Feminine Energy is Nothing But Bullshit
I’ve been hearing men and women talk about feminine energy and its power quite lot over the past few months. And with each utterance I grow increasingly incensed.
The women that promote the concept of “feminine energy” as if it is something we are born with are misguided and misinformed. There is no such innate quality at all. Any behaviors that are deemed to be “masculine” or “feminine” are based entirely on socialization, and the expectations that men have of women and that women have of themselves to meet those social values.
Personally, I think the whole concept is a bunch of bullshit.
Men Cannot Be Masculine Without Feminine Women
I’ve said numerous times that men have no real concept of masculinity. It’s extremely difficult if not impossible for them to define the traits and qualities of masculinity on their own. Instead, both men and women define masculinity in terms of its opposite – the qualities they label feminine.
Dr. Judith Wright defines feminine power as “taking an emotional charge and handling it responsibly.” She charges women with the responsibility of the emotional environment of their homes and relationships. Women therefore, are to accept a role as caretakers, monitors and police of the emotional state of everyone in their circle to ensure that everyone is taken care of and happy. Fulfilling this role means she is utilizing her “feminine power?”
SWAMI CHAITANYA describes feminine power like this:
“The power of women lies in tenderness, love, beauty and feminine grace. When they start seeking the same power as sought by men, they lose something very precious. Of course, women should be strong and courageous but not in the same way as men are. They should be strong in their own unique way-the feminine way. When they realize this uniqueness, no man can match their power.”
“She is so soft. In fact she never fights, she persuades. She does not fight directly; her fight is indirect and subtle. If she wants to say no, she will not say so directly, but in a thousand and one ways her whole being will say no. In the way she places the plate, in the way she moves, in her sari’s swish… She will say no. She herself will say yes but her whole being will say no. How can you defeat something so subtle? If you love the woman, you are defeated.”
To me that means femininity encompasses all the qualities that men either don’t want to have or are afraid of having too much of. What a bunch of romantic nonsense!
Women cannot afford to be “subtle” with their words or body language in our society! If she wants a raise, she better speak up. If she wants a cab, she better holler as loud as the guys do. If she wants a commitment, she better ask for one. And she better be very, very firm and clear when she says “no!” Look at all the men that believe the feminine drivel that women don’t know what they want and are just being coy… that her “no” really means “yes.” That twisted belief system leads men to ignore women’s words and body language when she is saying “no!” because it’s not what he wants to hear. So he will rape her anyway.
Softness, nurturing, gentleness, sweetness, and grace certainly have a place in a woman’s life. But women do not have a patent on those qualities. Neither do men have a patent on aggression, anger, murderous rage, stubbornness and directness. To label these personality traits in such sexist terms places both genders in boxes that limit their ability to grow. Both men and women are stifled spiritually, mentally and emotionally by the term “feminine power.”
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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You say…”I think it’s shameful to even hint that black women are obligated to assume responsibility for the emotional growth of anyone but themselves and their minor children.”
So by implication, it’s an admittedly inherent responsibility for a mother to nurture her young minor sons and daughter’s emotional stability. Then I ask in times where most single family households are run by women, what are young men learning specifically about their emotional awareness?
When observing the population of grown men (raised by single moms) behaving ‘badly’ in relationships, the ends perceivably justify the means: A society of cheaters, unfulfilled ambitions, and broken spirits, lack of self-identity, ect.
My only point is about innerstanding the importance of our unique divine roles and obligations to one another’s spirit being, and how the failing is the responsibility of both men and women. ESPECIALLY, when we begin to peer deep within the self.
I think this conversation potentially creates much needed space for constructive dialog. Primarily, a very clear and concise concept of what self-love means(and how to get there) That would be an ideal foundation.
Your “implication” is way off base. By “implication” if young men are behaving badly in relationships is it because their fathers abandoned them and the mothers of those sons to do it all by themselves.
A woman is going to do the best she can to raise her son, and some will be more successful at it than others. But if a boy has no model of manhood, no man to correct him, no man that shows him how to love his wife, no man around to be tender to him and encourage him to be a man of confidence and achievement – well then that young man flounders and stumbles through life. He has low self esteem because he feels his father didn’t love him enough to stay or even have a relationship with him. He has no identity because he is around women all the time! He has a broken spirit because he longs for the energy in his young life of a man that loves him and will be there to guide him, but no one steps up to the plate.
The mother is there. She is doing her job. The one that is “failing in his responsibilities” are the fathers of young Black men that need to peer deep into themselves and ask why they are pieces of shit and not real fathers modeling real manhood to their sons.
Very insightful Deb. Got to add this one to the keep file.
Blackmentalk: “Then I ask in times where most single family households are run by women, what are young men learning specifically about their emotional awareness? “
Why do black men blame black women for black men’s failures as fathers? At least the black woman IS in the household raising the son without a father, but whose fault is that? Someone has to pick up the slack? Why are you focusing on the black woman who is there day to day doing the best she can with the limited resources she has to work with instead of focusing on the millions of black men skeeting and running, making babies but are not there to raise them? That’s who you need to be calling out.
If these trifling black men stepped up to the plate and became active fathers instead o simple sperm donors, then we wouldn’t have any single mother headed families. Since they like to do what they do to make babies, by having bareback sex, then they need to put as much energy and enthusiasm into doing what they need to do to actively PARENT all those babies they make.
And even if the mother did put the child in the custody of the baby daddy, all he would end up doing is dropping the child off at his mama’s house while he goes off to make more babies, that is if he hasn’t abused the po chile first. Ya’ll black men really need to focus on what these simple black men are NOT doing in the black community instead of always whining, shifting blame and pointing the fingers at what the black woman is or isn’t doing. AS long as ya’ll refuse to look at your failures as a whole, then you won’t ever do better.
This is an excellent article and one I hope women take heed. A woman who has to teach a man how to love her is setting herself up for heartbreak. A man who truly loves his woman wouldn’t want to do anything harmful to her feelings. She is very important to him and he is mindful of that. While I believe relationships take work, there should already be some fundamental basics in place.
A woman who is constantly draining her energy dry by trying to ‘train’ her SO to be in touch with his emotions so that he can be better for her, needs to take a step back and ask herself is this situation really the best thing for her?