: Black Feminism and The Black Men’s Rights Movement | Living The …: Not once did he suggest that young Blac.. http://bit.ly/AnnLX...
I will say that all your points are well taken. Men of color have for years been against women’s rights/feminism tracing back to even the civil rights leadres themselves. byron hurt and men can stop rape (out of d.c), are really going against this dominant narrative. I agree w/ many of the statements you made, and wanted to show some men who are making strides… peace!
Peace to you Mozart.
The patriarchy harms men, too, who get caught in a very narrow definition of who they can be as men and still be “okay.” They do get more power and privilege, no question. But they would have more freedom if they ditched the patriarchal role.
When he says, “Women are emotional, not logical,” he is putting women into a tiny box. But he is simultaneously telling men they are “logical, not emotional,” and that is a tiny box that is confining, too.
Since men and women and both logical and emotional creatures, his message is limiting to both genders.
Thanks for the article, Deborrah