We have been socialized to accept a very narrow and traditional view of “feminine power.” Men, feeling out of sorts and confused about the changes in society and women’s economic and educational equality, are insisting on a return to “the good old days.” Around the nation, relationship experts are instructing women that seeking “equality” in a relationship is the kiss of death. When men feel inadequate in a relationship with a woman that has her shit together, she is labeled a “ball busting bitch” or “too manly” or “too aggressive” and those labels are used as the excuse for why the marriage or relationship ends.
The Feminine Black Woman
With such large numbers of Black women single and looking for lovers and husbands, talk has turned to how Black women can “fix” the broken men in our communities.
A popular suggestion involves teaching men to get in touch with their feminine side, rebalancing their energies and awakening their inner sensuality. Though I am totally in favor of men getting in touch with emotions other than hunger, horniness and anger, I think it is shameful to even hint that Black women are obligated to assume responsibility for the emotional growth of anyone but themselves and their minor children.
The conflict here is readily apparent.
On one hand you have Black men and women jumping up and down and raving about how Black men are Kings and Black women need to take a back seat to let Black men lead. Black women are being told that they have power in submission and to let men do their thing and to know their place. Black women are being pressured to be more “feminine” in relationships and to let their men make important decisions for everyone, with him having the final say over anything even if she disagrees because she knows his decision is stupid.
So women have been assigned responsibility for men’s emotional growth? These are the same men that are supposed to be so strong, decisive, purposeful and knowledgeable that you turn over the reigns of the household and your family to him? But you are supposed to be teaching him how to be more in touch with his emotions and his sensuality so he can be more human?
Please tell me how a woman can even BEGIN to respect a man that she has to think for and teach important concepts like sharing, loving, affection, devotion, tenderness and support? Isn’t that what we do for our CHILDREN?
Don’t know about you, but children do NOT sexually excite me. A man that acted like a big baby or that I had to take care of and teach basic interpersonal relationship concepts to would be a huge turnoff. There is nothing he could do to make me feel the heat. Every time I laid eyes on him I’d want to put a bib on his ass.
(continued on page 3 below)
Category: Society and Culture