Don’t Worry About Being Feminine to Please Men – Focus on Yourselves
Black women are suffering mentally and emotionally due to the incessant blaming and demands being placed on our shoulders by Black men and society as a whole. Why must a woman worry about a man getting in touch with his sacred feminine power?
In my mind women should be focused on getting in touch with their OWN sacred power – feminine, masculine, political, social, financial, and physical. Women are socialized to be kind, nurturing and supportive of OTHER PEOPLE which means they mustn’t focus too much on themselves or they will be deemed selfish, poor mothers, unfeminine.
But look around you at the overweight, sick, exhausted women that live the lives of overgivers! Black women worry too much about men and what men need, want, think and feel all the damn time. Learn to say “no!” more often. Black women deserve time to focus on themselves… time to do nothing for the children, and especially nothing for a man. Toxic relationships and unconscious sexual encounters result in fibroid tumors, stress-related diseases, a compromised immune system, and premature aging so you look old before your time.
Why do that to yourself?
Stop being so helpful. Black women are too damn HELPFUL to men. That is the chief reason why you are burnt out. Stop giving to men, stop taking care of them like they are big diaper wearing babies! If women stopped with the codependent mucking for men, the men would be forced to do it themselves.
Men are better people all around when they are balanced and give as well and as much as they receive. Why is it wrong for a woman to want her man to know how to do that on his own? Why must a female wheedle and cajole in a manipulative (aka soft and feminine) manner to get what she wants when she can just ask for it like an adult? Why do women not demand that men stretch themselves and learn how to love and care for others just like they did?
Why does society believe it appropriate for the woman to learn about love for herself, then be forced to turn around and have to teach some grown ass man how to love her back? WTF good is such a man? If he is too lazy to expand his mind, spirit and consciousness I personally don’t want him. A man that sapped my energy for the benefit of himself is a spiritual vampire, not a lover. There is no place in my world for such a man; I suggest every woman guard herself from such emotional theft as well.
Do women have to pretend to be or actually be weak, passive and vulnerable (feminine) so that men can feel strong, action-oriented and invincible (masculine)? It certainly appears that way.
To me that is the problem with promoting concepts of feminine and masculine energy. We are just humans and all of us are, in one situation or another, strong or weak, nurturing or neglectful, passive or aggressive, vulnerable or guarded. These traits are not exclusively nor even primarily male or female.
The concept of feminine energy is a social construct designed to put female in a subservient, weakened position to males.
The concept of “feminine energy” is bullshit.
(originally published Apr 19, 2011)
Category: Society and Culture